“Nuggets! Time!”

I was already back with Neil when the Lieutenant had said this, so Steward Summers quickly said his goodbye to his son and we walked back into the barracks.

I admitted to myself that I did not expect a visit from my father…

It had made me feel very good.

I felt special…

“Oi! Get your butts here, time’s up!”

I looked back towards the entrance of the gates and wanted to laugh, the Lieutenant was really an interesting guy!

We had packed up earlier and now all we had to do was pick up our belongings and gather together.

Sitting down with many others who were already there, we waited for everyone else to get here too.

“There you are little one!”

Dilan sat beside me, moving at least three other people so there was enough room, and I sighed.

“I couldn’t find you! You need to grow more punk!”

I shook my head.

“I saw you were talking to General Wilton. What did you talk about!?”

I turned to Dilan and looked at him in confusion.

“The man you talked to near the wall…Hang on, did you not know about the General!?”

Oh, him!

I then nodded, nodded because I met a man near a wall…

Wait, what? General!

I widened my eyes!

“You didn’t know!?”

“You were talking to General Wilton?” Neil asked me.

I put my hands up and shrunk my head, I didn’t know he was a General!

 

Whispers around us then started talking and I looked around at a few of them but too many of them started to talk at the same time for me to listen. Even Neil said something, which took me off guard and I didn’t get to hear one lot of words that anyone spoke!

“Haha! Nuggets!”

We all looked up, to see the Lieutenant and the man I had met at the wall outside. It’s him!

“General, did you wanna do the honours?”

We watched as the General looked over the crowd and then turn back to the Lieutenant, “I will only speak briefly, you can move them out.”

“Yes sir!”

The General walk up to be the one directly in front of us, while Lieutenant Black moved back, “I am General Wilton…I am the best example of someone who had worked hard to get to where I am today!”

I heard a couple of noises from the people and I didn’t understand what they were trying to do.

“War is threatening our country and are we, the army of Icklish, going to just let them walk in?”

Grunts were heard, some cheers, but compared to when the Lieutenant talked, the people weren’t as loud.

“We use this war to get merits and become a stronger country! We will…Protect the country of Icklish!”

Again, the cheers weren’t as loud from when Lieutenant Black was talking…

Feeling bad for the man up there, I smiled at him and nodded.

He smiled and nodded back!

Uh? Did he notice me!?

I knew it though! Smiling is like a peace keeper!

“Just one more thing…If you have a problem with me…Ask me for a fight! If you win, you have every right to speak ill of me…If you lose, then you, along with everyone else, will accept me as your General!”

 

Silence entered the crowd as General Wilton stepped back and looked at Lieutenant Black, who stepped forward once again.

“Alright Nuggets, there’s no need for dribble, I already explained what was going to happen. Let’s move out!”

Unexpectedly, that was it…I still wasn’t used to the quick and tidy way men spoke as such. They got to the point and spoke it out…Was that…Was that the reason why men have so much free time?

Getting up and getting into four lines that will exit the barracks, we waited to march out to war.

For us, being new recruits, all we needed was the sack of small personal belongings that we had and our own new weapons. But, there will be a few carts behind us that carried food, water, weapons and medical equipment.

It wasn’t like the army didn’t have these things already, but their bigger job was to bring back bodies from the battlefield.

We were told that we couldn’t rely upon the food on the carriage, and that we had to make it ourselves. This was another type of training that it seems we were going to learn for the week-long trip towards the battlefield.

Other types of training on the way included shifts, which had to teach us to be adaptable so that we could sleep either day or night and in any particular place. We also only have one lot of water each, which meant that we had to take care of how much we drank as well.

Even though it hadn’t been a big deal for me, I noticed that Dilan didn’t like this new rule for some reason.

Many didn’t like the idea of having less food either.

“Move out!”

We started to march as soon as the big voice had finished and riding straight past me, on his horse to the front of the line, was now the new leader of the group, General Wilton.

Someone that has a scar just like me.

For some reason, I knew he wasn’t the only one with a scar, but his stood out more, just like that of his vortex, that felt much like my own…

 

***

 

Now that we had left the walls of the capital city behind us and were heading to a place two towns over, we couldn’t eat as much, because whatever we caught, and the cooks cooked up, will not be as much as we ate during training.

I already felt like I was being spoilt, with how much I was eating lately anyway, so I accepted the change easily…But, Dilan, and even Neil, were quite unhappy with this fact.

It was strange to me, seeing so many men unhappy with a rule, that I thought they were going to rebel against the leaders!

But, nothing ever happened, and I wondered if that was yet another difference between men and women. Not only do they eat more, but they could also grumble often.

I wasn’t particular sure if women grumbled a lot, but I was pretty sure that men did eat more!

“Move out!” The yell came again from Lieutenant Black, but this time in the middle of a dirt road. He had gotten onto a horse and galloped to the front of the line, to make sure everyone heard him and was ready to go.

I really wanted to tell him that most likely everyone had heard him! So…There was no reason to bring the word ‘butts’ into orders!

And that was it, we continued to march towards the first town.

It wasn’t like the time we left the city gates, where people had been waving and crying…Here, we were practically alone, perhaps having one or two people going by…

We marched further and further away from the capital, where in the far distance, the large gates stood tall and proud and becoming smaller and smaller, and we went towards another town outside of the capital. It was a little bit down hill here, making me notice for the first time that the capital, Ristro, was indeed on a higher ground.

I never knew that…

I had only left the capital once, and that was for someone that had supposedly lived not far from the gates. I wondered if it was this first town that we were going to march through.

For the countries moral, apparently, we had to do this, even though we lost a small amount of time by not going a more direct route, but it seemed like it had to be done…

It was starting to become clear to me that we had lost something in this war and they were fighting to keep moral up, so that we didn’t let the enemy get the upper hand over us…Or something like that.

I still don’t quite understand much about this, but apparently, war was a lot more difficult than I once thought…

There were plans, even to attack someone!

 

For one afternoon this last week, we had all been seated and told basic procedures during battles.

I found out what I should do if I get lost or if I am taken prisoner.

I found out that there well be three lots of groups within the army, all doing different things.

One group may attack straight and upfront, while another group comes from the side or something.

But yes, I found out then that war was something that had to be thought about.

I didn’t know what I was expecting, that day when I signed that piece of paper, but it hadn’t been this.

I wasn’t saying that I regret it, I was far from regretting joining the army!

What I was admitting to, was that I had no idea to the complexity of war. I guess it made me naive and ignorant for thinking that it had been a lot easier, but I guess I just didn’t have any idea about it whatsoever.

My life prior to this only involved one residence, I worked and worked and worked. Before the age of ten, I still hadn’t left the Billings residence, but I was still in the process of finishing off the basics of reading and writing with the teacher.

I wondered if I could let myself feel better because of my age. There were a few here that were closer to sixteen, but I was far from being the only ‘boy’ that was around twelve years old. Noticing this for the first time, I started to really worry that the country of Icklish might be taken by the enemy.

Isn’t that why they are letting people even from the age of twelve to join the army?

Even with us twelve-year old’s, there were about three hundred new recruits, which I was sure wasn’t enough for some reason…

It sounded like we were really in dire circumstances…

 

I heard the officers say that there will be more recruits, but we could not depend on the next lot of people, as they were most likely be no fifteen-year old’s or older, all of them will be young and have no experience. Even if they did know how to do something, it wouldn’t be something to boast about.

They won’t even forcefully apply a son from the family, this next time for recruiting, it was just at least one person from each residence.

Which would mean, only about a third of the number of us recruits would be in the next lot of people…A third of three hundred…

I came to realise then, that perhaps we, the new recruits, was our last chance. We had to survive…Because if we didn’t…

That was one last thing that they had to teach us. That if our lines were broken and we were losing…It was how we would have to protect the capital for our last stand…And that’s if we were able to retreat back to the capital…

We weren’t told how to protect the capital though, we were just told on what we had to loss to get into that circumstance.

It looked like that there was someone already at the capital and the Lieutenant had all his faith in that person to do the defence of the capital…I guessed.

I heard a tiny bit about it but that is what I got from what I had heard.

I learnt in this way, that a third of these people were going to be someone that went into the front lines…

There was a name for them, but I think I’ve forgotten it at the moment, but the idea of what it was, scared me again.

I remember thinking of it earlier, but now, it was real, it was more real the closer we were getting to the battlefield…The closer we were getting to war…

There were no names yet said to be the front liners, but we had already been told, and it did make the men worried and have a lack of enthusiasm…I don’t blame them either.

Oh right, they called them vanguards…I remember now.

Of course, at this time, I did not understand that us recruits were our own division and that was why so many of us had to be someone standing at the front…

I don’t come to realise this for a while…

 

I wasn’t particularly close to any of the men here, but it was hard to picture any of their deaths, since I had been with them constantly for a whole week.

One particular man had only stared at me all week, but he had never done anything to hurt me. The bullies didn’t do much to me, as their first couple of attempts hadn’t proved to be worth continuing with both Dilan and Neil by my side. But…It wasn’t like I wanted them to die just because of that!

No, the men were loud, proud and sometimes really dirty and smelly, but I didn’t hate them.

Actually, they had slowly become a part of the first lot of people that was a part of my new fate.

My freedom had brought me to these men, to be with them for a week, and I could not help but accept them and all their wrongs. Even if I had to give them one or two of my candies…

Perhaps I was just still so very glad that I had left that residence. Still trying to let go of my past and take in the present…I wasn’t sure…

Yes, now that I think of it, I am still relieved that I am no longer there, at the Billings residence, getting bullied and working so hard.

My bruises from Lady Billings treatment had all practically gone now, only new ones had come from training so hard.

But that was different! Some bruises also made me smile, which I thought was crazy, but I had worked very hard this week and there weren’t as many bruises as before.

No regrets, I still think I am better here.

 

***

 

Even though the first town was being approached already on the second day, we weren’t going to sleep in the town, so we were only able to look around as we marched through it.

And, as we did just that, it was a lot different than I thought. When we had gone through the capital, people had stood there to the side, watching us march through…Here was a different story.

This place was called Hondale and it didn’t have any particular resources, but I was told that since it was a town close to the capital, the population was still not bad, by having a fifth of the population to the capital…

Walking through it now, it seemed more like a ghost town. There was hardly any noise at all, and all the doors were closed. There were even two lots of people quietly going in the opposite direction, holding baggage in their arms and on their backs. The place did not represent a popular town at all…

It didn’t look familiar either and I only then just realised that I really hadn’t gone out very far into this country.

I didn’t quite understand why I was fighting for a country that I hardly knew.

I hadn’t met the King, I had hardly met the people…Yet, here I was, marching in the army, heading to the battlefield, with the potential outcome of losing my life…How did that make any sense!?

It was perhaps one of the weirdest thoughts I had, and marching was a great way for me to be able to think about it.

 

 

After we excited the first town, we marched for another hour or two, before we stopped to make camp.

Now, the next town we get to, well be the one that was under siege…

That town had walls, yet they were old. It used to be the capital of Icklish, that’s why it’s been holding all this time, yet even now, there were properly people dying and trying to break through to get a step closer to Ristro. Having seen the land around us, I did wonder why the enemy didn’t just go around the towns…

Why were they expending so much effort on a town where so many of them could die?

The idea of war had been starting to form better in my mind lately. And I was sure that there was a very good answer to my last question…Except, I didn’t know what it was…

Another looming thought that was starting to grow bigger and bigger, was that I was getting closer to a point where I might have to hurt someone.

Isn’t that what I had been training for? To hurt people?

 

I had just finished doing my personal business when something got shoved into my mouth and I was then slammed against a tree.

I tried to let out a yell, as Neil was close by…But, only murmurs came out and a figure appeared in front of me, stunning me into silence.

“I’ve been waiting.”

I felt myself breath heavier, feeling the rise and fall of my chest…This man…He had only stared at me…Until now…

“You will have to pay me…For keeping your secret!”

I didn’t really think much, as I was quite scared to the sudden attack…Just like that of…Just like that of Steward Long!

Before I knew it, my hands were held with one of his and he had gotten so close, that I heard him sniff into my hair.

“How convenient to have a female amongst us! After I knew, I decided that if you pay me once in a while, I will not tell a soul!”

I let out a muffled sound and shook my head.

He was bigger then me, stronger also…I couldn’t get away!

His close proximity to my body had even stopped me from using my legs and I felt like all the training that I had over the week hadn’t helped me in any way!

I felt utterly useless!

“Of course, when I say payment, I don’t mean money.”

I shook my head viciously, I felt horribly wrong and couldn’t help but think of Steward Long and his lick to my face and touching my body.

And just as I feared, the man before me touched me like Steward Long had!

I started to whimper and feel my heart start to go even faster…

“This time…”

He took one of my hands and placed it onto something…

“Do this, I will get a better payment later.”

I shook my head, not wanting to do as he told me to do.

“Do you not understand what it means if I were to tell someone about your secret, Little one?”

I looked up, slightly shaking.

No…I didn’t know, I just knew I had to keep it a secret…

 

“Will you accept being the reason for the death of the whole of the Billings residence?”

I widened my eyes and stared at him dumbfounded…

Could that really be true?

Is that why my father was not willing to send me, then making a big deal about it before I had left?

Is that why Neil is being so protective of me, especially when I need to do my personal business?

“You are a dumb, little thing, aren’t you?”

Feeling one of his hands upon my body, I realised that he had taken advantage of me being in my thoughts.

Hearing him groan, I felt his hand over mine and making it move over something that I swear I had never seen before.

“Just do as I say, little one, and I’ll keep your secret!”

My eyes started to water…

Was this going to be my life!?

Did I have to do whatever he wanted for the rest of my days, just because he knew of my secret!?

Not wanting to cry but not able to stop a tear from falling, I suddenly wondered if this was still worth it.

Perhaps…Being in the Billings residence…

I had known of secrets back then, but hadn’t had to keep a secret that would potentially end lives…

And the price of trying to keep this secret? Was he going to do this every time? Invade my body like he owned it?

It desperately reminded me of Steward Long and the other people that I had seen become intimate, and I was sure that I was not ready for something like that! Can’t I just do something else!? Why can’t I give him my candy or do a job for him instead…Why does it have to be…This!?

What…Do I do!?

I muffled a short cry to my sorrows as the man put his other hand to my behind and squeezed it, hearing him groan afterwards.

 

Unable to spit out what was in my mouth, I closed my eyes and pretended I wasn’t here.

My fate…It would seem…Was not very good…

Suddenly, I heard a gurgle sound and my hand that was over something was tightened.

I then felt both of his hands weaken and let go, and I was suddenly free…Making me open my eyes.

“Hush, don’t look.”

I saw a hand in front of my face, and having heard Neil’s voice, I took his hand in both of mine and put them to my eyes, pushing them onto my face.

“Shh, it’s ok.” His voice and touch to wiping my face, made me unable to hold back…

Letting out a few cries, I tried desperately to calm my breathing down, knowing that I needed to stop, it was just so hard! I had been so scared…Scared of what I know now of this secret, scared that someone else knew it! Scared about my future!

After a while, I’m not sure how long, I finally realised that I was being held in someone’s arms.

I hardly understood why I was so thankful, when I’m sure I knew the fate of that man!

It seemed cruel of me, when I felt this way, but I couldn’t help it! I didn’t want my secret to become known, nor did I wanted to be touched like that!

This secret…

I felt a forbidding sense about it now…That…It will only become harder and harder to keep it at bay…

When I let go of the hand in front of my eyes, I then saw Neil and moments later, he put me down and crouched in front of me. “Can you find your way back to camp?”

I looked around very carefully, a little scared that I would see something I didn’t want to see, then Neil pointed in a direction that showed a few people in the distance.

Nodding, I looked back at Neil and he said, “Stay close to Dilan, I’ll clean this up.”

Taking a deep breath, I wiped my face and gave him a firm nod.

For some reason, I felt like…I needed to be a lot more stronger!

But, until then, Neil…Thank god I had Neil!

Giving him a small smile, I determinedly turned and walked towards the people in the distance, heading straight towards Dilan.

It looked like…I will be taking lives…

Not only to keep my secret, but to do as I am told and save this…Country.

I had to ready myself!

But, I already felt a great weight fall upon me…Just because of a secret…