Sung Ho laid down in his recliner chair and let out one long sigh. Ji Hyun's condition was worse than he thought. How was he going to survive working with so many new people? His imagination ran wild…

-------------------------------------------

"Ji Hyun ah!! Come, introduce yourself to the team!" A bald middle-aged man exclaimed loudly. Ji Hyun looked down at the floor, lips pale and sweat forming on his forehead. 'Piaak!!' His back was smacked "Stand up straight young man!!" "Eeep!!" Ji Hyun yelped. "I-I-I..." he dashed out of the office... 

...

"Ji Hyun, could you take these papers and make ten copies at the photocopier there" a young woman shoved a stack of papers into Ji Hyun's arms and walked away. Ji Hyun froze for a moment and slowly made his way to the photocopier machine. He was unfamiliar with the unit but tried anyway, instead of ten.. he pressed a hundred. Paper kept coming out and blood drained from his face... "Eeep!!" He panicked and smacked the unit a few times. Finally, he pulled the plug and sat on the floor surrounded by paper gloomily...

...

Ji Hyun stood at the toilet entrance.. he had held his bladder to finish up an important project. Unfortunately for him, it was now lunchtime, many people headed to relieve themselves before heading out to eat. There were a few people inside, but too many for his comfort, he climbed the staircase upstairs to find another toilet, however, there were people inside as well. He repeated this process till he really could not hold it in anymore... "Eeep!" He cried out and-

-------------------------------------------

Sung Ho snapped out of it and shook his head. He had decided to come up with a plan to help Ji Hyun. The next day he prepared breakfast for Ji Hyun again, this time, Ji Hyun's hands had healed enough for him to lightly use a spoon. He threw out the previous day's lunch and prepared a new set of lunch. This time he set an alarm for Ji Hyun to wake up to eat it in the afternoon. 

Sung Ho set up a meeting with Han Yuri, besides general practice, she was trained in psychiatry and emergency medicine, making her a good match for his company. Yuri's dream was to one day save up enough money to open up her own private clinic, she felt that the acute setting in the hospitals was not a fit for her. After much consideration, she had chosen to work with Sung Ho a few years back. 

He made her meet up with the management teams and wellness committee for a discussion after creating an outline of a new project he had thought of. He had something else up his sleeve, before heading home he called Kim Seo Jun, his secretary into his office to let him in on his plan. 

"...You've finally gone mad Director Park.. yea it might work but how long can you keep it up?" Seo Jun was exasperated. 

"Don't worry, I will still perform my duties. Message me for any urgent matters, call me only if you absolutely have to." Sung Ho had a serious glint in his eyes. 

"Do as I say, if anyone asks, tell them I'm overseas or something" he waved Seo Jun away. "My eye bags are going to darken... You'll be the death of me..!" Seo Jun huffed and shuffled out of the office dejectedly, anticipating a long night ahead doing what he was told to do. 

Sung Ho knew he could trust Seo Jun, he had been with him since the start, even before he had set up the company, they were university mates. Despite his complaining he always got things done, and Sung Ho always compensated for his efforts one way or another.  

-------------------------------------------

Ji Hyun felt addicted to the feeling of being able to sleep, he almost slept through the alarm but didn't want to worry Sung Ho so he ate a little and went back to bed. As much as he wanted to repay Sung Ho by working hard... he could not shake the stuffy feeling building up in his chest. He didn't want Sung Ho to know about his mental illness, so he kept it to himself... but his medications. He knew it was bad if his symptoms worsened but he felt he had no choice but to wait till his first pay. 

There was another hurdle, he himself knew how bad his social anxiety was. His first full-time employment overseas was so traumatic for him, to the point he just quit and returned to Korea on the same day. Like a coward, he wanted to escape from these feelings, Ji Hyun fell into a deep sleep again after lunch. 

'Ding Dong!' Ji Hyun woke up multiple times, allowing the delivery men to leave the packages inside on the floor near the entrance. He gave up climbing in and out of the bed and just set up camp on the living room sofa. 

It was the sixth 'Ding Dong'... Ji Hyun felt a little bad trying to try and fall asleep again. The stuffy feeling in his chest never left, he sat up and tried to calm himself. He hugged Sung Ho's pillow and took deep breaths. Tears rolled down his cheeks, creating two small wet patches on the pillow. He tried rubbing his chest, harder and harder, till it made his skin a little red. 

'It's okay, It's okay, I've dealt with this alone for a long time, It's okay' He wanted to run away. The thought never left, though he gave Sung Ho his life... What good could he be to Sung Ho? He felt worthless and afraid that his condition would worsen and trouble Sung Ho. He knew better than to depend on Sung Ho, he didn't deserve anything from him, would he feel disgusted when he found out how fucked up his mental health was now? Even his parents told him he was being willful and lazy, accusing his homosexuality of being the catalyst for his 'laziness'. 

"Wu... I-I'm... Hic...I'm sorry.." he mumbled into the pillow. Thoughts swarming, he sat this way with his head buried into the pillow for hours. 

The sky turned dark, Ji Hyun stopped crying and realized Sung Ho may be coming soon. He went to freshen up by dunking his face into ice water to bring down his eye swelling, accidentally wetting his hair and shirt. The swelling subsided, leaving just a tinge of redness at the corners. 

Although his appearance looked handsome in the mirror, he felt ugly inside, darkness threatening to spew from his pores. 

"..Ji Hyun?" Sung Ho had returned home, Ji Hyun didn't realize because he was busy dunking his face in the water. Before heading to the bathroom, he had noticed the camp Ji Hyun had made on the sofa with pillows and blankets. He also noticed his pillow was damp, with a large patch of wetness. 

"Ji Hyun.. are you okay?" Sung Ho found Ji Hyun in front of the bathroom mirror, hair and shirt wet, blankly staring at the reflection. Ji Hyun snapped out of it when he realized Sung Ho was watching him. "Y-yea! I'm alright... Just wanted to wash my face" he nervously chuckled and forced out a smile. 

Sung Ho stepped forward and enveloped Ji Hyun in a warm embrace. "There there.." he softly stroked Ji Hyun's back in an up to down motion. Ji Hyun's cool face was pressed against Sung Ho's warm chest, his quickened breathing slowed down, replaced by deep breaths, inhaling the scent of the person in front of him. 

The rain from the dark and heavy rain clouds in his eyes finally poured, he sobbed into Sung Ho's chest, clinging tightly onto the waist. Sung Ho carried Ji Hyun and sat back down on the sofa, still comforting him. "Hic... I-I'm sor-sorry.." Ji Hyun choked out. 

Sung Ho buried his face into Ji Hyun's hair and gently shook his head. "I'll wait till you're ready to share" he whispered. 

Ji Hyun kept apologizing while sobbing and trembling. Sung Ho wrapped the both of them in a blanket and sat there in silence while rubbing his back gently. 

Though It took a while, Ji Hyun's sobbing and trembling stopped, his grip on Sung Ho relaxed. 

 

"Sung Ho... I.. Are you sure you want my life?"

"Mhm"

"Even if… I’m a shell of the person you knew?... I’ve become broken you know?"

"Mhm" 

"...Why?

“...” Sung Ho hesitated answering, words jammed in his throat. He loved Ji Hyun, but he couldn’t say it, not now.  

“...” Ji Hyun felt a strange stuffy feeling in his chest, an air of ambiguity thick surrounding them. "What are we?" He tearfully asked.  

"...I don't know"  Sung Ho replied honestly.

 

They had a mutual understanding. The both of them were not the people they had known. Ji Hyun was no longer the confident, cheeky, prideful, and fearless boy he was. Sung Ho was no longer the calm, gentle, and weak boy he was. Perhaps traces of the personality traits still existed somewhere, but they had definitely grown, weathered by experiences and time. 

'I want to get to know you'

Both of them thought. 

-------------------------------------------

"We can not know together"

Ji Hyun closed his eyes and planted his icy lips on Sung Ho's. Sung Ho opened his mouth to accept Ji Hyun's kiss. This time, their exchange was gentle, tongues intermingling, exploring each other's depths. Their kiss was deep and long, six years too late. It morphed from a yearning for each other's warmth, to hunger to consume each other's lips. Sung Ho's tongue playfully licked the roof of Ji Hyun's mouth, the ticklish feeling made Ji Hyun let out a soft moan directly into Sung Ho's mouth. Ji Hyun felt Sung Ho's hands sliding underneath his shirt. caressing his bare back, they then slyly traveled downwards into his loose sweat pants, fondling his supple buttocks. Ji Hyun arched his back involuntarily and felt giddy from blood rushing to his head, another area had received a rush of blood as well and was straining against his underwear and sweatpants, strong and taut.

As Sung Ho felt the heat and hardness below him, he abruptly stopped himself and sat up. 

“I’m sorry… Things got too heated… I didn’t mean to do that to you” Sung Ho hoarsely said and loosened his tie. ‘I need to clear my head…’. 

Ji Hyun sat up, “Ohh…” he softly muttered in response. 

Sung Ho stood up and went to the bathroom to cool down. The icy cold water streaming down his face sobered him up, but did little to cool the fiery sensation in his chest and the raging erection he had. 

He was tempted to get lost in the pleasure of lust with Ji Hyun, but something in him made him stop, it felt wrong to do it with him in his vulnerable state. He had learned to be ruthless and cold, anger followed him through the years, desire to break, to consume, to feel something through aggression. 

Closing his eyes, only saw Ji Hyun. Feeling the welling desire to protect his smile, to cherish and hold him close, to wipe his tears away… His chest felt tight. 

He was hopelessly in love with Ji Hyun. 

-------------------------------------------

Ji Hyun sadly sat up from the empty sofa and wrapped himself in the blanket. ‘Was he… disgusted?... I guess he would be… What was I doing? I grabbed him and kissed him like that…’ Ji Hyun’s thoughts spiraled and swirled like black ink dripped into water, slowly extending its reach and spreading. He wondered how did Sung Ho see him, Sung Ho saved him, scolded him, dressed his wounds, embraced and kissed him, told him not to leave, spoke gently to him, pushed him away. Confusion just continued to grow. 

Sung Ho soon came out of the shower, hair damp and gaze downcast. He went directly to the kitchen and made dinner, and they dined wordlessly and deep in thought. 

After dinner, Sung Ho suggested they go out for a breather. Ji Hyun obediently nodded and wore a set of the new clothes and shoes that had arrived. They slowly walked to the nearby park, the air around them chilly with the occasional icy breeze blasting onto their faces. As they walked, the back of their hands brushed against each other. And before long, their hands held each other tightly.  

"After you left me.." Ji Hyun jolted as if stung by Sung Ho's words, Sung Ho tightened his hold on Ji Hyun's hand. "Just listen... After you left... It felt like a chunk of my heart had been ripped out. I hated you." Ji Hyun attempted to pull his hand away again but Sung Ho held it tight. "But after seeing you again... I'm confused. All I know is... I can't let you go. I.. I can't bring myself to hate you anymore."

Sung Ho stopped in his tracks and gently pulled Ji Hyun to face him. He removed the leather glove from the hand he was holding and placed the palm over his mouth. Kissing the dry blister wounds, his hot breath spoke against them "I won't hurt you on purpose, I promise you" Ji Hyun felt mesmerized by Sung Ho's gaze, wounds felt sensitive, an electrifying sensation shot up from his palms and up his spine. "Don’t leave me, Ji Hyun, stay mine… At least until you find your happiness again. I’ll let you go then." 

 

---

 

Ten Years Ago, Winter 

Two boys sat crossed-legged across each other on a bed. The snow outside drifted with the strong winds, it was cold out but in the room, the both of them felt hot, blood burning with the passion of youth. 

“Are we… really going to do this?” Sung Ho asked for the third time, heart racing out of control.

“Don’t you… want to?” Ji Hyun nervously asked, equally nervous.

“I-I have no experience…” Sung Ho whispered into Ji Hyun’s ears... coming from Sung Ho’s mouth, it tickled Ji Hyun’s heart, because in terms of studies Sung Ho was rarely unknowledgeable. “I read up online… that it’ll hurt… I mean… I bought the supplies needed but…” Sung Ho continued. 

Ji Hyun couldn’t control himself and burst out laughing, “Ha hahaha!! Hyung! Stop! Stop!... I was nervous but seeing you nervous… I-” Sung Ho pushed him down angrily and seized a hand, placing it on his chest. Ji Hyun felt the fast and strong thumping of Sung Ho’s heart, like it was threatening to beat its way out from his chest wall. “D-Don’t laugh at me…” Sung Ho pleaded, face flushed a deep red. 

“Sorry… I won’t anymore…” Ji Hyun shyly assured. They sat up again and looked at each other, “So… Do you want to be on top?” Sung Ho asked. Ji Hyun frowned, deep in thought. “You said… It’ll hurt right?... I-I… I think I’ll be on the bottom… You read up more about it… and even prepared the things… Guide me?” Ji Hyun assured and flashed Sung Ho a wide smile. Honestly, he was scared, they had never had sex, let alone with the same gender, but Ji Hyun felt safe enough to let Sung Ho take the lead. “You sure?... I’ll be gentle… if you want you can be on top the next time?” Sung Ho suggested while fumbling with the plastic bag containing the items he bought at the convenience store. “...I prepared myself before you came…” Ji Hyun admitted bashfully. 

To stop Sung Ho from asking again, Ji Hyun leaned in and kissed the shocked puppy on his lips. Sung Ho smiled and kissed Ji Hyun back, slowly pushing him down onto the soft bed, he carefully cradled Ji Hyun’s head and placed it on the pillow as they continued their deepened kiss. “It… feels good… the way you kiss…” Ji Hyun breathily praised Sung Ho, “I learn fast… through practice… and observing my boyfriend’s reaction” Sung Ho replied as he kissed. “You’re hard…” Ji Hyun felt Sung Ho’s thickness pressed onto his hips. “You too…” Sung Ho ground his hips against Ji Hyun and felt the hard rod underneath. 

Both of them fumbled with their clothes and quickly threw everything haphazardly onto the floor. They stared at each other, taking in the view of their partner’s nakedness, and meeting each other’s erect length for the first time.  Ji Hyun’s cock was long with an average thickness, tip a pinkish hue. His fairness was apparent from his chest to his upper thighs, a contrast from his sun-kissed complexion on his face and well-toned limbs. 

Although Sung Ho not as well-toned as Ji Hyun, he had broad shoulders and his beautiful musculature reflected his vigor and health. “..Wow… what did you eat for it to become so… big?” Ji Hyun shamelessly asked, shocked and slightly envious of Sung Ho’s well-endowed size, standing proudly and prominent in its erect state. “Hu-Huh? I… I didn’t know it was considered big…” Sung Ho uttered in embarrassment. Ji Hyun playfully frowned and pouted at Sung Ho, his expression broke and he let out a gleeful chuckle, “...Be gentle” he flirtatiously teased and wrapped his arms around Sung Ho’s neck. 

“Mhm…” Sung Ho nuzzled his nose onto the dip above Ji Hyun’s collarbone, leaving a trail of kisses downwards, reaching the perky pink nipple, he took it in his mouth and gently suckled. In a fluster Ji Hyun started squirming “Ahh… It tickles…Mnn… It tickles!”. Sung Ho released the nipple and started moving downwards, continuing down the abdomen… the hips… and reached the area where the legs met his hips. Ji Hyun felt Sung Ho stop, then heard the rustling of the plastic bag and the bottle popping open. Sung Ho squeezed a good amount of lubricant onto his fingers, then rubbed it against the tiny pink hole. “I-It’s cold!” Ji Hyun cried and jolted from the sudden sensation. “So-sorry, It’ll warm up soon, bear with it okay?” Sung Ho assured and continued the rubbing, which got more concentrated at his entrance which showed no signs of relaxing to allow anything in. Sung Ho used his other hand and rubbed against the perineum “Feels… Weird…” Ji Hyun’s senses were distracted, Sung Ho took the chance to push his finger in in one swift motion. “Ahh!! Mnn!!” he cried and squirmed, Sung Ho kept his finger firmly inside, swirling it around and feeling the warm moist walls squeeze. 

He slowly thrust his finger in “It feels… really weird…” Ji Hyun whined as his breath became heavy, he tried to relax even more to allow Sung Ho to move. Soon, Sung Ho added another finger, he continued thrusting inside till Ji Hyun had adjusted. Sung Ho clumsily tore the aluminum foil of the condom’s packaging and with some difficulty, sheathed his deep red cock that was leaking precum. ‘It’s too tight… The size is too small…’ Sung Ho thought as he adjusted the condom, but bore with the discomfort. He positioned his cock at Ji Hyun’s entrance, “Wa-Wait! I want to face the other way…” Ji Hyun stuttered as he flipped around, Sung Ho grabbed a pillow and placed it under his hips, “Anything you say… Boyfriend…” Sung Ho whispered into Ji Hyun’s reddened ears. The view was driving Sung Ho crazy, Ji Hyun’s flushed ears, slim torso, supple and toned buttocks, and pretty hole all looked so enticing. “I can’t wait anymore okay?” Sung Ho positioned his deep red tip at Ji Hyun’s entrance, Ji Hyun nodded, and with that Sung Ho slowly pushed his way in. 

“Fuck…” They both breathily exclaimed. Ji Hyun grasped onto the pillow and buried his face in, Sung Ho felt Ji Hyun’s moist and hot walls wrap against his painfully hard erection. “Owwiee…” Ji Hyun mumbled into his pillow, tearing from the pain. Sung Ho cupped Ji Hyun’s cheek and turned his face toward him, “Breathe baby… Breathe…” He worriedly instructed his teary hazy-eyed lover whose face was hot and stained with a rosy shade of red. 

Ji Hyun sucked in slow breaths and regulated his breathing “Y-you… can move.” Ji Hyun weakly assured, “Okay…” Sung Ho whispered into his ear. In slow and steady movements, Sung Ho thrust into Ji Hyun all the way to the hilt, soon, Ji Hyun’s pain was tinged with pleasure. “Ahh.. Ah… It feels… weird… good… I feel good… Mmnnp” Ji Hyun’s moans turned Sung Ho on even more, he sped up, and soon the room was dirtily filled with sounds, slippery squelching, skin slapping on skin, the bed creaking under their movements. Sung Ho lifted Ji Hyun’s hips and started stroking Ji Hyun’s member, using its precum as a lubricant. “Ji Hyun ah… I… I’m going to cum…Mhm…” Sung Ho raspily said, “Me too… Hyung… I can’t...Mmn.. Ahh.. Mhm.. Mhmpp!!” Ji Hyun grunted into his pillow as they reached the height of their climax. They collapsed onto the bed and faced each other, staring lovingly into each other's eyes as their breaths regulated from heavy panting to smooth soft breathing. 

Ji Hyun suddenly felt a wetness dribble out from his ass, he lifted his buttocks and scooped it. It was a thick milky fluid mixed with a few streaks of fresh blood. “Ahhh!” They both exclaimed as Sung Ho pulled off the broken condom, he quickly flipped Ji Hyun over and inspected his asshole, it had torn a little. 

“I-I’m sorry… I should have stretched you more and used more lubricant… and… the condom broke because it was too small…” he flusteredly apologized. Ji Hyun giggled at Sung Ho’s forlorn expression which looked like a puppy left out in the rain. Above the pain and unexpected breaking of the condom… He felt the high of love course through his veins. They had finally become one, feeling each other’s raw heat and skin. “It’s alright Hyung… I love you.” he whispered lovingly into Sung Ho’s ears. Sung Ho’s eyes were moist, he clung onto Ji Hyun, hugging him tightly. 

“I love you too” Sung Ho whispered back.