The whole world seemed like it was on fire.

The ground, the coast, even the water was covered by patches of burning-red flames. The sight stretched on for as far as the eye could see, be it over the snow-covered plains or into the lake.

Bodies of the dying laid all around on the shallow incline of the lakeside coast. The nearby snow had been melted away by a barrage of battle magic, leaving only churned-up, muddy fields that men crawled through.

Some of them groaned with agony as they struggled over the ground with gaping wounds or severed limbs. Others screamed as they frantically scrambled while their bodies were alight with flames. But no matter how wretched they were, no matter how much blood they spilled onto crimson mud, the men continued to drag themselves across the ground as though they were zombies driven by the single-minded need to consume the living.

...And they all crawled towards one spot, converged upon a single snowy-haired familiar who knelt atop the muddy ground.

"S-stay away," Kaede cried out in fright as she depressed the trigger of the flame projector in her hands.

Liquid fire spewed into the faces of those approaching her, scorching their appearances as human beings before they would stop moving. Yet even as the dead sunk into the mud, more living corpses crawled over their bodies to advance upon the young girl.

"Stay away!" Kaede yelled out as she pumped out even more flames.

However the weapon was losing its pressure and the fire jet began to dwindle.

"Keep... shooting!"

Kaede once again heard those orders being given. She hurriedly pumped the weapon in her hands but it spurted only a few more times before running out completely. Her eyes darted between the corpses that advanced on her position and the empty flamethrower in her hands. She was out of options and her mind was drawing a blank as she looked around in a panic.

Yet the figure she spotted shambling towards her looked anything but friendly.

"You shot me!"

The damning accusation came from Major Karen, the woman who had saved Kaede's life. She too was now alight, her entire right arm consumed by flames. Her eyes looked spiteful as they stared hatefully at the familiar.

"No, it was an accident!" Kaede cried as she struggled to move away from the wave of zombies that followed the woman.

However her legs felt devoid of all sensation and refused to move. She could only cast aside her weapon and drag her body along the ground with clawing hands. Yet before she could even cover two paces of ground, the Major had caught up with her and seized her foot with her burning arm.

"You burned me!"

"No, I didn't mean it! Please!"

Kaede tried to kick back but she couldn't. She tried to get away but the Major's grip was too strong. She couldn't do anything as more and more corpses crawled into reach. Faces that she remembered from the battle, people that she immolated with her own hands.

They grabbed onto her body and began to pull her into the mass of the dead in hell...

...

"AaaaAHHH!" Kaede screamed as she scrambled upright in her bed.

Her breaths were frantic as she opened her eyes in the darkness. Moonlight shined through the clear glass windows and illuminated the inside just enough that she could see. She was in Pascal's expandable cabin, just like the previous night when she had woken up after losing consciousness in the battle. Though yet again she was its only occupant.

Kaede gasped breathlessly as she struggled to calm herself down. Her arms trembled as she felt icy perspiration roll down her sensitive skin. Her hands were still shaking as she reached down to the pain she felt in her midsection. Her stomach couldn't even give her a break before reminding her with its period cramps.

It's only a nightmare... only a nightmare, the familiar repeated to herself.

It was the second night in a row. Third time, if one counted her attempt to take a nap the previous afternoon. Kaede was starting to grow genuinely concerned that she could no longer sleep without seeing yet another variation of this same dream.

"<Is everything all right?>" Pascal's concerned voice emerged directly in her mind.

"<Y-yeah. It's... it's only a nightmare,> Kaede answered over the link as she gritted her teeth at the pang of stomach pains. "<...And these s-stupid cramps that you're making me go through.>"

She hadn't even told Pascal about the two previous times yet. Nor did it feel like 'only a nightmare' as her heart was still racing while the smell of burning flesh lingered in her thoughts. She couldn't drive out the horrifying images from her mind. Even the faces of the Northmen who she killed haunted her in her sleep.

"<Tell me if there is anything you need.>" Pascal commented sympathetically.

Kaede took a deep breath as her abdomen offered her a brief moment of reprieve. She found the small cushion that Pascal had enchanted with a long lasting heating spell and applied pressure with it.

"<Also, you just experienced your first real battle and your first... well, few dozen kills.>" He spoke in a supportive tone yet it only made Kaede flinch. "<Having ill dreams is natural and nothing to feel ashamed about. Try to go back to sleep. You barely slept last night and your body needs rest to properly heal those wounds that magic closed.>"

"<W-what about you?>" Kaede remarked as she slowly calmed her breathing. "<You were injured during the battle as well, and you didn't sleep at all last night. Why aren't you resting now?>"

Her tone was clearly irritable as her annoyed mood clashed with her anxieties and terror from those nightmares. She wished Pascal had at least been close by to offer his support, and not be in some distant building.

"<I need to finish organizing the shelters and provisions for the cityfolk.>" Pascal replied with guilt in his voice. "<It is due to my failure that they lost their homes. They have coped for these past two nights but I cannot ask them to do a third. These supplies that the King and the army graciously provided must be made available for distribution -- the people need a roof over their heads and kitchens for a proper meal.>"

Kaede sighed before she added in a rebuking tone: "<You're pushing yourself too hard, Pascal. You won't be able to help anyone if you drop from exhaustion.>"

"<Yes, Mother,>" Pascal answered sarcastically, before his voice grew more serious. "<I promise I will sleep once these are finished. Should only take me an hour or two.>"

"<Okay, fine, in the meantime I think... I'll go outside for a bit,>" Kaede said as she struggled to banish the dreadful feelings from both her mind and her body, which even now made her want to throw up. "<I don't think I can rest right now.>"

"<Are you sure?>" His voice was concerned.

"<I really need some fresh air.>" Kaede insisted, even though her stomach kept giving her second thoughts.

"<Turn your garments' heat all the way up then. It is still cold outside and it might help with your cramps.>" Pascal added helpfully. "<And remember to bring the heated cushion.>"

"<Sure.>" Kaede commented as she willed her enchanted undergarments to grow warmer until it felt like her entire body was embraced by an electric blanket. Even her arms and legs felt like they were wrapped in heat thanks to her long, silky gloves and stockings. Only her exposed shoulders and thighs felt chilly as she stood up from the warm bed covers.

She groped about in the dark with her small hands before finding her black, pseudo-uniform draped over a nearby chair. Pascal had made basic repairs with mending spells but it was still singed around the edges. She needed to visit a tailor for proper fixing. However, until then it was the only outfit Kaede could wear to fit in, so she put it on.

She then opened a chest nearby which held Pascal's spare uniform. She took a belt and tightened it to press the heated cushion firmly against her stomach. It felt like she was being squeezed by a waist cinch, but for once Kaede might have been happy to wear a corset. She then took his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. The extra layer definitely helped to disguise the slight bump over her midsection.

It's a good thing my body is so thin, otherwise I'd look pregnant, she couldn't help ponder before the mere idea of pregnancy left her thoughts aghast.

What am I even thinking about!? She then rushed to shake those images out of her head.

Yet her thoughts only went to a similar topic as Kaede wondered if a normal girl would ask for some company and a long, warm embrace at moments like these. However, while she couldn't claim to be an icon of masculinity even before coming to Hyperion, she had nevertheless been raised to be emotionally strong and independent.

Why do men always have to appear steady and in control? She sighed before wondering to herself: maybe girls really did have an easier life.

Culturally speaking, people judged the masculinity of men by their successes, while femininity appealed through a girl's weakness. Though an accomplished woman had her charms, society considered it not only acceptable, but even attractive, for females to show vulnerability. As a result it was perfectly acceptable for girls to confide their troubles among close friends and family, which gave them a network of emotional support to help them weather life's turbulences.

However this did not apply to males, as the social expectation for any fall was to walk away with unbruised pride. Men almost never sought emotional comfort through each other. And as a result many of them turned to substance abuse and violence.

Is this why I can't be honest with Pascal? Kaede thought.

After all, Pascal had always been judgmental and took every opportunity to test others' intellect and resolve. When his father died, he went out to be alone and cried atop the roof in silence.

Nevertheless, she was a girl now. Maybe Pascal wouldn't look down upon her for requesting some comfort? He certainly offered her free hugs when she broke down after receiving her residency papers.

She mulled it over as she opened the door to the freezing winds outside. She could only imagine how her father would react if he saw her now, as Konstantin had always complained that his son wasn't manly enough by Russian social standards.

No. Years of being told to 'man up' made Kaede berate herself. I may be a girl in body. But I'm still me.

Though in reality she already knew this was no longer true. Only two months might have passed since she came to Hyperion, but nobody could experience as much as she did during this time and remain the same.

Maybe some habits might be healthier to change. A voice from deep within caused her to sigh.