“Swing the sword harder!” I heard the trainer, Irion shouted and I swung the sword harder until the sword split half of the log in front of me. Other guards-in-training were amazed when they saw me doing that.

         Splitting a log wasn’t hard with an axe, but with a sword, it was almost impossible unless the wielder exerted enormous strength to it. This training was hard and other trainees were secretly badmouthing Irion for his very strict behavior and crazy training.

         But I split half of the log with a sword, “Sir, I can do more,” I said to Irion.

         Irion only glared and turned his back.

         Well, similar to Jain, he was not friendly to me either. But at least he didn’t bully me. Irion and I were probably around the same age, but he looked more majestic with his knight armor when he first came to the duchy officially.

         ‘He is completely different in front of Young Lord, though.’

         I remembered when he visited Young Lord and started acting like a big dog. He even handed his metal belt and begged Young Lord to whip him as hard as he could. Rather than crying in pain, Irion begged Young Lord to whip more, and his face was filled with joy.

         I was taken aback by such a crazy act. But when I saw how happy Irion was, a strange thought swirled in my mind and I got aroused at the same time.

         ‘Maybe if I ask Young Lord to do the same, I might be as happy as Irion...’

         “You! I do not order you to stop! Do a hundred push-ups now!” Irion said harshly.

         “Yes, sir!” I put down my sword and did what he said. It wasn’t really a punishment honestly, maybe because I was used to working in that logging business for two years, these kinds of training were much easier compared to moving heavy logs or carrying heavy woods during harsh winter.

         I started doing the push-ups when a maid came to the training ground and whispered to Irion. Irion nodded and said, “You, Young Lord’s slave, Her Majesty Grand Duchess summons you to her chamber.”

         My body froze when I heard ‘Grand Duchess’. There was an undeniable fear whenever I heard that name and the terror she caused. However, I said nothing and nodded. I followed the maid to Grand Duchess’ chamber with Grand Duchess sitting on a sofa near the window.

         Grand Duchess chuckled when she saw me, my eyes wandered around, searching for any weapon that might be used to beat me. But I saw nothing, only her and a few maids.

         I approached her and kneeled deeply, “This slave greets Her Majesty Grand Duchess.”

         Grand Duchess still giggled happily, as if she just heard good news that made her jittery. She sipped her morning tea and ordered the maid, “Give him fresh water, he must be tired after training.”

         I jolted when I heard that. How could this monster give me a glass of water? Was it poisoned? Or I had to endure some wounds before I could drink? Bad thoughts dominated inside my head as my eyes followed the maid who put a glass of fresh water near my feet.

         I observed the glass of water with fear.

         “What? Are you not tired?” Grand Duchess asked, “Drink it, I’m sure you need it.”

         I glanced at Grand Duchess again, she was smiling, she actually smiled at me, a slave who dared to be close to her son. I became even more doubtful.

         ‘What is she planning right now?’

         “Well, I believe you will need that water soon or later,” Grand Duchess chuckled, “Let me ask you something, do you want to stay by my son’s side until your death?”

         “T—This slave was bought by Young Lord. It is my duty to stay by his side…”

         “Oh? This dumb slave can say something pleasing,” Grand Duchess was amused, “Well, I might spare you once and let you to be close with my son.”

         ‘This is a trap. There is no way she is going to spare me.’

         “But in order for you to get my blessing, you have to compete with someone whom I currently blessed to be with my son.”

         I raised my head instantly. Did Grand Duchess just say that she already blessed someone to be Young Lord’s spouse?!

         Grand Duchess chuckled, “Your reaction is so funny.”

         “May this slave know who Your Majesty Grand Duchess gave blessing to?” I asked hastily. I didn’t even think about the risk of offending Grand Duchess. All in my mind was Young Lord being with somebody else. There was a fire in my heart, scorching me slowly with the imagination of Young Lord being happy with another person.

         Grand Duchess grinned, “My son is a perfect man, he is very intelligent, gorgeous, kind-hearted, and noble. Don’t you think he deserve someone on the same level?’”

         “… certainly, Your Majesty…”

         “Well, I don’t really forbid him to be entangled with anyone, he did entangle with Crown Prince, right?” Grand Duchess asked again.

         “… yes, Your Majesty…”

         She tormented me with that accident, she poked my sour spot happily. I could only answer with yes and yes, because it was true.

         “But, for the one I give my blessing to, he is a strong man from a very respectable house. He is young, powerful and bold! Of course, he has position to protect my son, unlike you~”

         “That is good, Your Majesty.”

         “But I only follow my son’s wish, he wishes to be with this Young King from Great Arctyr, so I naturally give him my blessing.”

         “Young Lord’s wish?” my heartbeat stopped for a second, because Young Lord himself never said to anyone that he wished to be with someone. Everyone flocked around him, but he always stayed passive.

         “Yes, he kissed that Young King, his name is Tuskan, in the Velvet Castle. He even kissed this Young King with Purple Aster, do you know what Purple Aster signifies?” Grand Duchess’ grin turned into a smirk, “It signifies royalty, someone with royal blood. He desires someone from the royal blood like him.”

         “He… kissed another man?”

         “Yes.”

         ‘He kissed another man again, was it not enough with only Crown Prince?’  

         ‘Was it not enough for him to share his love with everyone?’

         ‘He gave his love to everyone, but never to me…’

         ‘Not even an inch he spares me some of his tenderness.’

         Soon, it became hard for me to breathe. I remembered the moment when Young Lord kissed Crown Prince again. Now, I imagined Young Lord kissing another man willingly.

         My sight was blurred, probably because the tears welled up in my eyes. It was ridiculous for me to cry for Young Lord again.

         ‘I am a man, how could a man cry for someone who doesn’t love him…’

         I lowered my head, then asked Grand Duchess, “Your Majesty is not going to punish this slave?”

         “Why?”

         “Because this slave is in love with Young Lord,” I declared boldly. I didn’t care about the punishment I would go through. Because physical pain was not the same as the pain in my heart. I never experienced this kind of grievous wound eating my heart slowly, I would rather die.

         “Why would I?” Grand Duchess chuckled with a mocking tone, “Why would I dirty my hand to kill you, when the worst punishment is happening right now?”

         Grand Duchess poured some more tea and sipped it, “You see, the worst pain is when you watch someone you love drifting away from you. He will be happy with his lover, but you? You are going to rot with that unrequited feeling.”

         Grand Duchess laughed happily, “I doubt you can ever let go of your feelings, so I shall be the first one to watch you die from torment. Maybe at that point, my son will have already moved on with his life.”

         I stayed silent, waiting for Grand Duchess to stop talking. I didn’t want other words coming from her sharp tongue. It was hurtful, too hurtful.

         “Well, you may leave now, just remember one thing, you are a weak, useless slave. My son would never want a subhuman like you.”

         After Grand Duchess finished with her ‘fun’, she kicked me out of her chamber. I walked back to the training ground and without speaking much, I continued training with my sword like the others.

         I swung the sword to the logs as hard as I could, I tried to focus my energy on something like this rather than crying for my master. Because it kept hurting inside.

         “You already split seven logs with your swings, you may stop now,” Irion said. I saw other trainees looking at me with horror. As if they saw a monster. I stopped swinging my sword and looked around my surroundings.

         Seven thick logs all were split in half. I said nothing and followed Irion’s order. I put down my sword and sat on a bench to rest.

         I wiped the sweat on my face, it was evening already, and the training for the day was almost done. After a while, Irion lined everyone because he said there would be a guest coming.

         When the gate was opened and a lavish silver carriage entered the duchy, my fist clenched immediately. I held the pain and anger in my heart, and I lined up with everyone.

         Then, that carriage stopped right in front of the guards, a beautiful man rushed towards me and everyone kneeled immediately. I kneeled in front of him, but he grabbed my hand and said, “Y—You shouldn’t do this! The guard’s training is very harsh, you are safe under my name!”

         The torment in my heart burst, I couldn’t contain the bitterness.

         ‘Is this really what I am in front of you, Young Lord? A weakling that can’t even protect himself, let alone protecting you?’

         I stared at him, I didn’t want to hold this bitter emotion any longer, so I said, “Did Young Lord have fun with that Young King in Velvet Castle?”