This day after school on the way home, I treated Wu Shuang to a seafood pizza that she was craving for a long time.  Wu Shuang revealed a lot of information to me and I sorted out a few valuable ones: 

1st - According to the parties involved, Jiang Li himself had revealed that he likes the mature, wet nurse type of women.  What is a mature, wet-nurse type?  Wu Shuang easily explained the meaning of that description…..Jiang fellow student' s requirement is not high.  He likes girls with rounded breasts like Mantoushan* with altitude that was above middle level so as to arouse his interest in climbing.

          (Mantoushan means Bread Mountain which is also known as Yuen Tun Aberdeen located in Taiwan's New Taipei City which is shaped like a steamed bun), 

         When I heard the word 'mature', my heart was cheering but after listening to the following words, I lowered my eyes and looked at my two small lumps, my heart cursed 'F**K'.  No wonder that stinky boy did not look at me because he likes those big wet-nurses.  My two little breasts naturally could not make their way into his eyes and I could not help but feel depressed.  If I had known, I would have put in two steamed buns before going to school and Jiang Li that kid would definitely fall in love at first sight with my breasts.

          2nd - Jiang Li's results were excellent, especially in physics and chemistry and basically every time he would come out first effortlessly.  But liberal arts was his weakness, especially in English.  Out of 150 points in the paper, each time he could only get around 100 points.  Unable to reach the target of his own requirement, so every few days, he would go to Teacher Ye's home for remedial lessons and as a result, he improved very fast.

          Once I heard this, I did an in-depth analysis and instantly I did not have an appetite for tea and rice* (With no appetite to eat).  This Teacher Ye has a pleasant appearance, a pretty daughter of a humble family, and most importantly her breasts are quite big and majestic.  If this matter is not handled well Teacher Ye may lay her hands on him first, spoiling my plans.

          After waving goodbye to Wu Shuang, I felt depressed as I walked back to Fei Ge's home carrying my bag.  On the way home, I passed by Triumph, the specialty store, and I stopped.  Thinking to myself that this time it is imperative I battle with the big-breasted Teacher Ye and fight the decisive battle for the summit.  I must be higher than her altitude and even if this is a false height but it is also a victory.

          Now, only the sponge can save me!

          I closed my eyes and ruthlessly bought a bra with cotton pads as high as a hamburger..... a cup size D.  From afar, it looked like an undulating mountain range and when near, it looked like two fragrant delicate soft super big steamed bread, stimulating people's appetite.

          I think when young youthful Jiang Li sees these, he will become impulsive.

          I felt proud.  Under the strange stare of the attendant who served me, I walked out of the door with a sly smile.  Recently I have been getting a lot of this kind of weird stares and since I have been cultivating to be like the invincible Ultraman, so it was nothing strange to me. 

          "The sun is shining overhead, the flowers are dead and the birds said, *pei, pei, pei*.  Why carry your bag of explosives to bomb the school?  The teacher does not know and when I pull the string, the school is gone with the sound of a *Boom*!"

          As I hummed the song, I opened the door to Fei Ge's house.  The moment I entered the door, I saw Fei Ge lying on the sofa shaking her thick thighs while eating a pear and our eyes met.  She looked at my dazzling body with my pink dress and my two braids and she was stunned.   Suddenly she stopped eating the pear and the next second she let out a *poof * sound.  The pear juice flew out of her mouth spraying the juice all over the place and the coffee table was stained with pear juice.  I frowned.

          But Fei Ge was not bothered and quickly jumped up.  She stood in front of me and stared at my 180cm tall figure dressed up like a wild monkey.  With abundant interest, she eyed me from top to bottom, then from bottom to top again.  After more than a dozen seconds, finally, she raised her hand to her heart showing lingering fear and sighed.  "Liang Liang, no one could be scarier than you.......an old sow who is trying to look young."

          "Ai, Ai.  How shall I explain to you?"  I blushed and exhaled as I stared at her.  In fact, I did not know where to put this old face of mine. 

          Fei Ge looked worriedly at me, patted my shoulder and said.  "Pink sow sister, it's not wrong for you to pretend to be young but scaring others is your fault.  *Tsk, tsk* Looking at the floral color on your body.... Oh, Mother…..if you place yourself in second place, everyone under the rainbow sky would be afraid to say they're in the first place.  Listen to me, quickly go back to the animal world and don’t come out to scare the human, okay?"

          After the ruckus, Fei Ge behaved as if nothing happened and went back to lie on the sofa with her legs raised up to continue chewing on the remaining half of the pear.

          A year ago, I was picked by Lao Tan as an undercover cop and Fei Ge was one of the few who knew about this.   In fact, those few people were my mother, Alan, Fei Ge, and Fu Chen.  Even my uncle and aunt did not know specifically what I actually do the whole time.  They only knew that ever since I graduated from the police academy, I was not doing anything.  I did not take an interest in a lot of things and a year ago, inexplicably I started to roam aimlessly outside.  So, my aunt secretly called me a useless flop that could not be helped, someone that is simply not worthy of Fu Chen and Weiyi, and she looked down on me even more.

          I put down my school bag and to vent my anger, I kicked it far away.  I dumped my ass beside Fei Ge, closed my eyes and massaged my temples, feeling a little tired.

          After all, it was because of the fever I had earlier.  Two days ago, I was chased by a man and these two days, I had to chase a young man.  The matter in hand was a thorn in the flesh and a big headache.

          I and Fei Ge, both women but without the similarities of women, laid down together and spoke to each other sporadically.

          "Fei Ge, do I look old?  I am afraid my cover would be blown."

          "It's alright since you have a babyface just like a huge baby……what is your cover this time?  Student?  Senior High School or Junior High School?"

          "With my old skin, old face, do you still want me to mix in Junior High School?  Really……let me live for another two years!  But I really can’t mix well in Senior High School.  Today, while I was mixing around, every second I was afraid the group of bunnies would suddenly call me 'Auntie'.  The whole day I attended 'dog fart' number of lectures for Physics, English language, Literature, and Biology.  That group of nerds listened with relish……  Damn!  How can those people be so progressive?"

          "Forget it, Liang Liang.  You were a rogue youth and don’t understand the spiritual state of being a nerd, which you will never be able to feel.  And yes, which high school is it?  Can it be?........"  Fei turned around abruptly with wide eyes and without blinking, she threw away the pear core.  Shaking my shoulders, she asked.  "Can it be…….my old good alma mater......A-High?"  

          I nodded helplessly.  Talking about old times, I and Fei Ge's ex-boyfriends were also graduates from this high school.  Both of us were third-rate students from third-rate high school.  During high school era, we regarded A-high with disdain but at the same time, we also yearned for it, which was contradictory.

          Fei Ge was filled with excitement and sprayed my face with the pear juice.  "Oh, Mother….. Liang Laing, I, Fei Ge finally realized……anyone can ascend the heavens.  There are still miracles in this world, a wild chicken can even become a Pheonix……"

          I jumped up like lightning to reward Fei Ge with a hard knock on her head and shouted.  "…..*Ah Pei!*….are you talking about me?  Even you, this wild pheasant can also enter the international zoo.  You'd better go back to the mountains!"

          "…..*Ah Pei!*….!"  Fei Ge was not to be outdone.  She also lifted her arms and stretched out her fisted hands to have a fighting match with me.  "I can go back to the mountains but first you have to return the hair on my Ah Mao and Ah Hong.  Don’t think that I will let you go this time.  When I came back, I was so angry and nearly exploded.  My Ah Mao and Ah Hong were bald! ! ! !   Completely bald! ! ! !  Fang Liang Liang, you're a perverted pheasant! ! ! !"

          Ah Mao and Ah Hong were the two bonsai plants of Fei Ge that were sitting on the balcony.  The bonsai with lots of leaves was called Ah Mao and the one with lesser leaves was called Ah Hong.  Usually, Fei Ge likes to fiddle with the two poor little tree roots and when she has time, she would count the number of leaves on the trees.  She had also given them the two wretched names and even I often regretted having such an idiotic friend.

          But I had been led down the same idiotic path because every time when I come and go from her house, first, I would be pulled to greet her bonsai plants, Ah Mao and Ah Hong.  Before going off, I would have to say 'Ah Mao, Ah Hong, godmother is leaving.'

          I felt incredulous that I could behave so foolishly.

          Holding up my clenched fists, I also shouted.  "Why are you shouting?  Ah Mao and Ah Hong are already in their menopause and getting a bald head is normal!"

          "Fart!  What bald head?  Even a bald head would still have a few hairs to show.  Look at them, completely without hair! ! ! !"

          "Ah, ah, ah…….Fang Liang Liang, you dead demoness! ! !"  Fei Ge lurched aggressively towards me.  We chased each other around, scuffled for a while and sweated profusely.  After we had enough of the fighting, the two of us laid down on the floor and laughed.

          I had been depressed for many days and my mood had finally lightened because of Fei Ge's return.  Being in a better mood, I chatted with her about the serious problem I was facing.

          Of course, the first one I talked about was Fu Chen as he was a thorn in my heart.  I pretended it did not hurt when we broke up a long time ago and put on a normal front.   But when I saw him again, I found myself still affected by him.  That time, I gave him and Weiyi the opportunity to get together because of the joke that burst from my mouth.  I did not expect that he would finally end up with her and I also did not know whether he was out to revenge me.  In short, mentally I still could not accept this.

          Fei Ge had been quietly listening to me rambling away and since it was no use crying over spilled milk, she could only occasionally say a joke to comfort me. 

          After that, I curiously wanted to talk to Fei Ge about Kang Zixian but I was troubled.  This time, meeting this man can be considered my most peculiar experience.  I could even clearly remember every detail of our many bickering which in fact, I should have forgotten.  Perhaps in my bones, I was a woman trying to be brave and once losing, I would remember the people that were stronger than me, giving rise to sympathetic feeling.

          This time, right under his eyes I managed to escape which made me feel proud.  So before I went to bed, other than cursing Fu Chen, occasionally and happily I would imagine Kang Zixian's gloomy expression when he discovered I had fled  Every day before going to bed, I would think of …….on one hand, I was fuming with rage while gritting my teeth because of this man and on the other hand, I would occasionally think of his nice laugh.

          His Mother…..I had to admit that this man’s character which changes between good and bad was like walnut crisps which made him linger in my memory.

          The thought of telling her everything fleeted across my mind but I finally chose to be silent.  This man is just a cloud of smoke that drifts past the eyes* (Something or someone that is insignificant since it will disappear eventually) and dealing with him would result in my defeat most of the time which was not glorious at all.  Fei Ge would certainly make fun of me, so I gave up.

          At night I went shopping for groceries with Fei Ge and later while she was cooking, I laid on the sofa like a corpse biting my pen.  Painfully and deeply, I pondered on how to write a sickening love letter to that kid, Jiang Li.

          I and Wu Shuang had discussed for a long time about this.  She advised me to take a step at a time and not to rush in to devour the fats.  I knew she was afraid it would be too greasy for me to swallow it but I did not have time for there was a potential rival, Teacher Ye, already in place.  The only solution was to move fast to hit and chase him with direct high-intensity.

          So the love letter was very important and the result was sure to incite tears.

          I was poor in language and there were a few characters which I did not know, so after dinner, Fei Ge helped me out.  But she was more illiterate than me and so we had a brainstorming session.  After spending two hours and sweating profusely, we completed the nauseating childish love letter.

          I felt relieved after the mission was accomplished.  Before going to bed, I forced myself not to think of the demon Kang Zixian and cuddling Fei Ge's big thigh, I fell into a sweet sleep.

          The next morning, I had to get up early for the simple reason, early birds will get to eat worms.  The early bird auntie has homework to copy and so I had to be in school to copy homework.          

          Early in the morning, with my fake high chest, I squatted in the garbage corner while holding Wu Shuang's school assignment copying frantically and at the same time, I also had sneakily look around to spot for signs of trouble.

          While with my head bowed and writing vigorously in bold cursive calligraphy, unexpectedly a pair of white Nike sneakers suddenly and quietly appeared beside my feet.  I was shocked and let out a sound 'En'.  When I looked up, I was overjoyed.

          Jiang Li who was standing over me looked down coldly then narrowed his eyes and said.  "Move aside."

          Little kid, you have guts…..auntie likes you!

          I was annoyed but still had to show my sweetest smile.  I got up to give way, deliberately stuck out my fake chest and attentively moved closer to his side.  While grinning, I introduced myself.  "Jiang Li, did you sleep well, last night?  Good morning, my name is Jiang Mei Da.  Do you still remember?  My name is easy to remember, simple and beautiful to people.  He,he,he."

          Without saying a word, Jiang Li lowered his head and coldly glanced at my face.  He was slightly shorter than Kang Zixian.  I felt that this little bastard might most probably be Kang Zixian's distant relative since their temperament was too similar and his face was just as icy cold which directly gave me goosebumps.

          I tried hard to push up my chest, hoping that he could give me a glance or at least show an interest for my chest.  But the little bastard threw away the breakfast bag in his hand, turned around and walked away with big steps.  From beginning to end, he treated me as if I was invisible.

          Glaring at the retreating back of the stinky boy, my fists felt itchy, very very itchy.

          This old woman’s wounded heart was filled with the raging fire of conquest.