7thSage: Hey

7thSage: Big news!

melsalvia: :o 

melsalvia: what is itt

melsalvia: much excite

7thSage: I’m finally making as much money from streaming as I do from my fast food job!

7thSage: And as a bonus it doesn’t make me smell like stale grease forever

7thSage: I think I’m going to give notice soon

7thSage: It’s not like I had that many hours anyway

melsalvia: pog!

7thSage: Really the main downside is that I won’t get free coffee

melsalvia: hmm i can make u coffee

melsalvia: simp simp

7thSage: Aw

7thSage: Mel have I recently mentioned that you’re very cute

melsalvia: hmm, no, doesn’t sound familiar

7thSage: Really? Dang, I’ve been slacking

7thSage: Let me make up for that

7thSage: You’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute 

melsalvia: GAY

melsalvia: frankly, very homosexual

melsalvia: oh wait sorry I meant to say

melsalvia: no u

7thSage: <3

7thSage: My schedule should be a lot more flexible after I quit

7thSage: So maybe we can hang out more?

melsalvia: yeee

melsalvia: make ur own hours

melsalvia: be ur own boss

melsalvia: girlboss

melsalvia: oh that reminds me

melsalvia: how’s the tryin new pronouns going

melsalvia: personally im anti-noun

7thSage: lol

7thSage: It’s good! Mostly

melsalvia: mostly?

7thSage: well I think that uh some people online didn’t get the memo

7thSage: Or maybe they’re just assholes

melsalvia: oh no

melsalvia: was this in twitch chat or discord? I’ve been trying my best to keep a handle on things

7thSage: Nah this was on, like, Twitter and in YouTube comments

melsalvia: boo Twitter

melsalvia: boo YouTube

melsalvia: truly the crotch and armpit of the internet

melsalvia: i would probably recommend blocking any transphobes on twitter

melsalvia: there’s a lott of them on there unfortunately

melsalvia: with YouTube i think u can disable comments

7thSage: IDK I don’t want to just, like, shut all conversation down. People might just be genuinely making a mistake, you know? I don’t want to assume malicious intent and I don’t want to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch

melsalvia: hmm 

melsalvia: i get that but also like u gotta think about urself babe

melsalvia: sometimes i think it’s not worth trying to always be open and sincerely engage with people on the internet

melsalvia: cuz there’s a lot of people on there who probably want to waste your time and energy, and often they use the cover of being curious or uncertain about things or politically neutral 

melsalvia: and also there’s like lots of other kinds of people on there who might also tire u out, tho maybe not on purpose

melsalvia: like, people with fandom brain or people who want a minor internet celebrity to notice them or whatever

melsalvia: idk sorry maybe im being a bit rude to people or kinda just venting about my own bad experiences

melsalvia: i just don’t want u to feel obligated to always engage with things if its gonna make u upset or burnt out

melsalvia: u can just stream and interact with people who are like known quantities

melsalvia: obviously its up to you

melsalvia: i just kinda think of it like this i guess

melsalvia: comments and discourse and stuff on the internet are kinda like a stove

melsalvia: u might look at it from a distance and be like hmm i wonder if this stove is hot

melsalvia: but it’s probably not worth touchin it to find out

melsalvia: cuz either ur gonna get burned or like nothing happens

melsalvia: outcome is either negative or neutral

melsalvia: and i mean obviously u might see positive comments or whatever

melsalvia: but if i correctly understand ur vibe, ur gonna fixate on any negatives

melsalvia: cuz u have “former gifted child” brain where u expect immediate perfection from urself and always feel like ur not good enough and maybe you’ll finally feel good enough if u get enough external validation or praise or good grades or high pay or whatever

melsalvia: but i think that’s kinda a mistake

melsalvia: sometimes u gotta just do what u wanna do and make content that you can be proud of and try to not let other people sway ur opinion too much

melsalvia: anyway sorry about the like huge wall of text

7thSage: Don’t apologize! It’s fine

7thSage: I’m a fast reader

7thSage: Overall I get what you’re saying and I think you have some good points

7thSage: But also, like, if I’m going to try to make a living streaming I feel like I have to give my audience what they want

7thSage: Recently it feels like stuff about gender on the stream has had people turning sour on it

7thSage: People maybe just want me to shut up and play vidya games

7thSage: It hurts though to feel like people are just there for one very specific kind of content like speedrunning Zelda randomizers or whatever, because it feels like they don’t care about me as a person or like I could lose a lot of my audience and support if I wanted to try something new

7thSage: Which I kind of do

7thSage: You’re definitely right that I feel on the edge of burning out

7thSage: And that I have a bad habit of getting mad at myself if I’m not immediately good at something, especially if I know a big audience is watching

7thSage: God, maybe trying to stream as a job is a mistake

7thSage: I feel like I always do this. I end up ruining something that I started doing for fun by focusing too much on how well it goes or how good I am at it

7thSage: It feels sort of suffocating

melsalvia: I know this is easier said than done but pls try to be nicer to urself

melsalvia: do not think about how good u are at things

melsalvia: simply try to do things that u enjoy

melsalvia: no thoughts, only vibing

7thSage: Yeah I mean I wish I could turn off that part of my brain that’s always judging myself

7thSage: But it’s really hard

7thSage: Honestly the reason I’ve been consistently eating edibles when I visit u is because that’s one of the few things that seems to help

7thSage: that and cuddling with a cute girl

melsalvia: yeah i definitely get that

melsalvia: i think ur generally nice to people around u so i just want u to try and extend the same like patience and empathy to urself

melsalvia: i mean u didnt judge me when u saw me sucking ass at elden ring lol

7thSage: Sounds like a skill issue

7thSage: lol jk

7thSage: But yeah, I’ll try to work on that (but I can’t promise too much)

7thSage: Honestly I’ve been kind of worrying that I’m getting a bit psychologically addicted to weed

7thSage: Like, I know it’s not chemically addictive

7thSage: But

melsalvia: i DEFINITELY get that

melsalvia: i don’t think i’ve really talked to u about this but like

melsalvia: when i was younger (and dumber, and generally super depressed bcuz of what was major dysphoria in retrospect) i got into some stuff way harder than weed

melsalvia: some of that stuff was uh not exactly legal and also was probably not great for my health

melsalvia: i guess i tend to see weed as the lesser of two evils

melsalvia: like, at least it’s not gonna get u arrested in california and it’s not gonna fuck up your brain or whatever given that ur like 25

melsalvia: i mean i definitely think one can have a problematic relationship with weed

melsalvia: but in most cases including urs i think the real issue is like mental health and stress and you being really self critical as a habitual thing

melsalvia: i wouldn’t say the weed itself is the problem exactly

melsalvia: to me this comes back to the thing of trying to be nicer to urself

melsalvia: if that makes sense

melsalvia: also side note, some drugs are absolutely not worth doing for anyone lol

melsalvia: maybe i got unlucky but i swear mushrooms are a scam

melsalvia: and nitrous oxide lasts for a hilariously short time

melsalvia: also uh salvia is not a good drug despite being in my name

melsalvia: here’s a good demonstration of its effects lol

melsalvia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIlyXs8VZvo

melsalvia: lol

7thSage: will watch later

7thSage: and yeah I think part of my brain is using all the McGruff the Crime Dog war-on-drugs propaganda as another reason to get mad at myself

7thSage: My brain wildly catastrophizing (is that a word?) and claiming that drugs will inevitably lead to me living on the streets or whatever

melsalvia: i lived out of my car for a while in long beach and honestly it wasn’t that bad lol

melsalvia: altho it’s hard to avoid getting stinky if u don’t have access to a shower

melsalvia: but yeah just try n be nice to urself cutie

melsalvia: i mean, u live with ur mom and she’s pretty chill right?

melsalvia: even if u didn’t make any money it would probably be fine?

7thSage: Yeah that’s fair

7thSage: I guess I just don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on her or useless or a leech or whatever

melsalvia: if u said those things about anyone else i would take it as a big political red flag tbh

melsalvia: soundin like a conservative politician complaining about welfare

melsalvia: i know u don’t mean it like that tho

melsalvia: just try n remember that a person’s value isn’t the amount of money they make

melsalvia: for example at one end of the scale, teachers, and at the other end, CEOs

melsalvia: i guess what i’m saying is eat the rich

7thSage: Vore?!

7thSage: Also yes I eventually looked up what that was and I regretted it

melsalvia: damn lost ur uh vore-ginity

7thSage: Cursed

7thSage: lol

7thSage: Oh ok my mom is calling me for dinner

7thSage: TTYL!

melsalvia: cu qt

melsalvia: be nice to my gf

melsalvia: <3