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“Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is Haruto Aiko with the morning news. This is my cohost, Felicia Mako. It’s been an interesting couple of months, hasn’t it?”

“It sure has, Haruto. Japan has seen the highest rates of precipitation in the last century.”

“Right Felicia, but this isn’t just unique to Japan. The water levels have been inexplicably rising all over the world. Precipitation is up worldwide. On top of that, various volcanos have recently been erupting.”

“Mother Earth has been wet and gushy, hasn’t she?”

“Oh yes, scientists say not to worry though. Although Earth is taking a pounding, she can handle it. In fact, the biodiversity on our planet has inexplicably skyrocketed. In unrelated news, scientists believe they have recently found life on Mars. Now, they are theorizing that life might exist on all of the planets.”

“How is that possible?”

“Well, as they study the new Martian lifeforms, they have had to update their definitions of what life means, and have found that life might be more ubiquitous than they ever thought possible.”

“That’s amazing, Haruto. You’re really great.”

“I think you’re awesome too, Felicia.”

“R-really?”

“Ah…. Ahem… anyway. For a more personal story, I’ll shift to our on-site reporter on human interests, Mia Komodo.”

“Yes, Haruto. I’m here outside of a local high school where I’m talking to a boy named Derek. He seems to think there is an alternative explanation to everything that is happening.”

“It’s Hakaru! He’s become a god! He took them! He took my girlfriend, he took my child, he took them all.”

“Now isn’t it true that no one has ever heard of this Hakaru, either him personally, or his family?”

“It’s not just them! They’ve taken others! There was my teacher, and my principal, and the student council president, and… and… you believe me, right?”

“So, please tell me, why are you wearing the tinfoil hat?”

“It’s so Hakaru doesn’t vaporize my brain with his x-ray vision! He’s after me the most! That’s why I’m building a rocket ship to get off the planet!”

“And that… cardboard box over there is the ship?”

“It’s also my home! I live here so the illuminati can’t find me.”

“I see…”

“Mia… maybe you shouldn’t interview crazy homeless people?”

“Haruto! Ahh… one other gentleman also claims to know of this Hakaru. This man claims he was once his father. Sir, can you stop drinking for a second.”

“Yeah… I’m his father… hello baby, you’re sexy. Let’s fu-guh!”

“Ah… sorry… he won’t be able to come on the air, I just kicked him in the balls.”

“Well, those kinds of things happen, what do you think, Felicia?”

“I’m really curious where this supposed god Hakaru comes from. Do you know, Mia?”

“That’s something I can answer! You see, it’s a very popular meme right now. God Hakaru! He’s a little mascot who has been getting super popular. I even have a God Hakaru tag on my smartphone.”

“Ahhh… that’s adorable!”

“Yeah, it’s exploding over the internet. It’s one of the most popular memes. It’s a picture of this cute chibi image of this black-haired boy and then some text like, ‘God Hakaru says…’ and then usually something silly and perverted. Like… ‘God Hakaru says big breasts are the best!’.”

“H-he really says that?”

“N-no, I was just giving an example, Felicia. Your breasts are perfectly fine!”

“You don’t think they’re too small?”

“Not at all!”

“I tend to agree. I also enjoy Felicia’s breasts.”

“Haruto…”

“Ahem… anyway, is it getting hot in here? Um… we’ll get back on the growing God Hakaru meme later. Right now, let’s talk about another growing movement exploding over the internet.”

“What’s that, Haruto?”

“Apparently, there is a horde of men who are pushing to make Pluto a woman.”

“Huh?”

“Ah! I mean, a planet. They want Pluto to be considered a planet again. Sorry, I don’t know where my mind was there.”

“I-it’s fine… yes, this movement has continued to declare that even though Pluto is a bit flat-chested and small, she is technically an adult, and thus deserve to get raw-dogged just like all of the other planets.”

“Uh… I think your mind is going somewhere strange too.”

“No, that was word-for-word what was written on their site.”

“Oh. Weird.”

“Yeah… I think the site somehow got mixed with a loli website. We might need to check our sources on that.”

“In other news, across the world, people are starting to change how they view relationships.”

“Oh? How is that?”

“Well, Felicia, it seems that polygamy, an act that was once considered a bit taboo, is growing more and more in fashion. Men and women are starting to form harems, enjoying multiple partners at the same time. Several governments are seriously considering allowing polygamous unions.”

“Our population is pretty even, how is this going to change things in the future, Haruto?”

“Well, men who are considered alphas are winning the affection of more women. They’ll even steal women from other men, or sometimes agree to share them. The cucked beta men lose everything, while the men who know how to give it to a woman get the lion’s share. If you ask me, it’s about time! If two women want to be with the same man, why does unhappiness have to follow?”

“I see your point…”

“Felicia?”

“Haruto… I have something I have been meaning to tell you.”

“What?”

“I love you! I want to be with you!”

“F-Felicia? But, I’m married.”

“I don’t care! I’ll share you with her. We can have you together. Maybe we’ll take turns, or maybe even together.”

“Felicia… that…”

“Please, I just want to be with you so much.”

“Ah… very well…”

“You bastard!”

“Huh?”

“Is that, the weather lady?”

“Haruto, we’ve been banging for the last six months!”

“You…. And the weather girl, Tina?”

“Tina… you misunderstand.”

“What do I misunderstand? You want her, but not me?”

“I want you both, god damn it. I’m just a man, but I love you both and my wife. I will take responsibility. If I’m not enough man for all three of you, then I will become a better man!”

“Haruto…”

“Haruto…”

“I love you both, with all of my heart. Will you be with me?”

“I will.”

“Mmm!”

“I love you… mmm…slurp… mmm…”

“H-Haruto!”

“Heh, I can have one of you in each arm.”

“N-not there, if you touch me there, I’ll lose it.”

“Ahhn… not now… ahhhn…”

“I don’t care, I want you both so badly.”

“B-but we’re on air.”

“I don’t care, they can all listen. I want them to hear.”

“But, we’re live in video.”

“Then they can watch too!”

“Ahhhn!”

“Hah… Hah…”

“I-I’m ccuum-“

<The following broadcast has been disconnected due to technical difficulties.>

Announcement

Thank you for reading NTR Crush. Books like this are only possible thanks to donators like you. Please support by becoming a member on my site, or donating directly.

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