Chapter 12-2: The Truth in the Fog
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Hello again!

This is the second part of chapter 12. Be warned that like the first part, this is a very heavy chapter, but in a very different way. This part involves some arguments that get a bit harsh and have some transphobic implications.

Make sure you're nice and comfortable before proceeding.

Discord: https://discord.com/invite/EnsjDF74vC

CW: This chapter involves deadnaming, misgendering, transphobia, and assertions of mental alteration.

Saya continued to race through the woods. She ran as far and as fast as her legs could carry her. Her braided hair whipping behind her, catching the occasional tear which tore by it. Why did things have to happen this way? In her panic and sorrow, she fought off her tears desperately trying to get away. As she tried to swallow her feelings, her vision began to blur, a sudden root catching her and pulling her to the ground as she finally began wailing in pain. She cried and cried in her anguish. Feeling as if her whole world was on the verge of collapse, and just after she had finally started to find it.

“Saya?” a gentle familiar voice called out. “Oh, my goodness!” it called out again. From the fog emerged Mable, her long fluffy teal hair and long pointed ears illuminated by one of the special lanterns she was carrying, which had begun to dissipate the fog around them. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked as she ran to her side.

“M-mable?” she cried confusedly, tears gushing forth.

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” Mable lifted her from the ground and hugging her tight. She was nice and warm, and felt like a ray of sunlight in Saya’s stormy day. After all she had been through, she finally felt a sense of relaxation sweep across her as Mable held her tightly.

“W-what…where…?” Saya stammered, tears overflowing.

“When you all ran off, all the knights decided to band together and retreat. But, I couldn’t just abandon you, so I decided to chase you,” she explained with a saddened look. “What about you? What happened?”

“Mable…” Saya continued to whimper.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Aria and Princess Xenia? Did you get split up?” Mable asked in a hushed voice.

“They…I…I ran away…”

“Ran away? Why? What happened?” Mable pressed with her soft eyes shimmering with concern, as a tuft of hair dangled between her pleading eyes.

“I…” Saya gripped her arm frightfully. She began to feel a soft touch upon her head as Mable began to pet her.

“It’s okay,” Mable smiled. “You’re safe. You can tell me what happened.”

Saya gave a quiet nod. “They…Phordata…she appeared before us, and she started saying these…these things, and I got scared, s-so I ran away,” she struggled to string together anything coherent.

“What did she say?” Mable continued to ask in a soft voice an equally soft look in her eyes.

“She talked about the spell that was cast on me. She said the spell twas not a curse, and that it could only be reversed if it was incomplete. That if I had not accepted the changes…then…I…” Saya’s eyes began to overfill once again. “I am so sorry! I wasted everyone’s time!” she nearly cried as her eyes burned with tears as they began flowing freely.

“I see. The spell could only be completed if…,” Mable said warmly, then settling into a smile. “It really is over then, isn’t it?”

Saya looked up at her, shaking anxiously. “Mable?”

Mable sat next to her and pulled her close, toward a small sturdy log where she sat themselves down. “I’m happy for you,” she smiled.

“What are you saying?” Saya asked looking at her with bewilderment.

“I started to notice a while ago,” she began to pet Saya again. “You’ve been so happy and passionate. It was like you found something important, something you cherished. Not just some interest like with your love for history, but something truly important, something precious and irreplaceable. You were happier than I could ever remember, and it was like…like you were more genuine. And then I started to realize what was happening.”

“Mable, what are you…?”

“Saya is a girl. A soft, cute, lovely girl. She loves to paint and stargaze. She’s a girl who enjoys dancing and playing with children. She doesn’t want to be a knight, and she detests violence. That’s who Saya is, and Saya is you. It’s who you are, who you’re meant to be,” Mable’s warm and sweet voice accepted Saya, her gentle hand resting upon Saya’s shoulder.

Saya’s mouth hung open as she sat there speechless. Her hands jittered towards her face before they cupped over her face, hiding the flood of tears that continued to gush as she wailed on and on.

“It’s okay Saya. You don’t have to pretend anymore,” Mable said hugging her and rubbing her shoulder. “You don’t have to be a boy. You don’t have to be Gilbert ever again. You don’t have to go back. Not ever again. You can stay like this,” Mable stroked her hair as she continued to bawl. “I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this burden all along. If only I reached out to you sooner, maybe I could’ve helped you shoulder it. I’m sorry for failing you before. It’s okay though. It’s okay to cry.”

They sat there for a few minutes. And then ten. And then more. Saya continued to cry. She cried for the shame. She cried out of fear. She cried from confusion. And finally, she cried for happiness. Warm, vibrant, soothing happiness. Happiness for the benevolent warmth of her friend’s acceptance. Mable was right. It was over, and for that, she was beyond thankful.

Saya’s tears began to slow. And then she crawled to a whimper. Then finally, she lay her head in her friend’s lap, her mind finally falling into peaceful rest, her bubbling emotions finally easing and cooling. Her mind finally beginning to subside from processing everything. She was finally free of that fear. The fear of losing herself again. She no longer had to fear becoming him again, and she began to feel weightlessness with that heavy burden relieved, and yet there was more, another fear she quaked before.

Her mind began to find the light of reprieve from the emotions she hid and why. Yet she was afraid of how the others would react. In truth she had known for a while that she would have to confess how she felt, but she just continued on, wanting to continue being with her friends, evading the eventual hardship. But hiding such pain, it caused her to hurt most of all now. She felt the burden of their desire to return her who she was no longer, or perhaps never even was. She could bear the secrecy no more.

“Mable?”

“Hmm?” She responded while continuing to pet Saya in her lap.

“Can I…talk?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” she paused. “The truth is I have been quite selfish. This journey. It has felt so long. And I, I did not desire it to end. I wanted to keep going. Enjoying this world, with my friends by my side. I wanted to keep going. And as we did, I became more comfortable. With this body. With my desires. With my feelings. I realized a while ago that it was not merely that I did not want it to end. Rather, I wanted this journey to continue as an excuse to remain as a girl doing so, on and on, forever. I desired to remain the person I had become, to remain who I am now.”

“When we crossed into Ethnerta,” she continued, “and we saw those ruins, I could no longer deny it. Returning to being a knight, returning to being Gilbert, the mere thought of it hurt, it made me ill, so I decided then and there that I no longer wanted that. I tried continuing on as if everything was normal, hiding the joy I felt. I was afraid you would all reject me.”

“Saya…” Mable whispered.

“But then, when Aria and Xenia told me we were coming to the end,” Saya continued, “that I was going to return to my old body. I began to panic. And then they started referring to me as if I was Gilbert again, and it hurt. It hurt so much. I hoped something, anything would go wrong. Then, when Phordata said the spell could not be reversed once it completed, I…I was relieved, but I was also scared. I was scared that they would hate me. What if they hate who I am now?” Saya began to moan and cry, her mind jumping from subject to subject, wondering if she was even coherent at this point. But even so, for the first time in a long time she began to feel this heavy burden release from herself.

“May I ask a question?” Mable interjected.

“Mhmm?”

“When did it happen?”

“During the Festival,” she thought aloud, her relaxing as she smiled. “It was the first time something like it happened. That I changed during the day I mean. After Aria and I finished dancing, I felt so happy, and then there was this strange sensation that washed over me. I felt so peculiar, but not in a bad way. I went to relieve myself, and that was when I noticed.”

“I’m glad that it happened.”

“As am I,” Saya smiled. “I think I will remember that day forever. I was happy that whole night. And when I realized what happened, I nearly collapsed I was so happy. It was like a whisper in me was saying ‘finally.’ I was so happy. I still am too.”

“W-what about Aria and Xenia?” Mable hesitated, but she knew it couldn’t be avoided. It wasn’t long before they would find them.

“I know not how to tell them. Even now it frightens me what they might think. The mere thought of telling them how I feel terrifies me,” Saya shivered a bit at the thought.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be here with you the whole way,” Mable reassured her. “If they object, then I’ll just make them understand,” she pumped her arms determined. Saya giggled at the thought of a bold strong Mable. It was funny, yet also reassuring.

At some point as they talked, Saya began to feel lightheaded, her eyes began to get heavy, her head clearing into silence, and before long she finally drifted off to slumber. Maybe it was the lifting terror from confronting the witch. Maybe it was all the tears. Or perhaps it was the warm feelings that now began to fill her as her dear friend comforted her. She felt pleasant and warm, even in this damp and chilly forest. She rested peacefully as her kindhearted friend continued to watch over her.

Time seemed at a standstill in the Dark Forest. Day and night seeming to be concepts that didn’t exist here. The thick fog in its heavy blankets covered the forest in dark silence. Had it been an hour? 2? Was it already night? How long had it been since Saya ran away from her sister and friend? It no longer seemed to matter, only that a significant amount of time had begun to pass. Mable didn’t mind though. She was simply happy for her friend, and she was overjoyed to watch over her now.

As her friend slept in her lap, Mable kept a silent watch. She used small spells to survey the area and make the space as comfortable as she could. She had been searching for them all before Saya stumbled upon her in the first place, in fact it was how she found her, and she continued as she slept now. She used her Elven senses to reach out to the forest around her in the hopes to learn as much as she could.

She had managed to find a way to the entrance, where most of the accompanying knights seemed to return to, but Xenia and Aria still seemed lost, the deeper parts of the forest seemingly rejecting her attempts to read it. Time continued to pass. Mable casted another spell and another and yet another, each yielding nothing, until finally she began to feel something approach them. She recognized this energy.

“Saya,” she nudged gently the Princess in her lap. “It’s time to wake up Princess.”

“Mm?” Saya’s eyes slowly began to open, and then slowly she blinked several times before letting a soft yawn. “Mable?”

“Good morning, Princess,” she greeted. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mhmm,” she liked being called that. There was something indescribable about the affirmation of it and how it made her feel, especially when said so gently.

“Sorry to wake you, but it seems like they’re here,” Mable explained as Saya rose to sit beside her.

Saya looked down. “I-I am uncertain that I am ready for this,” she said in hesitation.

“Don’t worry! Just remember I’m here for you. You can do this Princess,” Mable reassured her as she rose from their log.

A rustle began to come from the yonder bushes. It crept closer and closer, until finally a voice emerged from the fog. “Mable? Brother!?” called the voice.

Two figures emerged from the fog. Xenia and Aria smiled in joy as the dashed to their side.

“Don’t ever do that again!” Aria cried as she hugged Saya. “We were so scared when you ran off. What if you got attacked by wolves or that witch attacked you again!?”

“I-I apologize for worrying you both,” Saya gave a quiet apology as she hugged the weeping Aria.

“You fool! Why did you run away!?” Xenia cried. “Br…”

“Xenia…I…I am sorry… You too Aria, I am sorry for everything,” Saya apologized again.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Aria whimpered. “It’s that witch, it’s her fault this has happened, not yours,” Aria nearly shouted out of frustration, she hated her friend blaming himself. “It’s okay though, we’ll fix this. We’ll stop her and restore you.”

“No,” Saya objected, shaking her head. “Please, tis…tis time to stop this. This journey has to come to an end,” she asserted.

“What are you saying? We’re so close! She may have out maneuvered us, but we can get her. Please, believe in us. Gil…” Aria pleaded.

“A…aria,” she stammered, trying to control the pain. “Please. Let us stop this,” Saya begged. “Let us forget all of this. Let us forget about this hunt and the witch and go home. Please?”

“What has come over you? Brother, Phordata is here, we can stop her. We can finally restore you to normal,” Xenia tried to reassure her. “Gilbert...”

“Stop it! Just stop it! Stop calling me that!” she shouted, unable to hold back any longer. “That is not who I am! Do you not understand!? We wasted our time, okay? My old body is not coming back, even had I desired it!” Saya continued to shout, tears streaming from her eyes anew. Each time they called her that it hurt. Even more than the pain Phordata had sewn with her words. It was inexplicable, but after talking to Mable and everything else, it felt like her emotions were so raw and sensitive to it, more than before. She could bear it no longer.

“What are you saying?” Xenia said taking a step back while Aria fell backwards. “Brother, what are you talking about?”

“You heard her! You heard Phordata!” Saya whimpered. “The spell can’t be reversed once it has been completed!” Saya cried out.

“N-no, you can’t mean…?” Aria stammered.

“Tis…tis true…” she admitted, looking away from them. “The spell is completed.”

“But when?” Xenia asked.

“During the festival,” Saya placed her hand on her skirt. “That’s when I last changed,” Aria’s eyes growing wide.

“But,” Xenia shook her head. “Phordata, she said that it could not be completed unless…” Xenia’s face went blank as she realized what she was about to say. “No, that cannot be. That is impossible. You would not accept that! There…there is no way.”

“Gil, why?” Aria and Xenia stared at Saya in horror. As if staring at some wretched thing.

“I…I…” Saya began to shake. The more they stared at her, the more she felt their scorn. The more ashamed she felt. They were right, were they no-…

“That’s enough!” Mable halted them, holding Saya steady. “You’re scaring her!”

“Mable, are you truly going to stand there and say this is okay?” Xenia snapped. “Are you going to say that tis okay that his mind has been made some plaything of this spell?”

“I am Princess! Because it is okay!” Mable’s shy and quiet demeanor evaporated as she stood firm and confident for her friend, a fierceness blazing in her eyes.

“My brother has been corrupted by that witch,” Xenia yelled. “Do not dare stand there and tell me this is okay!”

“Saya is Saya! She has not been corrupted! She’s still herself! Why can’t you see that? Why does her being a girl even matter!?” Mable countered with a huff and releasing Saya, standing firmly, staring down the armored princess. She understood why they were shocked, but she was beginning to become quite angry with these responses.

“Gilbert wouldn’t want this!” Aria yelled back. “This isn’t who he is! That witch…she…she must’ve altered his mind!”

“Then are you going to tell me everything on this journey was a lie!?” Mable yelled, shocking the others, throwing her balled up fists to her sides. In all the years they knew each other, she never yelled. There were times perhaps when she screamed or got cross with another researcher, or even them at times, but yelling was not something she did. Hearing her yell seemed to kill the words in their throats, as her passionate words echoed in the woods and their minds. “Are you saying her smiles, her laughs, her joy, her tears, and her love is all a lie?” she snapped, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks as Saya did much the same.

Xenia and Aria stood there shaking as she continued. “Well? Xenia? Aria? Are you going to tell me those memories are lies? That they’re all the result of some twisted witchcraft? Are you going to reject her for your ideas of what she should be!? Well? Answer me!”

“I…” Xenia stammered with fear in her voice as Aria began to cry, dropping to her knees.

Mable stood there shaking in anger. She was furious, at their denial, at the pain they were causing Saya, as well as the fact she could say such cruel things to her friends. Even so, she prepared to continue when she felt a hand around her own.

“Tis enough Mable,” Saya held her back. She was clearly still crying, but the smile on her face was warm and gracious. It only took looking at that genuine smile to affirm that this was truly who Saya was, this kindhearted loving girl. “Thank you.” Mable nodded with a smile as Saya turned towards her sister and Aria.

“I…” Xenia still struggled to say anything after Mable’s onslaught, her hands clenched on her chest as if gripping a wound. Aria meanwhile was curling toward the ground weeping.

“Xenia, Aria,” Saya began. “I understand if you are upset with me. And I am sorry, about not telling you sooner. The truth is, I was afraid. I was afraid of admitting how I feel, because I was afraid of how you might react. The reality is, I am as you see me now, a woman. I know now, with complete confidence, that this is who I am. I enjoy being this way. I cannot even begin to describe the incredible feelings that have grown inside of me. Phordata’s spell changed my body, but she did not change me, nor my heart. I myself have always been like this, and my body finally reflects that,” she said with gentle confidence. It was hard being this vulnerable. Hard, yet it felt good to finally say it. “I want this. I want to be a woman. I do not desire to regain my former body or identity. Nor shall I ever want it again.”

“B-but…” Aria tried to speak while trying to rise from the ground. “No, when we were kids…”

“When we were kids, I was always jealous of all of you. I always wanted to be with you all. It did not seem fair that I had to be separated to train to be a Prince, to have the things I cared for all slowly taken away from me and replaced with the duties of being Prince, of being a man, and of being a knight. I wanted to be with you, just as I wanted to wear dresses and paint. And then, when my body changed, I felt like I was fading away buried underneath a skin that was not mine own. I tried desperately to swallow those feelings, to numb myself to the pain, so much so I became numb to the pain and began to forget how I truly felt.”

“But when this curse…” she shook her head. “No, when this spell took hold of me, it was like I was finally waking up to the life I was supposed to have. Our journey here, it was like a wish come true. I tried to convince myself it was just because I wanted to learn more about the outside world, but that was never the case. Mable is right, I am finally truly happy. I am happy because I finally get to be me. Xenia, Aria, I am a woman, truly and completely. I apologize that it took me so long to tell you,” Saya finished, giving an elegant bow in apology.

Xenia and Aria looked at her with complicated looks full of confusion, sorrow, even a little anger. They stood with their emotions for a couple minutes when Xenia sighed and approached Saya, placing her hand on Saya’s cheek. “I am uncertain of how to respond. But I do know this, brother or sister, you are beyond precious to me. I may be conflicted now, but for your sake I will get over it, my darling little sister,” she smiled. “If this is what you truly desire, then I shall accept that, no matter how hard. I apologize for being so cruel to you and doubting you so. I am sorry for hurting you,” she said, quietly weeping.

“Sister!” Saya hugged her close making Xenia jump slightly in surprise. “Thank you so much!” Xenia gave a big smile as she embraced her sister back. It was a nice sensation; one she had resisted accepting for so long. Yet, in this moment, those doubts seemed so silly and petty as Saya’s delicate form lovingly hugged her. This was right. She was right. Regardless of the past, her sister was here, and she was happy, and perhaps that was all that ever really mattered. How foolish she had been, she was willing to accept that now.

“Um…” Aria interrupted. The two broke their hug as Saya turned to face her. “What Mable said, about our journey being real or fake,” Aria shook a little as she struggled to make eye contact with Saya before closing her eyes entirely. “I’m so bad at this!” she said as she held her head between her hands. She ran to and hugged Saya. “I’m sorry for doubting you!”

“Aria,” Saya whispered. “Tis okay. I understand”

“No, it isn’t,” Aria said, taking a step back. “I was supposed to protect you. I wanted to protect you, but here I am, hurting you instead,” she cried. “I…I care for you so much, and I was afraid I’d lose you to this…this spell. And I let it blind me from your suffering. I’m so sorry.”

“Truth be told, we both did. Nay, that is untrue. I was the one who inspired those thoughts in Aria,” Xenia said dejectedly. “I became so fixated on the fact that you were changing and fearing those changes, that I could no longer see what it was that you wanted. I became convinced that your mind was being corrupted and distrusting your joyous attitude. And yet, I never even bothered asking you what you wanted. I even asked Aria to watch you and told her to distrust you,” she frowned. “I…I have truly been a horrible sister, have I not?”

“We both…we just assumed what you wanted. We…I never wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry Saya!” Aria cried.

“Aria, Xenia,” Saya looked at Aria, her eyes shimmering.

“If you hated me for that I would…” Aria’s voice shook as she failed to tame her sobbing, her thickly covered hands barely succeeding in wiping away some of her tears.

“No, please, I am to blame,” Xenia interrupted. “If you are to hate anyone, allow it to be me.”

“I could never,” Saya stopped them. “I care too much for both of you to hate you like that. I understand, truly. Even though you were wrong, you just wanted to protect me. I would never hate you for that. I…I am simply happy that you accepted me.”

“See what a little honesty does?” a familiar voice chuckled. “Doesn’t it feel nice to be rid of all those heavy feelings?”

“Yeah, it feels really nice to finally…wait, who said that?” Saya questioned as she and the others turned to face it.

“That would be me, dear,” answered the voice as from the fog emerged the witch, Phordata Floroma, her purple hair glowing eerily in the mist. “Finally, we can start things for real,” she smiled.

 

As a small bonus, here's some fun trivia.

I started this project a little before I started going back to school, so about 2017. This part and the fight in the previous part were some of the first things I wrote, and I've been nursing them a lot since then. Certain details changed and wording got improved and the like, but a lot of it has remained rather close to how it started. Also writing Mable here was a total joy.

 

At any rate, the next chapter is going to be the finale. There will also be an epilogue that I'll be posting either the same day or shortly there after. Hope everyone enjoyed!

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