Ayame: a reserved but popular girl, dutifully observant of the latest trends, whose calm manner has given her (together with her long straight hair) the reputation of an "elegant beauty".

Hideki: a starter for the basketball team, valued for his vision and skill, who is known for his top marks despite sleeping through class.

As both the siblings were slightly unusual (but not enough to mar their popularity) and were noteworthy personages in the school, they have been attended, for the past three years, by speculation of what their home life must be like.

In reality, neither of these people exist.

Or rather, both of them are me.

 

* * * * *

 

Since as far back as I can remember, I have been both the one they call "Ayame" and the one they call "Hideki".

I am not outside of them. I do not "look onto the world" as though I were playing a third-person game. I have never been anything but an organism (I cannot call myself a human) that lives, and only lives, as both at once.

I possess something that could be broadly explained as the ability of "two focuses/focii". I am able to concentrate consciously on two things at once, pursue two trains of thought, and reconcile this information in a single system. This is something, as I gather, distinct from what is usually called "multi-tasking". It is also, importantly, a conscious phenomenon, and different from having "processes run in the background" as scientists might say.

It is precisely this which allows me to keep up the appearance of being two separate individuals. I am able to move both my focuses into the beings of Ayame and Hideki. I am also able to subsume one focus into another. To a very minor degree, I am able to "rest" one focus while the other continues, but I can not actually do without sleep. In fact, I find that unless I sleep with both Ayame and Hideki at the same time, I do not wake up well-rested.

There was, perhaps, a time when I associated these focuses with one of either Ayame or Hideki. My personal theory is that they correspond with the consciousness--or soul--of a normal person, that one "belonged" to one twin, and the other to the other. And, certainly, when I use these "focuses" to carry out various jobs they do have their idiosyncracies of performance. For specific skill-intensive tasks, one of them might seem more natural to use than the other. But for the most part, I use them interchangeably.

In all of recorded history, there has never been a case--at least a human case--similar to my own. Since I became aware of my difference, I have endeavored, instinctively, to blend in. I have observed the way others are, and, in observing how they're different from me, I have carefully observed myself as well.

I have distinct advantages over a normal human organism, but I also have many disadvantages. For many years I'd found it difficult to separate my focuses properly. Today, I still find it easier to manage when both Ayame and Hideki are in the same room, and this seems to have something to do with the complexity of reacting to different stimuli. It is partly for this reason that Hideki has acquired a reputation as a laid back slacker. As it is generally more forgivable for a boy to sleep through class and to act erratically, I delegate my concentration to Ayame when I'm at school, since her role is more difficult to play.

Despite my best efforts, there is always something off with Ayame's reactions. Sometimes, I am the only one nonplussed at being late for class. Sometimes, I miss a beat and squeal "かわいい!" a second behind the other girls. Sometimes I don't use the right intonation in my voice. The list goes on. Without striving for it, Ayame has acquired a reputation for being calmer and maturer than students at her age, simply because of my ineptitude at simulating the reaction of a normal human being. And I guess this is fine.

Emotionally, I am indeed different than a normal human being. There were moments, particularly when I was in grade school, when my being would exist in a perpetual turmoil, when both Ayame and Hideki were lamented as "wild" and disobedient. Since then, I have become slower, and maybe a bit more detached, less reactive. That isn't to say that I no longer feel the sting of insult, pique, the gnaw of envy... Intuitively, perhaps, it would seem that my ego should no longer exist... Maybe I feel emotions on a vicarious level... Maybe it is something similar to the vanity, jealousy, and ambition that parents feel when they compare their own children with those of others... But am I parent? Am I like the parent? No, I am no being in society. I am like nothing else in the world. But, often, I fantasize about revealing myself and seeing how I would be seen. Often, I am vain.

My advantages seem to me comparatively slight, though, were they made public, they would probably be envied.

Firstly, my academics are above average. I rarely become bored when I study, and so, have managed to master the syllabus without extra classes. I am able to consume information twice as quickly. When I find it necessary to impress someone, I am able to put both my focuses in either Ayame or Hideki to do so. I am able to host something like a private dialogue with myself, which is helpful in understanding new concepts or coming to an answer or simply in staving off boredom.

In sports, though Hideki is not exceedingly athletic, I have been able to become something of a local phenomenon in basketball. With Ayame in the stands, I am able, simultaneously, to see the entire court and to act as a player in it. Because of this, I have earned a reputation as an "intelligent player", good with passing and minimizing turnovers. When I focus, I am actually better at scoring than I let on. However, I generally hold myself back to minimize attention.

I am asexual. I am not strongly attracted either to the body of a male or a female. Nonetheless, I find it acceptable to sleep with either, and, so, could be denominated bisexual as well. Masturbation for me most often takes on the form of sex. It is distinct from an authentic sexual experience however. I am able to feel the pleasure of both Ayame and Hideki at the same time. When I masturbate--or, to put it in other terms, when I sleep with Ayame/Hideki/myself--I do not feel any sense of conquest, acceptance, or entry into society. I do not need to come to any mutual agreement to do it, or cross any boundaries, or prove to myself the power of my appearance,-- but simply do it. I would identify myself as one and sometimes the other. I would pretend to submit to or dominate myself. I would watch myself act, grimace, moan, listen to Hideki's voice, look into Ayame's eyes. I would, especially in the early days, play out erotic scenarios. Perhaps this is one advantage, especially to Hideki's friends, that would make me an enviable person/being/organism. Lately its appeal has worn out...but in the early days the pleasure I received had turned the hobby into something approaching an obsession. No doubt, if word got out that Ayame and Hideki were committing incest, I would become a scandal in the school and an embarrassment in the eyes of my parents. But I do not feel guilt.

I consider my greatest advantage the fact that my difference is not only unknown to my peers, but unimaginable to the world. On some level, I live beyond the law. I often cheat in card games, and always cheat in exams.

 

* * * * *

 

The last thing I remembered was sitting in classroom, waiting for the morning bell.

I was chatting with my sleepy friend, the member of a clique of third-year girls. I was (with Hideki) napping at the back of the classroom, being teased by a pair of Hideki's friends. Because Ayame could see everything going on, Hideki would be unresponsive to the pranks of his friends. The lack of reactions seemed to entertain them.

Near the windows, the otaku of the class were whispering to each other, snickering, and darting glances at me. Ever since I had, with Ayame, accidentally proved my skill in a mech fighting game during a break at the arcade on a school field trip, I have become a subject of rumor among their ilk.

Everyone, more or less, had arrived, and were simply waiting for the teacher.

It was an ordinary morning at school.

-

Now the classroom pastoral has vanished. The convenient tiles of the floor have been replaced by roots and grass that intersperse a deep bed of a moss.

The sober light of a Japanese morning has been replaced by dreamy afternoon beams, filtering through the canopy and revealing the motes of pollen in the still air, in the stillness.

The walls have been replaced by the trees that edge the clearing. A fallen trunk serves as a bench for boys and the less dainty of the girls.

Now my friend Yui is wide awake, going from classmate to classmate, looking around for support, and trying to piece together our ever more tattered picture of reality.

Now the otaku of the class are talking excitedly. One of them, unable to suppress his excitement, performs the Naruto run around the clearing, and slips, to the amusement of his friends, on a patch of dewy grass.

Here and there I notice people looking for someone to take charge of the situation.

Our Class Representative is conspicuously missing. For whatever reason, our class had decided to elect a gyaru as our Student Council member. She was probably late/truant, which meant that she, like the teacher, had escaped being reincarnated. Most likely, she is right now still sleeping in her cozy bed.

Instead of her, a girl named Chiho addresses the group.

"So, it seems like everyone has experienced the same thing...?" (Chiho, trying to sound casual)

Everyone turns to her. Though no one responds, it seems that everyone is waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

Only moments ago, every one of us had been standing in what felt like an inter-dimensional space. In a "white room", a woman, calling herself the Goddess, had asked each of us for a wish, desire, want, a special ability, a cheat skill. She did not give an explanation to why we were being reincarnated. Instead, she only referred vaguely to a duty, or a "plan".

"We don't know where we are, but we're led to believe that we're in another world. Our priority right now is to secure our location, and find sources of water and food. For now, how about everyone tells the rest the ability they received from the Goddess--or the woman who calls herself the Goddess?" (Chiho)

As we go through the class, people begin to grow more encouraged. The more cautious of us begin to wonder whether the so-called "cheat skills" are really real.

"Alright everyone! For now we should split up into groups. Some of us should focus on scouting the area around us. Our key focus is finding water, food, and shelter. The rest of us...well I don't know." (Ikko)

 

* * * * *

 

When everyone was telling the group what their cheat skills were, I had noticed a few things.

Firstly, it seemed that some of the cheat skills are immediately effective, while others become progressively more powerful.

Secondly, many of the skills are not combat-oriented skills. Yui, for example, has the ability of shapeshifting. Another person has some sort of ability to do with field cultivation. As the Goddess had given cheat-skills based on what people expressed to be their deepest desires, many people have now ended up with abilities that seem fairly useless for the situation.

Thirdly. I could not fail to notice that some people seemed to be holding something back. Perhaps they did not fully trust their classmates, or perhaps the cheat skill they gained would be seen as dangerous.

Thinking all this over, I am sitting in the roots of a tree, tuning in and out of a discussion taking place between a group of my classmates. Me and Yui have opted to remain with the group in our temporary base camp. About two-thirds of the class have gone to look for food, shelter, and water. For the third that stayed, our job is to plan for the near future and invent rules of conduct. Our other duties included making beds for the night, setting up a washroom situation, and coming up with a way to make fire.

A few hours have passed and there is still no sign of any of the groups returning. Since the sun is still high no one is particularly worried.

Since then, we've seen a few small animals of the new world, resembling small dogs, round rabbits, large chipmunks. If we learn how to catch them, we probably won't lack for food. All in all, the forest appears quite peaceful. Everyone agrees that the Goddess would not have reincarnated us somewhere too dangerous.

(With Ayame) I get up from Hideki's side and take a stroll around.

The girls who did not feel comfortable sitting in the moss before have finally relented. Holding their legs, they chat calmly with one another, seeming to have accepted their situation. Some are taking a nap between the large roots of trees. Some of the students are gathering materials from the forest.

A few have found fruits and mushrooms which they are now proceeding to sort.

A group of boys charged with gathering leaves for our toilet paper, are chatting excitedly at the edge of the clearing. I approach them and ask what they were doing.

"A-A-Ayame! You surprised me!" (A boy with round glasses)

Feeling the consciousness of my rank, I simply tilt my head in silence and wait for him to continue.

"D-Did you know that you can see your status screen?" (A boy with a round face)

"Muu? Status screen? What's that?"

"Of course, Ayame doesn't know what a status screen is. She doesn't read light novels." (Boy 1)

"You have to concentrate and say 'Status'." (Boy 2)

"Concentrate? On what?"

"Just concentrate...I think, as long as you say 'Status'." (A boy with a round body)

I hum to myself, and sneak a peek back at where I'm sitting (with Hideki) on the other side of the clearing.

I take a deep breath and say 'Status'.

All of a sudden, a hologram pops up in front of my vision.

"Wah?"

"Did it work? Do you see it?" (Boy 2)

The hologram blocks me from seeing ahead of me. When I try to look around the "status window", it automatically moves to a side, flattens, becomes smaller, enabling me to see my surroundings again. When I want to examine it once more, it automatically returns to its position in the center of my vision. 

One could say that it's quite well designed. It's been said that technology advanced enough is indistinguishable from magic. And maybe, in the other world, this saying applies in the other direction as well. The "status window" is what one would imagine the UI of a future technology in our old world to look like. It's easily readable and intuitive to control.

When I examine it more closely, I see the following.

[UNKNOWN] [Lesser Human Lvl. 1]
[Magic Points: 5/5] [Hit Points: 10/10]
[Total Combat Power: 10]
[Unique Skill: Studious Advance]
[Unique Skill: Identification Lvl 1]

"What does it say? What's your magic power?" (Boy 1)

I tell them the results of the appraisal. Then I become curious about something.

"Humm. So you can't see it when my screen comes up?"

"No, apparently everyone can only see their own...at least, that's what I think! you can have another opinion!" (Boy 2)

"In any event, this is something that should be shared with the rest of the group, don't you think?"

At these words the boys lose their enthusiasm and become suddenly silent. Am I imagining things? Somehow, something like a tense atmosphere arises.

"Ah...sorry..."

They all apologize weakly, as though they are physically stunned by my reproach. Some of them hang their heads, some knead their arm anxiously, some begin tugging on the grass, none of them making eye contact with me.

Well, they deserve to be reproached, as all otaku do, but that wasn't my intention when I said it should be shared with everyone else. Maybe I didn't speak clearly enough... Maybe they're simply so used to being criticized by girls who look like me, that they've come to expect it in everything I do.

 "Anyways, why don't you help me show the others? You discovered it after all, and I think it'll be very useful to everyone moving forward to see where our talents lie."

At these words they cheered up a bit. They follow my lead across the clearing.

Ah, why am I leading them?

Somehow Ayame has become the spokesman of the otaku.