Have you ever had a day where everything felt grey? 

 

Like the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, but it just felt like the color was leached out of the world? 

 

I’ve felt like that most of my life.  

 

I would find color in small things.  

 

My hobbies. My friends. Little moments. 

 

That is what kept me going, those moments of color. Finding little joys and experiences that let me go ‘Ah. That was fun.’ giving me enough hope to keep going until I found the next little joy. 

 

As I got older, those little joys were spread further apart. Spiked with dark scars that would rip my heart. I got very good at pulling myself together, baling wire and duct tape as my father was want to describe do it yourself repairs.  

 

Through the years I would often wonder why so much was just so grey. That I felt no drive to better myself. 

 

How I was content with the little bursts of color, the little lights. It was why I didn’t strive for more. 

 

One day I found a genre of stories. 

 

One that was a little strange to me, but the more I read, the more I wished I was this or that character, wanted to be them, to have their chance. What would I do? What would I strive for? How would I react? 

 

And each time the thought of that gave me a little joy. Gave me dreams in color. Made me rethink how I reacted to things over the path of my life. 

  

One of those thoughts made me think of how I dressed. Do I like this? Do I care what others think when I dress like this? 

 

Being in my 40’s I was aware that I could not truly dress any way I felt. Though it gave me more options. I started buying brighter and patterned shirts. Just this small thing started to bring more color to my life. Knowing each day, I had a choice of bright and fun things to wear. It made me feel more alive. 

 

I would still think back though. Wishing that I had chosen to do this many, many years ago. How would my life have changed if I had decided to do what I wished to do decades ago, how would my world have changed? 

 

I probably would have suffered decades of abuse from others, but I would probably, most likely, have been a much happier person. I would have been much happier inside. 

 

What if... What could have been... sigh... 

 

I pushed the thoughts back into the box in my mind. The whirlpool that is that kind of thought could easily drag you down into oblivion.  

 

I caged myself in the word ‘content’. I placed my life on the road that was called mundanity. I convinced myself that my life was fine. That the dreams I had as a teenager, about what I was and what I wished I was were so far out of reach, that I should just be content with the way my life is.  

I think that is what hurts the most.  

 

My dreams when I was a teen, were vivid and even sometimes felt real. I dreamt of a life so far from my own. A body so far from my own.  

 

I dreamt I was a girl. Long before I even understood what that meant. That dream was something I wished I could dream. Every night for a long time I would lay down to go to sleep, and I prayed to whatever god that would listen, that I would have those dreams again. 

 

After a while, I realized there was little I could do about it. I was afraid to talk about those dreams to anyone. Who would listen to the short, depressed, fat kid, dreaming of being a beautiful, outgoing, girl? 

 

It was at age 14 I learned to jam my thoughts and dreams into a box. Pushing them deeper into that cage. Not knowing I was not the only one that had dreams like this. Not knowing there were people just like me in the world. I wish I could have talked to them. I wish I could have spoken about my dreams.  

 

I have met many kinds of people in my life. Envied many of them. But I also have lived by a motto... One I made almost around the same time I started jamming my dreams into a box...  

 

“I don’t care what you believe in, or what you do. If you like guys or girls. As long as whatever you do doesn’t hurt anyone, as long as it makes you happy. Then go on keep doing it.” I added an addendum to this as I got older ‘As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone (and if it does, that it’s consensual)’ because I learned of things I didn’t know when I was younger.  

 

But I kept myself in my box. I offered my meager words of wisdom when I had them. To those I hoped would listen. I worked and did what I had to do. I spent what I had on things that I thought brought me joy. 

 

Maybe this is why I felt the need to do what I did.  

 

I saw a young woman freeze up, her eyes on the speeding car, swerving out of control, and my instant reaction was to move. Not to dive out of the way to save myself, but to push her out of the road. 

 

My grey life was not worth hers. She could go on to do so much more. When I was barely finding a reason to go to work, other than to feed my cat and pay my bills.  

 

Maybe her life will find some color, maybe her life already has so much color, and I am keeping a life worth living alive.  

 

I don’t know. I just wanted her to live. That’s all. 

 

The car hitting me was moments of excruciating pain, before nothing washed over me. A greyness that was akin to white. A white that was more like grey.  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The bearded old god was quite honestly shocked. He had lost the bet. 

 

His eyes moved to the woman across from him, an eyebrow raised in question. 

 

She read his expression, and quietly smiled, wanting him to voice it. Wanting to win another time. In a different battle. 

 

He groans knowing she would wait an eternity for him to ask, so he did, “How did you guess he would save her? He was so... grey inside, bland. Normal. How did you know he would throw his life away?” 

 

She simply smiled at the older god, “Because he wasn’t. Not one of the souls down there are. He wanted to matter. A little voice in his head, all through his life, screamed. He wanted to matter. To do something, anything, to not be what he was, to be something more. To that woman. He mattered. He saved her life. Gave his for hers. She’ll find out about him, speak to his family, adopt his cat. And remember him for the rest of her life. But he won’t know that. All he knows. Is that she lived. And that was enough for him.” 

 

The old god sighed and began rubbing his face, “Maybe I am getting jaded in my old age.” he looked to the goddess, lowering his hands, “Very well. I admit this defeat. What is it you want?”  

 

She grinned at him, “The world of Roua. You’ve left it dormant; it’s pottering along but it seems like a fun little world. Plus, you’ve been focusing on these magicless worlds for so long. I think I would handle it better.” 

 

He nodded as he ran his hand through his beard. “Done. I’ll send the system control card to your domain.” 

 

She then spoke again, “And.” 

 

He stopped and raised his eyebrow again, “And?” his thoughts wondering where she would find a second victory in that she could claim a second prize. 

 

She smiled much more softly than before, “I want that soul, the one that just moved on. I won a world. It won it for me. I think I’ll take it with me.” 

 

He slowly thought about it, then nodded, one soul is very little in the scheme of things. “Fine. Fine. Take it.” a simple gesture and the soul is washed in seethrough clear magic, passing its circle of reincarnation from his processing, to the goddess's.  

 

She continued to smile at the old god, “Call me again next time you want to make a bet. It was fun.” she winked at him, and faded from view, taking the soul with her. Leaving the old god looking at the spinning world below him. Wondering... Thinking... pondering if there is something he too can do to add more … color. 

 

He also smiled, the young goddess not knowing he had already seen through her plan but had truly not thought he’d have lost the bet. Well, it was only one little world, and she had already been running it practically in his name since long ago.  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The goddess sat looking out over the expanse of the world she had just won.  

 

A smile played across her face as she looked at the many little countries and races, peoples of fantasy and fables. 

 

“My first world.” she giggled and clapped her hands in a moment of pure joy. She had gone millennia as another god's helper. Getting her achievements, working up the celestial energies needed to be the god of her very own world. She knew she was too young to spin up a personal world, as well as its universe. She’d have to work millennia more before she had the strength to create a whole system. But with this bet, she had gambled and won. It was a boosted start. She got a completed world. She still had to complete her contracts with the other god. Finish out the terms of the junior position. She was just lucky to work for a god that was happy to have her in the pantheon of a few of the worlds that had them. A bit of a nice believer boost, and got her the strength she needed to get this project underway. 

 

Her eyes moved to the sphere of energy, the soul she brought with her as the bonus prize. A smile played across her lips, “Thanks to you.” she snapped her fingers and the sphere unfolds into a small space. Taking the form of a small kitchen, a comfortable place. Closed off from the world around it, where a humanoid shape made of energy now sits on one of the chairs at the small glass breakfast table, its softly glowing head turning back and forth, in an obvious act of confusion. 

 

The goddess took her form, of a transcendent woman, her lime-colored hair floating in the waves of glowing golden power radiating from her. Her diaphanous dress is in autumnal colors, shifting through subtle dark browns, up to glittering sunset oranges. Her body shape is that of a woman in her prime, fit, but there is obvious excess that draws the eyes to her chest and hips, giving her a sensual appeal.  

 

She then moved over and sat across from the glowing soul. Smiling at it as it got its bearings. 

 

~Where am I? I thought I died. ~ 

 

“You are in my realm. And to answer your second question. Yes, you are dead.” She continued to smile at the glowing soul. 

 

~Oh. ~ is all it said for a moment, before looking around, ~The afterlife is a kitchen? Or is this like those books I read, sort of a way-station before I get sent back into the eternal wheel of reincarnation? ~  

 

She waited, letting the soul continue, able to feel its need to ask all its questions.  

 

~Or is this the gates, and we’re about to sit down and weigh my life to see if I’m allowed to go to heaven? Though I wasn’t exactly pious. I’m thinking limbo? Or maybe one of the upper layers of the hot place? ~  

 

The goddess shook her head, “No it is not a kitchen. It is probably is a lot like the books you read. I see them in your memories, and they seem quite fun. In a way this is a stopover before reincarnation, but not in the sense that you are thinking.” she then grins, “I’m not big on the whole smite or reward situation that comes with that system of a religious afterlife. So don’t ever expect that.” 

She then became serious, “Laying down some truth for you now. You just won me something I wanted for a very long time. Something that would have been impossible for me to get without,” she let out a gentle laugh, “well, divine intervention.”  

 

The form nodded as it listened, its shapeless face looking at the goddess, ~Cool. Um... is this because I saved that girl? I mean... Was she supposed to reincarnate as a hero somewhere? ~ 

 

The goddess shook her head with a soft laugh, “No. She was just at the wrong place at the right time. The bet was simple, would you save her?”  

 

~Of course, I would. ~ The spirit sounded angry like they had been insulted. 

 

The goddess lifted her hands placatingly, “I know you would, and did. It’s what I bet on. Thank you for being you.” 

 

The spirit seemed to calm down and nodded again, ~Um, you’re welcome? And thank you. For you know, betting on me. ~ 

 

The goddess smiled, “You are very welcome. Well, I also took you from the cycle of reincarnation your original god had you in, and you are now bound to me, and my world.” she then grinned widely, “So let's have some fun, shall we?”