Chapter 11 – My father is fucking mesmerizing
…
Illinois stood in trance.
“Is this my father?” He gazed at the different back. Proud and tall, a poised that differed from his usual lackadaisical atmosphere. Scary and handsome, features that didn’t resemble his father’s tender and comical face.
Yet, the same caring feeling the boy felt from him remained. Still, the care he exuded this time seemed to be different from the normal.
“Mom said that father is greatly different when they first met. He was charismatic and perfect back in high school. And she said that he is very, very scary when angry.”
“But I always doubted it. He loves playing with cats, pranking me and Big Sister, asking what we did in our day and talking to us for hours long, and even forgetting his duties in the work, that’s why his promotion is always postponed every time. He’s the typical guy who trips over a stone and gets up while laughing.”
“I haven’t seen him angry. The angriest he’d gotten is when the cats destroyed his plants. Despite it, he didn’t hit the cats or shout at them. He just gave them an angry yet funny face. It was really hilarious.”
“Come to think of it. Big Sis always said that her one-and-only idol is our Dad! If she was still only a kid, I might understand it. But she’s already an adult and still fangirling at our own father!” The boy’s eyes shone, anticipating what his currently amazing father would do next.
Not only him, all eyes bored at the handsome figure standing menacingly!
“People believed that the world is black and white.” His father didn’t disappoint and began conversing with the old man.
“But the truth is, the world is gray. Do you believe me?”
Illinois could see the old man gulping before speaking with a stutter. “People are either good or bad.”
The latter took a deep breath, finding courage from his intellect and experiences. “There’s a need for distinction. Or else, chaos will follow! What if you see someone murdering your parents? Will you just stare and do nothing? Of course, you’ll fight back! And then get them into jail!”
“Why the attempted murderer did what he did?”
“I don’t know and we don’t have to know! You have to understand that there is a price for every sin you make.” The old attorney grew emboldened.
But Illinois’ father’s next question stumped him. “Then, it’s alright for me to strangle your son because he was hurting my son, ain’t it?”
“No, no! That’s why there are guards to uphold security. There’s a reason for them, for police… lawyers, and judges to exist. Because they prevent the bad and defend the good.”
“Oh…” Illinois’ father sneered. “Then, what happened when these so-called upholders of security, preventers of bad, and defenders of good didn’t do all these things you’ve mentioned?”
The man didn’t let Jimaol speak anymore.
“Good. Bad. Good. Bad… People just stereotype everything. Just because he punches, he’s bad. Just because he gives you food, he’s good. Nah. The black and white thingy, they are just stereotypes created to separate people.”
“It is GRAY. The world is gray. That’s a general truth, not what you imagined as black or white. But everyone still either becomes idealistic or realistic, not knowing that there's 'real' in the middle. That there's always the middle ground.”
“You punch me, hit me, and I fell to the ground. But people only passed by. Why did such a thing happen?”
“I punch you, hit you, and you fell. People will criticize me. What is it in you?”
“People have biases. Because… let’s be real. People have something in them. They cry, laugh, make mistakes, or do something good. Because you are PEOPLE. And people are a HUMAN.”
“So, by being real, you either hurt someone or done well for the others. Even though you feel you are right, people won’t think the same. Even though you err, people will still spoil and love you.”
“Especially in the lens of a camera, you are just black and white. Not a person. Not a human. Just a subject of their discussion.”
“What about happening in real-time? People are too focused on what they are doing that they forget there are others besides them. My son is one of these others. And yet, no one seems to see him!”
“He is laying on the ground. The pain… the rage… seeing his lifeless look…” They could hear the father’s teeth clattering. “Fortunately, nothing big happened to him.”
“The so-called security guards made a mistake. All because the world is gray. I understand.”
“Come on, people.” The boy’s father gestured to everybody. “This is a general truth!”
“They made a ‘mistake’ which they deemed is ‘right’ for them. I made a mistake which I think is right for my son!”
“And you made a mistake for bringing this pig into this world!!!” The man’s eyes became scary, making the old man stumbled into the corner.
“But I won’t blame you. I hate you. And your fucking son. And your fucking family.”
“But you can’t blame me too. Because I’m not black or white. I’m gray, just a person… a human expressing his anger for his son!”
“The world is gray!” The father swept around, eyeing the silent people in the room.
“And people stubbornly refused to believe it. Dread it? Learn from it? The truth will arrive all the same!”
“And my truth… is I fucking hate you all!”
Everyone trembled. At this moment, they felt like lambs sitting beside a freaking tyrannosaurus!
“Wait, Sir. We can explain.” The principal, who remained silent throughout, spoke. “We are going to have a thorough investigation. We promised you that.”
But the father chided her instead. “Hateful people! You left my son on the ground! And all you care about is your faces?”
“Investigation? There’s a picture of me going out, but there’s not even a picture of this pig harming my boy? Don’t fucking save graces!”
“For every grievance, there’s equivalent retribution. Karma always makes its way in many forms. I err, so I don’t mind paying for it. He errs and he fucking, fuck-fuck, and dandy? If you can’t satisfy me, then I can only let you down!”
“The world is gray because it’s a scary place! If it’s really black and white, good and bad, as you said, then it will be a simpler but better place!”
“But it isn’t!”
“I’m a very, very… very fearful person! I don’t want to feel scared. And I hoped to feel no fear!”
“But you left me with no choice. You don’t want to give me peace of mind… Then… I will show you… why I’m so scared!!!”
Illinois hadn’t even registered everything when they jumped on the car, the Percedes that ate two spaces in the parking lot, and drove home. He just looked at his father with a blank expression. What transpired topped everything he knew from his dad!
“Dad, you are fucking mesmerizing!”
His father made a face and flicked his forehead. “Don’t copy my bad words.”
“And you are back.” Illinois smiled, seeing his father's normal attitude.
The man also smiled. “Of course, I will.”
“Is it true?”
“What?”
“Are you scared of them? You don’t look like a wimp to me.”
His father erased all his expressions. “I’m always scared of the people, the world… they scare me so much I have to take measures. Or else, I won’t know when things became difficult for us.”
The car became silent.
…
Meanwhile, the guidance room exploded in hoo-has. A hint of fear still lingered in their eyes even though the man had already left.
“He is threatening us, right? Surely, he is!”
“Why don’t we call the cops?”
“I don’t think this issue warrants such an extreme method.”
“You fucking heard him! Just one of his words was already extreme! All of them? He fucking threw a nuclear on us!”
“That’s right. We just wanted to be sure. What if he did something later on?”
“No one in the right mind will go to such lengths unless he didn’t love his family.” The only calm person, the principal, intervened. “But we can see his love for his son from miles away. So, I don’t think he will do something like that.”
“Still, Madam, we just wanted to feel at ease. Moreover, he hit a child. That’s child abuse.”
The principal sighed. “Okay, okay. Though we are at fault here, we can’t let him off the hook either. He is an adult and yet, harmed a child. We can threaten him that we will file a case but actually, we just wanted to clear everything. The school is the most important and we don’t want to look biased, understand?”
“Thanks, Madam Principal. Hello, police! A psycho is threatening us! No, he didn’t say that he will kill us. But his words certainly sound like he will kill us. No! Please, believed in us! Hello? W-what? Y-you can’t do this!”
“What did they say?” Seeing the teacher’s panic, a colleague urged him. “Will they come?”
“No! They said… the City Police Chief just got detained! And they can’t help us now because of so much stuff going around! Some random groups began making chaos!”
“How could this be?!” Everyone stared aghast for such a coincidence. They didn’t even see the old man trembling in the corner.
“Those eyes… they have sentenced me… death.”
…
