Confession(2)
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Reign started crying as he finished because he couldn’t hold back anymore. Mr Mc Kenzi was staring at his son in disbelief with tears falling from his eyes. Mrs Mc Kenzi was leaning against her husband’s shoulder crying but he never took notice of her because he was still trying to process what he heard - all of this happened and he wasn’t aware of it.

Sturgeon was on the floor against the wall sitting crossed legged looking at Reign with red eyes while Skye sat between his legs not taking in what was being said or the strange atmosphere.

Stellar had her face buried behind Reegon crying softly. At the moment Reegon looked at Reign who was crying before him not really understanding the term suicide or wanting to kill yourself. He was currently the age of six, the age Reign started noticing that he was different from others.

Wiping the tears and mucus away he said, “I-I-I h-hated m-myself f-for b-being l-like this, I-I w-w-wanted t-to d-die b-b-but d-didn’t and, and i-it w-was t-torturing m-me. I went to the bathroom during the day and opened the bleach bottle. As the liquid entered my mouth I wasn’t able to swallow it because something stopped it from going down. I ended up vomiting and messed the bleach all over the floor.

Ma came in and yelled at me when she saw that it was lying on the floor, she told me that I should stop what I was doing and clean up my mess. She didn’t stop to see why I was leaning over the toilet bowl.

My mouth started bleeding and for that whole week and the next I couldn’t eat my food and I was yelled at for wasting food.”

Calming down after saying this I balled my fists shaking my head trying to clear my mind and make the anger subside. Taking in a deep breath I looked up and saw this scene before me, they were all crying as if they were the ones who were hurt.

I suddenly felt a huge amount of anger well up in my chest! Getting up I glared at them, “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL CRYING? I’M THE ONE WHO WAS HURT AND YOU ALL DIDN’T SEE IT; YOU PRETENDED TO BE PERFECT NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT ME. I WAS FUCKING TOLD I SHOULD SIT PROPERLY FOR WHAT? JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKED STRANG TO YOU (he said pointing to his mother) AND YOU! YOU CALL YOURSELF MY FATHER BUT YOU DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU FOUND OUT I RAN AWAY… WHY DID I HAVE TO RUN AWAY FOR YOU ALL TO REMEMBER THAT I EXISTED HUH? THE FOUR OF YOU ARE CRYING NOW BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR WHO, FOR ME???

YOU KNOW WHAT? DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR ME, JUST GO ON AND PRETEND THAT OUR FAMILY IS OKAY, THAT WE ARE HAPPY; FORGET THAT I LEFT AND I DON’T LOOK LIKE THIS! DO THAT AND SEE IF YOU’LL BE HAPPY – I FUCKING HATE BEING A PART OF THIS SHITTY FAMILY THAT DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT ME AND JUST EXPECTS ME TO NOT FUCK UP, I’M TIRED OF IT!!

YOUR TEARS MEAN NOTHING TO ME AS MINE MEANT FUCK’ALL TO YOU.”I yelled with my hands clenched into a fist.

“I’m not some you can pity anymore, I’m no longer going to pretend that I’m someone who I am not.”

I walked away, I could feel my medication was wearing off. If it was still in my system I wouldn’t have had an outburst.

I sat on my bed that Sturgeon made up roughly. I’d taken my medication but it would take some time to kick in. The door was locked and I had multiple visitors trying to enter and talk to me.

My mind was not in a good state right now and I had to sit still looking at nothing or else I might get triggered by something. My fucking phone was buzzing continuously too, I don’t know who it is but I’m not getting up to answer it – fuck! I just wished that it could die – I want to die!

Opening my eyes I found himself sitting up on the bed leaning against the wall. Stretching the ache in my neck out, I got up off the bed. Looking out the window, it’s dark out. How long have I been asleep?

Opening my door, the lights it the house was off. Checking the time on my mobile it was already after eleven. Everyone is asleep.

Thinking back to this morning’s conversation with my family I remembered the outburst. A pain struck my heart… I actually feel shit.

Going down the stairs, I reached the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. I can feel the void envelop me again… I need my pills.

Taking them I sat on the bed plugging the charger into my mobile, I guess it really died. After a moment it switched on and the notifications flooded in. Taking in a deep breath I connected my earphones – playing my favourite Youtube artist’s latest song on repeat: Karliene - The unquiet grave.

Why does thou sit upon my grave

And will dead lips to speak?

Why does thou weep upon my grave

And will not let me sleep?

 

My breast it is as cold as clay

My breath is earthly strong

And if you kiss my cold clay lips

Your days they won't be long

 

How oft on yonder grave, sweetheart

Where we were won't to walk

The fairest flower that e'er I saw

Has withered to a stalk

 

When will we meet again, sweetheart?

When will we meet again?

When the Autumn leaves that fall from trees

Are green and spring up again

How oft on yonder grave, sweetheart

Where we were won't to walk

The fairest flower that e'er I saw

Has withered to a stalk

~This song truly fits the me in the void.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

I woke up to the sound of my mobile vibrating like crazy. I reached for it without opening my eyes, “Hello?” I answered.

“Reign?”

“Theo?” I asked recognizing his voice.

“What happened to you, you didn’t answer my calls the whole day and when I asked your sister about it she said that you were asleep? Why’d you sleep so long, are you feeling sick?” he asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.

“I-I was tired that’s all.”

“Are you sure its nothing serious?”

“I am.”

I heard him sigh. “If that’s the case then I’ll believe you… I know it's early but I was wondering if you’d like to come with me to soccer practice and after that, we could go out… I didn’t see you yesterday so … I wanted to spend time with you today to make up for yesterday,” he asked.

“What time is it?” I asked too lazy to look.

“It’s five forty-five.”

“O-o-o-okay… let me get ready.”

“See you in fifteen.” He said ending the call. Stretching my body across my bed I yawned. I’ve been sleeping nonstop due to skipping my pill cycle – ah this really is shitty~

Getting up, I opened my eyes, the door was open. Did I leave it open?

Opening the curtains I took out my black skinny jeans and a black tank top, red hoodie and my red sneakers.

Getting out of the shower I walked into my room catching Sturgeon on my bed messing it up. He looked at me who entered with the towel around my waist. “Morning,” I greeted.

“Mhn,” he hummed.

I got dressed while he watched me going from stark naked to fully dressed, yawning ever minute. My yawning must be contagious because he too started yawning.

Brushing my hair and hooking a black nose ring in, I took my mobile and walked out of my room to my parents.

Opening the door, they were both up looking at me… they must have been talking about something, maybe about me.

“Theo’s coming over to pick me up. I’ll be with him if you are looking for me,” I said guiltily. I didn’t wait for them to say anything and just walked on to Reegon’s room. Shaking him a few times he woke up, “Reign?”

“Mn, listen, I’m going out with Theo, he’ll pick me up in a few minutes alright?”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ma watch him practice then we are going to hang out, I’ll come home after that okay.”

“mhn,” he hummed getting up to hug me. The teddy bear didn’t want to let go so I ended up prying his hands open. He laughed as he plopped on the bed. I kissed him on the cheek closing him and headed out.

Theo was outside already. Getting in he looked at me noticing the tired look on my face. Cupping my face he looked me over, “Are you sure you are alright?”

Moving his hand I nodded. He sighed and kissed my forehead then lips.

We arrived at the school's field out back. He walked me to the bleachers. Undressing he took off his jacket wrapping it around me and putting his green practice jersey on. We were the only ones here and it was peaceful.

Staring at him I asked, “How long are we going to be here?”

“Two to three hours, depending on the coaches mood,” he answered shrugging. I frowned hearing this.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned seeing my frown.

“I’m hungry,” I said. His face twisted. He pulled out his phone. Seated down beside me, he waited for the one on the other end to answer.

“Yo!”

“Do me a favour please,” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“Bring something for Reign to eat, I’ll pay you.”

“Why, aren’t you at the soccer field? Did you take him with?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright!”

The call ended. “Who was that?” I asked not believing that he’d actually trust someone else to get me food.

“Keenan,” he answered offhandedly. He ruffled my hair and pecked my lips.

Doing his stretches while occasionally looking my way giving me a toothy grin – I want to know how much he really likes me. Just telling me he loves me and kissing me is not enough for me – I’m too needy – I should stop.

Pulling out my mobile from my pocket, I sneakily took a photo of him dribbling the soccer ball. “Theo, look here,” I called out to him. He looked over confused and I took a photo of him. He suddenly realized why I called him and smiled – I took another one.

He ran over to me. Running a hand through his hair he said while leaning in, “Take one of us kissing,” our lips touched and the flash went off ten times; our kiss was deep and I wanted more but he pulled away to kiss my neck on his claimed spot!

Grinning he went back to practising. Leaning my head over, I wiped away the tears that forced their way out – my neediness is all over the place.

Looking at the pictures I took the second one of him smiling made its way onto my wallpaper. Sighing I clicked on the Facebook icon. I accepted another round of friend requests from who the fuck – I don’t know.

Clicking on the notification tab I saw a bunch of likes that were on images that I was tagged in. Clicking on the first one it was one from Marcus. Ah, I remember this one. It was three days after I met him.

He’d asked me to hang out and I said yes. I had on a yellow and white checked short with a grey and black long-sleeved shirt accompanied by a white cap and white sneakers. I was leaning against a brick wall that framed me perfectly but there was no smile on my face and the look in my eyes was hollow.

Marcus captioned it, “I am grateful that the dead look in his eyes is long gone, I can’t wait to see you this weekend my love :) “

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