I know I said I was full, but I still ate the spaghetti I made with Saiyuri. I had probably crossed a line that I shouldn’t have with her, but no matter how long I waited, she didn’t scold me or say anything after telling me essentially to keep it a secret…

My kissing her.

I was unable to calm down no matter what I did, and when lunch was over, Saiyuri insisted on handling the clean up, so I went to my room and immediately jumped into a conversation.

Not with JadeBunny or Chiya, but with Mai.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Mai, are you there?

〈GalGoddess〉 I’m here, what’s up?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Can I ask you something personal?

〈GalGoddess〉 You want to know my three sizes?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 What? No!

〈GalGoddess〉 Just teasing you. You can ask your Soeur Ainée anything, it’s what I’m here for!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Umm… okay. Here goes. Have you… kissed someone before?

〈GalGoddess〉 Whoa, asking me a bombshell question like that out of the blue?

〈Hanabikimasu〉…

〈GalGoddess〉 Kidding! Yes, Firecracker, I’ve kissed, and I’d like to think I’m really good at it too.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 H-how… did it go for you?

〈GalGoddess〉 Hmm… are you free right now?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 It’s the weekend, so yeah, pretty much.

〈GalGoddess〉 Do you know the café by my job?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 The blue building with the sign out front with the cute pictures on it?

〈GalGoddess〉 That’s the one. Meet me there in twenty minutes. I got a feeling this conversation needs to be face to face.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I’ll meet you there.

〈GalGoddess〉 Good girl!

I ended up putting on some clothes. Since it was to meet Mai, I thought I would wear that outfit she liked so much. After changing and putting on just a little bit of makeup, I exited the bathroom and saw Saiyuri lounging on the couch.

“Oh, going somewhere, Hanapi?” She asked me.

“Yeah. I’m going to meet my friend Mai at the coffee place by the nearby Lawson’s. She invited me.”

“Going on a date after kissing this old and tired woman, leaving her behind for a younger woman?” She fake-cried, “How cruel you are, toying with my feelings!”

“S-Sacchan! It’s not like that!”

Even though I knew she was kidding from her tone of voice, it still made me feel a bit guilty.

“Hahaha! I’m just messing with you, kiddo. Can you go grab my purse in my room, please?”

“Huh? Sure thing.”

I went to her room to fetch her nice little black purse with the gold and silver chained strap and brought it back out to her. She reached in and took out a billfold and pulled out some money for me.

“Here’s your allowance.”

“Ah… thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, your mom sent it for you.”

“Mom did?”

Saiyuri nodded, letting me know mom and dad were going to be sending me my allowance. Saiyuri made enough for a lot of things, but asking her to take care of me and give me an allowance was too much according to mom, so well, I have money now at least to spend.

“It’ll come every month, but if it’s not enough, let me know. I’ll spot you when you need it.”

I put the money away into my own little change purse and thanked her, then made sure to remind myself to thank mom the next time I called her. Money wasn’t something we had lots of, though I wasn’t precisely aware of what our household finances were back in Tono. I was using a computer that was eight years old, so they couldn’t have been that good, at least that much I was sure of.

“I’m off, unless something happens, I’ll come right back home. I’ll text you if anything changes, okay?”

“Please do. I trust you though, so go have fun with your friends, but remember not to say anything unnecessary.”

“I won’t!” I promised.

I left the apartment and started walking towards the coffee house Mai mentioned. Charisma Coffee was the name of the place, and when I got there, I waited outside for Mai to arrive. Sure enough, five minutes later a fashionably dress dyed blond delinquent gyaru senpai came into view after rounding a corner at the end of the sidewalk.

She walked right up to me and linked her arm in mine.

“Shall we go in?”

I had already learned that Mai was an exceptionally direct person. She was also very hands on, which is pretty unusual it seems for folks in the big city. She also was quite similar to me in the fact that we both loved yuri things, and had read a number of the same novels. She gave off that vibe of being an onee-chan type who would hear you out without being judgmental, and I really enjoyed that about her.

We walked inside and sat down, while a server took our order. Mai asked for a vanilla frappucchino and a honey toast, and I, vividly remembering the bitter taste of the coffee on Saiyuri’s lips, went with just a matcha tea, since I had eaten less than an hour ago.

“Alright girl, spill the tea.”

“Tea?”

“Spilling the tea means telling me what’s up! You suddenly texted me and asked about kissing, of course I wanna know what’s the reason behind it!”

“Oh…” I answered her awkwardly. I’d never heard that phrase before. “…well, really I just wanted to know if you’ve kissed and what it was like?”

“Is that all?” She looked disappointed. “And here I thought you went and kissed someone…”

“Um… I can’t really go into details, but that’s sort of why I’m asking.”

“Wait, you kissed someone after all, Firecracker?”

I nodded.

“Good on ya! How was it?”

“That’s the thing…”

I trailed off because I wasn’t quite sure how to put it together to tell her.

“Alright. I’ll go first, since you look like you want to compare notes… My first kiss was a-ma-zing!”

“Eh?”

“Yup. She was an older woman, but damn she was incredible!”

“An older… woman?”

“Hehe, surprised?”

I shook my head. After all, Saiyuri had said she had seen Mai kissing her own Soeur Ainée last year.

“No, huh? Well, I mean Mai-senpai is pretty outgoing, so I assumed you had done that much at least… But in regards to that… I mean… how did you feel… after? Was it awkward? Did you feel guilty at all?”

“No way! In fact, without it happening I wouldn’t know the kind of girl I really am.”

“Who you are? What do you mean?”

“That I’m the kind of girl who likes girls!”

We halted the conversation as the food and drinks were brought over. The coffeehouse wasn’t busy, but it was still a private conversation that I didn’t want to be overheard. That’s why we were sitting in the least populated area inside.

“It was really strange at first though. I mean, this was back when the only person I was friends with was Sayacchi, and Non-chan and Suzuha weren’t part of my harem yet. I went to a mixed middle school, and I was popular with the guys, but never really did anything with any of them. I ended up coming here because of Sayacchi, who picked Seishogawa just because she liked the uniforms. Crazy reason right? I couldn’t leave her alone, so I enrolled. I didn’t get bothered too much for my hair and clothing style in school back then, but when I became a first year here… I was getting harassed by this mean bitch from the public morals committee of the student council. She was always on my ass for wearing my hoops, or having my skirt too short, or my hair not dyed black. My real hair color isn’t even black! It’s brown! Anyways, so one we get to fighting and arguing every single day until one day she tells me to come to this classroom during lunch. I figure she’s just gonna tell me off, and I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind too…”

Mai stops partway from her monologue and cuts off a piece of her honey toast and takes a bite. I’m just trying to digest what she said because she was talking really fast.

“…but when I get there, she’s just sitting at a desk in this empty classroom. It’s like she didn’t even realize I came in, but when she finally saw me, she just sighed. I was ready to go at it, but I’d never seen her looking depressed like she did.”

Mai took a sip of her frappucchino and pointed at me.

“That’s when she asked me the same question you did. Have you ever kissed someone before? And I wanted to lie and say I had, but something made me tell her the truth.  I hadn’t.  I mean, I probably should have dated some boys and maybe done some stuff, but I never did, and I learned why right there in that classroom.”

“So… you and her?”

“Yep. It wasn’t sparkles and rainbows, Firecracker. It was messed up. She just got up out of her seat and walked over to me. I was by the whiteboard you see, and she just goes don! and threw her hand out next to me. I thought that kind of crap only happened in manga! Then she gets all pissy with me, saying that I’m always dressed provocatively and it pisses her off. I tell her she can go play with herself if that’s how she feels, I didn’t have to listen to her and I wasn’t gonna take any more of her crap, right?”

I nod along.

“Then she says bad girls need an appropriate punishment, and since the teachers aren’t doing it, it’s her job to. She’s going on about how she’s gonna reform me. I’m like yeah, right! But then she does something wild! Her hand reaches down and she’s grabbing hold of my sensitive bits and then she just plants her lips right on me. But like, she goes way overboard and pushes her tongue in, too!  She’s a big girl, Firecracker… not tall like Suzuha, but I mean, she’s just solid. She was just a bit taller than me, but in great physical shape, and I'm trying to pry myself away at first, mostly out of panic, but when I try to push her, she grabs my wrist and pins my hand to the white board.”

I’m surprised Mai had something like that happen to her.

“This kind of thing should be some kind of harassment or assault right?”

I nodded.

“Yeah… It wasn’t. In that classroom it was like that one long piece in Tetris finally came and it slid down perfectly into the empty space I always had in my heart but never really examined. I stopped resisting. Not because I couldn’t escape. But because… it felt like it was the missing piece in my whole life.”

“So… because of that experience, you like girls?”

“There’s a bit more to it than that… it’s a messy story after all.”

She took another couple bites of her honey toast and even offered me a bite from her own fork. I was feeling adventurous today so I took it, and it made her smile. After a few more sips, she continued.

“Anyway, after that, I’m like really messed up in the head. I never thought I’d feel that excited being kissed by a girl. She just left the classroom after the kiss, and she didn’t play with the part she grabbed or anything, that was just something for shock value. But the damage was done. I awakened to something, Firecracker, and damn was it glorious!  I didn’t tell Sayacchi anything, and when I came to school the next day, she was absent, and I was upset. The butch was absent for two whole weeks, can you believe it!  I went to the student council to coerce one of them who knew her to give me her home address, saying I’d bring her back to school. They looked at me like I was strange, and told me to get lost. But there was this one little freshman with pretty jade eyes who slipped me her address. So, thanks to that bit of luck, I went to her house.”

I was hanging on to every word she was saying now.

“I get there, and her mom answers the door. The lady looks nothing like her, she was also tiny.   I tell her I’m a friend from school, and I wanted to check up on her.  So, her mom tells me she’s upstairs in her bedroom all shut-in like, and if I can do something about it, she’d appreciate it. I go up there, and knock on her door. No answer. Then I bang on it and call her a chicken shit, and the door suddenly opens. I see her for the first time in two weeks, and I thought I was going through some things, but she…”

Sluuurp!

Mai had finished her frappucchino, noisily.

“…She was a wreck. The first thing she did was yank me into the room, then slam the door behind her. She drops into a perfect bow and apologizes instantly to me. I tell her it’s fine, because I was still going through some stuff, but I wasn’t upset with her. I actually was hoping we could kiss again, so I could confirm some things. We’re both sitting on her bed and I learn the real reason for what happened in the classroom. She was secretly dating the prince of the third years at the time, and they broke up the day before. She didn’t know it before then but… that bitch was three-timing her!”

“Prince?”

“Yeah, you saw them at the assembly. The ones that look like like ikemen. Her ex… probably could have passed for a guy. I mean she was definitely an ikemen, but Senpai was completely shaken from finding out about the whole thing, confronting them, then being dumped. I was the one she took it out on. But I still didn’t hate her for it. Because… well… I told her I’d never do that kind of thing to her.”

“You... confessed to her?”

“Sort of.   It wasn’t really a confession of love, Firecracker. I just went over to see her and try and sort out my new feelings. Well, it went about as good as could be expected. I got my second kiss, and then my third, and fourth, and fifth…”

I was giggling now. Because she seemed to have a huge smile on her face as she kept counting how many kisses she had.

“But the problem we ran into in school was that it was widely known that we were always going at each other… so that’s when she proposed something to me. If I was her Cadette, then I would have a reason to be by her side. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, because I thought she was still serious about reforming me, and this was some kinda play to do it. But she didn’t give a damn about it anymore. She stopped being on the public morals committee, and did something else. Instead, we started seeing each other, and doing things we probably shouldn’t have done… at least in school.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah. We hadn’t gone all the way though. But we got pretty lewd. It was about that point when I really understood that… I was into girls. I mean, when that part of me just opened up completely, I started seeing other girls as being attractive. Not just in the cute way, mind you. But I’m not a cheater either, and I loved her. I didn’t know what love was, but I know it now, and I know I loved her, so much.”

Now her lips were trembling a little.

“The problem came afterwards. Some stuff happened with her family, and her father passed away. This was a problem, because her mother didn’t work. There was also some debt, so… they had to sell their house, and she had to move to another city and finish high school there while staying with some relatives. That meant we had to part. If it was on the mainland that would be one thing, but her family lived in frickin’ Okinawa!”

I understood the plight. It’s a place you can’t get to by train, and the cost of air travel is a bit too much for a student.

“Breaking up with her was so painful. I was a mess, Firecracker. She was my everything. And that's when I started dealing with the loss. I know you’ve probably heard it from other people, but I’m really not too bad a girl... It was just me lashing out any way I could because I was angry and there wasn’t anything I could do. I couldn’t even find a part time job then like I have now to save up and go visit her.”

I felt terrible for Mai. I wasn’t in a relationship yet, but if I was in one and that happened to me… If I had maybe been in one with Yumi-chan and had to come here instead of staying with her happily in Tono, because for Yumi-chan, I would have…

My heart ached.

“Do you keep in contact?” I had to ask.

Mai’s face answered that before her head could even shake.

“She blocked me the moment her plane touched down. I couldn’t call her or text her, nothing.”

“Oh no…”

“Yeah… so what is a girl to do? Now I just enjoy looking at all the beautiful flowers in the garden known as Seishogawa, and try to figure out what to do with myself.”

“Eh? Aren’t you and Non-chan an item?”

“Non-chan? No. Sadly she’s… an unreachable flower. But even if she wasn’t, I already know we’d be incompatible. Instead, she’s just a very dear friend who helped pull me out of my funk when no one else could.”

I didn’t quite get it, but I guess it’s complicated. I had sort of assumed since Non-chan spoiled Mai that they had something together.

“What about Sayacchi and Suzuha? Didn’t you say they were part of your harem?”

“You weren’t taking that seriously, were you?”

I was.

She laughed for a bit.

“Then, have you been seeing anyone since…?”

“It’s not like I didn’t try to move on. I probably wounded a couple girls last year trying to fill my own hurt.  But as of now, no. I’m not dating anyone. I mean, I already have such lovely flowers that understand who I am and accept me for it. They let me be me around them, and give me the affection I need when I need it. I’ve come to accept that’s all I really need right now.”

“Affection? Like, kissing?”

Mai shrugged.

“It’s just on the surface with them. A kiss on the cheek here, a lap pillow there, maybe a little holding to recharge the batteries, but nothing like what I had with Senpai.  And now you know that a simple kiss, even an unwanted one can be exciting and overwhelming enough to change a whole girl’s life… So, are you ready to tell me all about your kiss now?”

I leaned back all the way in the booth, and closed my eyes. My story is nothing at all like Mai’s. And there’s only so much I can say without causing a problem for Saiyuri.

“Mai, is there such a thing as half of a first kiss?”

“Pfft!”

“I didn’t think so… but yeah. The woman I kissed was older, Mai. Way older.”

“How much older?”

“…my mother’s age.”

Mai just whistled.

“Is she hot?”

I nodded. What I’ve seen of her naked body aside, just with the way she carries herself, and her still beautiful face, and her friendly and welcoming personality, I can say for sure she’s extremely beautiful to me.

“I think she is, but the problem here is that I’m a minor, and she… probably just sees me as a kid. I’m the one who kissed her, and I think she just let me do it out of necessity.”

“Necessity?”

“I had this writing assignment…”

I explained all about the writing assignment and how I needed to write a short story about romance, yet had no experience…

“Damn… That’s awesome though! You got to kiss a hot older woman, and she let you!? I'm so jelly!”

“I guess, but it’s… I’m worried it’ll be weird now when I see her again. I like her, Mai, but I mean, it wouldn’t work, right? We’re just so far apart in age, and even though I’d be okay with it, I’m also not sure how okay with it I am…”

“What do you mean?”

So I opened up to Mai about myself.

“From like... around eight or so, I always wondered about other women… I wondered about how soft they felt when you touch them, and how nice they smell when you hold them close, and even how touching their lips with my own might feel, and that got me into liking romance novels and eventually yuri stories more than others. I think those kinds of pure and sweet romances are awesome and all, especially when they go full diabetes showing the emotional connection between the main ship, but then it’s like… That’s where the line is. It’s one thing to think about it in books or even in manga, but when it comes to the real world… is there even such a thing?”

“So, you’re confused on what to do because of the kiss?”

I nodded.

“I don’t know if there is such a thing as a pure yuri love in the real world either, Firecracker. I skipped all the cute and fluffy shit and jumped in with both feet into something a bit more adult. But I suppose it would be nice if there was something like that.”

“I know, I think it’d be great too…”

“Well, thankfully you have a wonderful Soeur Ainée who just so happens to be reliable!”

Reliability isn’t exactly what comes to mind when I see Mai. Especially after all the lunches we’ve had and how much she gets teased by her friends.

“Yeah, I’m glad I could talk to you, Mai-ainée”

“Hanabi, give me your hand for a moment.”

I stuck out my hand and Mai took it in hers, I could feel her hand, and how warm easily passed from her palm to mine. Her knuckles were rough as our fingers interlocked and I brushed against them with my fingertips. She held on to me firmly.

“Listen to me. If you have questions that you aren’t sure you can ask anyone else, you can ask me. If you are curious and want to know more about any part of a woman, you can count on me to help. I don’t think I was wrong when I met you in the bookstore. We’re definitely kindred spirits, and I am your Soeur Ainée. So let me be the one to help guide you when you need it the most, okay?”

She squeezed my hand tightly when she said that.

“I like you, Firecracker. You’re a sweet girl, and you’re fun to be around. But don’t ever be afraid to be yourself no matter where that takes you. Doubt can gobble you up quickly, and if you don’t have the right friends at the right time, you might end up like me.”

“A blonde haired gyaru?”

“What!? No way! You’d look terrible as a blonde! I’d go with something outrageous like pink or blue!”

We giggled and joked around after that. I wanted to stay with Mai more, but I also wanted to see how things were with Saiyuri too, now that there had been a chance for me to cool off and could face her again without being embarrassed.

Mai and I parted ways outside the coffeehouse, but not before she gave me a warm hug.

“The girls and I might do something later on today or possibly tomorrow, so I’ll text you the details, okay?”

“Alright Mai! See you later!”

“Bye, Firecracker!”

Walking home by myself, at first my steps were light and quick, then I found that my heart was beating fast no matter how I tried to calm it down. Even with Mai opening up to me so readily, I found that my question didn’t have such an easy answer after all.

But one thing was certain.

A thought that looped over and over all the way home.

That kiss I shared with Saiyuri.

I definitely wouldn’t mind doing it again.