CW: Explicit language, sexual content, mentions of panic attacks/anxiety around trauma.

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This week is going to be four chapters ~ ^3^

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It took a full two weeks outside of the Training Room for the Rat to find his voice.

Until then, Bucky had exclusively taken care of him, delegating much of her usual duties and clients onto the other senior Roses while she tended to their new Rosebud.

Not one spoke out in protest. The Rosebud had, after all, spent almost four months in the Training Room while most of them had only spent a week. And yet, the Rat is cognisant and speaking so soon after leaving the cellar, much to Bucky’s relief.

She runs her fingers across his back, from his right shoulder to left hip, working the oily balm into the ugly, jagged scar that splits his torso in twain. Her brows furrow in focus and consternation, especially when she inspects the puckered pink scar tissue, tender and slightly inflamed.

The raven squirms on his belly as she pokes gently at the scar, shoulders tensing with every touch. He raises his head to catch her in his periphery, but she quickly pushes his head back down with a tut. “Are you a fish? Lie still and I’ll be able to finish faster.”

“But it tickles,” Rin mumbles, dropping his chin down onto his arms. He sighs and drowses, dark purple shadows smudged into the thin skin below his eyes. His face is sallow and slightly gaunt, ode to the many wretched and sleepless nights he’s had to endure since coming to his senses. “I don’t see why you gotta do this anyway. It’s just a stupid scar.”

“A Rose must be in pristine condition when serving their clients. This includes treating physical injuries until it has been completely healed.” Bucky sits back on her haunches, twisting the lid back on the tub of healing ointment. She eyes the too-skinny figure sprawled across the bed with a worried frown. Outwardly, Rin the Rat seems back to his regular self. He’s the same sardonic, loud-mouthed little bitch he always has been. And yet Bucky knows that something has changed.

Every night, the Rat relentlessly paces his modest room from wall to wall, dusk to dawn, as if he could outpace his need for sleep. Of course, he would eventually collapse after a few days, but would awaken not a few hours later in a hysterical panic. This is a common side effect of the Training Room, amongst a myriad of others. Eventually, they would fade after several days of recovery. For Rin, it may take even longer.

“It’s already healed,” the boy scowls, pushing himself upright. The greasy ointment feels strange and heavy on his back and he rolls his shoulders with a grimace.

“Not until I say it is,” Bucky retorts, slipping off the bed. She sets the tub onto the bedside table and goes to wash her hands in the water basin. “How do you feel? Any aches or pains?”

“I feel fine. I’m perfectly healthy, Bucky, so you can relax.”

Rin hops off the bed to slip on a green chiffon robe, simple and plain in design. The silken cincture pinches in his waist when he ties it close, making the fabric intimately cling to his body. He sits in front of the vanity and starts brushing his hair, which falls well past his shoulders in beautiful silken tresses. When he glances at the senior Rose through the mirror, he catches her watching him closely as she dries her hands on a cloth.

“What is it now?” he sighs, raising a brow. He’s used to the woman acting overly protective around him, but today has been...exasperating.

The Rose gives him a wry smile and sets down the cloth. She strides to the dresser and gently tugs the brush from his hand much to his chagrin. “Let me,” she says, her touch soothing, if not relaxing. “I do love your hair, Rin.”

Despite himself, his heavy eyes droop close and he stifles a yawn, drowsing like a pampered pet. “Are you kidding? Most Easterners have my hair. It’s nothing special like yours.”

“I am a native Easterner as well.”

He opens an eye at that, squinting at Bucky’s reflection with incredulity. “Really? You don’t look it.”

“My father was Eastern and my mother was Northern. Obviously, I look more like my mother, but I feel every bit Eastern.”

“Hm. I suppose I do see it after all.” He hums and closes his eye, tilting his head back slightly to give Bucky easier reach. “So what’s bothering you? You keep looking at me like I’m about to die.”

“...”

“Wait.” His eyes snap open, brows shooting to his hairline. “Am I--?”

“No, no, of course not,” the Rose tuts, setting down the brush to free her hands. “Don’t be silly.”

“Then why--?”

“Your training,” she cuts him off, sharply. Her lips purse and she tries again, this time her tone is gentler. “Your Rosebud training. It’s to begin today.”

Silence falls thickly between them. Rin gazes blankly at his own reflection as the senior Rose deftly braids his hair with the strands from above his ears. The rest of his hair tumbles down his back, a few locks catching on his shoulders. Simple wax flowers are placed in his braid, lining the elegant knots at his temples.

When Bucky has him turn in his seat and starts dusting his face with power, he finally remembers to speak, voice cracking midway. “What...what is it like? The training? Is it anything like the…” Pupils constrict to needlepoints. His pulse quickens and a cold sweat breaks out on his forehead.

“It’s nothing like the Training Room,” Bucky says quickly, pausing to give his shoulder a comforting squeeze. “It will be in one of the Orchid Rooms with me and another senior Rose. The Madame has allowed me to give you medicine for your nerves, if you should require it. But it will just be the three of us for today.”

Rin pushes out a light breath and nods, shoulders relaxing. He stares quietly at the Rose as she concentrates on his face, covering the dark smudges under his tired eyes and injecting colour into his lips and cheeks with some rouge.

“Are we going to fuck?” he asks, bluntly. While he finds his friend rather attractive, he feels uneasy at the thought of being intimate with her. It’s not quite what he envisioned when he thought of becoming a Rose.

“Of course not,” Bucky says, lips twisting slightly to the side. “I am your attendant, meaning that I am responsible for preparing you sufficiently for your debut. Today, I will be assessing your skills and your tastes to see where you might fit within the palace.”

“So what’s the other Rose for?”

“Duri will be your partner. He will be acting as a client.” Seeing the frown on Rin’s face, she quickly adds, “Don’t worry. He’s quite good with Rosebuds and very discreet. Nothing you do during the assessment will leave the room.”

Rin purses his lips but says nothing more on the matter. Even if he complained, all he’d be doing is showing the Madame how unfit he is as a Rose. No, he has to gain her acknowledgement. If he fails to pass his trial as a Rosebud, he would be immediately ousted from the palace in a disgrace. He’d rather die than disappoint the Madame.

Clenching his trembling fists, the raven pulls in a calming breath and smiles at himself in the mirror.

***

Duri sits at the low ebony table on a zabuton, sipping Windroot wine from a hot ceramic cup. He’s a tall youth with a broad, strong figure and a plain face. His features are gentle and warm however, which gives him a steady beauty not often seen in the Palace. White sleep robes wrap around his firm body and his cropped mahogany hair is slicked back.

Rin can’t help but be taken by those clear black eyes, flashing gold whenever they catch the dancing flames. He stands uneasily before the young man, leaning his weight from one leg to the other.

Behind Duri, Bucky sits elegantly on the couch, face half-hidden in the flickering shadows. She smiles coolly and waves a hand at him, indicating for him to settle. “Calm yourself, Rosebud. We just have a few questions to get through and then you can show me what you can do.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just hurry it up, won’t you?” Rin grumbles, adjusting his mask for the umpteenth time. Sweat prickles the skin around the edges and causes an irritating itch.

Grey eyes flare with a sudden pop from the fireplace, a rogue flame lashing the air. “Your age?”

“Twenty? Twenty five? I dunno. Not really keeping count.”

She rolls her eyes. “Any diseases, illnesses, or injuries?”

A hesitation. “None.”

Bucky raises a brow, but she continues. “What is your experience?”

“Vast. Endless. Neverending.” Rin flashes a grin, teeth gleaming in the gloom. “I couldn’t even tell you how many people I’ve done.”

She leans forward, resting her elbows upon her knees. Her hands clasp loosely together. “Men? Women?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Giver or receiver?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you enjoy in bed?”

Rin purses his lips, eyes narrowing. “I. Don’t. Know.”

The senior Rose pushes a sigh through her nose and leans back into the couch. As expected, any question that had to do with his preferences would only be met with a blank. Madame Kahin’s influence is extensive, after all.

“Good. That will make it significantly easier for you,” she says with a bitter taste in her mouth. “It’s about what the client wants and needs. Their preferences are your preferences, understand?”

The Rat clicks his teeth together, eyes narrowing. “I know that. I consider those things all the time.”

“Then show me,” the Rose says, gesturing to the silent and serene Duri with a wave of her palm. “Show me how you would treat your client.”

With a surge of confidence, the raven smirks and saunters towards Duri, stepping smoothly over the table and dropping right into the Rose’s lap. He wraps his legs around the man’s  torso, squeezing his plush thighs into his strong waist. One hand rests upon a broad shoulder while the other idly pets his chest.

Duri had slid his drink to the side when Rin’s bare feet threatened to topple his set up, thus saving his precious wine. Without breaking his serene expression, the Rose calmly drinks as he gazes up at those glittering hellebores.

Duri’s eyes flicker golden in the firelight and Rin’s heart skips a beat. His mouth goes dry. The pearl in his throat rolls several times. He tilts his head and pecks the man’s jaw, heart pounding messily in his chest.

From this angle, Duri’s face melds into another. Golden eyes that regard him with an unending warmth. That beautiful, regal nose and tender, generous mouth. His sun-kissed cheeks that flush a gentle pink when he’s being teased. And those oaken locks, always so neat without a single hair out of place…

Sighing wistfully, the raven stretches out his slender fingers to rake through the little lord’s hair, his palm coming to rest upon his nape. He angles forward, pressing their bodies together. He can feel the other’s heartbeat, steady and strong. Soft lips graze the lord’s mouth, planting featherlight kisses on each corner.

Strong hands come to grip his lithe waist, fingers gently kneading the cushiony flesh there.

Rin’s body is awash with a brilliant heat, his core roiling like molten lava. With increasing hunger, he pushes his mouth against Jun’s, his small pink tongue forcing those tender lips open to steal a taste. His little lord tastes like wine, slightly sweet and slightly bitter. A shiver runs down his spine and he deepens the kiss, ringing his arms around the lord’s neck.

Soon, Jun responds just as enthusiastically, and the raven moans brokenly against his tender mouth as his hunger sharpens. He melts into the other, turning boneless in his lord’s arms, thighs quivering and breaths scattered. His head spins. His flesh burns. His hips grind into Jun’s lap and something rapidly hardens beneath.

Rin gasps when they part, a string of saliva connecting their swollen lips. He licks his lord’s bruised mouth with a flick of his tongue and gives an extra sultry grind, drawing a low chested rumbling from the man.

The noble tightens his grip on Rin’s hips and forcibly rocks them at an angle that causes the most exquisite friction. The raven intakes sharply as bolts of pleasure sears his loins. The friction from the cloth of his robes and the hardness below, rapidly causes his own piece to twitch and swell.

“Little lord…” He huffs against Jun’s cheek, dropping his temple upon his shoulder. Hellebores are narrowed into molten slits, heavy with desire. “Tell me what you want--”

“Stop.” A sharp voice cuts through the thick haze of pleasure.

The rocking obediently stops. Jun’s strong hands lift the raven from his lap and sets him down upon the table. Rin sways, a little delirious. He frowns at the cold wood under his thighs, irritation clearing away the haze like a wintry blast.

When he returns to his senses, it’s a slightly flushed Duri that meets his gaze, not the little lord. Those goldens replaced with dark, feverish eyes. That tender mouth is thin and wide, tilted up into an unfamiliar grin. His little lord is gone and along with him, the raven’s passion.

He wrenches Duri’s hands away and scrambles to his feet, quickly pacing away from the man. His steps are a tad unsteady and he comes to lean against the hearth. But no matter how close he stands to the fire, he can’t seem to get rid of the chill that’s settled deep into his bones.

“Who is he?” Bucky asks, watching her shaken charge hawkishly.

“Who is who?” Rin’s voice wavers and he clenches his fists, trying desperately to control his rattling heart.

“The one you were thinking of.”

He glances to the senior Rose, scowling. “I don’t know what you’re--”

“You can’t do that. Not as a Rose.” Bucky says, her expression softening. “Whoever you have in your heart, you need to let him go. As a Rose, we’re not allowed to have anyone. Do you understand?”

“No,” Rin snaps, pushing a fist into the burning mantle. “I don’t understand.”

“We must devote our entirety to Madame Kahin. How can we properly devote ourselves to her if we hold another in our heart? This is the most important rule for a Rose, so take heed - do not fall in love."

“It is Her will and so it shall be.” Duri’s voice rumbles beneath Bucky’s voice, his serene expression returned, along with the wine.

"Sure, I understand being devoted to the Madame." The raven pushes himself from the hearth to glare at the senior Roses. “But how can I give her my entirety if I’m fucking twenty clients? It doesn’t make any sense.”

"Lust and love are two different things, Rin. We offer her our bodies as a sign of our devotion. With more training, you will come to understand this. And you will also learn how to survive.” The last is uttered in a low tone as a sudden austerity overtakes the blonde Rose. When she stands, her piercing gaze locks onto Rin’s, holding him hostage until he acknowledges her words.

“Fine. Whatever. I still think it doesn't make much sense.”

“It is the Madame’s will,” Duri rumbles, frowning at the petulant Rosebud. “Do you not respect Her will?”

Ice water douses his insides. His heart leaps into his throat. An unspeakable terror like none other crawls up his spine and stabs at his heart, injecting its venom deep into his flesh. “...of course I do,” he says, tremulously, cheeks blanching chalk white. “How could I not? It is Her will...and-and so it shall be.”

Warmth alights Duri’s face. “Good. You are a fine Rosebud, Rin. I think you have potential - don’t you, Bucky?”

“Yes, he does.” Her words are as cold as her expression as she watches the raven sweat and tremble. A somber smile touches her lips. “He has great potential.”