The guard with the mustache returned soon and, along with him, a maid. She touched Beth for a pat-down search, Casey spewing daggers, later moved on to Casey, Beth grinding her teeth, and ultimately to my lady when she got slapped by my lady’s gloved hands. Hard that she tumbled into the royal guard’s arms.
The poor maid, almost in tears, looked at the guard, who chased her back to the room. “Except you, noble lady,” he almost pointed at my lady, but probably his honed instincts helped him. He did save his finger today. And probably his thick mustache.
My lady grunted, and my [Devil eye] sat atop her head, asking her to calm down for the night. She did and stayed back when the two girls entered the room. I paused at the entrance for a while, hesitant to leave my lady alone.
“Go, mongrel,” she said, and I knew she could protect herself.
She is independent, though overly dependent on me. But for her, I’m like an extension of her body, one that dances according to her will and washes her clothes every morning, and tags along like a puppy. And well, I do.
“But, don’t stare at the obscene women.”
There was trust in her voice, which I never intended to betray. Because we undead value our promises over our life, obviously because we can’t die.
My eye floated to the room and sat atop Casey’s shoulder. She didn’t look disgusted like I expected young nobles girls to be, but Beth was more or less furious. She even tried to slap my eye away, and I floated it around for a while before settling it down over Beth’s head.
Before she could start cursing me, a handsome guy entered my peripheral vision, sprawled amongst three women, one holding a grape over his moth, the other massaging his exposed shoulders, and the third settled down on his legs. As promised, I kept my eye focused on the blue-haired prince on the majestic chair, his expression one that of absolute ecstasy, quite unbecoming of a ruthless demon.
Expectation and reality are different. When I visited the modern world for the first time, there were hardly any vehicles or smartphones, yet thatched houses and excellent bread everywhere. I witnessed wars, the rise of the church, witch hunts, the dominance of men, the humility of women, and walked in step with the time.
The development of mathematics followed, thousands executed every day by those in power for advancing the world because they hated difference. Printing commenced, steam engines dropped by, buildings progressed beyond a limit, skyscrapers started springing up, followed by sports cars, computers, and games.
But, ultimately, all the progress deteriorated the taste of bread that I had to transmigrate to a new world. By the time, I had already decided where. Why I chose my lady was a different story, and for some other time, because the pervert prince, instead of the shrew one, got up.
He was tall, probably more than six and a half feet, while the noble ladies were hardly six. He stepped closer and gripped Casey’s chin, and I reminded Beth not to act foolishly. She didn’t, but her glare couldn’t be more obvious.
The prince moved on the hold Beth’s face, scanning her face for a while before a snicker erupted from his parted lips.
“You both are ugly,” he stayed true to Garlan’s words, much to my surprise.
He graciously let go of Beth’s chin, took a step back, and scanned the faces of his women with much satisfaction. Probably trying to clear his eyes after witnessing the ugliness of the world. By all means, no mortal was ugly or beautiful. It was a matter of era and the personal preference of ignorant mortals.
Were undead beautiful? I’d be more surprised if you didn’t grow sick of your own face after adorning yourself in front of the mirror every damn morning for a millennium. That was why most of the undead preferred having marred faces, or just bones because it helped them stay sane. Why? Because it stopped them from looking at their own reflection. If you thought immortals were peerless beautiful legends that transcended the beauty of the realm, you were scammed. Exceptions did exist, but not many. Even I had marred my face after a millennium, but alas, I needed a good face to buy bread. So, I had to forgo the undead culture.
Beth’s veins throbbed on her forehead, and I heard her teeth gnashing.
“We came here for a different reason, your highness,” Casey curtsied, with Beth following suit with much hesitance.
“And what is that?” the prince asked, not quite in a kind voice. What else can you expect from a nobility who has his brain in his pants?
I hoped Beth wouldn’t lose her temper and yank this pervert prince. Because my lady was outside, and I didn’t know if I would reach her fast enough before the guard touched her.
“Please save my family, your highness,” Casey said, without glancing at the man’s face.
“Baron Hesroeder?” he asked, and instead of hatred, there was interest in his tone. One that was hard to ignore. “How can it benefit me?”
These royalty bastards loved to play around with words. It wasn’t like he didn’t know the treason charges. He probably even understood what Casey intended to promise, but alas, royalty bastards had to act all high and mighty and let those beneath them say the words.
I wonder how my pride would act up if I ever stood before this guy. He was quite the looker but not quite the person. And I wasn’t either of them.
“We have dealings with the Yvenaught empire, your highness,” Casey started, her voice quivering, and I was ready to cast [Fatigue]. My lady had asked me to save her, and I would.
“Oh,” the prince looked more interested now. He smiled, and settled down between the women, and asked, “And why are you telling me that?”
“Because they can help you ascend the throne, your highness,” Casey said. “They can give you the military might if you promise them certain things.”
“And who are you to decide that?” the skepticism of the prince indeed warranted respect.
“This lowly maiden is no one, my lord,” Casey said. “But, my elder brother, the heir of the mansion is.”
“The Baron, little girl,” the prince pulled a woman closer to him and started undoing her clothes. My eye looked away, and I hid behind Beth. Not that anything would affect me, but well, everything would affect my lady. “Your old man died in gallows last night.”
I didn’t know what was happening, but the concubine’s moans were loud and clear, and I heard Beth click her tongue. This guy was scum when compared to the crown prince, but we were selling the kingdom. So, who bought it wasn’t our concern.
The moans grew louder, and I felt my lady’ glare through the door. I totally did, let me tell you.
The noble girls were doing good for a change, and they were more or less unaffected. And I doubt any man would entice them either, nor any woman, for they already had each other.
Casey was devasted by the news, but she didn’t show it on her face. Beth held her hand tightly, and my Devil eye still stayed on the ground until the prince got up.
“How can you help this prince?” he asked, gesturing them to stand up. They did, albeit after much hesitation because there was a strange gleam in the man’s eyes. That was excitement. I knew.
“My elder brother is well acquainted with the minister of war of Yvenaught officialdom. We supply weapon stocks to them regularly, so he has quite a reputation in their court.”
“Oh now, does he?” The prince touched his chin. Despite having blue hair, he wasn’t a member of the heroine’s harem because the men were all virgins who had never touched a woman before.
Am I overqualified? I told you about my hair color before. Further, my lady would burn me at stake, so there was no escaping her. And I didn’t intend to. To top everything, I detested unwarranted goodwill.
This brute man was older than the crown prince by 4 years, yet he was never discovered until the birth of the crown prince, so he ended up becoming the second prince.
As crazy as it sounds, it is true. That is why royal families are one thing you must absolutely avoid, apart from burnt bread, inside out that is.
“What should I do for you?” The prince asked, going back to his deed with his concubine, whatever it was, and I didn’t see.
“Save my family, your highness,” Casey said.
Chandelier dangled in the room above as if it would crash down on my eye. And on the two ladies. Strange smoke lingered in the room, casting a misty afterglow to the walls beyond, maid stationed before them. Even though I could hear with my eye, I couldn’t smell. I might be labeled crazy instead of undead if I could eavesdrop with my nose. The eye was still acceptable.
Silence hung in the room until the prince summoned his guards. We, or they, technically, were asked to leave, and my lady grabbed my eye as soon as I was out. Though I could have escaped easily, I didn’t.
“Did the bastard agree?” my lady asked, keeping my eye in her bosom, not letting me float around.
“His highness didn’t say anything,” Beth said a tad louder so that the guard could hear her, and it worked.
“If he didn’t reject you, it meant he agreed,” the mustache said because I didn’t see the mouth moving.
Casey let out a sigh of relief, and my lady stormed out of the bar, the two noble ladies following her.
“I didn’t see the obscene concubines, my lady,” I said as soon as she held me by my collar.
“Ruddy didn’t, Leti,” Beth supported my words, which surprised me. After all, we don’t really get along.
“Did any woman come to you?” she continued asking.
“No, my lady. A man did, but you are better off not knowing.”
“I should never let you step out of the house,” she seriously pondered on the thought, and I already missed my bakehouse.
“What next, lady Casey?” I asked, and my lady snuggled closer to me, watching the crowd vigilantly. That should have been my job, but a villainess was unconventional.
“We wait?” she asked in return, her eyes downcast. Her father’s death must have hit her hard, but I was the least bothered about it.
Do humans care when moths die? The same logic applies to the undead.
“We wait,” my lady finished for her. “And if it doesn’t work, we kill the prince for vengeance.”
Those words shouldn’t be said in public, but there were abundant drunkards here. Four more didn’t really make a difference.
Thanks for the chapter!!!
Casey, Beth grinding her teeth, and ultimately to my lady when she got slapped by my lady’s gloved hands. Hard that she tumbled into the royal guard’s arms.
The impact led her to collide with the guards]
e they hated difference.
I don’t comprehend why differences are regarded with contempt.
And on the two ladies. Strange smoke lingered in the room, casting a misty afterglow to the walls beyond, (CS)maid stationed before them.
?
@Semi-Analogue
Hm… She has basically become an obsessive freak at this point. I bet she wouldn’t even let the MC go to the toilet anymore, and do the urine collection herself.
Good god. Yanderes are disgusting. It’s true they they are lovely and god tire Waifus but… if it gets too disgusting or obsessive, I think that the MC should at least remind the Villainess about her position, morals and role.
I don’t know man. To me this chapter sounded more like the Villainess was an angry monster who cannot endure the filth of life. She ought to learn some endurance/patience, the MC is the only calm guy around, who basically is going Automatic mode most of the time. I don’t know man.
This chapter is good but their relationship is… well it’s because apparent at this point that she likes him too much to ever let him go.
That's the whole point of their relationship. It's dark (and toxic), even though it seems fluffy on the surface. I have addressed this in one of the character analysis chapter (Lady Letitia 3).
Then again, she's just 17. Letitia will grow up. A lot.
Nice catch on the characters there. Letitia is an aristocrat down to the core, and it will take a long time for her to come out of that toxic mindset.
@Semi-Analogue
True. And her not being able to love but only act out of her possessiveness towards him is interesting.
Well. She is clinging to the only piece of sanity she has left (MC). I understand her character. Nevertheless, if he wants her to rule like a true villainess, he has to teach her how.
For example. Taking control of the underworld to rise founds for her living expenses. Hire guards and maids by using the MC help. She could even try assassinating the crown princess with his help so that the Disgusting 2nd prince can ascend the throne and start a civil war inside the nation. Allowing her to strike all her enemies when they are weakened once their fight is over.
If enemy countries want to interfere. She can just rise an army and conquer that country together with his help.
There is so much she could do but which really is the true way Author?
Yes. She's been betrayed by everyone she loved, so her possessiveness is warranted. She might lose it all if Undead ever lies to her.
Conspiracies will start brewing in next arc along with a lot of world building.
What else can you expect from a nobility who has his brain in his pants?
could (maybe)
had
Casey started, her voice quivering, and I ready to cast [Fatigue].
I was ready.
gesturing them to stand up
gesturing for them.
As crazy as it sounds, it’s true.
it was true.
Her father’s death must have hit her hard, but I was least bothered about it.
not.
or maybe the least.
since you asked about advice, I'll offer what little I know:
you use commas excessively. here for example:
The guard with the mustache returned soon and, along with him, a maid.
this could be easily rewritten as The guard with the mustache returned soon, and along with him a maid.
there are also a couple sentences that don't look natural, but I have no idea what you'd call them (run-on/incomplete?) I could provide a few examples if you want.
the narration in first person makes tenses a bit confusing (why the very first edit is a maybe), but it's not noticeable most of the time.
that's about it I think. there are always more things to improve, but that'd be a bit too much - and somewhat unnecessary.
Thanks a lot for these edits! I'll make these changes at the earliest.
I usually write in third person's pov, so these are really helpful pointers.
Regarding the tenses, I use present tense for universally true statements. The undead monologue usually fall under this category, so you can find them in present at times.
I'll write everything in past if it makes reading easier. The incomplete sentences are meant as such. Something like single word sentences, but I'll try to reduce them.
I'll keep the comma issues at the back of my mind while proofreading.
Again, thank you for your time and these amazing edits! They help me guage my writing.
@Semi-Analogue No problem. I figured that was the case for the narration. For the other edits, I thought I'd point them out. You can disregard them as you wish - this is just my personal opinion after all. I don't think the coherency is affected, otherwise readers would have pointed it out - so you do you my man.
And keep up the good work.
@blox77 Yeah! Thank you for the kind words!
Thx for the chap
You're welcome
Hoho I wonder how they'll start their evil plans
Well, there's something more evil brewing
@Semi-Analogue
Coockie?
Thx for the chapter!
You're welcome :)