❦

A needle
pierces me

all over.

Ten needles.

Or one needle
ten times.

Either way,

The world goes
dark.

Wrapped in
old darkness,

I have space

to think.
To sort out

what's real

and what's not.

Not much is real—
I realise.

Barely anything

happened.

I'll wake up again,
sitting in my armchair

waiting for medicine time.

Tammie will be

leaning against me,
her foul breath

on my cheek,

reminding me
of the past.

The days
will repeat themselves.

People I barely know
will leave,

people I get to know
will also leave.

The days will pass

like this.

Neverending.

No one disappointed me,
it was my own expectations

that let me down.

I killed Tammie

again.

That afternoon

in my room,
just before O Levels,

she betrayed me.

I was hallucinating.

I keep hallucinating—
that's why I'm so tiring to be with.

I can't tell

what's real.

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