WARNINGS: ANGST!!!?

 

[Jiayou, host!]

 

The system's cheerful reminders come up, Liu Xu Yuan rolls his eyes enters the passcode, enters and saunters upstairs immediately washing up. He exits in bathrobe with his hair dripping wet and change to a silky, comfortable pajama set before going downstairs to the kitchen, getting to work. Liu Xu Yuan grabs an apron to put on, washing his hands then proceeds to open the fridge. The original is an amateur cook and he barely stays home so there isn't much groceries stocked. Liu Xu Yuan makes note to go to the supermarket tomorrow, he grabs tomatoes, salads, beef and pasta. Chopping up, boiling the pasta... he'll have spaghetti with a salad as a side dish tonight.

 

Finishing up, Liu Xu Yuan removes the apron, sets the dishes on the dining table and grab a white wine from the wine cellar. One has to enjoy himself best when he can! He's not a man if he doesn't drink with all this alcohol placed in the cupboard. The original likes to collect and enjoys the aspect but Liu Xu Yuan prefers to drink and get wasted! He rapidly finishes off the meal and drink a glass one after another without stopping. After just 2 glasses, Liu Xu Yuan's faces already flushed red, muddleheaded but the hand never pause continuing to pour until one bottle is gone and he's already down, fainted on the cold dining table.

 

Even when drunk, this beauty only looks more appetizing. The drunk man doesn't notice from the other side of the screen, a certain man's eyes watching this set of events has dim down, the light vanishing his whole aura cast down no one knows what he's thinking or feeling.

 

The next day, Liu Xu Yuan wakes up with a terrible headache from having a huge hangover and he starts cursing and blaming his stupid brain. He doesn't remember a single damn thing that happen! Liu Xu Yuan bothers the system to remove the pain and this affair is briskly forgotten but he never knew someone would use this to exploit him and gain profit from his misery in the far future!

 

Lying his head on the headboard, Liu Xu Yuan calls the system in his head.

 

[Xiao Tong, give me all of Li Hao’s memories.]

 

[Would you like to experience a short journey yourself or watch a film or read in words, host?]

 

[An all service, huh… Short journey myself. The world information says Li Hao’s twisted because he’s a genius but the bullying can still affect a kid. His personality is a trouble.]

 

[Master, Li Hao is an example of a black bellied person. A character you have to play for the past worlds. A black bellied person is someone who pretends to be naïve and pure but is instead fill with black, evil thoughts in the heart.]

 

[Yeah, yeah. That’s why it doesn’t explain why the book has no mentions of Li Hao’s deeds and only him suffering. It doesn’t make sense. Li Hao’s IQ is high so how can he be so easily tricked by these small acts?]

 

[Does host forget Li Hao is a cannon fodder therefore he has to withstand the torture and fails in getting revenge which then results in the main characters falling in deeper love and establishing a successful bright life ahead filled with rainbows.]

 

[Xiao Tong, you talk a lot since we’d come to this world.]

 

[…]

 

The system is so pissed it ends up speechless, it directly throws Liu Xu Yuan to the virtual space for him to personally go through what little Li Hao went through. It would like to see if its host can come out chattering like before then, hah!

 

Li Hao has been alone since he can open his eyes, the first thing his big, blue eyes saw is the strange nurse’s faces. Until adulthood, his brain can’t form any image of the ‘happy family’ picture if he doesn’t even know how his parents look like.

 

One time, he saw a classmate’s complaining to his mother about wanting this toy and seeing the mother’s spoiling expression as she soothes the child that she can’t afford it but the child doesn’t understand and kept on crying out. Even then, the mother continues to pat his back and speaks sweet whispers to the baby’s ears.

 

For the first time in his life, Li Hao questions does he has a mother? If so, why does he never saw her? Is she still here? Did she abandon him? Did he do something wrong for her to leave him, to never stay by his side? He’s also her child, why doesn’t she want him? Was he not good enough?

 

All these questions hidden down but he never dares to ask aloud. He’s scared for the answer. He’s afraid his own mother does not want to see his face because if she does, why has he never seen her shown her face infront of him for once? All he gets were pictures online or frames taken for a long time hanging on the mansion’s wall. Even that, his heart still warms up because he can still get to view his mother’s pretty profile from the picture attached to the wall.

 

Li Hao would get informations’ about his parents abroad from his bodyguard or the strangers living with him. No, not living. They were just there to serve his meals and bring him to school. Is this how he is supposed to live? In this big mansion, his blue eyes can see many people walking by, hiding behind the statues but he felt nothing, all he can feel is the coldness and harsh view to his life. When he was told, his parents are divorced since his birth, he gave up. Li Hao never questions no longer, he starts becoming closed off and only ever seen holding books.

 

Later, he remembers when he was 7 years old, all he wanted for a birthday was to see his mama and papa so little Hao briskly rushes to the phone and dials his parent’s numbers. The numbers he had never dare to dial for so long but always stares at, engraving the patterns in his tiny head but now he doesn’t know where he gathers the courage from, his tiny hands had already touch the big mobile.

 

The sounds of the connection going through across the city thumps loudly in the cold, big room matching with the beating heart inside little Hao’s chest, full of anticipation to hear his parents’ voices and finally speaks out what he wants all the entire time! Little Hao’s lips lift higher and higher as the ‘ringring’ chimes a louder tone, the time ticking and his emotions soar hearing his mama’s voice answering but the second line crashes his hope.

 

“Hello? Who is it?”

 

Who is it? Little Hao’s heart went cold, this is the first time he learns that the beating heart can go cold, it won’t always go thump and pump blood and stay hot and warm. The beating heart can go cold. Yes, he won’t believe it if he is told that but now he understands because he has experience first-hand feeling his hot, blood pumping heart gone cold and frosty. Little Hao shakes his head, dispelling any negative thinking. His mama is waiting for his answer he can’t make her wait.

 

7-year-old Hao convinces his small body to not shivers and hurriedly answers, telling himself it’s okay, it’s because he has never used the home’s number to contact mama so of course mama doesn’t recognize the caller. It’s alright. His tiny mind goes round and round repeating the same sentences, trying to warm up his own frosty heart.

 

“Mama, it’s me, Li Hao.»

 

« En. What is it?»

 

His crispy and clear voice didn’t forget to name his identity and his small bad feelings quickly brightens up when his mama answers positively. She knows his being, she knows his existence! Little Hao is so happy, he has never been happier even when he ranked first in class or won many awards from the contests. He knew it his mama is the best, she stills check on him privately.

 

“Mama, did you know today is my birthday! I am 7 today! 7 is a lucky number and, and since my age is lucky… I wish to see mama and papa as my gift! I-I don’t need anything, I just want to see mama and papa! …I-Is that okay…or are you busy…?” again?

 

His voice tiny and cheerful with a tint of being nervous and shy, little Hao starts to bring up his reason for the call. His voice getting smaller as he continues but he doesn’t stop, afraid he’ll never get this chance to ask this question again. His last word was in mind. There was silence in the other side before a reply comes back. Although the voice from the other person is melodious and soft to the ear, little Hao never wishes to ever hear that for the second time or even first time to begin with.

 

“No, I can’t.”

 

Little Hao, for another first time, didn’t give up quickly and asks again.

 

“C-Can I ask why?”

 

This time, the reply came early as it went and goes with the wind blowing.

 

“I’m busy. You’re a big boy now, Li Hao. You need to be strong, mama won’t be there always. Take care, baby.”

 

The other side didn’t wait for the child to say the next word and the call had already ended. At that time, little Hao doesn’t know what he’s thinking or feeling s but his tears are begging to fall but the child is even afraid to cry in his own living room, in his own house. Is this even a home for him?

 

Little Hao puts down the phone, acts like nothing had happen and his steps quicken as the pace nears his bedroom. He got upstairs and locks himself in a room where he felt safe, where no one can see him, where he doesn’t have to pretend, a room where he can let out his emotions and thoughts. Little Hao doesn’t know why but his tears rapidly fall like raindrops, his voice choked but he doesn’t dare to cry aloud. He doesn’t want to attract attention, he’s afraid people come knock his door and ask ‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?’ despite his tiny self understanding that no one is this frosty house will come up and ask him that.

 

After all, he was the only one living in that big house. Big prison.

 

His 7^th birthday, Li Hao starts to accept things as it is and live life. He doesn’t know if it’s living life. Isn’t it just eating, sleep and study? Life is just that. He lived that way until he reaches 18, the adult age and finally his distant relatives came knocking on his door asking for favors. Then Li Hao learns the warmth of being blood-related with someone. He thinks he’s having fun after all someone is with him now. He doesn’t have to be alone anymore.

 

 Alone, Li Hao doesn’t like that word.

 

He knows they’re only with him because they can get money from him, money. The thing that his ‘parents’ gift him, an inheritance, the only thing he got from his people who birth him. Li Hao should be happy, being able to obtain the gift he got from them but why doesn’t he feel any joy? Feel, when was the last time he had felt them? He continues to ignore their exploitations of his money, at school people ignore him. Why should he go up to them since they’ll just leave him once they’re done with him? But these people want money, he just has to give them money and they’ll stay. Li Hao laughs at them, fools. He doesn’t know if he’s laughing at them or at himself. He doesn’t know anymore. When is this going to end?

 

Li Hao’s life clears up on the day a bright flower walks up to him and destroys the darkness around him. Li Hao feels refresh, he starts to see the sunshine and rainbow, the love and fun in being alive. All thanks to a white flower reaching out to him, the one he has to protect and cherish well. The name he recorded many times in his heart and spoken out, Ye Lan.

 

Ye Lan.

 

A lovely white flower, thank you for reaching out and setting me free.

 

Everytime he repeats that name, his heart feels lighter and mind clear up. He doesn’t blame her although he knows she came to him with an ulterior motive. Li Hao is still grateful even after she made his life more terrible than that from before, he still got to experience what having fun and being alive is all about.

 

So, for that, thank you, Ye Lan.

 

…

 

Before his death, Li Hao has only one unanswered query.

 

 Is it because of my birth that cause for them to divorce?

 

“Am I that unneeded?”

 

Someone, please answer me.

 

“Yes, I don’t want you.”

 

Li Hao’s eyes stir, his lips bend into a beautiful smile. Someone had answer him. Finally, his words are heard.

 

.

.

.

 

Waking up, Liu Xu Yuan’s eyes are red and swollen, his heart felt trapped in a cage desperate to fly but also scared to see the outside. Liu Xu Yuan’s mind is in a disarray and he only had one thing inside that boils his blood until they turn into ashes and blotch a black spot, ashes.

 

Drugs!

 

DRUGS!!

 

YE LAN!!!

 

Liu Xu Yuan’s fingers itches to throw and deep fry the female protagonist into a pot of spicy, burning food! No, that’s going easy on her! Damn it. He better take time to help advance her life into a beautiful peacock.