Twelve: Coming Out
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Announcement
Content warning:

Spoiler

(Involuntary) misgendering.

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“Hi, Mom,” I said, as I joined her in front of the door to the principal’s office.

“Hello, dear,” she replied, smiling at me and handing me the folder I’d asked her to bring. “Ready?”

I pulled out my phone and looked at the lock screen: it was just about time. “Ready,” I nodded, and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” came Mr. Carlson’s voice from inside; Mom opened the door, and we walked in.

“Mrs. Wilson,” he said, nodding his head in acknowledgement. “Mr. Wilson. Welcome.” He waved his hand towards the chairs in front of his desk; I closed the door, and we sat down. “Alright,” the principal continued, focusing his gaze on me. “You said you had something you needed to talk about?”

“Yes, I have,” I answered; I exchanged a glance with Mom, and then took a deep breath. “I have some documents here I’d like you to read.”

I opened the folder, and pulled out three sheets of paper, placing them in turn on the desk in front of him. “This is a letter from my primary care provider,” I said. “This is from my psychologist, and this is from my endocrinologist.”

“Endocrinologist…?” Principal Carlson mumbled, frowning slightly; he picked up the letters and began to read.

It took a while, he was very thorough; every now and then I could see his lips moving slightly, as he repeated what was written on the letters to himself. A couple times he glanced upwards, his eyes moving quickly between me and my mom, before focusing on the papers again.

After about ten minutes, he set the documents back on the desk, and stared at me.

“Well,” he exhaled. “I have to say, this is a surprise, Miss Wilson. I really never would’ve guessed.” Then he smiled. “Rest assured, the school administration is completely supportive of LGBT students, and has a zero tolerance policy for homophobic or transphobic harassment. So you can count on me, and the rest of the teachers, for anything you should need.”

I smiled back. “Thank you Mr. Carlson,” I replied, in my girl voice.

Mr. Carlson blinked in surprise, but didn’t otherwise comment. “So,” he continued, leaning back into this chair. “How should we do this? Would you like me to tell all the teachers right now?”

“We’d like to keep it on a need-to-know basis, at least for the time being,” my mother said. “This way there will be less of a chance of it leaking out before Emily is ready to come out.”

The principal nodded. “And when would that be? The fact that you came to talk to me right now, instead of waiting for the summer, makes me think you’re planning on doing it before the school year is over.” I nodded in reply. “Okay, and do you have a date in mind?”

“I do,” I answered. “Prom.”

Principal Carlson blinked in surprise. “…Okay,” he said. “So you’re going to show up to prom as a girl.”

I nodded. “Yes. And then spend the last two weeks of school as a girl. And next year, of course.”

“Mmhmm,” he mused. “You do realise that at this school we have a combined junior and senior prom? Meaning Mr. McPearson will be there, too?”

“I do,” I replied again. “But I thought, since literally half the school will be there, along with several teachers to act as chaperones… He probably won’t try to start anything.”

The principal gave me a significant look, which clearly meant I wouldn’t be so sure, but he didn’t say anything.

“Still, if McPearson does try to start something, Emily will be allowed to defend herself, right?” my mother asked.

“Yes, of course,” Mr. Carlson replied. “We would really prefer if there was no fighting at all, but we’re not going to blame someone for fighting back if they’re clearly been attacked first.”

“Okay,” my mother nodded.

There was a moment of silence, then Principal Carlson said, “So are we done here? Or is there something else?”

“There is, actually,” I said. “About prom. Only juniors and seniors can come, right?”

“Juniors, seniors, and their dates,” he replied.

I gulped. “Even if the dates aren’t old enough?”

“It’s not a matter of age, Miss Wilson,” the principal said. “Prom is completely dry after all, since none of you are old enough to drink. Anyone can come, as long as they’re accompanied by a junior or senior.”

I took in a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. “Alright.”

Mr. Carlson gave me a knowing smirk. “Why, did you have someone in mind?”

“…Yes, actually.”

“Well, you should probably ask them as soon as possible,” he said, his smirk morphing into a grin. “Prom is in three weeks, you don’t want someone else asking them first.”

I nodded. “Alright. Thank you, Mr. Carlson,” I said, standing up from my chair.

“You’re welcome, Miss Wilson, and thank you for trusting me,” he replied, standing up too. “Mrs. Wilson,” he continued, shaking Mom’s hand. “It was a pleasure to see you again.”

“The pleasure was mine, Mr. Carlson. Thank you for your support,” Mom answered with a smile.

We left the principal’s office, closing the door behind us; there wasn’t anyone in the corridor, since it was the first period after lunch.

“That went well, I think,” my mother commented.

I nodded. “Yeah, it did,” I said. I pulled out my phone to look at the time, and saw I had a notification; I unlocked the device, and checked the message.

It was from Josh: How did it go?

I smiled. I’d told him what I had planned for today, and he’d been a bit worried but hadn’t tried to talk me out of it. Very well, I typed out. Let’s meet after lessons are over, I’ll tell you all about it.

I locked my phone again, and looked up at Mom. “Well, I should probably get back to class.”

“Alright,” she said. “See you at home.”

I stepped forward and gave her a tight hug. “See you at home, Mom,” I replied. “And thank you.”

She mussed my hair a bit. “That’s what moms are for, right?” she said.

I nodded as we broke the embrace; she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, and then turned around and walked away down the corridor.

I turned on my heel and started down the corridor too; as I did so, my phone pinged.

Okay. Meet you by the bike shed, Josh had written.

Smiling to myself, and almost skipping in happiness, I walked back to class.

-----

The final bell of the day rang, and the teacher looked at her watch. “This late already? I thought we still had ten minutes or so,” she said under her breath. Then she raised her voice: “Alright, this is all for today. See ya.”

There was a shuffling of chairs as everyone started gathering their things and moving towards the exit; I stretched my tired limbs a bit, grabbed my notebook, and stuffed it into my backpack.

“Wilson?”

I looked up and saw Aggie standing by my desk, looking at me.

“Hi, Aggie, what’s up?” I asked, smiling at her.

“Can I talk to you for a while?” she replied. “In private.”

I looked at her in puzzlement, but nodded. “Yeah, sure. I had to meet up with someone, but I’ll tell them I’ll be a bit late while we wait for everyone to leave.”

She nodded in return, and I grabbed my phone. Hey, something’s come up, nothing big but I’ll be a bit late. Wait for me, I texted Josh; then I put away my phone, and we waited in silence until all the students had filtered out of the room, ending with Mark and Nick, who glanced at us before leaving. Meanwhile Aggie grabbed a chair, pulled it up to my desk, and sat down.

“Alright,” I said, still smiling. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Well…” she began, and then seemed to hesitate. Then she gulped, took a deep breath, and continued: “You know how prom is coming up, right? Next month.”

“Yeah,” I nodded in response.

She hesitated again, for a moment longer this time. “I… I was thinking… Maybe…” She looked directly at me and blurted out, “Do you wanna maybe go to prom together?”

Oh.

My eyes widened in surprise. Oh.

Well, this was unexpected. True, Aggie was the only girl I really talked to in class; the only person I really hung out with, actually, besides Nick and Mark. But still, I didn’t think she would ask me, of all people, to prom.

During the time I’d spent with her in our study group, I’d gotten to know her, and she was really nice.

I felt really bad at having to let her down. I was just thankful she’d thought to ask me in private, so she would be spared the humiliation of being refused in front of everyone.

I sighed. “Aggie… Agatha.” I looked up at her. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t come to prom with you.”

Her face fell.

“I like you, I really do, but… It’s more of a friendship like,” I continued. “If you get what I mean.”

“I get it,” she nodded, her face still sad. “So there’s another girl you like?”

I hesitated. “Uh…”

“Because if there isn’t someone else, we can still go to prom together. As friends,” she insisted. “Like, no strings attached, just two friends hanging out.”

She looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer; and I felt I had to give her an honest reply.

“We still can’t,” I answered. “There isn’t another girl I like because…” I took a deep breath. “There can’t be a girl I like. I don’t like girls. I like boys.” I smiled at her sheepishly. “Sorry.”

She blinked, and looked at me in amazement; she studied my face, seemingly searching for a hint of irony, a sign that meant I was joking, but she found none.

“…Fuck,” she swore. “It just figures. Good going, Aggie, you went and fell for the exact wrong person.” She smiled at me. “No offence.”

I laughed. “None taken. And for all it matters, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she replied, shaking her head. “It’s absolutely not your fault, you like who you like. Guess I’ll just have to go stag.”

“Maybe not,” I shrugged. “You can ask Nick to go with you. Or Mark.”

She laughed. “Nah, not really.”

“Why not?”

She stopped laughing, and looked at me. “Is that a serious question?” she asked.

“Yeah, it is,” I said, nodding.

She kept looking at me for a few seconds, then burst out laughing again, harder this time. “Oh my god, Wilson, you’re so dumb,” she guffawed. “Again, no offence.”

“What? Why?” I replied, frowning. “Why am I dumb?”

Agatha took a couple breaths to calm down, and wiped a stray tear from her eye. “You really haven’t noticed? Nick and Mark are dating. They’re going to prom together, actually.”

I blinked in surprise. I thought back to the interactions I had had with the two of them. The chats, the small talks. Everything they’d said, how they behaved…

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Aggie said with a grin. “I mean, how did you not notice? They weren’t subtle about it.”

“…Right, they really weren’t,” I said. I felt really dumb.

“Ah well,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “No harm done. Still, it’s a bit of a funny coincidence that the three people I talk to the most in our class are all gay.”

I hesitated. “Uh…” I mumbled; suddenly, somehow, I felt a bit bad at deceiving Aggie. I mean, not telling about myself to a bunch of strangers in my class was one thing, but keeping the few people I actually talked to in the dark about my gender identity? It felt wrong, somehow.

Without even realising what I was doing, I found myself saying, “That’s not true, actually.”

“Sorry, what?” she replied. “What exactly isn’t true?”

I gulped. “That the three people you talk to the most are gay. Because…” I took a deep breath. “Because I’m not.”

She looked at me curiously. “What do you mean, you’re not? You’ve just told me you like boys, right?”

“Right,” I nervously nodded.

“Well, that makes you gay, doesn’t it?”

I shook my head. “It would, yes. If I were a boy. Which I’m not.”

I looked directly at her, wringing my hands together, waiting for her reaction.

She blinked, and gave me a long hard stare. “…Damn,” she said.

“Uh… Surprise?” I offered in a small voice.

She stared at me for a few moments more, then her face broke into a smile. “Well, that makes a lot of sense, actually. How you don’t like it when people call you by your first name. And that one time when you asked us for advice regarding your sister’s love troubles. It had actually made me wonder at the time.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re a girl, huh?” She reached forward, and put a hand on my shoulder. “And what’s your name?”

“Emily,” I said.

“Emily,” she nodded, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly. “It’s a pleasure to meet the real you.” She paused. “So have you confessed to that boy you talked about yet?”

I blinked, taken aback by the quick change of subject. “N-no, I haven’t,” I said. “I was planning to do so today, before you asked to speak to me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aggie said. “Well, go on then, don’t let me keep you from it. We can talk about this later. We have time.”

I nodded, stood up from my chair, and picked up my backpack. “Thank you, Aggie,” I said. “For everything.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?” she replied. “Go get him, sis.”

I nodded again, walked to the classroom door, and hesitated. I turned around. “Aggie, about… About what we talked about just now. Can you keep it private for the time being?”

“Of course,” she nodded. “Don’t worry about it.”

I smiled at her, turned around, and left the classroom.

As I walked through the corridors toward the exit to go meet Josh, I grabbed my phone to look at the time.

And I swore.

The whole conversation with Aggie had taken quite a bit of time, much longer than I thought it would. I’d told Josh something had come up, but instead of being a bit late, I was now very late.

I took off down the corridor at a run.

Would he still be there, waiting for me?

-----

He was.

As I neared the bike shack I saw Josh there, leaning against the sheet metal wall, looking around. When he saw me approach he straightened up and walked towards me.

“There you are,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

“Sorry, I’m really sorry,” I said, stopping in front of him and trying to catch my breath. “I… I lost track of time.”

“I’d say, you’re really late,” he replied. “I was getting worried. What were you doing?”

I took a deep breath and let it out, and I smiled; it was nice to know that he worried about me.

“One of my classmates wanted to talk to me. It was Aggie, you remember Aggie, right? From the study group.” Josh nodded, and I continued, “Well, we were talking, and we got caught up, and I didn’t notice how long we were taking.” I paused, then repeated, “Sorry.”

Josh smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s no trouble at all. Though I do have to wonder, what were you two talking about for so long?”

I looked at him, deep into his eyes. He was so cute and earnest, it almost made me want to tease him.

Wait, hold on a second.

I unconsciously felt my lips draw back into a smirk. “Oh, nothing much,” I answered. “She just asked me to prom, that’s all.”

Josh’s eyes widened, and his face drained of colour a bit. “She did?” he asked.

“Yeah, she did,” I nodded. “It’s a funny coincidence, actually, since I’d asked Mr. Carlson about prom just today. You see… Well, you know what I went to talk to him about, and he had no problem with it.” I looked at Josh expectantly, clearly waiting for his input.

“That’s great,” he said, his face blank. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Hmm, are you? You don’t seem very happy,” I said.

“That’s—”

“Anyway, after I came out to Mr. Carlson,” I cut Josh off, “I told him I was planning on coming out to everyone else – to the whole school, actually – at prom.”

“You are?” Josh said, his voice trembling a bit.

“I am,” I confirmed, nodding once more. “He said it would be no problem. I considered going stag, just showing up without a date, so as I said, it was a funny coincidence Aggie asked me to go to prom with her.”

Josh stared at me. “So you two are--”

“No, I turned her down.”

He blinked in surprise, and his face brightened, a look of relief spreading over it. “You did!” he exclaimed; then he caught himself. “I mean… you did?” he repeated.

“I did. I turned her down,” I said. “After all, I would very much prefer going with someone I’m actually attracted to. Or can be attracted to, anyway. And I don’t like girls, remember? I think I told you as much. It was just before we started hanging out, as I remember.”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, I remember it too,” he said. “We were arguing about sexuality, and you said…”

“I said I wasn’t gay,” I confirmed. “And it was the truth. Since you know who I am, you can guess what it means, and that’s why I turned Aggie down.” I smiled. “Besides, there’s someone else I would rather go to prom with.”

Josh blinked, the smile freezing on his face. “Oh, is there?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, there is. It’s this dude I know and really like. Though I’m not sure what he thinks of me, to be honest. So I don’t know what he’ll say when I ask him to prom.”

“And who is he?” Josh said, frowning. “Do I know him?”

I folded my hands behind my back and started pacing back and forth. “Well, I don’t know,” I said teasingly. “Maybe. But he’s a really nice guy. He’s cute. Also handsome, but mostly cute. And I really enjoy hanging out with him.”

“You… enjoy hanging out with him.”

“Oh yeah,” I replied. “We’ve been on several… Outings? Or were they dates? And I really enjoyed myself. It was nice, just talking to each other. Just being by his side.”

“Oh,” Josh said, his face falling. I frowned slightly; while I was enjoying teasing him, I could tell when it was the time to just drop the pretence – Josh looked like he was about to start crying.

“I especially liked the time we went to the artisans’ market,” I continued. “We just spent the day wandering around after having lunch. He even bought me a present. And when I was cold, he gave me his jacket.” I turned on my heel to face Josh and gave him a significant look. “That’s another thing I like about him, he does thoughtful things without thinking about it, just like that.”

He stared at me, his eyes widening, his mouth dropping open. “You mean…?” he began.

I nodded. “It’s you, you dum-dum.”

Josh kept staring at me in complete shock for a few moments, his mouth opening and closing, apparently unable to form a coherent sentence.

“But… Why? Why me?” he finally managed to ask.

“Do I need to repeat everything I said just now?” I answered, grinning widely. “Everything I said was true. Every last part of it. Ever since we started hanging out, I found myself wanting to spend more time with you. I was puzzled at first, but then I realised.”

I stepped forward, grabbed his hands, and took a deep breath.

“I like you, Josh Woods,” I said. “Not as a friend. Something more. Like-like. You understand what I’m saying?”

He slowly nodded. “Yes, I understand.”

“Alright.” Okay, moment of truth. I gulped, swallowing my nervousness, and asked: “And what do you think of me?”

Josh gulped too, mirroring what I’d just done. “I… I like you too.”

I felt blood rush to my cheeks. “I’m glad. So… Would you like to go to prom with me?”

Josh’s face took on colour, matching my own blush. “It would be my pleasure,” he said.

“Good,” I replied.

We just stood there, looking at each other, for what felt like an eternity. Then I tilted my head to the side. “Well?” I asked.

Josh questioningly lifted an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘well?’”

I sighed. “Oh, you’re completely useless sometimes. Come here.”

I leaned forward, let go of his hands, and put my arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards me.

And then we kissed.

I was surprised by just how soft his lips were; I had expected them to be a bit rough, but they weren’t, at all. And I’d expected the kiss to feel wet, but again, it wasn’t.

It did feel warm, though: warm and comforting. I felt like I could just lose myself in the kiss, let down all defences, and just bask in the moment, without any worries.

Josh was a really good kisser.

As we melted into each other’s arms, forgetting everything else, I could only think about one thing.

I really loved this dork.

 

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Finally. Took them long enough, didn't it?

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