Chapter V.5 – A Certain Function
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     Huh, seriously? He didn’t expect Manual to contain technical information within it as well. Joe focused on the paragraph below.

 

  The Debug Mode is better used with extreme caution. It allows the User to change, modify, or otherwise disable certain internal functions of the System. Do not activate Debug Mode, if you are not the certified developer of the System!

  To activate Debug Mode, focus on the words “Debug Mode”.

 

  Really? That easy? Alright, let’s try it…

 

  Joe really should have considered thinking first and doing second.

  His entire head exploded in severe pain, eating him from inside. Through the agony, with his mind almost literally being torn apart, he barely managed to focus on the very persistent red message in front of his eyes.

 

  Warning! Warning!

  Debug Mode was activated without Administrator rights! Use the Administrator account! Debug Mode was activated incorrectly! The User’s data has been resent to the Database!

  Alert! The User’s data did not reach the Database! Alert! System Error 408! Alert!

  System is rebooting in Debug Mode, please wait patiently...

 

   It ended just as quickly as it started. Joseph could think normally once again. He laughed internally, with his thought voice shaking, sounding like an entire horde of Archrhyders was chasing him down just now.

 

  Ahaha! Ahaha! Ha… ha… never… never ever touch the program you didn’t develop yourself…

 

  To be fair, they did warn him.

  It was one hell of protection on that System. Or was it possibly just an error, that the developers never bothered to fix, because they thought no one would be dumb enough to do it? He felt like his brains were leaking straight out from his ears.

  Joseph was on the main Status screen once again. He didn’t see any changes or any damage to his state. Which was probably for the best, he figured. The internal workings of the System were best left alone for now.

  Just for now, though. I’ll get you, you little shit…

  There was one thing he had never finished. And that was reading Stats’ descriptions. He found them to be very long and annoying the last time, but since that moment Joe was contemplating about actually finishing that task. He did find them somewhat hilarious at the end…

 

  To the Mind we go, then. Let’s see…

 

  Understanding was the first on the list.

 

  What’s up, bredda? Life’s tough now, see. I offer you some service. You get me tangle, me untangle. You get me book, you are a cook. You get a picture, but I ain’t no snitch-ah. Words are hard, bredda, but I help there. See, there is a cloud, red as a clown...

 

  …What. Moving on…

 

  Darling, something’s bothering you? Do you have nightmares? Did you kill your cat? I am sorry, Darling, this is all my fault! I assure you, with time, it will all be over... Just like they were over, he-he... Ah, excuse me, Honey, I forgot! You are here for me, right?! Right?! I am so happy, Darling, I want to kiss you right now! Oh, you never kissed anyone, I remember... How sad... I am so, so sorry, Darling, please forgive me for my impudence! I didn’t mean to offend you like that! Honey, please, forgive my poisonous tongue! I will cut it out just for you, I will prove myself to you, I-

 

  …

 

  See, this is why you should have come to me first. All of them are ignorant and self-absorbed kids. All of them - except I and Understanding. See, this is your world. You live in it. You explore it. You go there, there and over there, you find a town, a human, a gas of nightmares, but then you come back to me for additional classes because you need an explanation from the expert, that is me, Logic! Please come again to my class, tomorrow morning. Don’t be late!

 

  …This is getting better and better. But thank you, Master Logic, for ending it on a more-or-less positive note. I shudder to think, just what awaits me in the Spirit…

 

  Resolve, Intuition and Empathy.

 

  Sounds positive all around. Nothing bad could ever come up from them, right? Right?!

 

  Why are you still here, in this cramped headspace of yours?! One, two, fo-or-ward! What do you mean, you wanted to meet me?! Back to the ground, soldier! We have no time to chat, while Memory’s around! You still here?!! Fine, I guess I have to beat everything into that dumb empty can of yours! Name’s Resolve, and I am your instructor for today’s day! What do you mean, you already knew that?! SHUT UP, SOLDIER! What do you mean, you are still asleep? You can’t be asleep! You have to improve! I will force you to improve, I will force your mom to improve, I will force your sister to improve until her- nevermind, we are all soldiers here. No civilian casualties! Huh? You are a civilian? Then what the hell are you doing on my army ground?! Intuition, Empathy, throw this brainless clown out of here!!!!!

 

  One hell of a maniac… wait a second, why is it a she?! What kind of moronic gender distribution is THAT?! Syste-e-em!!!!

 

  Hey-hey, down here! Kept you waiting, huh? Look, just don’t mind Resolve, alright? She cares about you, in her own... special... way. Yes. Anyway, here I am, your Intuition. What do I do? I smuggle things into your head. Things, that go boom, when the time is right. Aw, come on, man, I’m talking about others! I connect you with Logic, Understanding and Perception, and even that shitbag Memory... and Empathy, in a more civilized setting. I drive them around, make an ambush, then they lay in wait, and when you need them all - boom!

 

  The nicest one yet, besides Perception, Understanding, and Logic… kinda. Also an explosives enthusiast. Well, for the last of my neighbours, here I am…

 

  Oh my gosh, you finally reached me! Name’s Empathy, nice to meet you, nice to meet you! Like, I am so glad you gave me some attention, like, amazing, man! That Memory girl though, she is looking at me like a bitch in heat, isn’t it totally creepy?! Oh, for sure, we will have an amazing time together, I mugged Memory for some of the records, and oh my gosh, you really did like that Beast a lot! He was so beautiful, so angry, so sad and hungry... But he is in a paradise now, having a bitchin’ ass time! Look, we should hang out sometime, that would be so-o-o amazing, man!

 

  Sure. Sure. I don’t know how I feel about hanging out with a part of my own head, but sure. Sure. Anything you say.

 

  He was done. He was finally done.

  Joseph had never felt so terrified in his entire damn life. The personalities, that were literally living rent-free in his head, were so out there, he would rather dive into that Bane mine again. Couldn’t he get normal boring neighbours in his head just for once in his life?! Especially, since that was literally the first time he ever had someone other than himself in his brains!

 

  I mean… what the hell?! I have two salesmen, a stoner, a fucking psycho, a professor, something like an army sergeant, a valley girl, and two nice guys! Why?! Well, valley girl is nice too… but that’s not the point! Just… just… why?!

 

  That was a disaster. The complete, horrible, disaster of apocalyptic levels. He didn’t want this! He didn’t want any of that System nonsense! He just wanted some quiet adventuring, pirating, traveling, learning the history, the Threshold, possibly becoming a hero from the stories, saving lives…

  Well, he couldn’t even save himself from himself.

  The only relief was, he realized, that he didn’t have to interact with their description and Stats themselves anymore. He was officially done. It was more than enough for him.

 

  I just want to sleep…

 

  Turning off Status Screen. Sweet dreams...

 

  My Prince…

 

*****

 

  He woke up without seeing a single dream. Someone was standing right there in the room, staring daggers at him.

 

  “How was the sleep?”

 

  Joe recognized the voice of the one and only Xander.

 

  “Awful…”

 

  He heard a chuckle, coming from the direction of the door. That was an unexpected reaction for such a person.

 

  “Well, I think you will be glad to hear then, that Rodger is on his way to recovery. Very slow recovery. His… wounds will not be easy to fix, but he has stabilized.”

 

  “That… is good news.” How were they even going to fix the body, that lost its entire half?

 

  He sat up on the bed. His head was still ringing just slightly, but his body was refreshed. Until it demanded nutrition right after.

  Quartermaster lifted the corners of his mouth up just a bit.

 

  “Dinner and evening have already passed, but Ralf did leave some food in the Arsenal for you. A special one, too. It should have been yours, to begin with, but our cook has decided to make the king’s feast for everyone and celebrate.”

 

  A special one that should have been his… the food… oh.

 

  “I think I know what he prepared. Is it tasty?”

 

  “Oh, very. Somewhat tough, but manageable.”

 

  Joe got the watch from his pocket. It was almost nine in the evening.

 

  “A nighttime… How’s the crew doing?”

 

  Xander reached the back of his head.

 

  “Spirits are mostly high. You did leave a lot of expensive things back there, we didn’t expect how much of it even. We met your Lady Edna… she wasn’t happy to see us… to put it mildly, but doctor duo did manage to pacify her. Roth will have everything prepared tomorrow, right now they are back on the ship. Duncan’s hand is getting better, he is already back to swearing like a true sailor. We got the crate you were talking about. And several others.”

 

  “What was inside?”

 

  “Mostly those new rifles. However, other crates have got some very interesting weapons you haven’t seen yet. I think you will be interested in them. They are right on the table in the Arsenal.”

 

  “Just how much stuff was on this island?…”

 

  “Oh, a plenty more. They were armed to fight a war, just not the one that got them at the end.”

 

  Never prepare for the old war, right. Joe put his legs on the floor and got his boots out. It took him a couple of minutes, and he was somewhat ready to continue from where he left off. That meant - get his food, and take a shower to wash away the dirt, smell, and terrors that the System had brought upon him.

  The dragoncat was watching him. Joe couldn’t read his expression at all.

 

  “How do you feel?”

 

  That was a question that came right out of nowhere. He didn’t know what to answer.

 

  “I… hungry. And dirty.”

 

  Xander tilted his head to left and right, slowly.

 

  “I meant overall.”

 

  Overall? He had no clue. There was a void in his emotion-o-meter. It was not tiredness, but not complete indifference either. Joe just felt like he left something behind. Something important, that wasn’t exactly necessary for him, but he had a conflicting feeling about it-

 

  No. He knew what it was.

  His adventure was over. For good. And he was leaving behind the place, which truly introduced him to the world of Threshold.

  He swore to himself, that the Stone Maw Island will live on as The Black Island in his own heart.

  Now he had the answer.

 

  “It is really over, isn’t it?”

 

  Quartermaster smiled. Actually smiled.

 

  "When one story reaches its end, another one is right there, on the table with you. You can visit the island one more time anyway, tomorrow, with Pat and Roth, maybe Irfan too. But that was not exactly why I am here. Hunter said to me, that you had a request about the beast.”

 

  He did. His idea was insane and weird, bordering on unhealthy… but he wanted it. He wanted something to remember.

 

  “I want the skin of Archrhyder. Have you tossed it away?”

 

  “No, of course not. Hunter told me not to do it, and it is a valuable trophy in its own right. But what would you use it for?…”

 

  His pupils widened.

 

  “Oh. Oh. I see. I think I know, but I am going to ask you anyway. You want to keep him with you, right?”

 

  “...Right. That’s exactly what I wanted.”

 

  The grin on Xander’s face was brighter than the Sun itself.

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