Prologue
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My first chapter ever... Let me know how I did down in the comments.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me!" an angel shouted before burying his head in his hands, his halo dimming and wings drooping in despair.

"What's up?" a second one looked over from his own screen. They were in a room with countless other angels staring and typing away at their computers. The room was usually silent apart from the occasional cough or sneeze and the tick tacking of keyboards. A sign displaying [Reincarnation Department] adorned the upper middle section of one of the walls. A couple of the other angels looked over from their work to the unexpected commotion, curious to see what was causing the first angel so much distress.

"My work load just increased by seven billion," the first said with his voice muffled behind his hands.

The second angel's eyes widened and his halo flashed with surprise, "Seven billion!?" The first angel could only nod. The second angel just stared in shock for a second before looking down. "Well... they gave us the [Help Required] button for a reason," he said as he hit a red button on the top right of his keyboard. A brilliant white light shone from the ceiling and an angel in a black business suit with an air of authority materialized behind them. 

"Help was requested?" it asked, its lifeless eyes scanning the two angels in front of him, halo and wings completely still.

"Everyone on Earth just died," the first explained, finally removing his hands from his face to reveal teary eyes, "A black hole jet just cosmically bitch-slapped the planet into atoms."

The manager just looked at the first angel for a second before a sigh escaped his lips, "Of course it did..." He closed his eyes in concentration, and after a long moment plus another heavy sigh, "Well, we might as well get started." Turning to the first angel, "Number 42, start evaluating and sorting the souls by a [Karmic Value] of 0-100. Once you're done you will assist Number 43 with his portion of the project."

"Alright, do you want to sort it by overall [Karmic Value] or separate the good and bad [Karmic Value]?" Number 42 asked, slightly relieved that The Manager already had a plan in mind to deal with the catastrophe.

Another moment, "Separate the two. It will be more work and harder to implement a program to direct the souls to an appropriate reincarnation, but it will be higher quality than combining them and also way easier in the long run compared to reincarnating each soul individually."

"Understood," Number 42 acknowledged as he started to type away furiously on his keyboard, a complicated sorting algorithm already taking form on his screen. His halo that was dim just a minute ago was already regaining some of its shine.

The Manager turned to the second angel, "Number 43, you should start working on a system that will place the sorted souls into appropriate situations based on their [Karmic Values]. Higher [Good Karma] means more possible rewards and higher [Bad Karma] means more possible risks in the soul's placement," The Manager paused as Number 43 slammed his head into his keyboard, "Number 44 and Number 45 will be helping you." Groans could be heard coming from Number 43's right as the two angels that were just conscripted cursed their misfortune. The Manager looked over to the other two, "Just get it done. I know it's a pain in the ass, but the quicker you three complete your task, the faster you can go back to managing your worlds. In the meantime, I have to get back to writing my reports for the higher ups. When you have questions or an anomaly shows up, hit the [Help Required] button, and I'll assist you." With those final words, the same light from before shone down on The Manager and beamed him away to wherever he writes his reports. 

 


 

Several hours passed as the four angels slaved away at their computers. Number 42, having already finished his portion, turned to his coworkers and, with a slight red tint to his halo, he opened his mouth, "Thanks again, you guys. I... I definitely would not have been able to catch up on my other work after dealing with this had I been alone."

Number 43 glanced over at the other angel and smiled, his halo glowing a bit brighter, "Don't mention it, I think I can speak for all three of us when I say that we're happy to help out... even if the work is damn tedious." Number 44 and Number 45 nodded emphatically while keeping their eyes on their screens, still coding their portions of the algorithm.

With Number 42's help, they finished with their coding after another hour. Number 43 pressed his [Help Required] button and The Manager phased back into existence behind them, the bright spotlight announcing his arrival like usual.

"Is there a problem?" The Manager inquired with a slight tilt of his halo.

Number 42 shook his head, "Nope! We finished the sorting algorithm, ran it, and then finished the placement algorithm. We wanted you to check the code on the second algorithm before we ran it, though." His halo was literally glowing with pride as he relayed both his and his temporary team's success. 

"Splendid. In that case, let me see it," The manager leaned over Number 42's shoulder and began reading the code at impossible speeds. After a few minutes, he straightened and said, "I see no flaws. It should work completely as intended. I noticed you also had the great foresight to have the algorithm skip all of the souls it couldn't appropriately place so we can handle them manually. Although incredibly unlikely, it's better to be prepared." All four of the angels' halos began to shine brightly at these words of praise. "Go ahead and run the placement algorithm, call me if any of the souls are skipped," and with that, The Manager turned around and beamed himself up.

"Alright guys, you heard him, time to run this algorithm and watch it work its magic!" Number 42 exclaimed, earning some smiles from his coworkers. He dragged the mouse and clicked on the green [Run] button on the screen. Names and numbers began flashing by at incomprehensible speeds on the display, several hundred thousand per second. A progress bar on the bottom of the window slowly filled up as the algorithm blasted through the seven billion souls it was tasked with placing.

After six and a half hours, the computer dinged, marking the completion of the algorithm. The four angels who had resumed their work (Number 42 having already been assigned another world and working on a spare computer) quickly dashed to the desktop to see the results, their halos vibrating with anticipation. 

"..."

"The algorithm couldn't accurately place 749,836 souls. Isn't that... a bit much?" Number 43 asked, his halo dimming.

"Let's just.. call The Manager, yeah?" Number 42 suggested, at which the other three numbly nodded.

A button press and a flash of light later and The Manager was before them once again. "I take it the algorithm had a soul it couldn't process?" he guessed. Number 42 just silently pointed at the screen, and after looking at the displayed number, The Manager's dead expression twitched. "749,836." 

"749,836," Number 42 confirmed.

"How did-..... Never mind," The Manager took a deep breath before continuing, "Each of you take 100,000 and get back to your normal work once you finish your portion. I'll... take the remaining 349,836." The Manager beamed himself back before the four angels could so much as say "Yes sir."

 


 

Back in his office, The Manager plopped down into his chair, his halo and wings drooping, his face displaying an upset frown. "Of fucking course Earth would be the one to be instantaneously vaporized by a giant cosmic beam of death! Any other planet and the number of variants would have been less than five. Humans are just so great with their free will. Whatever. I have to get started on this behemoth of a task before all of my other work begins piling up... They don't pay me enough for this shit." 

And so The Manager began going through the variant souls, each one bringing a new mind-numbingly complicated problem. But The Manger was no stranger to complications, so he soldiered on. And on and on. Until he got to the last soul. By this point, The Manager's usually stoic expression was twisted with anger, unshed tears of frustration glistening in his bloodshot eyes. His halo was flickering between red and black. He couldn't remember when exactly it was that his patience started wearing thin, but it was around 100,000 souls ago. "Belial Snow," he murmured, looking at the name. He scrolled down and read the evaluation, "A [Good Karma] rating of 85 and a [Bad Karma] rating of 96... How the fuck?" His eyes widened as he tried to process how it would be possible to have such a high rating in both values. 

His eye began twitching as he attempted to think of some way to accurately place this soul. But, eventually, he just gave up. His patience had finally run out.

"Fuck it, I'm just dropping him in that dungeon on Ader. The risks and rewards for that place are just as bullshit as his [Karmic Values]."

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