Everything else that happened over the week, still seemed a lot more tolerable, compared to the Billings residence, so I was happy! And completely exhausted by the end of each day!

There were some men who had tried to bully Neil and I, but we were hardly ever alone. Dilan stopped someone from hitting me once and ended up in a fight with him that he won, so I gave him another candy.

He deserved it!

After that, no one dared to try and hit either of us, and Dilan started to act like what Mister Mason does with Lady Billings, making me think that he was my child and that I should dote on him...He was so big, and acting the way he did, really did not look…Right…Besides, I wasn’t his mother!

I would glare at him when he acted this way, but it didn’t seem to stop him! He wanted me to pat him on the shoulder and smile at him more…

It was weird…

Another weird thing, was that a man eyed me every now and again, but he never said or did anything, but it still gave me shivers up my spine. For some reason…He reminded me of Steward Long, back at the Billings residence…

Then, there were a few men, just like Dilan, that got dazzled when I smiled at them and they never bullied me again.

I still wonder why they liked smiles so much…Where men so easy to please? Would they fight so much if they just smiled at each other a little bit more?

I’ll need to look into this matter a little…We were going to war after all, perhaps a secret to stopping to war was smiling…Who knows?

Quite a number of these new recruits were talking about being upfront in the ‘vanguard’ or something, but at the moment, if I was going to be up front on battlefields, maybe my biggest weapon would be to smile?

But…Apparently it was scary, and I decided not to think further about this until later…Perhaps there was a reason why this wasn’t done? Or maybe it was being done already?

It was something I had to wait and see about, as I wasn’t on the battlefield…

 

Sleeping was fine too, as Neil would keep me safe.

Only one person had tried anything on one night, but Neil had stopped them, and they never came back. I hadn’t known what Neil had done, but it must have been something good for me to be able to sleep soundly, and not worry about whatever someone might be thinking.

What worries me, is that neither of us saw who it had been, we had just heard a laugh in the darkness of that night. I wasn’t sure why they hadn’t tried again since, but not knowing who it was did make Neil worry a lot…There were twelve of us in our small sleeping quarters and if I were to take Neil and I out of that twelve, then that person could be any of the ten left…

The only person that stood out to Neil, was the one that just stared at me…But I wasn’t too sure about him, as that was all he has done all this time…

Going to do my personal deeds was what I still worried about the most, but I had not gotten caught once yet and I hoped it continued that way. I believe I owe my secret being protected till this day, was basically because of Neil, who would stand guard for me outside. I’m sure that there had been at least two occasions throughout the week that someone could have come in while I had been there, but they had been stopped or side-tracked by Neil, giving me enough time to finish…

It really was something that made my heart start racing, something that I did worry about the most!

Again though, I wasn’t too sure of the dangers that were there, if my true gender was ever found out, but I just knew that it wasn’t a good thing.

I never found out what would happen if I was ever caught, but I was sure that it wasn’t anything good, especially since not only was my father worried, but that of Steward Summers and Neil.

I, of course, kept an eye out, seeing if a shadow was close by or any type of noise of someone walking towards me, as I will do the best to prevent being caught by having nothing feminine become exposed.

 

At the moment, I didn’t have to use anything to change my body…But…I had been told that I will have to use something to brace my chest, when I started to grow. I wasn’t too sure on the details, as ‘started to grow’ did not sound so descriptive to me when I had been told…But, with that in mind, I had noticed a change in my upper body, it was just…It was such a slow change, that I hadn’t really known about it until I had unintentionally hurt myself in that area while I had been training. It looked like I was growing…Out…In two places.

I guess now I understood the differences between male and females. After this, I finally realised how dumb I was to have not really thought about this difference, as it was something that I did see quite often back at the Billings residence.

Not only does the female clothing show the two bumps under the clothing, but I did bathe with the rest of the female slaves and the elder ones did have them. So…Considering I had already known this factor, I felt completely stupid for forgetting all about it and finally understood why I will have to brace my chest with something.

I had been given two ideas, so it shouldn’t be a problem when I come to the stage of actually needing to do it.

I guessed…I would probably need the brace in just a few months, perhaps even a few weeks…

But now that I understood better, I will watch them more carefully.

…All this made it a tiring week, but the best part was, that I had found my weapon!

And now, the week was suddenly over!

 

 

What I had forgotten, was that of real bathing time.

We had only used some water to wipe ourselves down this whole week, and that I can do without too much troubles. All I did was wipe myself while I still had clothes on, instead of everyone else, who took most of their clothes off…

I would turn and try to act normal but…What the hell, males were really…Different!

Never wanting to question why, I tried to dismiss what I had accidentally seen…

But now, all of us going into water, at the same time?

How could I do that when I was the opposite sex?

It saddened me that I was going to miss out, but I promised to keep my gender a secret, so I could only wipe myself down instead…

Before we were to set off towards the battlefield, we were granted a quick session with our families.

I really did not think that anyone would come to see me, but Neil was determined to have me close to him, so I had to go out of the barracks with him, when he was to see his father.

I had tried to stay behind and lift some bags with my legs, but he argued with me to a point where he was making me feel bad. Honestly, the amount of times I shook my head and tried to walk away from him, was at least ten! But, he had said that if he was out there, while I was in the barracks, his father will scold him because he wasn’t protecting me properly.

…I could only sigh in defeat…

 

When we had waited half the time that we had to be with our families outside of the barracks, again, I asked silently to leave and go back by pointing at the barracks, but Neil told me to stay put!

Sighing, I then went towards the wall and leaned against a tree, not to far away and Neil nodded at me. He really did watch me like a hawk!

But, he had made me laugh a few more times now, and I was getting used to him being by my side. I couldn’t even remember the last time I laughed before I met him…

Nonetheless, when he made me laugh, it was mostly because of his actions, and most of those times, it included Dilan. Neil would start talking to me, trying to ignore Dilan, but then it would end off about them fighting over what I would say or them not understanding the point the other was saying.

They really were on different wave lengths!

The problem was, Neil continued to read my mind, and no one before him had ever done that…So, even though I didn’t speak, I didn’t even have to talk with him anyway! But it was so funny when Neil was right with what I was thinking, and Dilan was so determined that I was ‘saying’ something else…

But then, sometimes it sort of freaked me out because Neil knew too much!

“What are you doing?”

I abruptly turned to the voice and saw a man and immediately noticed that he had a scar across his face. It seemed to be still healing, but old. For a few seconds, I was very still, seeing that the scar went from the forehead, down to the chin…It…Reminded me of me…

I put my hand to my check, where my own scar was and felt a certain want to touch his as well.

 

“I said what are you doing here? This is for military!”

I frowned and then put my hands down, showing the clothes I had. They weren’t really what he was wearing…I guess I just wasted my time…

Oh…

Then I turned to Neil but then I was turned forcefully back towards the man in front of me.

Oh no, what do I do?

“Speak!”

I swallowed my fear and then did a salute to him and finally it looked like he understood, “Oh, mute. I see.”

I nodded, and he smiled, “So you are a new recruit?”

Nodding again, I smiled right on back to him.

His eyes seemed to be studying my face…So much so that I wasn’t sure if he knew he was being a little rude.

I lost my smile and realised that he still hadn’t spoken, nor had he removed his hands from my shoulders.

What I did notice though, his eyes reminded me of the depths of my own vortex.

Taking a better look at him, I felt like he wasn’t a happy person…Or maybe he wasn’t happy at the moment.

I just felt like…We had something in common, and that was the best way I could explain it.

 

Continuing to look back at him, I took a closer look at his scar and without even thinking twice, I brought up my hand to touch it.

His scar had an edge to it, that had looked deeper then it was when I felt it with my fingertips. It was also not as hard as I thought too, it was soft…

After just a short moment, he suddenly stood back and coughed, “Is anyone here to see you?”

I shook my head, detracted. I put my hand to my cheek again and looked back down.

“What’s wrong with our cheek? Do you have teeth problems?”

I shook my head.

I have a scar like you.

He lifted my chin up and then touched my cheek, then rubbed on it, “Oh, is that why…Because you have a scar too?”

I gave a slight nod.

“Yours…” He gently rubbed my check more, “Feels more like a burn.”

I nodded, clenching my hands together. I closed my eyes, remembering that fateful night.

It was the first time all week that I had thought about it…And still, I so easily remembered it. Of what happened years ago, it was still so vivid and scary…

I was surprised I could forget it at all, and happy, but at the same time, I felt defeated.

Of course, forgetting something like that forever is like a dream, so it may never happen!

“Not a good memory?”

I nodded once more, still upset.

“Mmm, I’m sure you’ll get worse memories now, being in the army.”

I opened my eyes and looked back at him in worry. I already had bad memories, and if he says that I’ll get worse…

I saw him smile and then chuckle, “Don’t worry so much…Daggers hey?”

I saw his eyes looking at my new belt, that was holding my two daggers.

I smiled and nodded happily.

 

Again, the man in front of me stopped and stared at me.

I guess he’s another man that likes smiles.

“Does anyone bully you?”

Uh? A few of them ask me this! Always the same type of sentence!

I shake me head and bring out a dagger and smile evilly.

He laughed at me and put his hands up, “Ok, good!”

I put the dagger away and he put his head to the side and a hand to his chin, “What is your name?”

I breathed out and looked down.

“Oh, right, sorry.”

“Lorrie!”

I turned around to see Neil yelling at me, he pointed to a carriage and I wondered why he was trying to annoy me with his enthusiasm.

“Lorrie. Lorrie is your name?”

I turned back to the man in front of me and nodded.

He smiled and put out his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

I looked at his hand and then looked back at him.

He waited, and I put my hand slowly out to touch his, to shake it.

His hand enveloped mine completely, warmth flowed through to my own hand and it strangely made me feel secure. His hands were hard and full of stories that I suddenly wanted to hear…

I put my other hand over his and touched another scar, right near his thumb. Gliding my finger over the tiny area, I could feel a difference in the skin and heard a sharp intake of breath.

 

Looking up at him, I then immediately bowed my head and let go of his hand, stepping away.

I bet I just crossed a line, and I hadn’t done that in a long time!

Feeling his hand on my arm, I flinched, ready for a punishment.

“Hey, I won’t hurt you!”

Uh?

Perhaps I didn’t hear him right…

“I promise.”

Looking up at him once again, I quickly looked away and bit my lip.

Why was I always so stupid!

But again, he gently took my chin and moved my face to see his again, “I won’t hurt you. It’s just…Not the time to look at my scars.”

I saw him sigh with a strange face and he quickly shook his head.

I smiled at him, not knowing what to do, and he let out a smile too.

For a moment, it was like nothing else was happening…

Then he let go of my chin and said, “I will see you again soon.”

I watched as he got on his horse and left to be in the open and go into the barracks on the other side of the wall.

 

Not long after he left, Neil grabbed me and pulled me over, “You idiot, look, your father has also come!”

Just now, my father came down from the carriage and looked over at me.

I was completely surprised…

My father came…

Did…He come for Neil or me?

“Come into the carriage.”

I stood there, wondering if he really was talking to me…I had only thought of him once this whole week, his kindness had made me feel good, but otherwise I hadn’t thought of him at all.

Actually, this whole week was strange! I hadn’t thought much of father, I hadn’t had nightmares…

It really did feel like a whole other life, a whole other me!

I didn’t know that I liked to smile, nor liked to laugh. I enjoyed training, trying out new things! I didn’t know that I had a strange want to fight and I hadn’t known that I didn’t mind company either…All this was new…All this week, I was seeing a new side, a new prospect and realising…Just how little my world used to be!

It is so much bigger then I had imagined…And I was also a lot more thought of by others then I ever thought possible…

Because…My father was indeed…Talking to me!

 

“Come on, we have little time!”

I put a finger to my own chest, was he really talking to me?

I knew, yes, but it was still unbelievable!

“Yes, Lorrie, Come!”

I nodded and followed his orders to go into the carriage. It was easy to follow orders…A lot easier, compared to thinking that you’ve become someone that obtained this type of attention.

He hugged me as soon as we were out of sight from any others and said, “My child, are you well, did anyone hurt you? Did you learn something?”

I pulled back and smiled…I’d been doing so much of that lately that I was slowly getting used to it.

“You are well?”

I nodded.

“Did anyone hurt you?”

I shook my head.

“Did you learn something?”

I nodded a lot.

He laughed and said, “Good, you seem happier here.”

I nodded again.

“But…War isn’t as fun as learning, my child.”

I bit my lip and gave one nod, a picture of another man came into my mind for a moment, of him saying similar words.

But…Even though I knew the battlefield will be a lot tougher, I was still willing to go down this path. It was still…The only path I felt I could take…

“And…It’s still a secret?”

Secret?

Oh right! My gender!

I nodded again.

He let out a breath and gave me another hug, “I will think of you often, take care of yourself!”

I slowly put my hands around him, hugging him back.

“I love you.”

Pulling back, I bowed my head. I still didn’t know how to respond to those words…

He kissed me on the forehead and then said, “Ok, you may go now. I will wait for your return.”

Stepping aside, to give me room, I looked at him and gave him a small smile, before getting off the carriage.