In the boat, Lin Feng was having a staring contest with the girls. Their gazes confirmed his suspicions. What he had experienced wasn't a dream. It was reality, but he didn't know as to why he had experienced such.
To him, he had floated in the vast darkness and crushed a pebble, that was it, so what was the meaning of such actions? He didn't know, and he didn't care. The action in itself was bland. It wasn't interesting enough for him to spend his time on it. At least yesterday's night was enjoyable. That was something he was looking forward to experiencing again.
"Master.."
Mu Lei was about to break the silence when a familiar sensation occurred. She was pulled by the void again. She appeared in front of the newborn universe. Previously they had experienced eons in a few seconds. The time taken for the new universe to evolve to the point of supporting life was enormous. Billions of years passed before life started to occur. After life occurred, another billion years passed before they started cultivating. She experienced eons in a matter of seconds, truly a bizarre but spectacular experience.
Inside the universe, in a particular religious-like place, believers were currently praying.
"O great light god, heed the cries of your most devout believers, we beseech you to send us away to fight the darkness that is corrupting the unenlightened ones."
These people were kneeling in front of a statue of an old-looking man with a long beard and hair tied in a ponytail.
They looked famished. Some were nearing the end of their lives. A man was standing in front of them doing what could only be assumed to be guiding their prayers.
"It is hopeless."
The man standing in front of the light believers sighed in a barely discernible voice. Unlike the average believers, he knew the truth of the matter. Their so-called light god couldn't help them. Their prayers only served to strengthen the light god's divinity. The light god could only help them when it came to minor matters. How could he fight the darkness? That was not something a puny light god could accomplish. After all, he didn't control the light either. He only belonged to the light faction.
Suddenly, a bright flash blinded the believers present. Inaudible words of worship accompanied the light. The light shone brightly for a few minutes before stopping.
When the powerful blinding lights receded, a beautiful young-looking woman was all that was left behind, the girl wore a beautiful white dress with black hair draping over her shoulders, the high priest of the light, the standing man, wanted to appraise her face, but his instincts warned him that would be blasphemy.
"The light god has heeded our prayers."
"The light god has not abandoned us."
The believers exclaimed cheerfully while some of them who were on their last breath died with smiles on their faces. It must be known. The believers spent a lot of years prostrating themselves in front of the statues. They prostrated without using their qi. Even if the cultivators had powerful bodies, time was not merciful to them.
Mu Lei was confused by the current situation. What was she doing in this place? And where were Lin Feng and Mei Lin?
[ The ancient one has chosen you to help check a newborn universe, do you accept?]
A genderless voice interrupted her thoughts.
"What are you?"
Mu Lei asked the voice calmly. She knew this had something to do with Lin Feng, so she didn't panic.
[I am the servant of the most ancient one, the great observer is my name.]
Mu Lei could swear she heard some emotion from the genderless voice. Even though it was slight, she still detected it.
"I accept, so what am I supposed to do?"
Mu Lei asked cheerfully. She was a part of Lin Feng's plans, so how could she not be ecstatic?
[ Spread the beauty of creation, let these pitiful beings know the concept of order, give them a choice let them choose order]
The voice informed Mu Lei.
[ Your reward for accepting the great one's quest is the absolute physique]
The voice announced to Mu Lei.
Mu Lei felt changes occurring in her body. Her nascent soul cultivation base was abolished, making her no different from a mortal.
Suddenly, spiritual energy rushed into her body. She didn't resist and let the process take place naturally.
She experienced breakthrough after breakthrough until she settled at the peak of the first order saint realm. This was due to the lack of pure spiritual energy otherwise the breakthrough would have continued.
"The spiritual energy is getting depleted."
The high priest exclaimed in shock, the light church could be called a saint's holy land, the high priest was a third-order saint, so he was able to gather spiritual energy around the church, a commendable feat indeed, but one that took him thousands of years, his hard work could be seen by the fact that the spiritual energy was able to help Mu Lei break to the saint realm.
The high priest stared at the girl who was the apparent culprit and asked himself.
"Is this the work of the light god?"
There was no way the light god had the power to allow someone to break through to the saint realm. This was also impossible, even if said person was in the venerable immortal realm. To break through the saint realm was not something to scoff at, and yet he witnessed a cultivator breakthrough from being a mortal to a saint.
"Does the young miss have any instructions?"
The high priest asked as politely as he could. He was no fool. Someone that could accomplish such a feat could easily handle him should he go off-script. Despite his hard work being used, he didn't bear a grudge. He took it as a blessing. Surely the other party would reward him for his work, right?
"Absolute order!"
Mu Lei answered the high priest, since this was Lin Feng's intention, she wasn't going to hold back.
"Your will is my command."
The high priest answered immediately, though he panicked since this was a direct challenge to the light god. He decided to forget about him after all might makes right, and clearly, the girl had might.
Mu Lei was not the only one brought to the new universe. Mei Lin, too, was in the same situation. Her situation was not different from Mu Lei, though it did have some slight differences.
She was brought to the dark church. The same genderless voice explained to her what her mission was.
[ Spread the beauty of chaos, let these pitiful creatures know the beauty of destruction]
She wasn't given any physique as that would be useless to her. Mei Lin quickly put the dark church in order by flaunting her aura and squashing a few rebels. After all, she was supposed to spread chaos. It was now time for action.
She knew the probability of Mu Lei being in the opposite faction was high. A simple divine scan was enough to prove her speculations.
There was only one problem. She didn't know where Lin Feng was despite a full scan of the whole universe. This knowledge scared her as she had never stayed away from him before since she was created.
[ The ancient one shall present himself when the ancient one wills it]
The voice suddenly spoke up, seemingly seeing through her worries.
Mei Lin calmed down. She thought that Lin Feng had his plans, and they would soon meet after he is done.
The entire plot is becoming convoluted. This is not what I came here to read and as such I will be leaving until a time appears where this story is rebooted or confirmation of the plotline being fixed. This story has been rushed, lacks description, character development, a general direction, and comes off as a story written by an author who just writes down the first thing that comes into his mind forgetting the previous plotline.
Can't argue with that as even I feel the non-existent plot is rushed, I don't want to give excuses but when I started the novel I was a complete beginner in both reading and writing so I got over excited at the thought of writing my own book and the result was this. For the description, from your review, I figured you have read to chapter 44, wouldn't you agree it has gotten better? At least that's what I think.
The cultivation realms are not explained at all and seem to have no relevance as people are made whatever realm the MC dictates. One minute the MC is some saint and the next he is the Ancient One, ruler of everything and nothing. Creator and destroyer of universes
As for your complaints on cultivation realms not being explained, if you meant a deeper explanation on them like what one needs to breakthrough then I'm sorry as I didn't explain that, but if you meant superficial explanation I have that in the glossary. For the MC's identity, I never said he was a saint, that's what others thought hence the misunderstandings tag.
The so-called harem is a forced joke. The females instantly fall in love with him due to some magical aura bullsh*t and the MC having forced handsomeness. Which is chalked up to all the harem being "inexperienced in matters of the heart due to not really knowing other men". They even show a willingness to have s*x in the same chapter they are introduced to MC. Though the MC is not aware of this in the first 20 chapters due to being a dense dumbass.
well, the harem was badly done but in my defense I'm trying to develop their personalities in the later chapters.
The sad thing I was enjoying the story until Author tried to force his MC to develop. By forcing memories on him from his supposed True Self
I'm curious, how should I have gone with this?
With all that, thanks for the review, it really helps knowing someone took their time to review my work. If you have any complain on where I can improve please tell me.
@Senior_elder Instead of forcing memories on him. You should have made him gradually aware of the things he is doing. Even after 44 chapters, he is almost a blank slate. It's just that there is artificial character development with the memories. It seems as though they serve no purpose really. Except to introduce more harem members when the ones he has now have no character development. Like really was there a need to go out of your way to spawn an entirely new universe and force his current harem members to artificially develop by causing an eternal war between Chaos and Order. It seems to serve no purpose.
And the plot just jumps from one thing to the next. I was really expecting at least 50-60 chapters of him on the mountain and the world is built upon. Like a town being built around his mountain that worships him but he is unaware of it. And the direct result is the world developing better Techniques, Manuals, Craftsmanship. The world's power level is raising as a result of his actions. The animals that were raised in his backyard could have become important characters in myths surrounding him.
I think your problems stem from the fact you wanted a young naive and dense protagonist with skills from the start. What you should have done is seclude him in the mountain for a hundred years or so. Him not knowing how long time has passed. And practicing all the skills he currently has until their level cannot be recognized. Cooking, Painting, Woodworking, Farming, Taking care of the animals that eventually get stronger due to his care. Instead, you instantly gave them enough power to wipe out worlds.
Not a lot of people read the glossaries. Instead, the realms should have gradually been revealed. Like, make the first world he is in be a young world. Where the highest realm is very low. The MC being indirectly responsible for the rise and fall of empires and sects. The harem members could have been slowly introduced by side chapters. Fleshing out their character and giving a real reason for them liking him. Creating difficulties in that they also admire and respect him enough to act on their love. And when the MC realizes and if he likes them back, he can remedy the situation and pursue them. With some funny misunderstandings here and there. You only introduced the ship's spirit for like a chapter before she loved the MC. You can have a handsome MC, but it should not cause girls to instantly fall in love.
I will let you know if I have any more complaints. But honestly, as soon as you started the whole Ancient One arc I was losing interest fast. It just seemed forced.
@BreezyNovels yeah, your idea is better. I was in a rush to write something that I didn't sit down and think of a nice plot. Though that's already done, if I ever decide to re-write, I will incline to your route. Anyway, thanks for taking your time to reply.