She hated this.

Every second of this.

To be in that body.

Now that was added to having to put up with a family that wasn't even hers, and that to make matters worse, they would hate her.

Why was life like this with her?

Who was she at that moment?

At that moment Jose's mother called her to eat.

She was a simple woman, and she seemed not to be very confrontational.

But Jose's father was another story.

Jose seemed to have "wanted to be a girl", so his father always hated him.

As he finds out, his father sent him to the army, believing that "that would make him a man."

She was now under constant surveillance.

She shouldn't suffer from this.

The fact that Jose already had a history related to this only put more pressure on her.

To all this, where was the original Jose?

She didn't know, and she couldn't think of any possible answer.

Many things were bad for her.

Going to the bathroom was an awkward time.

She sometimes felt that her penis was not there, but she always found it.

Sometimes she felt that she had her vagina again. But she always found that filthy dick again.

The shower was difficult for her.

There she realized what she was, and how the world saw her

She hated mirrors, because every time she tried to forget that she was in the body of a man, these things were going to ruin her fantasy.

'Fantasy', from now on "being a woman" would not be more than an unattainable fantasy for her?

She was not a biological woman, no more.

To the rest of the world she was nothing more than a delusional man, a fag.

She would never have the self-esteem to face the world.

For society, the best way to prove your gender was with the thing in your crotch, and that thing said it was a man.

Even if she transitioned, could she ever be seen as a real woman again?

In women's spaces she would not stop being seen as a man. She couldn't blame them if they wanted her not to be there.

"I had promised that in case of being in this situation she would not invade the women's spaces, right?" she said to herself as she remembered what she said to her friend almost a week ago.

She just wanted to be a normal woman.

But she remembered what Alberto told her: "The universe is not going to fulfill a whim of ours."

I guess every woman wants to be a normal woman, including trans women.

She just wanted to cry.

But she couldn't do it.

Jose's father hit her every time she had a behavior that he considered "feminine."

These days she had learned to pretend to be a man.

The way she showed herself to the world was just a performance, it wasn't her.

She hated that, but it was the only way she found a little peace.

Without it there was an infinity of criticism, and worst, physical punishment.

People of this time hated homosexuals and transsexuals.

Likewise, most men had the habit of always carrying a gun.

Jose's father always carried a .45 colt Sigle Action Army revolver with him.

Due to her concern about facing someone armed, she began to always carry her luger pistol in 7.65 mm caliber.

She wasn't a fan of guns, but she didn't want to be unprotected against it.

It was lunchtime, Jose's mother had prepared Pozole, a typical meal from Mexico.

"Hey mijo, do you know what date is today?" Jose's mother asked.

Emilia had no idea what she was referring to, she just shook her head.

Jose's father seemed angry:

"Mijo, ¡Cómo serás pendejo!, today is Independence Day" he said.

It was September 15, 1918, at 12 pm "El grito" will be commemorate.

On September 16, 1810, Father Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla proclaimed the beginning of the insurgency that in 1814 became the Mexican War of Independence.

"So... what are we going to do today?" asked Emilia.

Jose's father looked at her and said: "Mijo, I'm going to take away the gay thing at the cost of whatever it is"

She looked at him with fear

What could this man have in mind?

"Son, let's go hunting in the field" he said.

She still didn't understand how that could help him a bit.

However, she wasn't a fan of using weapons yet.

The last thing she needed was to use a gun next to Jose's father.

---

The standard hunting weapon around here was the Winchester 1895 in caliber .30-30

"Look mijo, and learn so that you can support your wife in the future" he said.

A deer was seen in the distance.

Jose's father carried the lever action rifle.

I point the gun and shoot.

"Look mijo! I hit him!" he said "Let's find something for you to hunt"

They both walked for a while and then Jose's father gave him the rifle.

"Look mijo, that's a deer, if you shoot him we'll have to eat tomorrow"

Emilia took the rifle, she then shot the deer, but she missed that shot.

"Mira no más como serás pendejo, what if you had missed a shot in the war? You can not be more stupid than you"

A sharp blow to the head interrupted her from defending herself.

"Let's go home, I'm not going to waste ammunition like an idiot" said Jose's father.

Emilia was stressed, the blow from a few seconds ago hurt a lot.

As they headed home a voice called out to her.

"Jose, come here soldier" said a familiar voice.

She turned and found Alberto.

He was wearing his uniform, just as he had his m1908 with him, as well as carrying a rare pistol, which looked quite like the m1911 of the Americans.

"Do you know him mijo?" asked Jose's father.

Emilia then said to him: "Yes, he is the lieutenant of my Section"

"Well then don't make him wait, go with him" he said.

So Emilia went with Alberto.

He asked her, "So ... you know what you're going to do?"

She was silent.

"I don't know, I just want to be a normal woman"

"Like all of us" said Alberto "But you know we can't, what happened to you is something strange"

"Have you had any dreams related to me?" asked Emilia.

"Not many, no one says how to get you back to normal"

Alberto looked at her and said: "How does it feel not to be cis?"

Emilia asked him: "Where did you get that term from?"

"I learned it in a dream" he said "Answer, how does it feel to hate your body? How does it feel for people to see you differently than you do?"

"It feels horrible, I hate it"

"Well, I'm not going to be able to help you, I can't even help myself" answered Alberto "But look at this" he said, drawing the gun.

Then he spoke: "It is the obregon pistol in caliber 10 x 25 mm, our new official pistol"

"Doesn't it look a lot like the American pistol?"

"The gringo pistol works differently," Alberto said. "Soon we will have new weapons, in addition to creating a new air force, and a tank division," he said.

"Wow, that's a lot of technology" said Emilia.

---

"Mexicans" said the mayor of Tula "Viva the heroes who gave us fatherland"

"Viva!"

"Viva the independence of Mexico!"

"Viva"

"Viva the freedom"

"Viva progress and science"

"Viva"

"¡Viva Mexico!"

At that moment the bells of the municipal palace began to ring steadily.

That day commemorated 108 years of the beginning of the War of Independence.

There she was, eating a corn cob with mayonnaise.

She sometimes managed to forget her reality.

At times like this, she enjoyed false happiness.