I sat face to face Jain in this small carriage. His face was grim, as if looking at a dead man, but I cared no more. I felt completely destroyed when I saw that deep kiss. A kiss of two people in love. I saw Young Lord and Crown Prince’s tongue tangled in sea of desire. Even Young Lord was in trance because of it.
I was rushing to him, at that moment, I was ready to die as long as Young Lord would be safe. Seeing Young Lord getting bullied hurt more than I expected. Every inch of pain inflicted to him hurt a hundred times more to me.
I just wished if I really died then, Young Lord would remember me, even inside the tiniest spot in his memory. I would be more than grateful to be given the chance to live again and then died for him.
‘He gave me this life after all…’
But instead, Young Lord kissed that man in front of him intimately. Like a couple deeply in love, missing each other for a long time until they met again and kissed for the first time.
‘Is that a declaration that he fell in love with Crown Prince already? Or it is to taunt me?’ I sneered in my heart. What was there to taunt anyway, I was just a slave, one of dozens. He could replace me anytime, while I can only be played in his hand.
‘Turns out, I’m not even important in his eyes.’
Jain glared at me and opened his mouth to threaten me, “If Young Lord didn’t forbid me to kill you, I’ve already eliminated you long ago.”
If it was me before, I would tremble and begged him to spare me. But now, I just looked at Jain and scoffed, “Kill me then, I don’t care anymore.”
Without any doubt, Jain took the knife inside his sleeve and the tip instantly touched my skin, “Still dared taunting me?”
The cold touch made me shudder, but I still looked at him nonchalantly and said, “Just kill me, but you must promise me one thing.”
“What?”
I took a deep breath, the tip of the knife slowly penetrated my skin. I closed my eyes to see what was last thing I wished before this knife cut my head clean. Flashes of memories in my life started invading my head. The moment when I was only five years old, the memories were blurry, but I still remembered the face of my father, mother, and my sister. I still remembered that my house was actually very spacy, and people were working in my house.
Yet, the strongest memory I had with them was when my mother five-years-old me to someone on the ship, probably the captain and begged, “Please save this kid, I beg you, you can take everything! My gold, my jewelry! Just please save this child!”
Before I was handed to that person, my mother kissed me and whispered, ‘Live, Ramuja!’
Then everything was literal hell of torture and humiliation for ten years, until a man with big hat, covering his entire body with thick clothes and his blue pupil and golden circle eyes staring at me in that summer market.
His eyes didn’t show any disgust towards me who was a sex slave, although he probably didn’t know that I was one. He didn’t turn his head to look at other more pleasant things in that summer market. He only stared at me deeply, as if he was decisively choosing me to stay beside him.
‘Maybe I already fell in love with him since that day onward.’
‘If I die now, would he be grieving?’
‘Maybe he wont, but…’
I clenched my first. Even to my last moment, I still thought about him, him and him! I wanted to brush him off my mind, but he kept returning, smiling, comforting me, scolding me. It was all beautiful in my memories.
Too beautiful to forget.
‘I am really a fool.’
“If you kill me now, I beg you to stay loyal to Young Lord. Please protect him at all cost.” I said decisively. I relaxed my body and waited for that knife to slice my neck.
“Good.” Jain said coldly. He drew the knife back to his sleeve again and said, “You passed the test.”
I opened my eyes to see Jain still with cold glare, but he withdrew the knife. I was confused, because I was really sure that his killing intent was so strong few seconds ago.
“What test?” I asked.
Jain replied ambiguously, “Since you want to protect Young Lord that much, then I shall let you do so.”
“I’m replaceable,” I said, “You are more than enough to protect my master.”
“Tsk, you have no self-will at all,” Jain commented annoyedly. “You are just untrained.”
I smiled bitterly, my head was hanging low, “What is the point anyway? He already chose Crown Prince…”
“Hmph! You really think you can obtain Young Lord’s heart?” Jain sneered, “I’m offering you a training, special training, so you can protect Young Lord with your own hand. I would never allow you to reach Young Lord in other ways.”
“What was your last wish before?” he asked.
“… please protect Young Lord,” I said weakly.
“Then I shall train you to protect him,” Jain declared. “Your desire to protect Young Lord, is commendable.”
‘Protecting…’ that word lingered in my head. I wondered if Young Lord ever needed my protection at all. He had a lot of people who loved and adored him, he was raised with love, respect, his life was always perfect.
“Does he even need my protection?” I asked, doubtful.
“He does.”
I raised my head, directly staring at Jain’s cold eyes who didn’t look as scary as before, “Please train me.”
“I shall, but you have to beg for forgiveness from Young Lord,” Jain said.
“Will he forgive me? I already offended him…”
“He will.” Jain replied again. All his words contained certainty, which made me slightly relieved. Jain continued with his cold voice, “But you have to promise that you shall not think about falling in love with Young Lord again, don’t chase him like a stupid dog. Don’t drag him into the mud with you. Besides, you already have a girl that loves you deeply, don’t you feel ashamed of such ungratefulness? ”
“I—I promise. I just… want him to be happy,” I said weakly.
‘Young Lord, I may never reach you. But I will always be by your side.’
‘If that would give me a space in your heart, Young Lord, I shall protect you with my life.’
***
The carriage reached Dionde city and then Grand Duke mansion after the city clock showed eleven at night. Jain talked to the servants about my return to Lantern Palace, he extended my stay for two more days before I had to leave the mansion to return back to Lantern Palace.
The palace and the mansion were actually still within the same region, but Dionde City was huge, because it was the economic center of Golden Camellia Empire. I nodded and asked Jain cautiously, “Why are you so kind to me?”
Jain fixed his glasses and finally smiled for the first time towards me, but that smile felt mysterious, “Because I need manpower to protect Young Lord.”
“Yes, I will protect him with my life,” I said sincerely.
“I will train you later, after Young Lord finished his work,” Jain said, then he vanished into thin air again.
I went to my room, which was a small room similar to my room in Lantern Palace. I sat for a while, thinking about Jain’s offer.
‘Did he really want to train me to protect Young Lord? Why did he become so kind?’
‘But what he said is true, I shouldn’t drag Young Lord to become a mud like me.’
‘Besides, I do have a girl who loves me deeply.’ I stared at the small portrait of Merry, which she paid a street painter to make a small portrait of herself. She gave the portrait to me as a token of love, she said.
We met two days ago, while I was waiting for Young Lord’s schedule. I couldn’t read, thus, I remembered all Young Lord’s schedule in my head. I asked Merry about the location of each place which Young Lord would visit in Dionde City. Then she gave me this portrait of her. She also said that she would perform on the street near the mansion every day, so they could meet more often.
I sighed deeply and rolled the portrait, and place it on the corner. I looked at the ceiling, imagining a fantasy I would never reach, “Young Lord, I will forget you.”
