Chapter 67 – Miss Planner Sets Sail
Help Me, Miss Planner! by Funnyface
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"It's a pleasure to have you with us, Miss Planner. Your reputation precedes you," said a young man in his twenties who was standing by the entrance to the boat's main deck. He stood straight, hands clasped behind him, and wore a neat black suit. "Welcome aboard the Razors’ Edge. My name is Anders, titled the Traces of Massacre. I will be your personal attendant and liaison for the duration of your trip. If there's anything I can get for you, anything you need, please, don't hesitate to ask."

"I appreciate it, Anders. It's an honor," replied Miss Planner with a smile, extending her hand to shake.
"The honor is all mine. I look forward to being of service."

He took her hand in both of his and gave it a gentle kiss.

"Hehe! What a charming gentleman you are. I think I'm going to really enjoy this. Do you know how many passengers are on board?"
"The ship is staffed by a crew of ninety-five, including myself. There are a hundred and fifty contestants on the lower decks, and by the time of our departure, we will have forty-seven guests. For the next week, you will have use of a two-person stateroom on B-Deck. We have rooms available on every other deck, too. Let me know if you'd prefer a room on a higher floor or nearer to the center of the ship. May I take your bags?"

"How thoughtful of you! Thank you!"
"Please follow me. I'll show you to your cabin."

Miss Planner followed Anders down the narrow hallways of the passenger liner. The walls were painted a dark gray, and the corridors were lit up as bright as day with the flickering glow of the Pit Razors' logo embedded into the wall. Anders carried Miss Planner's heavy luggage with one arm and wielded a keycard in the other. He opened the door to a small, yet spacious suite colored a sunny yellow. The room was well furnished and featured a desk, chair, sofa, a television hooked up to a laptop, and a very comfortable bed.

"Hmm. This looks gorgeous!"
"When the event starts, you can use the computer to observe any contestant you please. There's a PDA and a keycard on the desk there for you. My office is nearby in case you ever need anything."
"Thank you so much!"

Miss Planner slowly began unpacking her things. Anders stepped forward to help, but she waved him away.

"This bag has my unmentionables... can you get my computer unloaded from this one?"
"Ah! Forgive me."
"No harm done."

"By the way, our Head has been notified of your arrival, and he wishes to see you tomorrow morning before the event begins. You're free to roam and explore at your leisure. There's an all-you-can-eat buffet on F-Deck, there's a magic show tonight, and a performance from the Pit Razors’ Sword Eaters scheduled for tomorrow night, too. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to before we depart, but I'll be back in my office shortly. I can give you a tour if you'd like."
"Does the buffet have steak? Oh, and is there an open bar?"

"Yes, to both. I'm sure you'll find the Razors’ Edge has everything you could possibly desire and more."
"When you come back, we should have a drink together! I'd love to get to know you better."

Anders felt a chill run up his spine. He looked into Miss Planner's clear blue eyes, and all he saw was emptiness.

"Of course. I'll try not to be too long. I sincerely hope you enjoy your stay with us, Miss Planner."
"I'll be here. Just knock on the door when you're ready to go. Wish I could come with you!"

Anders left the suite, closing the door behind him. Miss Planner looked around her luxurious living quarters, getting lost in the soft colors. The window had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the sun shining off the waves filled the room with light.

"Hm hm hm. I wonder if this room's bugged. Hehe. Let's see what's on the PDA..."
She picked up the PDA and tapped it to life.
"Let's see. I've got the Head on speed dial. They really do care! A map of Orca Island, a map of the ship, some notes about the contestants... how convenient."

Miss Planner sat down on the bed and bounced up and down a couple of times.
"Nice mattress. Maybe I should check Nukeboards while I wait for Anders to get back? Hehehe. What a perfect plan."

 

 

Welcome to Nukeboards, Puppetmaster. It is 1:44 PM. There are 13 unread threads. You have no new messages.

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STOP GOING ON THIS WEBSITE AND GO TO PSYCHICTRUTHFORUM.PSY
by Third Eye

psychictruthforum.psy
The perfect board for anyone who wants to get brainwashed by the Chosen Ones and killed by Psydeath. It's a goldmine for Nukers looking for laughs.

Comments (9):

Anonymous:
This is the normiest website I've ever seen. Why are they all using their real names?

Anonymous:
They banned me for asking where to buy Nuke. I have to use the library to go there now. There's some funny videos of Feeders getting killed in the picture thread

Anonymous:
If you really want to laugh, look for a video called "Chihuahua's revenge." Come back and thank me after you've watched it.

Reply to Anonymous by KNIFE SLAVE:
Thanks.

Reply to Anonymous by Anonymous:
Thanks.

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Homeless thread
by Anonymous

The overweight, ungrateful homeless people in my neighborhood are getting worse. They've started camping out in the park and stealing food from kids. One of them even stole a whole carton of Nuke from my backpack when I wasn't looking. I've started screaming at them whenever I see them but sometimes they scream back. I'm going to start throwing rocks at them next. Reporting them to the police is pointless. I tried calling them once, but they said that they don't go after homeless people anymore because there's no room in the prisons or mental hospitals so they'd just end up letting them go anyway. It makes me sick if I'm being honest. I need to know: how are my fellow Nukers handling this issue in their lives?

Comments (7):

Anonymous:
Imagine smelling bad and having kids throw rocks at you all day.

Anonymous:
You're not screaming loud enough

Anonymous:
There used to be homeless all over the country, but human development took away their natural habitat so now they're crowded out and have to live in cities where they're not welcome. They're also encouraged to go to the cities because well-meaning humans will feed them or give them spare change.

Nuke Professor:
My solution to the homeless crisis is a multi-step process that will take many years to fully implement.
We begin with a voluntary castration program for homeless people to ensure that the cycle of poverty ends in our generation.
Those who choose not to be castrated will be free to live out the rest of their natural lives while being carefully monitored on an island far from the rest of civilization.
Then we control their access to food and water and repeat the process with more voluntary incentive programs.

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What I'm looking for in a woman
by Chosen Assassin

I'm ugly and I have no social skills. Everyone used to look down on me, but now that I have psychic powers I'm feared and respected. I'm thinking it's about time I start looking for a girlfriend.
Here are some of the traits I'm most interested in:
Open-mindedness. I hate closed-minded women who refuse to accept other people's views. They are frustrating and annoying. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing, as long as you listen to the opposing view and understand why they think what they do. I've been on the unfair end of people's judgment for most of my life so I would appreciate it if my new girlfriend was sympathetic to my struggles.
Intelligence. The ability to make quick decisions is important, and a good sense of logic and reasoning is essential. I get really mad when people don't understand simple things like algebra.
Hygiene. If your hair smells bad and your clothes aren't clean, I won't want to touch you. For me, I'd prefer a pure woman that smells good, not a walking trash can holding rotting biological material inside of her.
If any women (or men) would like to give their thoughts on this topic I'd love to hear them. Cheers.

Comments (21):

Anonymous:
I hate women, so I avoid them. When I open up to them, they just end up giving me more reasons to hate them. I don't want to hate them, but the more I think about it, the more I hate them. Is it healthy to harbor such hate for an entire gender?

Reply to Anonymous by Anonymous:
You're a wimp if you're a Nuker who says he wouldn't actively hurt women. Think about it, they treat you like garbage and always make you go over the edge by ostracizing you while dating fat drug dealers.

Reply to Anonymous by Anonymous:
Imagine hating women for admiring drug dealers while you'd do anything for drugs yourself

BLOOD SPILLER:
Do you really think that women just carry slime inside of them for years and years? Most women bathe regularly, and anyway, as far as my understanding goes, the inside of women's bodies are self-cleaning.

Reply to BLOOD SPILLER by Anonymous:
>self-cleaning
Idiot. Have you ever smelled a woman? They smell like rotten meat. That's why they make me want to punch them.

Pit Lord:
I met my girlfriend on this website. I'm a happy man now. She cooks for me, and she always mashes up my food with water or milk before I eat which is how I like it. Arranging a meet-up might be a good idea to get out of your comfort zone. It worked for me. Hope you find your perfect match soon, Chosen Assassin!
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