Since I pretended I wanted to sleep, I laid down properly, stretched on the bed, shouted towards the outside of the bedroom door.  "Hey, I will not send you off, remember to close the door when you leave."

          After that noisy confrontation just now, my body was ready to collapse.  But my low spirit had improved a lot.  No wonder during times of turmoil when in hunger, people would move around less in order to save energy to maintain high struggle morale.  In fact, the reason was very simple.  When you are hungry and all day you were thinking of eating a chicken drumstick, you would quickly be starved to death.  Usually fighting would divert attention away from food and enrich spiritual life.  Although the body was hungry, fortunately, the spirit was full and warm and even if, in the end, they became hungry ghosts but it would be hungry ghosts of a higher level.  During the time of reincarnation, you can proudly tell the King of Hades, you are a level higher than the others, particularly higher than the 'Fight the Landlord'* (A popular card game in China)

          Probably because of my fever which had burned through my brains, my whole body felt it was in a futuristic place. 

          Cranky as it may seem but in the house, there was a male animal harboring unfathomable motives.  I did not dare to sleep, keeping my ears pointed to listen for any movement outside.  It seemed quiet as if no one was here.

          Was it just a dream?

          I touched the swollen bulge at the back of my head and felt tingling pain.  I knew it was not a dream.  I sat up and suspiciously glanced out the door.  No one in the living room, where did he go?  I remembered I did not dig any trap in my living room.

          I got out of bed, tiptoed to the door and looked around.  All the corners of the living room were empty and there was no one on the balcony……could it be he had already left?

          I clumsily opened the main door and looked down the corridor.  With a confused look, I turned around.

          "Drink……"

          Suddenly a man in black appeared in front of me a step away with a cold expression.  I was so scared that my heart jumped and my mouth opened wide.

          Irritated, I asked.  "Are you a cat?  Walking without any sound?"

          He glanced at me, turned to concentrate on my dad's picture hanging on the wall and said faintly.  "Then are you a cockroach?"

          "Cockroach?  You are a cockroach!"  What he said was defamatory.

          His eyes swept an incredible look across the messy room like a thief planning a theft and then he looked at me with a gaze that revealed a little disgust.  "Don’t you think only cockroaches can stay in this…….."

          He paused as if thinking of a more appropriate metaphor.  "……Can you live in this type of place where a mouse would not even stay?"

          I was dumbfounded.

          "You, you…..you infuriate…..you really infuriate me……."  I pointed my trembling fingers at him.  His face was relaxed as he stared at me.  Feeling dizzy with anger, I turned around and my forehead bumped heavily against the wall.

          As if it was not painful enough, I hit the wall again.

          Self-mutilation!  Since I could not beat him then this old woman would retreat, okay?

          I decided to hit myself until I faint.  What my eyes cannot see, it would not hurt.  So, I tried to hit the wall again but there was a strange touch on my forehead......not the cold wall but a warm palm.

          Kang Zixian had placed his hand between the wall and me.

          Actually, he was afraid the wall would be hurt.

          I was startled and was just about to open my mouth to scold him when he placed his hand on my forehead and frowned.  "You feel so hot.  Will you be alright if you don’t go to the hospital?"

          I pushed his hand away and said bluntly.  "Don’t be hypocritical."

          Holding several failed arguments with this man, my ego was injured, plus he always appeared in front of me, hurting me over and over again and my injury was serious.

          In order to survive, I decided to eat something to replenish my strength.

          Struggles lifted my spirit, so I ignored him and if I cannot beat him, I would disregard him.

          I walked to the sofa and sat down.  I opened the container with the left-over porridge from last night and sniffed.  It seemed to be the same and ruthlessly I decided to eat it.  Anyway, there was nothing else to eat, or should I eat that decaying cactus plant?

          While frowning, I stirred the lumpy cold porridge in the bowl.  I have not begun to eat when my stomach started to turn like the sea and the 'Door God' dressed in black standing by the door did not show any intention to leave.

(In Chinese religion, Door Gods guard the doors and gates to protect against 'evil spirits' and to encourage the entrance of 'good spirits'.  Pictures like the ones below are pasted on the outside door panels of homes.)

Looking up I shouted.  "What do you actually want before you are willing to leave?"

          "I have nothing to do tonight."

          His implication was that he was bored and so he had decided to stay and tease this cockroach to pass time.

          I was so furious that I could not eat the porridge.

          "If you have nothing to do, you should go to Meise."  I guided him and hoped to calmly persuade this God of Plague to leave.

          "Meise does not have anyone as interesting as you."  He answered with amusement.

          I was angry and gritted my teeth.  He leisurely walked towards me and pushed away the heap of clean clothes I did not have time to fold, that was sitting on the single-seater sofa.  Under the heap of clothes, he saw a black lace bra and he hesitated for a moment.  Then he straightened his body and gave up.  Then he walked over to my side and sat down with me, squeezing into the small sofa.  He crossed his legs and folded his arms at the same time, sizing up my dog house. 

          Rogue!  Highest quality rogue!  Even if he has the charms of a woman and a handsome face, it could not conceal the metamorphosis of his heart.

          I bowed my head and glared at this thick-skinned man then I remembered his strange behavior and I anxiously said.  "I say, Big Brother.  I beg you, don’t harbor any interest for me, I would like to live another two more years."

          "Um......"  He nodded solemnly and just as I felt relieved, he turned and smiled at me.  "But you know I am not that kind."

          I shivered.  Wall, where is the wall?  Hurry, come and let me bang against you, dying is better than living…ah!

          I became silent.  Holding my head fretfully, I grasped my hair and decided that today, I would wipe clean whatever evil thoughts that were in his brains or else I would never be able to live a good life.

          I will make him give up willingly.

          I tried to emphasize.  "I work as a hostess.  I am a woman of wind and dust*, do you understand?   A dot of lips, tasted by thousands of people*, a contaminated woman who is unsuitable for you."

(Woman of wind and dust refers to women who serves men such as prostitutes, bargirls and hostesses.) 

( A dot of red refers to a woman who has been with many men.)

          He looked calm and lifted the corners of his sexy mouth.  "It does not matter, I'm not picky."

          Damn! I have never seen such despicable young generation from aristocrat families, with such low taste.  With such blunt and cold attitude, could it be the donkey had kicked his head and his mental illness was not completely cured and now had sprung roots?

          Using the way I looked at mental cases to observe him, I nudged my butt to sit further away from him, afraid that his illness may affect me, this innocent little fish. 

          To my horror, Kang Zixian pointed to the photos on the wall.  I looked and my heart burned with anxiety.  The photo showed me in my charming youth, high spirits, delicately pretty with a tinge of shyness, free and easy.  For the first time, I regretted why I had grown to be so pure and compelling, without portraying any trace of flirtatious and coquettish behavior.

          I started to hate my parent's good genes.

          Kang Zixian pointed to the left side of the photo, a young man wearing a well-ironed outdated police uniform and asked.  "Who is that?"

          I shot a clear look, my heart jumped and said.  "My dad…..Handsome?  That time on the streets he was almost headhunted to become a movie star."

          "Is he a policeman?'

          "Mm."

          "Should have retired, right?"

          I did not speak, he did not wait for my answer, surprised and cast me a glance, eyes with a silent inquiry.

          I whispered.  "I was still in my mother's belly when he was sacrificed.  A martyr."  I lifted up my head to look at the person in the picture, he gave me life.  I came from him, had his blood flowing through my body and I continued to carry on with the career he chose.  And when he died, he did not even know of my existence, this was such a sorrowful thing.

          "If he is still alive, he should be retired by now and my mother said that he loves cleanliness and likes to do housework.  If he is alive, I will not be living in a garbage dump every day."

          The conversation ignited some feelings of sadness, we were silent for a while.  Kang Zixian pointed to another photo on the right corner and said.  "Who are those two people?  The one on the right is your mother?"

          He was referring to the wedding photos of my mother and Alan, their garden wedding was romantic and warm.  I was also wearing a white gauze dress, but the funny thing was I was not the maid of honor.  That time, I was just a first-year university student, I told my mother that I wanted to be a flower girl and Fei Ge made fun of me, saying I would be 'the oldest flower girl in history', I scratched my nose and said.  "This old woman is not a flower child but is clearly a childish grandma."  Fei Ge laughed so hard that she could not stand straight up for a long time.

          That photo showed the three of us together, the old bride, the groom, and the childish grandma.  Feeling upset, took a closer look but I still could not visualize myself working as a hostess because I did not look convincing enough, let alone Kang Zixian. 

          I had always been filial and respected my aging mother and said.  "Next to her is my stepfather."

          "From which country?"

          "United States."

          He looked at the photos in detail, then suddenly turned around and asked with interest.  "Why put their wedding photos at the bottom of that corner?"

          I cursed.  His mother…..he really had an eye for the slightest detail and indeed there was a reason for it.

          I said in embarrassment.  "All because I had to consider my dad.  My mother had remarried, how do you think he will take it?  That's why I placed the photos as far as possible in case my dad is hopping mad and cannot sleep properly."

          I thought for a moment and said.  "But maybe my father had also remarried underground.  With his handsome face, he could have a few concubines."

          After listening to my story, Kang Zixian laughed. He looked nice when he was laughing, showing tenderness and soft like water.  My heart was not stable and jumped half a beat faster.

          How could my heart jump half a beat faster?  I almost fell into his***spell.  I secretly reprimanded myself for my little heart that was losing control over such seductive temptations.  I turned my head, told myself to be calm and quickly get rid of him.

          I started to think.