No, but seriously, ‘wink, wink’??? F7 looked at the weird text with their eyebrows scrunched up.

Who is winking? I definitely didn’t write this. Was my system hacked…?

F7 tuned out Ren’s yammering, and they quickly ordered the quantum computer to run diagnostics. The results came up as empty. It seemed like this prompt appeared by itself.

But that can’t be it. I’m sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation to this. There is no way, that fate actually interfered and talked to us, right? …Yes, it’s much more likely that my computer was hacked. Maybe the eggheads at HQ can figure it out? They sent the contents of the prompt along with the diagnostics to the Research department, as well as the set-up and configurations of the system interface, so they would know, that this is not their attempt at humor nor is it them personalizing the system, as some of their coworkers did sometimes. It really did come from some outside source. It made F7 wonder if there wasn’t someone or something interfering with their work. Surely that wasn’t the case. F7 really hoped there wasn’t some kind of being from a higher plane of existence managing their life. The idea itself was beyond creepy. F7 shuddered uncomfortably.

All right, back to the peanut gallery.

 

---

 

Two days have passed. As Ren wasn’t willing to use his ‘Walking disaster’ skill and as he all ready exhausted his chances of ‘good luck’ and ‘no luck’, he couldn’t avert any of it and they could only react to the various incidents one after another. However, what annoyed F7 the most, was what happened on the second day after the flooding accident.

Though Ren’s mother has quickly dried their soaked living quarters with magic, some kind of contaminant must have been in the water that the glowing mushrooms absorbed, resulting in them multiplying with an explosive speed overnight and covering almost every surface. The air was thick with their spores making it hard to breathe. Ren has discovered this when he woke up with a coughing fit. He coughed so hard, he mis-swallowed his saliva, almost choking on it. His mother helped him breathe by gently rubbing his back in circles guiding out the spores and the spit with magic. She wasn’t affected by the spores herself, as she already had resistances against this sort of thing being a demigod and all. There were so many mushrooms, and their glow was so intense it was hard to look at anything. They spent the entire day picking them together. As Ren was very young he still slept mostly during the day. His mother sat up a makeshift crib with a basket and some pillows outside, so Ren wouldn’t have to breathe in the spores. When he was awake he tried to help. He asked his mother to tie a cloth around his mouth. Seeing this, mama tanuki also put on a bandana to cover hers. She couldn’t help but notice that her daughter’s¹Remember, Ren was reborn as a girl. mood was sour, so she prompted her to play bandits with her.

Ren, with the mentality of a middle-aged man, wasn’t biting at first, but after noticing how earnestly his mother tried to cheer him up, he decided to indulge her. To his surprise once he allowed himself to, he had fun with abandon, losing himself in playing, until he collapsed from exhaustion to sleep. It was as if he was making up for all the times he couldn't be a child in his previous life.

F7 watched them fool around with utter boredom. Once Ren fell asleep, They watched his mother clean up the mushrooms by herself.

After turning in for the night, the next morning shocking noone (except Ren’s mother, of course), the mushrooms grew back. Probably because the demigod left a few on purpose so they wouldn’t have to be in pitch black darkness. The canopy of their bed also fell down from the added weight of the mushrooms, the material resulting in covering them both. Mama tanuki, being the almost-god-level powerful being that she was, didn’t even notice this in her sleep, so she was awaken to Ren’s coughing instead. Just not right away.

His cough was much worse than yesterday.

F7 received a notification from the system while they were both still sleeping.

 

[WARNING! Negative status – Shroom’s wrath ailment – in effect.

Shroom’s wrath: A disease found in those who have been exposed to the spores of magical mushrooms that turned toxic after absorbing ‘Rot-miasma’. Advanced, the spore’s miasma can erode the soul. Complete recovery is possible if treated in time. Without treatment it is deadly, both in a biological and spiritual sense. See more information on the progress of the disease HERE.

Target’s current condition: Two-sided lung infection by the spores of evolved, now toxic variant of ‘Neonothopanus gardneri’²This thing really exists. Not magical though, just bioluminous. aka Glowing Mushrooms. The spores have started to take root in the target’s body, resulting in high fever and bloody coughs. Damage reversible for two more hours, afterwards it will become permanent.

Results include:

– If cured in time: Complete recovery.                                                                                                                                                                – If cured late: 1) Target’s need for medication for the rest of her life.                                                                                                                                    2) Weakened immune system. Target will have trouble fighting off colds.                                                                                                    3) Damaged soul, resulting in the difficulty of using magic, reducing the chances of a successful and safe                                              reincarnation drastically.                                                                                                                                                         – If not cured: Death in a day or two.

Administrator’s interference is advised. Would you like to see a list of possible solutions?

YES/NO]

 

F7 stared at the prompt quietly for a moment then frowned at themselves. It never happened before that they would sympathize with a target, yet thew were experiencing this right now. They wondered if they were becoming soft.

What a truly unlucky guy… They sighed then assented to seeing the solutions.

 

[Possible solutions for handling target ‘Takahashi Ren’s’ status ailment ‘Shroom’s wrath’:

1) Wake the target up, and have her ask her mother to heal her.]

 

F7 groaned. But that’s obvious though?

 

[2) Bestow and enable skill ‘Resist diseases’ for target. Variations: Lesser, Medium, Greater.

3) Bestow and enable skill ‘Resist myconid infections’ for target.

4) Bestow and enable skill ‘Cure diseases’ for target. Variations: Lesser, Medium, Greater.

5) Kill target and have her reincarnate before her soul is damaged.

Please choose a number to activate.]

 

F7 thought for a moment then chose the third option. After all, the damage hasn’t reached a critical threshold yet, so they didn’t have to worry about the danger of spiritual injury. They also didn’t want to show favoritism to the point of enabling the target to be able to cure himself instantly or become resistant to diseases.

“Number three.”

 

[Bad luck status effect: Bestowal and activation of skill ‘Resist myconid infections’ has failed.

Shrooms are here to stay! LOL]

 

“What?!” F7 gawked at the notification. That’s another cheeky prompt that showed up. “What the hell?! Watch it, you damn hacker, I will teach you not to mess with somebody else’s work!”

They started giving orders to the quantum computer to run an anti-virus program to look for malware and spy programs. They ran diagnostics.

Contrary to their expectations, their efforts have come up empty. Meanwhile Ren was running out of time, so F7 had to return their attention to him. They started a live recording of all system functions in case the weird notifications showed up again, and went back to work.

“Number four.”

Despite their earlier conviction not to help Ren too much, they opted for this one, because it was the next best thing after number three.

 

[Bad luck status effect: Bestowal and activation of skill ‘Medium cure diseases’ has failed.

Cure this! 凸(¬‿¬)凸]

 

F7 stared at the pop up and swallowed some curses, then grating their teeth they chose number 2.

 

[Bad luck status effect: Bestowal and activation of skill ‘Medium resist diseases’ has failed.

You may be able to resist diseases, but you can’t resist Miss Fortune! (๑ˇεˇ๑)]

 

…

“Number 1. Activate Target remote control.”

 

[Bad luck status effect: Remote control is unable to start.

Pffft, just give up.]

 

…

“Number 1. Activate chatroom.”

 

[Chatroom activated.]

 

Oh, this is working! Quickly!

 

                                        Administrator F7 has joind the Chatroom.

 

F7 started sending messages to Ren’s brain with fervent urgency.

 

[REN WAKE UP!]

…Big fat silence.

[WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!][WAKE UP!]

 

Hm? Suddenly, F7 felt Ren stir. Yes!

They were just about to seize the moment and send some more messages to Ren’s mind, when another unlucky pop-up popped up.

 

[Bad luck status effect: Deep sleep REM-mode activated.

Fairy tail rules: princesses must be woken up by true love’s kiss. Would you like to activate true love’s kiss?

YES/YES (your mouth says no, but your lips say yes]

 

…

…

“...Yes?”

 

[Punked you, sucka’! You must be at least a Prince charming to wake this Cinderella up!]

 

“Cinderella wasn’t even sleeping!” F7 yelled out loud in the silence of the observatory. “Ey, fuck it, let’s just kill him, I can still reincarnate him afterwards, so the project won’t fail. Number 5!”

 

[Bad luck status effect: Euthanasia has failed.

The time is nigh. But not that much.]

 

Really? It doesn't even allow this option? But I thought this was the goal all along...

 

[Achievement unlocked: Title – The Booger-man

Really?! You would kill a poor, defenseless baby in her sleep?! You psycho, monster, evil nose-hair!

Rewards: What?! You still want something? Well, baby-killers don’t get brownie points. You are now on the naughty list. I’m watching you, mister.]

 

F7: ಠ__ಠ