CHAPTER 18- The Mentality of a Widow. Part 8.

Ah... My candies... My precious candies.

Sweet is my favorite flavor... Ah... I'll have to buy more.

I don't care about the rest, but nobody messes with my candy.

•

•

Sylphie and I went back to the classroom and everyone turned to see me.

Sylphie got nervous when she saw my table and things on the floor, but I didn't care.

"I am sleepy."

I yawned and scratched my arm.

I picked up my things, sat in my seat, and pulled out my smartphone to play, ignoring the insulting messages they wrote on my table.

"S-Saik ... I'm sorry… I-I..."

Is she crying?

"Eh? Why are you crying, Sylphie? Has something bad happened?"

"Saik ... Because of me, now you..."

"Huh? "Now You"? What do you mean by that...?" Ah, you mean my table?"

I got up from my seat and watched my table.

"Mmm... Ah... Oh... "Rare"? Mmm... "Idiot"?"

Really? Do they think this is humiliating?

How adorable they are.

This is nothing humiliating… At least for me.

"Mmm... No... I'm sorry, I tried. I tried to find the humiliating thing about this, but I don't feel anything."

I sat on the table.

"You shouldn't cry about this, Sylphie. It's not your fault, and honestly, I don't care."

I pulled a lollipop out of my pocket and offered it to her.

"Here, this will calm you down."

—... "Does it really not affect you?"

“Well… These are just words. Why should it affect me? Since they know they can't hit me because I would hit them, they tried to attack me psychologically, not knowing that I'm a weirdo who doesn't care about anything... I don't care about this, Sylphie. Being your friend doesn't bring me any consequences, don't worry. Take the lollipop, you need to calm down."

—... "T-thank you very much."

She took the lollipop and smiled.

Wow... She is smiling... I think I have made a breakthrough with her self-esteem.

I think.

"Wow... Do you have enemies yet, Saik?"

"Enemies...? Mmm... Well... I guess... They're just girls who are scared of me, Ram."

"What did you do?"

"Why do they hate me...? Mmm... Let me remember... I defended Sylphie, hitting one of them in the stomach. I threatened to hit them if they bother Sylphie again... Mmm... I think that's all."

"Y-you hit a girl?"

"Yes. Why?"

I could tell that the girls in my class began to look at me with disgust and mutter things about me.

"Oh, you think I did something wrong? Yes, I guess you are right. Beating up a girl who beat up Sylphie to take her money is a bad thing... Yes, I am the villain of the story."

"S-Saik was just trying to help me."

"Don't worry, Sylphie. As I told you before, what people say about me doesn't matter to me."

But that doesn't mean I won't do anything to prevent it.

•

•

Somehow, I managed to get everyone to ignore the whole table thing.

I changed it and then the problem was solved.

Ram and Saoto offered me help, but I turned them down. I don't need help, basically everything is solved.

It is not necessary to do anything.

"Ah, the library. The perfect place to sleep."

"Sleep?"

"It's quiet and smells good... Ah, I'm sleepy. Let's finish the project, Sylphie."

"S-sure!"

Sylphie and I sat down together and took our books out of our backpacks.

"Saik ... I-I really appreciate your help… I-if there's anything I can do for you, y-you just tell me."

"Oh, that was very sudden."

"I-I didn't want to say it in public. That c-could be misinterpreted... I-I know you're not a bad person."

Ah... If you knew my past...

"Don't worry, I won't ask you for anything, I only do it because I hate people who take advantage of others, that's all."

—... "4? Why do you have a number drawn in the palm of your hand?"

"Ah... This? I was bored and drew it. It's nothing."

"I see."

•

•

(Pov- Yuki.)

Do you smell that, Saik? It smells like romance!

Saik and Sylphie are getting too close in a very short time. It's so romantic!

Although ... For some strange reason, I feel strange... I'm probably just hungry.

"It hurts me..."

"Eh? Did you say something, Saik?"

"It's nothing... I'll go to the bathroom, I need to wash my face."

"S-sure."

That seems suspicious.

Saik came out of the library and I followed him.

"What's wrong with you, Saik? You said something was hurting you... Are you bleeding?!"

W-Why did Saik start bleeding from the nose?! He's definitely not the cliché perverted guy, that blood is for another reason.

"Ah... It is true…"

He went into the bathroom and I followed him.

I don't care if it's the men's bathroom.

"What's wrong with you, Saik?"

Saik washed his face with water and sighed.

"I'm just tired... I need to sleep... Don't worry, Yuki."

T-that's not true... Something bad is happening to him.

Saik, why are you hiding your suffering from me?

•

•

(Pov- Iris.)

My daughter doesn't need me anymore... I'm just a hindrance to her... She doesn't need me... I'm a hindrance... I'm just a nuisance to everyone.

"If you die, no one will miss you!"

"Jump off a bridge and die, hindrance!"

Yes... It's true.

No one will miss me... Nobody.

My daughter will be happier without me... She doesn't need me.

•

•

(Pov- Saik.)

"T-thank you so much for walking me home, Saik."

"It's getting dark already and it was my idea to eat in that place. Walking you home was the least I could do for you."

We stayed too long at school and I invited her to dinner, to save time.

It was worth it.

"S-See you tomorrow, Saik."

"Goodbye, Sylphie."

She came into her house and I started walking.

Well... I'll be there in about 20 minutes... Yeah, I'll be there in time.

•

•

(Pov- Iris.)

If I jump, I'll die... Will my daughter be sad? I don't know... I hope so, but... I have done her a lot of harm... I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't get sad.

I caused her many problems and shame because of my alcoholism... I'm an embarrassment.

My own daughter is ashamed of me... My few friends walked away from me and left me alone.

Noel died… I no longer have anyone... I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend... And worst of all, my only daughter hates me.

Continuing to live will only bring me more suffering... It's not worth living.

"Jump off a bridge? Cliché."

That voice... I know it.

I turned to my left... It’s that boy... Saik.

"Then… Mmm... Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Get away or I'll jump!"

Ignoring my words, he approached me and stood beside me.

"It's a great height... You'll definitely die when you hit the water."

"What do you want?"

“Well… Mmm... I don’t know."

—... "You don't know?"

"You know, your daughter was a victim of bullying, you know that?"

—... "Yes... Yes, I knew that."

"Then why didn't you do anything?"

"I... I didn't know what to do."

"I see... Then you will jump and die, leaving Sylphie alone... That's pretty cruel of you. At least wait until Sylphie is of age."

"She doesn't need me... She doesn't need me."

"You think so?"

He took out his smartphone and showed me a picture.

“When she found your suicide letter, she immediately called the police as she cried desperately."

A picture of Sylphie crying.

... Sylphie is crying… for me?

—... "Why would she cry for me? The only thing I've done for her is hurt her, I don't deserve for her to cry for me."

“After all, you're her mother… And you're also an ordinary human. A human who makes mistakes. You can fix your mistakes. How? Being a good mother to Sylphie."

A good mother... I-I can be a good mother?

"Believe it or not, Sylphie loves you. She doesn't hate you... You want me to tell you a little personal story? My mother was a perfect person. She was intelligent, very sociable and a walking beauty. Everyone was comparing me to her too much, and it hurt. I was an idiot, everyone thought I was weird and I wasn't sociable at all. Everyone treated me like a freak... You think I hated my mother for that? No. It was not her fault that they compared me to her... You made many mistakes, but Sylphie loves you... I hate to say it, but Sylphie has very low self-esteem and trouble socializing. If you die, Sylphie will be devastated... She really needs to have someone special in her life… She needs her mother's support… Sylphie needs you."

"S-she... needs me?"

"Yes... But it's your life, you decide. Jump and die, or don't jump and fix your relationship with your daughter... Please, think carefully about your actions."

“I... I... I can't..."

I don't want to be a hindrance to my daughter again. What if I ruin it again? I don't want to disappoint my daughter... I can't... I can't.

I closed my eyes and stepped forward.

I know I will die and leave my daughter alone, but I will only be a hindrance to her... I'm not indispensable for her... She doesn't need me... She never needed me. I was just a hindrance to her life.

I started to fall ... I'll be dead soon.

Goodbye, Sylphie... I've always loved you.

... Huh?

"Wow... You are not so heavy, Miss Iris."

When I opened my eyes, I saw something incredible... S-Saik caught me with his hand and he holds on to the bridge with one hand... He-he's... amazing.

"What are you doing?! We're both gonna die!"

"Oh... It is true… Sorry, I couldn't help it... Sylphie really needs you."

"Why would she need me?! Why?!"

"Because you're her mother, the most important person to her. She does not have any friends... You're all she has left. She already lost her father, she doesn't want to lose her mother too. You are important to her... You are not a hindrance... Sylphie never considered you a hindrance. Believe me, Sylphie loves you."

Saik began to lift me up with his hand... This guy is... strong.

"You're important to Sylphie. You're not a hindrance."

His face was in front of mine and a strong wind blew, moving our hair... Saik's eyes… He's … crying?

"Saik ... Why're you crying?"

—... "I'm sorry… You remind me too much of my mother... I think that's why I want to help you... My mother died... I don't want Sylphie to lose her mother too... Please, reconsider your decision… You are very young yet, you can fix the mistakes you made."

—... "How?"

"Being a good mother."

Saik helped me get my hands on the bridge.

"Please, think carefully about what you will do... If you want to die, put your hands down... And if you want to live, get on the bridge."

... Can I be a good mother?

"All humans make mistakes, we are not perfect."

"It is in human nature to fail and try again."

"Sylphie loves you, she doesn't hate you."

"Go back to her."

So many voices... Am I going crazy...? No... Maybe it's a sign from God… I don’t know.

"Be a good mother to Sylphie."

"Fix your mistakes."

... I don't hear negative voices anymore... I guess it's a sign... I must change... I must be a good mother... I don't want Sylphie to hate me... I don’t want to... I want to be a good mother... I must be.

"Saik ... Thank you."

I got on the bridge and helped Saik up.

—... "Thank you very much, Saik... Thank you."

—... "You're welcome... I'm sorry… I... I must go... I am very sleepy... Please, think carefully about what I told you... Sylphie loves you, don't forget that... And don't tell Sylphie what happened… I don't want her to know I did this, okay?"

"Sure, I won't tell her anything... Thank you very much."

Saik walked away... Saik ... That boy saved me again... He saved me again.

... Is it destiny? I don't know... Maybe… Saik was sent to save me… Saik.

... Huh? Why is my heart beating so fast…? This feeling... No... I'm just confused.

•

•

(Pov- Saik.)

Ah... Pretending to cry was harder than I thought.

I went into my room and sat on my bed.

"Ah... It took me longer than I thought."

The legendary ghosts number 13 and 14 appeared in front of me.

"You did a good job, old ladies."

Using them to make Iris's depression worse was a good idea. It saved me weeks of work.

“It was pretty exhausting, but it came out perfectly."

Ghost number 15 appeared in front of me.

The ghost of an old man... The legendary ghost of hope.

"Using me when she jumped was smart. When you saved her, it made her think it was fate. Hahahahahaha! What face would she make if she knew you only saved her because you had a deal with her dead husband?"

“Shut up."

15 disappeared.

"You too."

"Wait."

"We help you. We want an answer to a question."

—... "It's okay."

"You didn't feel anything when you saved her. You didn't feel sadness or worry. And when you saved her, you didn't care... If she had died, how would you feel? No... If you didn't have that deal with Noel and you saw that woman trying to kill herself, what would you do?"

"Mmm... I guess nothing... I wouldn't mind that."

—... "You have no empathy for anyone... You're the weirdest human we've ever met."

"Are you really a human?"

"Goodbye."

They disappeared and I lay on my bed.

If I saw someone trying to commit suicide, I wouldn't feel bad for that person, because that person made the decision, what that person does shouldn't matter to me.

If Sylphie lost her mother, I wouldn't feel bad for her.

I would feel nothing.

... Am I a human?

Yes, I am... A strange one, but I am.

"Why should I care what others do or think?"

•

•

Today is Friday, a new school day has begun.

The first week of school will end today. The days of training are over. The next few weeks will be harder. Not for nothing is it an elite school. They'll probably give us surprise tests or something. I must be prepared for whatever.

I left my house and Yuki started smiling beside me.

That smile is… too cheerful?

She closed her eyes... That makes her look more adorable… What is she trying to do?

"What's wrong?"

"Fufu. Noel told me what you did while I was spying on the girl who bothered you. I knew you were a good person!"

She started jumping around me.

"You're a good person! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

I stopped and sighed.

Am I a good person? I don't think so.

"You have kindness, Saik! You saved Iris! You saved a life!"

Yuki started dancing in front of me… How adorable.

I would give her a lollipop, but I don't want to get in trouble by having a floating lollipop next to me.

She began to make small jumps as she moved her arms.

"Saik, you're amazing! You're the coolest person I've ever met! You're amazing!"

—... "I'm not."

I started walking and Yuki started walking beside me and laughed a little.

"Fufu. Are you embarrassed?"

"Everyone has a past, Yuki... Even I..."

I looked Yuki in the eye.

"If you knew my past, you wouldn't consider me a good person."

"Your... past?"

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I continued on my way.

"Saik ... What bad things have you done?"

—... "Yuki, I give you food, a home, clothes... I treat you like my little sister... And I want you to pay me."

"P-pay you? H-how?"

"I'll be your friend, I'll give you a home and food, but never... Never... Never try to find out my past, because you'll never have answers to your questions."

I stopped and turned to see her.

“Do you understand?”

—... "Y-yes... Ok."

"I'm far from being a good person... I am sorry."

•

•

(Pov- Yuki.)

Saik ... Why do I feel sad to hear those words? It's like… if Saik had a sad past that he doesn't want to remember… What kind of person is Saik really? I don't know... I don’t know.

I want to believe that he is a good person... He even risked his life to save Iris… He must be a good person, not just anyone risking their life for someone else... Saik ... Why don't you consider yourself a good person?

•

•

(Pov- Saik.)

I went into a store to buy some candy. I must replace the candy they stole from me.

... Oh... This is a… surprise?

I guess.

I took a bag of lollipops and a bag of chocolates and placed it on the counter.

“Hi, Iris… I didn't know you worked here."

"H-hello, Saik... I started today... An old friend of Noel's got me this job... Starting over is difficult, but I must try."

"I am happy for you... And how's Sylphie?"

"She is fine... I talked to her... It will be difficult, but I will try to be a good mother to her... Saik ... If something happens… could I talk to you again?"

“Of course, I will be available whenever you need me."

"T-thank... Thank you very much... So... W-would you give me your number and mail?"

"Of course."

It worked... I'm sorry, Noel, but this was necessary... I saved her once and saved her again... That woke up some spark in her… In other words, I tried to make her fall in love with me... And it worked.

Her face is a little red and she's nervous, she avoids looking at me... Her personality is similar to Sylphie's.

I didn't tell Noel this because he would be against me falling in love with his ex-wife.

But I don't plan on being her new husband or her boyfriend. I only do it to help her overcome her depression. I must be a trustworthy person to her.

•

•

After I gave her my number and mail, I paid and said goodbye to her.

I left the store and headed to school.

"Hey, Saik, Iris looks better... You did a good job yesterday."

"Thank you, Yuki."

The power of words is powerful if demonstrated by actions.

Saving Iris and telling her not to tell anyone made her think I did it because I care about her and I didn't because I wanted to look like a good person.

The human mindset can be manipulated easier than people think. A few words makes us react differently.

Iris has Sylphie's personality. The mistake Noel made was not supporting Iris. Iris became dependent on Noel, and when he died, Iris didn't know what to do.

Noel, you're a good person, but you made a big mistake with Iris... Mistake that I have to fix on my own.

I'll make Iris and Sylphie independent and not have to depend emotionally on anyone.

I will be Sylphie's friend, but I will not solve all her problems, I will help her solve those problems on her own.

Same goes for Iris. She should be independent and not be emotionally dependent on anyone.

It'll be hard work, but I'm sure I'll make it.

"Hi, Saik!"

... Did someone talk to me?

A girl caught up with me and started walking beside me.

"How are you?"

—... "Hello?"

Who is?

"Ah, I can tell you don't remember her. She's Cristal!"

Thanks, Yuki.

“I’m fine... And how are you, Cristal? Did you manage to level up?"

"I'm so close! Could you help me?!"

"Of course, I have time in the afternoon. You send me a message through the game."

"Thank you very much!"

•

•

I talked to Cristal about the game and the characters we used.

I prefer to use characters who use the element of fire, and Cristal prefers those who use the element of wind.

She really knows how to play. It would be nice to have someone to play with. Sometimes I have a hard time defeating bosses.

"Cristal!"

Oh... She has many friends... She's very different from me.

"See you later, Saik."

She met with her friends and they entered the school.

I entered the school... Ah... A new day of school... Ah. What laziness.

"Saik!"

Sylphie started walking beside me and smiled.

"G-good morning, Saik!"

"Good morning, Sylphie. You look very nice today."

“T-thank you… Yes... I feel really good... Thanks for noticing."- She said smiling.

If Sylphie knew I was responsible for her mother trying to kill herself, she wouldn't come near me.