—One Hour Earlier—

                                                              

“So… After I left your father… I found a farm then asked them to kindly take me back to the Kingdom. As we approached Kingdom city walls, I told them to take me in during the evening, under the cover of darkness.”

“My reason for doing so is because I wanted to draw as little attention as possible. I needed to get back to the castle before my father noticed me, in order to secure my peoples’ safety. Both my subordinates and the citizens. I also didn’t want your grandfather to see what direction I was coming from upon my return. This way he wouldn’t know where I was staying, or that I had an orc child within me, until it was to late.”

“I take it the old man didn’t take the news that you were pregnant at all very well?” Lilian questioned.

“Oh Light no! He was furious. Hehehe~” Helena giggled. “He called me every name under the sun: harlot, whore, slut, prostitute,” She shrugged. “You name it, he probably called me it. It didn’t matter to me though. He was still planning to use me and my baby; you by-the-by, to his advantage.”

“How so?” Lilian asked as she tossed a grape inside her mouth.

“He was going to claim that I had made it to his friend’s villa and was staying there to recover after my long battle against Tyronious.”

“Ah! And that the child was his.” Lilian concluded for her mother.

“Precisely. Hu hu hu!~” Helena Chortled. “But little did he know! I had a little green bundle of joy ready to come out into the world.”

“But once my father learned I had actually gotten pregnant with an orc, he had basically lost his mind.”

“Worst part for him was, that he tried in vain to keep everyone quiet about the baby, but I used this as a political means against him.”

“But it was I that spread the news far and wide that the daughter of the King had gotten herself impregnated by an orc as soon as you were born; even going so far as to lie about whose child it was, telling people it was the chieftain orc’s child.”

Lilian looked at her mother incredulously.

“But I am… or more to the point; father was the chieftain at one point.” Lilian pointed out.

“Ah! But they didn’t know that, don’t you see that Lilian? that is the point. That is why I spread the rumor, or encouraged it to spread. Once you were born, along with all those rumors I had people waiting and ready to spread the day you were born; news of you being the orc’s chieftain’s child, made it spread like a wildfire. People were scared that if anything happened to you, the orc people would seek retribution against the Kingdom. This not only prevented the King from easily denying it. But also prevented him from harming us, Which was my biggest concern.”

“Because if I didn’t, your grandfather, the King, may have killed us both and announced to the world we died in childbirth once he found out you were half-orc.”

“But I don’t understand. You keep saying he could have killed father, or you, or me. But from the sound of it, he held very little power or any sort of clout within his own kingdom.” Lilian commented.

Helena shook her head.

“It might have seemed that way. But in reality, while not popular, he was pretty efficient. He used his influence to encourage illegal trades, commerce, along with extortion and bribery. He used his informants to gain information on his business partners he encouraged to commit crimes against his own laws. Then hold them at blackmail: he also pitted them against one another as he pleased so that they would keep each other in line for his favor. He then used his armies to enforce these things.”

“At the time, I had not finished my research into using the Light as a weapon: which was discouraged, and down right punishable by being ostracized and excommunicated from the Holy Church.”

This made Lilian’s eyes go wide at this.

“Then how—“

Helena laughed at her daughter’s dumbfounded expression.

“I was the crown princess. I never said I was innocent or didn’t take advantage of my position. Take that as a lesson daughter: sometimes it is okay to swing your authority around to show those under you; that you mean business.”

Lilian slowly nodded at this.

“So yes. The Church couldn’t out right encourage my research. But they also couldn’t condemn me either. As doing so would make all people lose faith in either the Holy Church or the Crown. And neither parties wanted that: so they both turned a blind eye.”

“…I see…” Lilian had an overwhelmed look on her face.

Helena smiled compassionately at her daughter. She put a hand on her should, squeezing it affectionately.

“Politics aren’t easy and their not pretty Lilian. I don’t recommend it to anyone.”

This made Lilian chortle.

“This coming from a Queen, that is heavy!” Lilian commented.

“Indeed.” Her mother agreed. “But to get back on track: I didn’t have either the influence or people to over throw your grandfather at the time. Nor did I have any actual power myself to make him abdicate the throne. At that time, I had about ten percent of the kingdom under my control; the knights I was personally training along with the Cardinal Zurich, the now Archbishop, to channel the Light’s Blessing.”

“So since I had no actual military might as of yet, must of them belonging under the payroll of your grandfather, all I could do was use my father’s own rules or regulations against him, or find a way to put him in a corner without any options.”

                

“I see……” Lilian bemoaned.

“My father’s orders were that if I wanted to keep you: as in keep you safe. That I was to raise you in that tower… and I can’t apologize enough for that honey!” Helena cried. Her hand reaching up to cover her eyes.

“Mom…”

“I mean it! What kind of mother was I?! *HIC* My father, the grandfather of my child, wanted me to keep you locked away in some tower like a prisoner, where you were excluded from the world! And I did *HIC* nothing about it!… and not a day goes by that I don’t regret raising you separated from me like that! *HIC* That I only visited you two-to-three times a week! I hated it!” Helena apologized to her daughter through her tears. She pulled out a handkerchief to dab at the tears that fell.

“If only I knew now, what I knew than, I would have never gone along with you grandfather’s wishes! I jumped through every one of his hoops, in the vain hope that he would eventually recognize me as his successor on his own! That he would eventually acknowledge my efforts!” Helena 

Lilian felt a stab through her own heart at her mother’s words.

Now why does that sound and feel so familiar…… Lilian thought morosely.

“But I didn’t…… I did as he asked… I kept you away from everyone, locked in that tower; I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate myself for that Lilian… I just can’t.” Helena looked up at her daughter with a watery smile. “I am so sorry my little Flower Princess.”

Lilian was beginning to feel like she understood why her mother had made the choices she had.

“I… understand mom… it’s okay… I am not saying everything is fine; or that I forgive you: Just that… I understand… I get why you made the choices you had too….. *SNIFF* Even if it hurts to hear this…”

Lilian felt her own eyes start to sting while she spoke. She felt herself being more and more effected with emotions as they talked about the past.

“Lilian, I hope you realize that not telling you this for you to sympathize with the choices I made… I am… just informing you of the reasons why I did some of the things I had… hoping it brings you some sort of peace… The Light knows I don’t deserve it.” Helena explained.

Lilian shook her head.

“I honestly think you are beating yourself up to much mom. If I was in your position… I am not sure I would have done things differently.” Lilian told her mother.

But to her surprise, her mother put her hand to her eyes and started crying harder.

“Mom?…” Lilian called out in concern.

“I— *HIC* I’m so sorry sweetheart! *HIC* I raised you like a fool! *HIC* By the Abyss! I didn’t even raise you at all! *HIC* I am so sorry sweetheart!”

“Hey hey hey! What happened?” Lilian got up to move her chair closer to her mother’s. She placed a hand onto her back, gently rubbing it in comfort. “I thought we were about done with the apologizing… why did you break down?”

Helena wiped and cleaned her face as best she could, before looking back up at Lilian.

“I feel that I don’t even deserve to have you call me mother… it feels like such a privilege to hear you say it Lilian!… but I am also crying because hearing you say that you might have made the same decisions… make me hate myself even more.”

This hurt Lilian to hear her mother self-deprecate like this; also it hurt to hear her suggest that is was because of what she said.

“Why though?” Lilian asked her. “I thought maybe you would be happy that I don’t begrudge you for what you had to do; what you did was the most logical choice.”

“But it was the wrong choice Lilian!” Helena told her in a berating tone. “It wasn’t what I should have done!”

Lilian was taken aback by her words.

“What do you mean?” Lilian questioned.

“*SIGH* I won’t bother going into saying I am sorry for every day of your life while you were trapped in that tower. I am sure you understand that I am by this point.” Helena told her

Lilian nodded at her words.

“So I will explain why everything I did was pointless… I should have done everything differently… it all started the day of your eighth birthday.” She smiled up at Lilian. “I am sure you realize where I am going with this?”

“Maybe… this was always the big mystery for me… Why did you abandon me mom? How did it come to this?” Lilian asked her quietly.

“Well… It came down to one thing, your grandfather: After my birthday party— our Birthday party…… He pulled me aside to tell me: “That if I didn’t do something with you, he would.” While he made threats before, they were always public and snide at best. Never something he would commit on. But I believed he was serious this time.” Helena took a breath to steady herself.

“At that point, I had about fifty percent of the Kingdom’s influence under my control, along with the majority of the population supporting me. I even had two out of the five other humanoid races on my side at this point as well…… So I did what I thought I could. I threatened him back; I told him:

             

“Do you really think you are in any sort of position to be making demands like this any more Father?! I am not some easily influenced little girl anymore. My control not only rivals yours, but my popularity is far superior. If were to clash over this, you know you cannot win against me anymore.” I intimidate him with a threat.”

Helena stopped her explanation to take a drink of her juice.

“AH!~” She smacked her lips in satisfaction. “This is the good stuff.” Helena put her drink down before continuing with a somber tone.

“Your grandfather’s reply was to laugh at me:

“I know my dear. It took me a while to figure out how everything had gone so wrong, so quickly; but I assure you I did: I traced everything back three years ago. That is when I figured out your greatest lie you told the masses. You told them the truth about your daughter. You used your own daughter as a shield to protect yourself from me once after you gave birth.”

I was surprised to hear that he had even gotten that far… but what he said next truly showed that I had severely underestimated my father. I scoffed at him:

“Do you truly believe that this is something I should be scared of that you know?”

            

He shook his head at me.

“It is not about if I know, but if the people find out that you have been manipulating them.”

I laughed in his face.

“Do you think that it will matter if you tell them? Your popularity is so low father, that even if you were to spread such slander, it wouldn’t affect me in the slightest; it might come back to harm you even, given how much people will think of this as some sort of unprovoked attack against my character.” I rebuffed my father. “Go ahead! Raise my own popularity; demolish what is left of yours.” I mocked with a dismissive gesture of my hand as I started to walk away.

He laughed again.

“I can also make it even easier for you!” He offered me. “I could just abdicate the throne.”

This made me pause in my steps.

“Come again? What did you just say?”

He laughed again before answering.

“You know for a fact that I still control almost ninety percent of the nobles, and their house descendants. So as much as you think you may wish to believe we are on equal footing my daughter, you are just fooling yourself; but I can make this easier for you.” He told me with an evil smile on his face. “Or I can make it a living abyss for you.”

I challenged his bluff at that point.

“You have nothing you can do to stop me now father!”

“Do I not? What about Marquis Jordon’s bandit problems?”

This stiffened me into place.

“What did you say?” I asked him.

                 

“Or how about, Baron Fredrick’s illegal drug farms?” He continued without answering me.

           

“Oh oh!~ Maybe Count Edwins’s debt!~”

                 

“How long.” Was all I asked him simply.

“Almost the entire time daughter. I am not sure the exact time you started using my information or resources, but all the most recent “conquests” as you called them to your group, from the blackmail you’ve poached from me: was actually me, allowing it all along! Ha-Ha-Ha-Hahaha!”

                 

I was stunned to say the least. I had known my father was sly and underhanded. But I had also thought he was to self-centered to notice my activities.

“Won’t the allied humanoid races or the people be interested to know that my daughter is exactly the same as her father?! Hahaha!”

I decided to go with a bluff.

“Tell the people then. I will say that I was only using your own wicked information that you, yourself had gathered and did nothing about; As for the alliance, I doubt you will. I also know what you have been trading with those deplorable high elves and dwarves.”

This got your grandfather’s attention.

“So your next work of spies have even reached that far has it. Very well Helena, let us get down to business then.” After grabbing himself a drink he turned to me and offered. “You also are probably aware that, even if you can convert all the nobles over to your side this instant, that none of them will support you truly, not until you have a new, true heir in line for the throne.” He sneered at me. “They will never accept your mongrel of a daughter.”

I wanted to argue with him… I truly did Lilian… but I knew he was correct. Not that it was right… But that I knew that none of the nobles would support a royal with only a half-breed as the next in-line for the throne. Especially a half-Mokra’Torc.

            

“So what are you getting at? I know you are not just spouting all of this out for my benefit.” I asked him.

“It is simple dear.” He told me. “I am willing to finally make you my heir apparent.”

        

Those were words I was sure he would die before ever uttering. So to say the least… I was shocked.

“What?!”

“Of course… there are a few things I need you to do for me.”

There is always a price Lilian… always a deal to be made with snakes and weasels; with people like your grandfather.

“Then what is it you want?”

“Either send your mongrel away, back to the mudflats where she belongs, or kill her.”

“Are you insane?! Do you really expect and think I would ever just send my own daughter away like that?! Let alone kill her?!” I screamed at him in outrage. “I would sooner just take my chances in fighting against you fair and square for the throne!”

“Yes… and that is what it very well may come down too, my dear daughter, if you don’t do this.” The King told me. “You obviously don’t realize how quickly a territory of Dukes’, Marquis’, Counts’ and Barons’ will stop sending their taxes or supplies if they so much as feel they do not trust their leader, or that they need it to hold leverage over you. By the abyss Helena! Their families and extended families comprise most of our military. While normal citizens are roughly in the twenty million range, not a one of them has been in a battle of any sorts. So if the nobles ever turned on us, you would have an army of soldiers breathing down your neck in the half-a-million range.”

I remember him placing his drink down he finished talking and walking up to me.

“While we are the royal family, but we are also prisoners of the nobles. Their blades are constantly at our throats: if they even think you are entertaining the idea of putting that child on the throne one day. Then they won’t hesitate to over throw you.”

I was in tears at this point. Because I knew what he was saying was correct. This is not a factor anymore mind you… but at the time, it was a problem that I could not deal with in my current capacity.

“So that is my deal: remove your spawn from my palace, make me a new heir, then we can talk after that about you being made heir apparent.”

            

            

“And… As you know Lilian… I folded… I…… I couldn’t abandon everything I had done so far… everything I had built up and had been close to having… it was so close within my grasp… just a couple more hoops to jump through. Then I could start making my Kingdom a better place; rid it of all the corrupt nobles  and wicked men.”

Helena looked up at her daughter’s eyes with a broken sadness.

“It only cost me everything to get to this position. EVERYTHING. And not a day goes by that I don’t regret ever listening to him; or fighting for this throne.”

                    

Lilian was quiet for a while before she asked.

“Then why did you? What made you try so hard all this time to get it?”

“Because… even from a young age, I knew my father was corrupt. That he was a wicked man, and an even more wicked King. I felt like, as a royal myself, that I had no choice but to see it though, to help the citizens that my father and family-line had subverted; to fix the tarnished reputation of our royal heritage.” Helena told her morosely.

“So? What about the other part of the deal? Did you… did you……”

Helena nodded her head.

“I did… after I left you with your father… I… *HIC* … I came back to the Kingdom to my father. Only to find that he had already had another one of his friend ready and waiting their for me to marry and for them to bed me.”

“……Did you let him?……” Lilian asked her distressed, scared that her mother would go so far.

To Lilian’s relief, Helena shook her head.

“No, I didn’t. A two month journey home is apparently plenty of time for a liaison with a stranger.”

Lilian’s went wide when she heard this.

“Mother!” She shouted shocked. “Did you not even mourn my loss after you dropped me with my father?!—“

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE ACCUSE ME OF THAT!” The Queen yelled at Lilian.

Lilian for her part, looked very chastened and taken aback.

“Not one Lilian! Not a single one, GODDAMN DAY! Not even a second goes by! That I didn’t think of you. So don’t you DARE! accuse me of not mourning you! What I did, I did out of duty; not out of love or want.”

Helena got up to refill her glass with more fruit juice.

“……………………”

Lilian felt almost numb as she sat there. She had never in her life had seen her mother get angry with her. She looked down at her hands as she felt them tremble slightly.

Now how long has that been? Lilian thought. Since the last time I was genuinely scared?

            

“…… I am sorry mother…” Lilian apologized. “I overstepped my boundaries.”

“*SIGH* No sweetheart.” Helena told her while she looked towards her, after having finished refilling her cup. “I am sorry. Honestly, I should have not taken that out on you… if anything… you were more than owed the right to think that after what I did to you… I am sorry for shouting…….” Helena told her daughter sullenly.

Lilian shook her head.

“Maybe so… But you have been proving to me today, that expectations are not something that you should hold things too.”

Helena looked at her daughter quizzically.

“What do you mean dear?”

Lilian shrugged.

“I just mean… I thought I was going to come here, prove the Mokra’Torcs innocent, possibly yell at you, then leave…… But what happened instead? I leave my newly acquired people, nearly lose my mate due to those same expectations, meet with you and realize… that as much as I wanted to….. I just… can’t seem to care… I know that might not make a lot of sense, but all the hatred I had for you, the thoughts that I had because of what you did that day; for leaving me with father in that living hell…… I just, after everything I went through, hating you… or continuing to hate you… just seemed trivial and stupid. I didn’t see a mother that abandoned me, I saw a woman who hated herself. A woman that had just screwed up; the same as me.”

Lilian smiled up at her mother who was in tears.

“I just realized that, what you expect or think you want or hope for. Isn’t what you necessarily actually get by the end of it all. Especially if the thing you finally got is nothing it was cracked up to be.”

Helena nodded at her daughter’s sage like words while wiping her tears way.

“That is very true darling, very true indeed. It was one of the reasons that, I know now how I would done things differently. But that is why they call it hindsight my flower princess: you usually don’t see the ramifications until after the facts.”

Lilian made a grunt in agreement.

“Ain’t that the truth.”

The both shared a chortle after that.

            

“So? You met someone on the way back from the mudflats? Or was it one of your retainers that was with us on the trip there?” Lilian asked.

“Oh no! I was someone I didn’t know… at least, I didn’t know him personally until after that night. I actually knew of him before, but never met him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I met a man at an inn we stopped at on the way back from the mudflats. I had already received word from the Kingdom that your grandfather was plotting his old schemes again… and at that point Lilian? I didn’t care. If I could get drunk at that point, I would have. I just felt so numb; my retainers worried I would dehydrate from all the tears I was crying.”

“But I got it in my head at that point in the inn at that point, that it didn’t matter who it was that I laid with at that point. That I just needed to be pregnant by the time I reached the capital.”

“I scanned the bar we were in, found a stranger with a cloak and approached him.” Helena shrugged. “I just grabbed the first suitable man I could find. That turned out to be a short order, because I picked the best and worst person for the job at that point.”

“I had accidentally propositioned the man my father had hired to keep an eye on me; the archmage my father had previously used to track me down years ago.”

Lilian’s eyes widened.

“Was he there by the King’s orders? Was he still watching you?”

Helena shook her head.

“No, he wasn’t. He had just so happened to be there. Even to this day, I am not sure how to explain the circumstances that lead us both there. But it just so happened he had come to this town in order to catch a ride back to the capital: which I offered to him, for a price.”

“Thankfully, he was a pragmatic sort of man. He understood my circumstances and decided to not question my reasonings. There was no love between us. It was just a coupling to produce an offspring… one I sort of regret doing… I shouldn’t have done something like that.”

“Did he later have feeling for you that you had to reject?” Lilian asked her with a curious twinkle in her eyes.

“What?! Light no! Nothing as romantic as that! No… it was because we were successful… I… let me tell you, you should never bring a baby into this world Lilian, unless it is with consent of both parties and it is made out of love… and that was the problem. There was no love made to create this life… and that is what I regret.”

She looked at Lilian with a sad smile.

“I should have never gotten pregnant again at all. Because, knowing what I know now. I was going to have to start a coup against your grandfather anyways… so it was pointless to produce another heir at that time.”

“……I hate to ask… But do you not love this child?”

“Oh no! I do… she is just a handful… believe me! You do not want a kid like her in the future…..” Helena told Lilian with her head cupped and propped on one hand. “She is great! But Light save me! There was never a time I haven’t had to chasten that child.”

“Well… thankfully, being backwards prevents us for accidentally having unwanted children.” Lilian smirks at her mother.

“Huh?… convenient. I don’t see the draw, as I am not attracted to other females, but to each their own; can’t say I am not jealous of the benefits of a relationship like that has though.”

Lilian smile at her mother.

“Thanks mom… weirdly enough… it makes me happy that you accept my relationship with Anna.”

“*SNORT* Like I am in any circumstance to tell you what relationships for you to have.”

Lilian chortled.

“I suppose that is fair.” She conceded. “So? What happened with the King? Bet he didn’t take this act of defiance well.”

“No, he didn’t. He was even angrier this time around, than he was when I was pregnant with you. The archmage was someone he couldn’t touch politically, and also, this ruined even more of his plans to use me as a pawn.” Helena shrugged with one shoulder. “Didn’t matter to me, or more to the point, it worked out better that he could get me in bed with one of his subordinates.”

“What happened after that? What made you finally start a coup? Why did you wait four years?”

“Well… I had to wait at least one, because of my pregnancy and your sister’s birth. But after that…” She shrugged. “My father had an excuse to put it off whenever he could. The bottomline that it came down to was: he had never intended to give me the throne, or name me as heir apparent. Which was pretty obvious at this point. But it all became clear one night what he had planned when I was tucking in your sister into bed.”

Helena chuckled.

“She looked up at me with her big purple eyes and asked with the most innocent voice: “Mommy? When are you going to die?”

Helena had to hold back laughter at the incredulous look on Lilian’s face.

“Yeah, she asked me that. So I questioned her: “What do you mean sweetheart?! Do you want mommy to die?” I figured she just heard someone talking or had just learned that I might die one day or something, thing happen and people talk, you know. But it turned out to be a whole lot more insidious than that. She looked up and told me, and I will never forget this: “Grandpa said you might be dying soon, so that he was going to have to take care of me and show me how to be a good Queen.” Naturally, I was furious after hearing this.”

“I would say so!” Lilian shouted. “He had started manipulating your other daughter?! Almost out of the womb?!”

“PFFT! She was four at the time, hardly out of the womb.” Helena corrected.

“That is still plenty young!” Lilian defended. “He had no right!”

Helena nodded.

“On that, we can agree. After hearing this, I gathered all my current supporter that were within the city. I told them that a spy I had in the midst of my father’s network of information just informed me that he had planned to kill me.”

Lilian snorted at this.

“Really?! You told them that?!”

Helena shrugged.

“Actually, I did. You sister had obviously had heard her grandfather tell her this. So I couldn’t just let this stand. And it was that same night Lilian, into the early morning, that I confronted him…………. And it was so anticlimactic Lilian… twenty-five, almost twenty six years of his tyranny I had to live with up to that point: over in an instant.”

“With my men, we walked straight up to my father’s bed chambers, as natural as could be. We carried no weapons, as we wouldn’t need them. My father hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. He looked at me along with my entourage questioned our arrival: “Did we have a meeting? I don’t remember having anything scheduled with you or your people today.” I just narrowed my eyes at him and told him:”

“Yes, your death old man.”

“With one Ray of Light Lilian… just one attack… it was over. My holy magic shot through his heart, killing him instantly. After doing this… I broke down… I cried for all the wasted years I had taken to get to this point. All the things I sacrificed. All because I wished to avoid turning myself into a tyrant like my father; all because I wished to be a better person than him, to take the morally high road, to do what was right for my citizens. In the end… I had to do what your father had suggested… I just had to kill him.”

                            

“……What…” Lilian hesitated to ask her, but she just had to know. “What would you have done? If you could do things differently?”

Helena leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

“I would have taken your father with me. Gathered all those loyal I could, waited for a gathering at a ball that my father occasionally hosted… then killed all those who would not join my cause… then announced to all the crimes that each one had committed. Since that was what I ended up doing anyways. Minus it being at a ball.” She looked back at her daughter, who was sitting across from her at the table. “Now? Has this helped you at all my sweet flower princess? And do you understand why you can never hate me, more than I hate myself?”

Lilian nodded.

“Yeah… I do and it has……… and I also I think… I forgive you mom… for everything… you just did the best you could with what you knew at the time.”

“Oh sweetheart! *HIC*” Helena called out to her daughter. She got up and moved to her side.

Lilian also got up. The two embraced in a loving hug, of familial love of mother and daughter.

“I love you mom…” Lilian whispered simply.

“………”

“Mom?”

“Can I say it to you too sweetheart? Am I even allowed at his point? *HIC*”

Lilian smiled with her chin resting on her mother’s shoulder.

“Yes you can mom… yes you can.”

Helena buried her head into Lilian should as she cried all her tears of loss that she had for the sixteen years of missing her daughter’s life.

“I love you my little flower princess!”