While Seth and Twig are walking along the Main Road, which doesn't bend and yet covers almost all of the roads in the City of... What?, some writers could choose to tell about the architecture of the village. The occasional goofball might have a strange obsession with bridges. Others prefer to describe how the sunrays fall down in a valley and what the clouds have to do with them. Unfortunately, the writer of this story isn't as imaginative as that, so you might have to look elsewhere for such creative insights. On the other hand, you probably would have noticed this many chapters previously, which means this short introduction is not meant for you.

What the writer of this story does prefer, is creating a world through the eyes and opinions of his characters. One could use an all-knowing narrator for this. But as the writer may have had me mention, this is not the case. The opinions I may or may not have about this issue, are also usually received by deaf ears. However, if I was allowed to temporarily gaze into the minds of the main characters, I would say that Twig for instance has to keep quiet about his opinions that focus on scenery. If he was allowed to talk in a non-goblin hatted way, he would tell Seth how awful it is that the people in the City of... What? live so close to each other. He would point out that some houses even seem to be built into each other, so that the main road fits by some impossible logic. He would complain about the fact that most of the houses are made of wood, and rotten wood at that. And another thing: The main street was secretly driving him mad, but that Seth was the only thing keeping him sane because Twig was even more puzzled by anything that came out of Seth's mouth like an adult while he's only a ten year old infant.

Seth on the other hand is a whole different story. His mother would bore him to death with stories about the city. Other than the occasional cooking and cleaning in the house, there wasn't much more she could possibly do in the village. So, when she went to the city to get groceries, which meant to actually get out of the house, it would be the highlight of her week. This would to any emancipated woman feel like a slap in the face. Unfortunately, well maybe actually fortunately for them, King Lacial passed a law so that women all over his country could cope with the boring chores by giving them visions of vacation and sunny beaches instead of the boring housekeeping that is a part of life. Some have resented the King for going that far to keep his inhabitants happy. But these complaints were soon enough extinguished when the King passed a law to make breathing for such cry-babies feel like jail time. This way the problem would sort itself out, King Lacial thought. And it did.

Oh yes, regarding Seth. He had heard all the stories about the city so many times through his entire childhood that he could see every detail in his mind. He didn't even notice the poo that made the sidelines of the main road and the front gardens of the houses so incredible and beautifully brown. He knew that the wind was forced by King Lacial's law to blow downwards so that the townsfolk couldn't smell the poo and enjoy the streets’ colorful views to the fullest. The problem with this is that everyone become so accustomed to it that they simply do not register these details, practically becoming blind to them. For Seth and Twig at this very moment, it meant that beforehand, they never even thought of looking up to see what was right above their heads. By the way: The street itself was made of cobblestone and moss, and if this line didn't bore you to death… I won't forgive you.

Seth: It is like I am opening my eyes for the first time…
Twig: I know what you mean.
Seth: I did not know my neck could bend that way.
Twig: Me neither... Wow…
Seth: So that is what they call "Sky"?
Twig: I thought it was just a legend. A tale from long ago to make people feel less trapped in this world.
Seth: Me too…
Twig: Why didn't we think of looking upwards before this very moment?
Seth: I have no idea. But those clouds are beautiful.
Twig: Why are meteors raining down in the southeast though?

Indeed. Only a few kilometers from the city is a very, very black cloud that surrounds a small mountain with a very cliché looking dark tower on top.

Seth: It looks like it is falling around the very cliché-looking Dark Tower.
I told you so.
Twig: Do you think an Evil Wizard could be living there?
Seth: We should figure that out. He might know a spell I could learn.
Twig: Totally.
Seth: My second spell is finally within reach!
Twig: Don't you mean first?
Seth: I do have my Fireball 'spell'…
Twig: Oh yeah, I almost forgot you were an optimist. But Look! We're at the 'Sewers' where the goblins should be!
Seth: Something is off though…
Twig: Why?
Seth: Well... The 'Sewers' look more like the entrance to a mine, and the Goblins have beards.
Twig: Yeah, now that you mention it. I never had a beard!
Seth: How did King Lacial fail to notice this?

Earlier at the Castle!
Servant: That was an awesome goblin hat that little boy had.
King Lacial: Was it a +1?
Servant: No, but it was alive.
King Lacial: What could have possibly made you think that?
Servant: Well... For one it blinked.
King Lacial: Well duh, but that could be Magic right?
Servant: It coughed also.
King Lacial: Magic.
Servant: Is that your answer to anything that doesn't make sense to you?
King Lacial: Magic.
Servant: …
King Lacial: …
Servant: And it stepped off Seth, went to the bathroom, took a chicken wing from your Table Of Royal Feast +1, climbed on Seth's head again, gobbled it up, stepped off Seth's head once more to put it into a trash can on the other side of the throne room, and then walked back and took a nap on Seth's head!
King Lacial: Ah! Right! I must have missed that part.
Servant: I'm sure you might have. Also, there is no Magic in this worl-
King Lacial: - We do have more pressing matters though. How's the weather?
Servant: Grim and Dark as it has always been Sire. The mountains that surround our valley are as blackened by the fireplaces as they always were. The Main Road’s poo levels are still browning the streets colorfully to mask the hideous cobblestone, and the townsfolk’s dwellings are as chaotic and made of dark, rotting wood as ever.
King Lacial: I'm done with that.
Servant: I beg your pardon, my Liege?
King Lacial: I recently came to realize that it was just a phase of mine. Get my Book of Law!
Servant: Certainly, Sire.

Five hours later, the servant returns with a small cart, filled with a mountain of parchments.

Servant: I've returned Sire. All the five hundred thousand, six hundred and sixty-seven sheets of Laws from your Attic.
King Lacial: All right! Let's get through some for the fun of it. Here is one. All inhabitants of the kingdom are not allowed to look up at the sky. Do you remember why I made this one?
Servant: Yeah. You were annoyed that people were always talking about the weather. The word “Sky” alone used to tick you off. Here's the law that you made that prevented the use of that word too.
King Lacial: Let's shred them.
Servant: Fine by me.
King Lacial: One should be afraid of cuddly bunnies? Can you remember why I made this one Servant?
Servant: No idea my King.
King Lacial: I probably didn't have a good reason then. Shred, Shred, Shred. Whoops, I almost shredded the attic of this castle!
Servant: And here is one about the poo. This is probably why the thousands of Janitors of our kingdom kept skipping it.
King Lacial: Ah, I see! We kept this law in place mainly to make sure there was a maximum amount of poo around! The rest gets banished into oblivion. It is quite a nifty law. We have to keep this one.
Servant: Also, the rats wouldn't have been happy if we didn't keep some poo there.
King Lacial: Don't even remind me of the terrible Rat Wars my ancestors were always talking about.
Servant: What is this then? A law to make sure Goblins can't have beards? What's that all about?
King Lacial: It's to make sure everyone knows the difference between dwarves and Goblins.
Servant: How could anyone possibly mistake one for one other?
King Lacial: I have no idea. Possibly someone like the towns' idiot?
Servant & King Lacial: Hahaha!

We leave the castle with the two very amused and laughing King and Servant…

Servant: Wait. Didn't you send the towns’ idiot to scout the goblin 'Sewers' due to downsizing?
King Lacial: Whoops.

So, there it is. The main problem of stories in general. Keeping the scenery and stories consistent. How is that possible when the characters themselves constantly change every aspect of the scenery? We will still try to keep everything as consistent for you as possible though. By the way… Due to recent shredding, the grass in the Kingdom is no longer blue, but green.

Dwarf1: Waddayakno' surf'ce Dwe'ellers.
Dwarf2: Sha' we kill 'em?
Dwarf1: Na' tha' look like one o' them kidders, no' hero's!
Dwarf2: Tha' don' be harm to us Dwa'ves ri'ght?
Dwarf1: Na'. Wadda' ya want Kidder?
Seth: You are tiny.
Twig: You should become a diplomat.
Seth: I know right!
Dwarf1: You're flat n'squishy.
Twig: Ha. He totally got you back.
Seth: Aww.
Dwarf2: Yer dem first ones wh' dusn' immediately attack us thou'.
Seth: Why would I attack you?
Dwarf1: Well, y'know them hero's righ'?
Seth: Have heard they are a pest in this world, yes.
Twig: Good save Seth! *whisper* You know you're one too, right? *end whisper*
Seth: Of course.
Dwarf1: Well, they'r alway' tryin' to kick our butt, so we got fe' u' with it. Nice ha' by t'way.
Seth: Thank you.

Perhaps to you, the reader, the way these dwarves talk might look and sound a bit off. Fact of the matter is that the dwarves, even though they know the human language, have difficulty reaching a level of sound waves that humans can actually hear. They have to use a high-pitched voice to make sure their voice is registered by the human ear. Elves on the other hand have the opposite problem. They have to use a low-pitched voice to make themselves heard.

But the real trouble begins when a Dwarf and an Elf try to talk to each other. When they use their own sound waves while being around each other, they give each other an immense headache. Many wars have been fought to determine which of the races would have to leave the other to make sure the headaches would disappear for both. The dwarves ended up going underground, and the elves ended up living in trees and secluded areas. In the end the humans won by simply being able to co-exist with both of them.

Pretty smart of me huh?
Writer: Well… You did get that from Seth's mind, who in turn read it from a book. Prying into a ten-year-old would not be considered a victory or a sign of intelligence by many.
Aww…

Seth: So actually, there is no problem here?
Dwarf1: No' Really. Da King is sendin' some guards every no' and the'. But tha's useful to check if our axes 'r sti' sharp 'nough.
Seth: So, yet again, no Experience points for me?
Dwarf1: Naww. Tho' if you li' you can hav' tour through our cit'
Twig: Citadel?
Seth: I think he means City.
Twig: Oh, righ'
Dwarf1: This wa'

For the first time in this story Seth and Twig get a little breather and I get paid a little extra to explain everything happening here.

Dwarf1: Aw ma'. It' rush 'our!

The History of the dwarven race is quite interesting. You see, they used to be human once, but the first dwarves had a huge affinity for mining. Day and night, night and day, no matter the season. Mining iron, crafting axes, then mining again and then crafting again. And so on, and so forth. Constantly trying to find better materials to craft their pickaxes from so they could then mine better materials again. Because all the mining made them more cut off from the world than the regular peasant, they started to use their voices less. That’s when they started to turn away from using human language. Now, you may wonder how their voices became so low. It would be awkwardly dumb if their low voices were to communicate better under the ground, which is totally ridiculous. It is fun to imagine, but still ridiculous.

After centuries of living underground and using far stretching mine shafts as the main way to travel, they started to have a problem. At ‘rush hour’ they stood still for hours, and it made them look very grumpy. So, to keep their spirits up, they would sing. However, earthquakes would start to take place around ‘rush hour’. Which lead them to the conclusion that together they are, in fact, able to cause earthquakes with their singing. Actually, 90% of the world’s earthquakes may or may not be caused by dwarves this way. Still, this isn’t why their voices are low. I’m sidetracking again. The earthquakes during ‘rush hour’ would only add to the dwarves’ annoyance, which was already high because of standing still for so long, so the grumpier they were the lower their voices became. After all, they had to lower their voices to avoid the earthquakes… Unsuccessfully.

As the dwarven population grew, ‘rush hour’ would increasingly worsen and made them even grumpier looking. Then one day, one dwarf suddenly decided to climb onto the shoulders of the dwarf in front of him and walk over the heads of the other dwarves. This is how the modern Dwarf travels. And it’s actually quite useful! Now dwarves can move twice as fast and get less blisters from walking on the hard stone all the time, and they were the first humans ever to have an elevator system they called the face-lift! Side effects from ‘rush hour’ did include baldness and grumpy faces though. They compensated the baldness with large beards, and their grumpiness made for a lower voice throughout the centuries. They went so low that talking in a nearly human language made them feel happy again. And so, a blissful relationship started with the humans. As long as they weren’t confused for goblins of course. Oh, I totally forgot to tell about the things Seth and Twig were seeing in the mines! My bad…

Seth: That was the best tour I have ever had!
Twig: Those diamonds looked even shinier than the real thing!
Seth: They were the real thing…
Twig: I don't believe you.
Seth: Will I ever get through?
Twig: Maybe, but what was the last thing you wanted to show us, Dwarf1?
Dwarf1: I got a lil' Presen' for Seth if you' up for i'.
Seth: Sure, I love presents.
Dwarf1: My fella' mates made this nice rock ball an' we want to give yer the hono' o' pushing it down this cliff.
Seth: Will it cause any harm to the dwarves here?
Dwarf1: Naww it' 'harmle' . My cousin Dwarf391 said it' 'tota' 'safe'
Twig: I'm not sure what exactly is his accent and what are the quotation marks.
Seth: Well it is still an honor, right? What is the worst thing that could happen?
Poor Seth…
Seth: Hnnnggg! It does not move. Twig, help me!
Twig: All right.

Together our two adventurers push the big, round boulder off the edge on top of the cliff on the left side of the Dwarf Mine. The ball slowly gets momentum and moves over the edge, falling three inches and starts rolling down.

Dwarf1: I Thank ye few yer visi' an' te' da' Kin' Lacia' tha' we' Perfe'ly harmle' t' an'one tha' don'atta' u'
Twig: Is he getting lazier with his talking?
Seth: Thank you Dwarf1. I hope to see you around sometimes.
Dwarf1: Soz Seth Don' Coun' Onnit.
Seth: Why?
Dwarf1: Look a' my name. 's ma' t' be eas'y forge'fu'
Seth: Oh… yeah... Well at least I hope I will not forget you too fast…

And so, Seth and Twig have survived yet another encounter that would have possibly meant certain death for our brave adventurer Seth. Hey, that rhymes!
Seth: Hey!

What will Seth and Twig encounter on their way back? How beautiful was the scenery that Seth and Twig saw in the Dwarf mine while I was distracted? And what will happen with the rolling rock?
Current Experience points Seth: 66!

Seth: Huh? How did I get that?
Twig: Oh my god, you've leveled up?!
Seth: Finally. That only took us 6 whole chapters…
Twig: At least you get Exp…
Seth: That is right. Goblins cannot level up.

How will Seth level up? Will he be able to increase his Magic points to cast spells? And will he ever get the Intelligence and/or Wisdom level to actually cast spells?
You will find out next time

Seth: Back to the King, Twig!
Twig: Righ' O'