Chapter 5
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The party was spectacular. Everyone was delightful, and not a soul used that disgusting name that I wished I could cast aside forever. Sal especially was an absolute delight, and from the moment I arrived they spent every opportunity to share kind words or compliment me on everything. I didn’t exactly feel like a princess (I was supposed to be a maid, after all), but the party was the culmination of the most spectacular weekend of my life. 

But it was over. I might not have been Cinderella, but I knew as Austin and I left in his car that my night at the ball was coming to an end. Each minute closer to home we came was another minute as Sable gone. I knew I didn’t have to undo the potion tonight, but not doing it was just putting off the inevitable. I could either drink the antidote and pass out, or remain restless the entire night, knowing what awful future I had to look forward to. 

I had to be him again. The depressed man who could barely take care of himself, let alone clean up after himself or keep his boyfriend happy. I would coast through life with barely any emotion, waiting for the day that Austin realized that I was a terrible option and that he could do better with almost anyone else. 

If I was lucky, one day I could get another chance to play this role again, but that was all it would ever be. Sable was a work of fiction, a character given life to serve as a desperate man’s costume, and he couldn’t wear that costume forever. Even if he wasn’t sure he could imagine a life worth living any other way.

“I love you, Sable,” Austin said as he parked the vehicle in our driveway. “And I always will, okay?” 

The tears that I’d barely been holding back began to fall as I heard Austin use my name for what might have been one of the last times. I knew it would ruin my makeup, but I couldn’t bring myself to care, it wasn’t going to matter in a few hours regardless. I sobbed uncontrollably as Austin rubbed my back to try comforting me.

How stupid could I have been to ignore the fact that this fantasy was just that, a fantasy, and that it had to have an endpoint? 

“I know it’s hard, babe, just let it out,” Austin whispered, as he pulled me close. 

I complied, and let myself continue crying into his costume. 

I cried, and cried, and cried. I wasn’t sure how much time passed from the moment the first tear fell to the moment I ran out of tears, but Austin didn’t seem to care one way or the other. He continued rubbing my back and holding me close, whispering periodically to promise me that everything would be okay.

I wanted to believe Austin, but I knew it couldn’t be true. Not if I was him. No world would be okay while I had to keep being that man.

If there was any alternative, I’d have taken it in a heartbeat. 

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Austin gently asked, as he took my hand in his. “It’s alright if not, but I love you, Sable. Okay?” 

I nodded before I could stop myself. There was something I wanted to tell him. I needed to before it was too late, before I hurt myself by giving up something as wonderful as this life. He would understand, he promised. “I don’t want… I don’t want to turn back,” I whispered, my voice so hoarse that I was barely able to get the words out.

 I looked up at Austin, terrified that he might do the unbelievable and reject me, but the loving smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. “I figured.”

“I don’t want to be him ever again. These three days have been the best in my life, and I don’t ever want them to end. I want to be Sable, to be me, forever.” I continued, despite how dry my throat felt. I needed to say it, all of it, before I lost the will to do so. “I think that makes me trans. Like you but not, obviously, god, I’m sorry. I’m a mess right now.”

“Hey, hey,” Austin said, calmly breaking through my panic. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, you’re going through a lot. I have one question, if that’s okay?”

“I— what’s up?” 

“May I kiss you?” 

Just like that I felt a smile form on my face, but this time with no reservations. There was going to be plenty of work to do in the future, of course. I had a world of people to come out to, and a nightmare level of paperwork to deal with, but none of that mattered. 

Because as our lips met, I finally felt like I had a future worth looking forward to.

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