I arrived at the apartment complex once more, and went back up to where she was.  When I put my key in and opened the door, I lightly called out that I was home, but got no reply. Saiyuri wasn’t anywhere in the kitchen or living room, and the door to her room was closed.   Did she decide to go back to sleep after all?

Well, whatever, it’s the weekend.  She’s an adult and free to do whatever she wants.  I wanted to talk with her, but I guess it would have to wait until later when she woke up.  Since I couldn’t talk with her, the next best thing would be my friends, right?

Opening up my Line app on my phone, I immediately pulled up JadeBunny from my contacts, and started typing away.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Jade, you’ll never believe what happened!

After a few moments, she finally replied.

〈JadeBunny〉 Tell me!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Okay, so umm, I finally got my first experience today!

〈JadeBunny〉 Experience?  Exactly what kind of experience?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 A kiss!

〈JadeBunny〉 Congratulations!!!  Now you have something to use as a foundation for your writing assignment!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Yeah, but…

〈JadeBunny〉 But what?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I’m kind of confused.

〈JadeBunny〉 Hm?  Why?  Was it not enjoyable?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 It was enjoyable, only…

〈JadeBunny〉 Stop leading me on!  Out with it, woman!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I think I want to do it again!

〈JadeBunny〉 Hoh!  So it was that good, huh?  It was with a girl… right?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Umm… sort of?

〈JadeBunny〉 Sort of?  What the heck kind of answer is that!?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I mean, she’s not really a girl like us… she’s um... much older.

〈JadeBunny〉 An adult… like in college?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 And adult like… way older than that.

〈JadeBunny〉 Uh… that’s a little concerning, you’re still pretty young, aren’t you?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 It’s not her fault, Jade!  I’m the one who kissed her!  Even though I am a minor and all… I don’t want to get her in trouble, but I really wanna kiss her again!

〈JadeBunny〉 I’m all for age-gap romance, Hana-chin, but isn’t that a bit too much?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 It might be.  I talked to a Senpai about it earlier, and she totally supported me, but she had a different experience, and so couldn’t be as helpful in this matter as I hoped.

〈JadeBunny〉 That sounds like an unreliable Senpai if you ask me, but I won’t throw shade at your friends.  So, have you got an idea now about the story you want to write?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Maybe, but I also want to talk to her again first before I do.  I’m just super nervous right now, and I don’t want to disturb her.  It’s her day off, and she already made time for me earlier.

〈JadeBunny〉 Do you like her?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 She’s a nice person, yeah.

〈JadeBunny〉 No, I mean do you like her.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I don’t… know.

〈JadeBunny〉 You don’t know?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Well, I mean, I’m sure she sees me as a kid.  She was probably letting me be selfish, so I don’t know if she could ever see me like that. That’s part of the reason that I want to talk with her again, but I’m also afraid that if I bring up that kind of stuff… it’ll get really awkward!  I don’t want to lose her as a friend or cause problems for her.  She’s important to me.

〈JadeBunny〉 Sounds complicated.  But that’s a good idea for a story too!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 What is?

〈JadeBunny〉 A forbidden age-gap romance, of course!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Eh?

〈JadeBunny〉 Just think about it!  A young an innocent pure maiden, and an experienced older woman slowly stringing her along, feelings slowly taking root between them, then a forbidden kiss happens, and those two naturally ease into an undefined relationship at first, before admitting their feelings to each other and becoming lovers!  Yay~

〈Hanabikimasu〉 That’s some kind of imagination…

〈JadeBunny〉 Oh shut up!  You know I have yurivision!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 And here I thought you’d be the helpful one!  If I wrote something like that and submitted it, I’d probably have to deal with a parent-teacher conference!

〈JadeBunny〉 Hmm, that’s true.  Then why not write about someone a bit younger, say… about your Senpai’s age?  She’s in the same school as you, right?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Yeah.  Okay, I can do that.

〈JadeBunny〉 Good.  Let me know when you finish, I’ll proofread it for you.  

〈Hanabikimasu〉 You just want to read my first terrible yuri story!

〈JadeBunny〉 Damn right I do!  You’ve probably read way more yuri than I have, so I bet it’ll be cute and fluffy!  Don’t skip out on any of the details of that kiss now, you hear me?  That’s the selling point!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 …

〈JadeBunny〉 What?

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Nothing.  I’ll talk to you later.

〈JadeBunny〉 Okay, also don’t forget to read my latest chapter, I noticed you didn’t comment yet!

〈Hanabikimasu〉 I promise I will later on when I’m a bit calmer.

〈JadeBunny〉 Kuh, now I’m thinking I should probably have those two finally have their first kiss soon.  Have I waited too long already?  What do you think?  Nevermind.  Don’t tell me. Argh!!!  Keeping pace is so hard!  I’ll talk to you later.

〈Hanabikimasu〉 Alright, bye, Jade!

〈JadeBunny〉 Byeeeee~

Well, that was a fruitless conversation.

I opened my word processing app on my phone and began to write.  I modified some details, changing Saiyuri’s name to Sacchi, and mine to Nanami.  Making her a third year and me a first year.  How I came to stay with her, and how over time living together led to us having a slow romance. How she was inept at most things domestic, and even all the cute stuff like saying she’d make me her bride when she saw how capable I was.  

It felt like I had been writing forever, yet only a couple hours had passed and I was barely at a thousand words written.  Certainly a record for me, but I really wanted to see Saiyuri, and eventually that want became too much to hold back.

I walked out of my room, and knocked on her door.

“Sacchan?”

Her door was unlocked, and I felt the handle twist in my hand.  I opened the door to her room slowly.

“Sorry to intrude…?”

She was lying down in her bed.  There were a couple empty beer cans on her nightstand next to the bed.  I guess she really let loose on the weekend.  Was being a teacher that frustrating?  Mom and dad weren’t big drinkers, and we hardly ever had alcohol in the house.  I walked over to the bed where the woman I kissed was sleeping quietly on her side.  

Saiyuri had an unbelievably pretty face, much prettier than my own, and I can say with total honesty that she was incredibly attractive to me, but Saiyuri is my mom’s friend, and I really didn’t want to give her a reason to dislike having me here.  But at the same time, she was still in her loose tank top and hadn’t changed into anything more conservative, and her sweet lips…

I found myself reaching out for them with my finger.  As it gently reached them, to feel that softness being transmitted to me once more.  She began to kiss the tip of my finger!  Wasn’t she asleep!?

“Sacchan?  Are you awake?”

There was no answer, so maybe I was mistaken.  I removed my finger and sighed.  I was a mess after all.  I had no idea what to do with these feelings right now, and I really thought Saiyuri could help me sort them out.  None of my other friends really had the answers I needed, and it’s entirely possible she wouldn’t either, but she was the source of my conflict right now anyway, so there probably wouldn’t be anyone who could help me right now other than Saiyuri!

I crawled into the bed and scooted my body right next to hers.  I just wanted to be close to her for now, but couldn’t help but still feel like I so far away.  I wish she’d just reach out and hug me.  Maybe it would calm me down.  No, who am I kidding?  I…

“Sacchan, forgive me, okay?  You can be as mad as you want, just please don’t hate me.”

I leaned my face into hers and even though her breath had the bitter scent of alcohol that was so different from coffee… I courageously pushed my lips against hers, knowing full well the trouble it could cause.  Because my reasoning didn’t care, all that mattered was knowing what these feelings were inside of me towards her!

But the second kiss initiated by me was worse than the first.

It’s not like the kiss was bad, I mean, how could it be?  Her lips were soft and it felt wonderful to press against them again… but, she was asleep!  It wasn’t the crazy thrill like in the kitchen, but instead a deep feeling of guilt that assaulted me.  I was a thief in the night, stealing from my already gracious host who had been nothing but kind and helpful to me for the two weeks I’ve been here.  And I’m repaying that now by taking something important from her without asking for it, nor having her consent to do it.

I was frustrated!  Frustrated with myself for not being able to hold back.  I wasn’t weak like this!  How long had I held back with Yumi-chan?  But even as I remained frustrated and full of guilt, closing my eyes to my sin, my lips wouldn’t let go of hers.

Not even when I opened them up and saw two beautiful eyes staring right back at me!

Eyes that stared right into my own, and surely judged me through my own and down to my core.

My eyes that weren’t worthy anymore to look into hers.  Warm droplets rolling down my cheeks was all the answer I could give her for what I did… what I was doing in her bed right now without her permission.

But she didn’t pull away in disgust, or voice any contempt towards me.  She just let our lips stay connected, and I knew I was the worst sort of person because of it.  My lips parted eventually, because I couldn’t hold on to the kiss when I began to sob.

I found myself being gently pulled towards her chest and her arm draped over me, protecting this stupid girl who couldn’t get a single kiss out of her head.  While I cried into her chest, I felt her try to soothe me with some gentle strokes from my head down to my back.

“hic… Sacchan… I’m… hic… so sorry…”

I wanted her to yell at me.  I wanted her to be angry so all the wrong steps I took to kiss her again could be chastised and I would learn to hold them deep inside of me.  

But she never told me off.

“Shh… It’s okay, Hanabi.   Just let it out.  I’m right here for you.”

So it all came flooding out.  I cried in her arms apologetically and felt so weak and small the whole time.  I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t mad.  I just did something unforgivable… so why?  Why was she still being so kind!?

I don’t know when I calmed down, but when I did, she just kept stroking my hair, soothing me, and that’s all I wanted in the world.  Just to stay here and never have to get out of bed.  Just her soft hand brushing against me, and her whispering voice telling me it’s okay.  I wanted to exist in this perfect lie, because it felt so safe.

But I know there’s no merit to doing so.

“Why… aren’t you… getting mad at me?”

“Would you like me to be?” She asked with whisper.

“NO!” I shouted, “But…”

“It’s not like I didn’t expect something like this to happen…”

“Eh?”

I was definitely confused now.  She expected me to come in and assault her?

“Don’t you think I had some troubles with my first kiss, too?” 

“You?”

“Sure.  I was a young woman once too!  The first kiss I had shook me pretty badly, I’ll have you know.  I was agonizing over it for a whole week before I was allowed to have a second one!  I was being a crybaby about it the whole time, so I understand what you’re feeling, and that’s why I’m telling you that it’s okay.”

“Sacchan, what was your first kiss like?”

“What was your first kiss like, Hanabi?”

“Eh… I have to tell you?”

“Yup, that’s the price of forgiveness.”

“Uuu…”

She got me, good.

“Umm… even though it tasted like coffee… I didn’t dislike it at all.  Sacchan’s lips were so soft and squishy and if felt way better than anything I’d ever imagined about kissing.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it… and then I found myself wanting to do it again, and I wanted to talk to you first, but you were sleeping, and…”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

“Eh?”

“How could I be asleep when I just got kissed by a cute girl?”

Cute?  Saiyuri thinks I’m a cute girl after this?

“How mean!  You could have said something!”

“I could have, but then you wouldn’t have climbed in and kissed me again!  And it’s not like I didn’t give you a hint that I was awake.”

I gave Saiyuri a push, but she only laughed at me, reached for my hand and brought it to her lips, kissing my fingertip.  She was completely correct.  I even thought she might be, but she didn’t say anything!  I was completely tricked into her pace!

“I don’t get it… why?”

“Mm… seemed like it would be more exiting this way.  I mean, you could have just stayed frustrated and that would have been fun too.’

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“I mean… you didn’t hate it?”

“Why would I?”

“Because… it was me… and I’m still not an adult yet… and I’m mom’s daughter…”

“That’s what you worried about?”

Saiyuri smirked for a moment then gently stroked my cheek with the backside of her hand.  It felt fluffy and tingled and now I was even more confused about everything!

“Even if you are only a first-year student, you’re more than old enough to have these feelings and want to explore them.  There are plenty of young women who do so much earlier than you and have gone much farther than just a simple kiss.  I don’t ever want you to think that it’s a bad thing to want to know more, Hanabi.  I know for a fact Kaede doesn’t want you to think that either, and that’s also why I don’t want you to be nervous or uncomfortable around me.  Your mom and I shared so many things while we were together, and I want you to know that you can do that with me as well.  That’s part of the reason she let you come stay with me.  As a young girl blossoming into a woman, there are times you need to rely on an adult, and that’s my job.  To help you when you are in need of it.”

She smiled and then pulled me closer to her body again.

“Besides, don’t you remember what you asked me when you arrived?”

“What I asked you?”  I thought about it, but didn’t remember exactly what it was.  I asked her so many questions when I first arrived here.

“You asked me if I ever wondered all about how soft the various parts of women’s bodies were.”

“Oh, right… when I gave you the massage.”

I felt a little nervous now, even though I shouldn’t have been with her assuring me everything was okay.  Thinking about having rubbed her body all over with the lotion now after having kissed her…

“I wonder about it all the time, and it’s perfectly okay for you to wonder about it too.”

“Yeah, wondering is one thing…  but I kissed you!  Twice!  You won’t think it’s weird if I… wanted to touch you now?”

“You want to touch me now?”

I know I turned as red as a strawberry now when she asked that.

“M…maybe…”

“Then, what if I wanted to touch you and see how soft you are?”

“Eh?”

She poked me in my cheek, then pinched it a little while she pulled.

“Springy with a bit of elasticity.”

I swatted her hand away softly.

“Are you messing with me, Sacchan?”

“Not at all.  I already happen to how know how soft Hanapi is.  She makes an excellent pillow.  And I already invited you to come into my bed at any time if you felt lonely.”

“That was just for sleeping at night though, wasn’t it?  Also, I talked with Mai-senpai earlier.  She said there wasn’t such as thing as half a kiss!”

“Oh?  Trusting the expert opinion of your Soeur Ainée over that of a teacher?  It’s certainly true that she’s knowledgeable about kissing… Also, the invitation is for anytime you are lonely.  If you are lonely for a kiss, you are free anytime to have one.  I won’t be upset at all.”

“Was there a reason you stopped the kiss there?”

“There was.”

“…because I’m still a kid?”

“No.  That’s not why at all.”

“Then why!?”

Saiyuri just pointed at herself.

“Do you really want your first full kiss to be with an older woman for the sake of a school assignment?  Surely there are plenty of other people you can have that important experience with, people much softer and innocent than I am…”

“…but… what if… I still wanted it to be with…”  

I couldn’t finish the sentence.  Believe me, I wanted to! But, Saiyuri seemed to think that there was a good reason for not going so far, and like me, I think she also thought of the differences in our age as being part of it.

“Shall I tell you about my first kiss now?”

“Huh?  Yes!  Please tell me!” I said, perking up a bit at her question.

“Hmm… where to begin…  It’s been a really long time since then…”

“You forgot?”

She sighed.

“Hanabi, it’s been almost twenty years, and not a day goes by that I can forget about it.  It was the kiss which changed my whole world.  Imagine for a moment how just a single soft kiss from the most beautiful and wonderful person who’s ever existed in the whole world belonged to you alone?  Being able to drown completely in it as you hunger insatiably for all you can handle, and it never being quite enough…  Surges of pure excitement and adrenaline racing through your body like a shinkansen and your heart feeling like it’s going to explode out of your chest from how amazing it feels to receive it freely from the one person you can’t stop wanting to be with!”

“That’s how it felt for you?”  I was mouth agape at her explanation, completely amazed at what she was saying, and I certainly felt like some of that applied to me.

“No, Hanapi.  In twenty years, that’s the best failing description I can give to you of it.  There’s no way I can use such utterly clumsy words to explain how the feeling truly was, and I doubt anyone who’s ever had that kind of true love’s kiss can.  But then, I’m not a writer.  Maybe you can do better…”

“Eh?  I’m not a writer either, I just read… a lot.  But it still sounds incredible!”

“Well, that’s my first kiss we’re talking about.  I’ve had plenty more since then, and being so caught up in ecstasy of the first relationship I had, it never occurred to me that I might end up in another and experience many other kinds of kisses…  You’re young still, and you might even date a few people over the years, so you’ll find that each person is enjoyable in their own way.  But you will likely always remember your first kiss, and I wanted yours to be truly memorable.”

“What ever happened to that person you kissed?”

“I made a mistake and let go of their hand for a single moment.  I realized the magnitude of the mistake I made and tried everything to reach out and hold onto that hand again when they came back, but it was already too late…  I lost my whole world when on the second time, they chose to let go of my hand.”

Saiyuri’s face looked tense.

“I asked you to remember something you shouldn’t have… I’m sorry, Sacchan.”

“It’s okay, Because I know exactly how you can cheer me up!”

“Howー”

Saiyuri rolled over on top of me, her arms supporting herself as her face was hovering over mine.   Her lips pressed against mine again, and this time she wasn’t being complacent.  Her soft body laid atop of my own and her fingers slid into the short hair over my ear.  Our lips desperately tried to snatch each others away, and I felt every part of me on fire.  I dared to reach around to her head and pull her closer, an impossible feat where physics were concerned, but on her bed, sometime in the afternoon, with a woman twice my age, and with someone my heart reacted unreasonably for, I had my first grown up kiss with my mother’s best friend from years gone by.

Would mom be upset if she knew?

But I wanted it!  I wanted this kiss and to be closer to her more than anything!  It wasn’t like words on a dimly lit screen, or long dried ink on coarse paper.  It was more vivid than any picture that could be displayed on her high definition television set in the living room.  Fireworks went off behind my eyelids and fired themselves directly into my mind before exploding and it was only then that I understood why she couldn’t put it into the right words.

There simply weren’t any good enough.  Language, for all it was worth, failed to describe the beauty and whirlwind of emotions being connected to her like this conveyed.  Somehow, between the short gasp of air we both took, she asked me something quickly.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me as your first kiss?”

There was only one answer to that question.  A single word I breathed out almost inaudibly but affirmatively as our lips met again, this time parting fully.  My deepest fuse lit as the residual taste of alcohol from her combined with the faint taste of the matcha tea I had earlier.  Nothing else mattered to me at this moment.  My world spun around violently, flipped upside down, and Saiyuri was the only thing in the center that remained motionless, she was what kept me stable and I held on to her tighter and tighter as I gasped occasionally while savoring every moment of this.  

My jaw began to get sore, and my tongue wanted to give up after forever, but I fought on like I was possessed.  I felt like this incredible kiss was still only me barely putting my foot into the doorway of something more, something far more amazing.  My body was screaming at me to go further, but I didn’t understand what it wanted exactly.  Did this incredible kiss last forever?  Was I an old lady now who had kissed for her entire lifetime?  It wouldn’t have been a loss at all if that was what had happened, but sadly, it had to reach it’s end.

Saiyuri pulled away and went right for my neck and my chest heaved heavily for air as best it could with her heavy chest pressing down on top of me that I didn’t register before.  

“S..sacchan…”

How could anything be this good!?  It had to have a consequence, right?  Was that it?  Was I going to get pregnant from all of this kissing!?  I really wanted to wait until I was older…

“AAAH!”

I yelped as her teeth bit down on the skin of my neck.  It was more surprising than painful, and I had felt like there was some kind of itchiness beginning to flare up between my legs!

“Sacchan… please…”

Please what?

What did I want to happen?  Did I want her to stop or to keep going?  I never read the adult yuri stories… I don’t know what’s next!  I took health class back in Tono, so I sort of know how it goes between a man and a woman, but… w-what do I do when it’s another woman!?

I wouldn’t find out.

Saiyuri rolled over as I panicked in thought, and locked legs with me then, letting me go from heaven to hell as my body craved more, so much more, but nothing more was forthcoming.  It was cruel, but maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

“W-what was that…?” I asked, stupefied from what had happened.

“That was an apology, and a punishment.”

“EH?”

“An apology for letting you think that I was treating you with kid gloves, and a punishment for getting me exited from a kiss and then running off to play with your friend!”

So, she was upset that I went to hang out with Mai?  Well, it was partly her fault too!  Maybe… I should punish her back for her passive aggressiveness!  Not that I can kiss her any more right now even if I wanted to.  I don’t even know if I can move right now.  I put every bit of energy I had into kissing her!

“You know… Mai-senpai said she might invite me out later on with her friends…”

Saiyuri laughed with a bit of wickedness behind her eyes.

“Then I guess you better be prepared for more punishment when you get back…”

I suddenly found myself looking forward to that.

Is that what this is?

What they call being an M?

I really hope I didn’t awaken to anything strange!