“Someone’s happy with herself.”
Twenty minutes later, we walk out of the Golden Spider and wait on the curb outside with our arms linked together as Geneva fetches our carriage. With the warmer weather, more people are on the roads, though only the wealthier nobles and their well-dressed attendants can be seen given we’re in the Affinity Market. As in, those without a well-developed affinity, which usually translates to a noble title, which usually translates to money, have no business here.
We draw quite a bit of attention but that’s nothing new. I am surprised that a few of the glances are directed toward me. Huh. I’m actually standing out next to my elven bride. Feels nice not being constantly overlooked.
Sigh. Just means it’s going to be more annoying when it happens next.
“What was it you said? We don’t need the money but it feels good to fill the coffers.”
Ha! Don’t let Clef hear you say that. Once they settled on the designs Kierra was willing to share, the negotiations started. She still insists I handle the business. Clef, the crafty bastard, played hard ball. The way we scrimped over every copper, let alone crowns, you’d think both of us were desperate to feed a family. Really, an old man shouldn’t be so stubborn.
“What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Hmm. Marquis Guiness managed to negotiate staff housing in the Grand Hall. I suppose a good portion of it will go to redecorating. I fear these nobles have terrible tastes.”
“You’re going to hang skulls on the walls, aren’t you?”
“Depends. If there’s enough room, I could mount a whole skeleton.”
I laugh, half in amusement, half in dismay because I know she will really do it. And why not? A few tasteful furs would be nice. Brings back memories. Very happy ones, hehe.
While I’m reminiscing about the past, I notice something strange. Someone strange. The guy himself isn’t remarkable. Average height, most of his features hidden beneath a handsome cloak. The problem is that he’s skulking. This is a street full of nobles who flaunt their status with the same naturalness that they breathe. Why would one of them be trying to hide on an open road unless they’re up to no good?
He’s heading right for us, a hand suspiciously shoved into a pocket. Hey, now. What do you think you’re doing? I don’t know what you’re attempting to do but we are the absolute worse targets you could think of. I feel bad for the ignorant man about to put his hand in the wolf’s mouth.
Kierra turns my attention to her with a finger on my chin. “Come now. You’ll scare away the prey.”
Of course, she notices him. “This is kind of sad.”
“What hunter is sad for the rabbit that falls into their trap? The beast can only blame its own incompetence. Ah, here he comes.”
My head is turned but I can hear our probable assailant speeding up as he prepares for his attack. My hair moves and then there is a loud thump, followed by a pained screamed.
I look over. Bell is on the man’s chest, teeth bared, tail whipping dangerously. One of the man’s hands holds a knife, the other covering his bloody nose as he watches the elemental on his chest with wide-eyed fear.
Sigh. I walk around him and stomp on the wrist holding the knife. With a wince, he releases his weapon and I pick it up. “Hi there,” I say, putting on a friendly smile. “What in the world convinced you to attack us? Seriously, there are dozens of targets that were easier pickings. Explain this to me.”
He looks me up and down. When he hesitates too long, Bell smacks him across the face, hissing menacingly.
“Okay!” the wannabe mugger shouts with a busted lip. “I thought that a lady dressed like that in this district is definitely posing and the elf might have some good treasure.” Bell smacks him again and he quickly adds, “And I didn’t see an important house crest so I don’t have to worry about offending someone too powerful!”
Haha. I see.
Posing, huh.
Doesn’t mind offending me, huh. “Bell~”
My eager little elemental looks up at me excitedly. “Coo?” [Shall I destroy him?]
Do I look like some kind of monster? Jeez, you guys need to value life a little more. There’s no need to kill him over something this small. But apparently my reputation needs a little padding. “That hand that would point a knife at me and my wife. Crush it. Completely.”
She smiles, all teeth and no humor. Despite the thief’s attempts to try and stop her, she grabs his hand. Her eyes glow even brighter as she casts. Then the screaming starts.
It lasts a full minute before Bell lets go, leaving behind a black, deformed lump where a hand used to be. I hold out my hands and she jumps into them, settling herself in my arms. The thief is curled around his malformed limb, sobbing not so quietly.
As for the onlookers? They watch with a mix of fear and curiosity. The ones close enough to see the damage are fearful, while those who only hear the screams are curious. There, that should be better.
I admit, the thief’s casual dismissal upset me. I can’t go around wearing clothes like this and be treated like…like…someone to be taken advantage of. That just won’t do.
Finally, our carriage comes from around the side of the Golden Spider. Geneva hops down from the driver’s bench, throwing quick looks between the sobbing man, the crowd, and my satisfied smirk. “Sorry for the delay. The tailors were still loading the rest of your wardrobe onto the carriage and were loath to part with a few of the items.”
“You’re just in time.” I step forward and open the door for Kierra. “After you.”
She chuckles softly at my gesture, climbing inside.
One of the things I bought with the gold made off my map of the Enchanted Forest was a personal carriage. An extra-large one with room for my elf to stretch out her extra-long legs and seats wide enough for us to lay down on comfortably. Of course, the side is painted with my personal crest and colors, an open tome on top of a summoning circle with the symbol of magic drawn across the pages.
The little bits of the summoning circle visible are taken from the one I used to summon Geneva. After a bit of discussion, she managed to convince me to add her in. It’s more elaborate than I intended and any crafter I ever hire is going to have a horror of a time replicating it but, eh. It looks good.
There’s another delay as knights come in answer to the commotion. Geneva intercepts them before they reach my carriage, explaining the situation with the aid of a few witnesses. All the while, I can see the rest of the crowd eyeing my crest and whispering amongst themselves. Heh. We’ll see if the next thief doesn’t think twice when they see me and my ‘unimportant’ crest. Hmph.
Real question: which one's Lou?
Do I look like some kind of monster? "Crush his hand completely."
Well- Hmm. I, er- Hmmmmm. (That's street combat in a nutshell.) I mean, first two items are "Run" and "Draw attention", but when it comes to fighting for your life "Cripple irreparably" is fair game. On one hand, It's not gonna be easy to leverage the law, but on the other, hard mark reputation is good as any armor. They and their peers will think twice.
Just don't do this to every kid who tries to pickpocket you. I wanna sleep at night.
this is medieval society, losing a hand for a robbery attempt is par for the course not to mention he actually went into the robbery by stabbing? A noble? He is *very* lucky that wasn't an immediate execution
Welp, at least it is less messy than the good ol hand cutting of thieves, but he probably gotta get it cut anways as i don't think it would be good for his body to be going around with a black necrosed hand. Ah well, causes him even more pain and expenses to get his own hand cut.
Honestly though. I think is prefer having my hand chopped off than have it crushed. At least on reality, the latter tend to lead to the former anyway.
@Vimsical But survival is also important, with a chance of bleeding out. So a direct chop would have a chance of death from major arteries directly pumping to open air. Hope he has a belt and stick on hand if that happens to make a tourniquet.
Swipper is gunna have a hard time snapping his hand now that it's a lump of meat
ehh it kinda hurts well anyway who want popcorn
The tailors were still loading the rest of your wardrobe onto the carriage and were loathed to part with a few of the items."
were loathed to -> were loath to