Everyone watched the small boat disappear. Apart from the waves swishing around us, and the howl of the wind, there was silence. We were alone.

A baby began to cry and then another one. They broke our collective trance, and everyone turned to the refugee who’d been given control of the motor.

He looked to be in his mid-twenties and sat alone. His eyes, full of worry, swept the boat until they landed on a little baby girl wrapped up in a pink blanket. The girl was quiet. Watching the world with an aged interest.

The young man at the engine wrapped his fingers tight around the steering bar. Our engine spluttered to life, and the boat began to move once more.

The moment we passed the breakwater big rolling black waves lifted us and dumped us back down. I could hear a child screaming. Ayamin squeezed off the side of the boat to hold a little boy in her arms. She was crying. But then again, we all were.

I wrapped one arm around her and the kid, my other arm clung to the boat.

A wave hit our side and cold salty water flew up and coated us. A shock went through my body and for a few seconds, I forgot how to breathe. The kid squirmed in Ayamin’s arms and cried all the harder.

Half a plastic soft drink bottle hit my head. I looked up to see the man next to me grab it and use it to bail out the water that was soaking into our shoes.

Two scoops later and another wave reared up and hit us from the other side. Around the boat, the refugees began scooping in earnest. I used my free hand, but I only managed three scoops before the next wave rained down on us.

The steady drone of the little motor began to be drowned out by the wails coming from around us. Ayamin squeezed the little boy but it didn’t help. His screams pierced my ears. Crash. Another wave filled the boat.

‘For what it’s worth.’ Ayamin said, her saturated clothes shivering, ‘I’m really glad you’re with me.’

I nodded. My breath was foggy.

She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against mine. Another wave hit us and her head moved to my shoulder.

‘I’m so scared Danny.’

I shifted my arm around her back. Moved it in circles as I fought back sobs.

In the distance, I saw a mountain rising out of the sea. Only the mountain was moving closer to us.

It travelled to us in slow motion. Nobody else seemed to be looking, everyone was coughing or bailing water.

By the time the young man steering realised what was coming it was too late. The mountain-wave fell, half breaking over the boat, and slamming hundreds of litres of water into it. The refugees scooped. But not enough.

The next wave didn’t lift us up, it tilted us until we were vertical. People scrambled over each other and children got crushed. The angle of the boat passed ninety degrees and it flipped.

We plunged five meters into the water, the cold impact slammed the air out of me. I tried to get a gulp of air. Someone’s legs kicked at me. When I swam to the side my head hit the boat.

It was dark and the water swirled above us. My eyes stung from the salt. I kicked my legs in one direction until I couldn’t swim any more. Popping up to the surface. I tasted the air just as a wave passed over me.

I surfaced again and coughed up the water I’d swallowed. The cold was getting into my bones. I looked at the boat and all the refugees trying to right it.

It was hopeless. As the waves pounded past, I looked for Ayamin. I couldn’t see her.

I swam towards a cluster of people. The waves lifted and dropped us. I spotted black hair and called out.

‘Ayamin!’

‘Danny?!’

I paddled to her and reached out with a shaking arm until my forehead touched hers. Another wave crashed next to us. She took a deep breath.

‘I don’t want to die today.’

‘We’ve just got to keep afloat. Keep warm.’

We stayed close to each other. The refugees had given up on righting the boat and were pushing the children onto the hull. More waves came and buckled the boat, but the people holding onto it in the water kept it flat.

We swam with tired arms until we found the boat. Holding onto the edges side by side. I put my hand on hers. There was no warmth in her fingers. I decided I wasn’t going to let go of her hand – I didn’t fear the cold or the currents – only letting go.

‘I’m sorry I got you into this Danny.’

‘I’m not. It was t-too hot in Turkey anyway.’

She cry-laughed a little. Her arms shivered and her clothes were stuck to her body. Ayamin went to speak but was cut short as a ship’s horn tore through the air. We looked up and a flashlight settled on our overturned boat. Then another. They were blinding after being in the dark for so long.

A ship cut through the water towards us, a white and blue Greek flag was painted on its side.

I saw Ayamin’s face had gone dark purple.

‘Yes! YES! Over here! Damn yes!’

All the refugees who’d crowded around the lifeboat were yelling, calling for the boat. It was a cacophony of noise.

There were two ladders on the side closest to us, and the refugees began swimming to them. Climbing up the ladder like drowned rats.

Ayamin reached it and with shaking arms heaved herself up the side of the boat. I followed, my hands aching as they took me up the ladder. At the top, someone from the crew hauled us on, pointed to spots on the wet deck, and yelled at us to sit.

One by one the Syrians were loaded on. One man was carrying his kid and crying. The crew from the boat pulled the kid away from him and started pumping his chest. Every few beats they’d pause and blow air into the child’s lungs.

More people came on board and we shifted to a spot near the railings. The wind there blew cold and wet, but we weren’t about to die. Ayamin nestled herself against me and we watched as the crew gave their last attempt to save the little boy.

‘That’s the one I held,’ she whispered with trembling lips, ‘He looked like my brother.’

One of the boat people stepped aside to let the captain look at the boy. The captain gazed from the boy to the sea and shouted something in Greek.

He bent down and pumped the boy’s chest with his hands, a fast motion, then breathed into the boy’s mouth. He did it again, almost violently. The father was screaming at him. Then the boy coughed. He turned on his side and threw up a mouthful of water.

The crew let the boy’s dad go and he bent down to touch his son’s cheek. He was passed a blanket which he gently wrapped the boy in. One of the boat people knelt and helped him.

The man stood and hugged the captain. Light from the cabin illuminated tears as they mixed with the seawater on the men’s skin.