Conflicted Feelings
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{Rin}

"Good stuff, everyone!" Maria said, as her class ended. "We'll sweat off that vacation weight in no time!"

The students placed their wooden weapons back on their racks and left the gym. Rin, however, remained in the room for a little while longer, as she usually did.

"Well," Maria said, sitting next to Rin on a bench. "At least you didn't stop training, like everyone else did. You're improving at a good rate, Rin. Keep it up!"

Rin didn't hear her, however. As she sat there, her mind drifted toward the same thing it had consistently been fixed on lately.

That moonlit moment when Xhez's soft, wet lips touched hers. It almost set her skin on fire just thinking about it.

"Rin?" Maria asked.

"H-Huh?"

Maria giggled. As the low, bubbling laughter left her lips, Rin was reminded of just how young her teacher actually was. The woman hadn't even hit 30 yet, but she had an almost motherly aura to her.

"I said, I think you're improving steadily. You're doing a good job."

"I... hope so," Rin replied. She wiped off a bit of sweat, looking down at her lap.

"I'm not lying," Maria assured her. "Your speed could still use some work, but didn't you see how your punches were pushing Dylan back? When you first came in, no one was reacting like that to your blows. Now, one of the most talented students in the class is having to concede space when he fights you. Yes, he's still winning, but that's called progress, Rin."

Rin nodded, taking those words in.

[... I guess she's right. I did manage to fight some of those orcs back there at the raid. Am I around Rank C level now? I might need to fight more Rank C monsters to find out.]

"Are you going to head out on any missions soon?" Maria asked.

"I was just thinking that I might want to try it."

"I believe you should," Maria replied. "Not just so you can test yourself, but, remember, as an adventurer, you want the feeling of danger to be fresh in your mind. It's not good to get too comfortable."

"So... are you going to take any missions soon?" Rin countered.

Maria snuck her arm around Rin's back and pulled her into a half-embrace so tightly it hurt.

"I am busy overseeing the progress of my special, talented students like you," she said, cackling. "What would you do without me? Someone has to keep you moving around."

Again, her words slowly faded into the background.

She could almost feel it happening. The way the sprite's breath mixed with hers just before...

"Rin? Are you okay?" Maria suddenly asked.

"Huh? Um, yeah."

"Anything on your mind?"

Rin straightened up a bit. She opened her mouth to talk but then closed it.

"I..." She muttered. "Um..."

Maria blinked as Rin's cheeks flushed.

"Ohhhh~? Does my apprentice have a crush, mayhaps?"

Rin rolled her eyes light-heartedly, laughing a little.

"It's not- I just-"

"I'm gonna pry too much," Maria told her quickly. "But, I will say, if that is the case, whoever the lucky individual is would be insane to reject you. You should go for it," Maria advised her. "Just like how I'm going to go for a cup of coffee. See you in a bit."

Without letting Rin respond, Maria got up and walked out, leaving Rin in the room by her lonesome.

Rin was left with a heart full of questions and no answers.

In theory, it should have been simple. Xhez loved her. She said so herself and assured Rin that she knew the meaning behind those words. Whether she would have come to love any human who had encountered her in the wilderness and been willing to give her a chance or not, the simple fact was that she loved *her*.

And Rin... at the very least... liked her.

That much was obvious, from the way Rin's heart filled with warmth when she saw the sprite smile, to the way she looked forward to each individual conversation they shared, and, of course, the way her entire body felt at peace when the two of them kissed.

And yet, Rin felt off.

Mainly for one reason.

She felt like she didn't deserve her.

Sighing, the adventurer stood up and walked outside. She would come back later to train with Maria anyway, so leaving before her teacher returned was fine.

The student made her way back to her room and opened her door, finding the subject of her complex feelings laying on her bed and reading a book with her feet crossed.

She was in her disguise, of course, just in case anyone walked in. As Rin came into the room, Xhez looked over at her and a warm expression bloomed on her face.

"How were your classes?" Xhez asked.

"Same as always," Rin replied quietly, before sitting nearby.

Xhez sniffed the air.

"You..." She stifled a laugh. "You smell quite bad," she said with a smile.

Rin rolled her eyes, smiling the same way.

"I'll take a shower in a bit. I still have some training to do," Rin replied in between giggles.

"I see..." Xhez replied and, for a moment, the two of them sat in silence.

A silence that only lasted until Xhez broke it up by asking:

"Can I kiss you again?"

Rin sighed.

"But I stink."

"You do, but my desire to kiss you is stronger than my desire to back away from your smell. Can I?"

Rin hesitated for just a second before nodding.

She then turned her head toward Xhez. The sprite's kind eyes looked back at her, and Rin felt lost in them. Happily, she leaned in and Rin closed her eyes.

Their lips met and Rin felt chills go down her body.

She had kissed a lot of people over the years. Some she found attractive, some she didn't, some due to her work, and some not. No kiss felt quite like these that she shared with Xhez.

No kiss made the hairs on her arms stand up in quite the same way or made her want to jump all over the other woman like she felt right now.

And, as Xhez pulled away and smiled brightly at her, no kiss made Rin feel quite as grateful that it had happened.

[... I need to figure this out,] Rin thought. [I'm in too deep.]

"That was good!" Xhez said. "I look forward to the sex!"

"HA!"

Rin barked out a laugh.

That got her by surprise.

"Hm?" Xhez tilted her head. "Are we not doing it?"

"Um... That's..." Rin shook her head. "Give me some time. I'm... I'm not ready."

"Is it that serious of an occasion?" Xhez asked. "When I looked through your memories, it didn't seem like you knew that one lady you were doing it with well at all. You were mostly just focused on the feeling of it." 

"Well, yeah, but..." Rin inhaled slowly. "There are different kinds of sex." 

"Really?" Xhez pulled back, surprised. 

"Yeah... Um, 'fucking' isn't quite the same as 'making love' is one way I heard a coworker put it in the past." 

And it had taken all of this time for Rin to fully understand what that coworker had meant. 

"And, it is the latter which you want to do with me?" Xhez asked. 

"Yeah," Rin nodded. "And I... I don't think I'm ready just yet." 

It was embarrassing to say such words given that she was, genuinely, the farthest thing from a virgin that a woman could be, but she said those words nonetheless.

"I understand," Xhez replied. "Though, I would like to try 'fucking' as well. Could we do that?" 

Rin shook her head, giggling. 

[She is too much.] 

And then, a letter came in, hanging from the mouth of a messenger bird that perched itself on the open window.

One that erased both their smiles and placed worry in their hearts. 

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