A cat-like woman was wearing a purple dress with drop shoulder sleeves and a voluminous skirt held out by layers of petticoats. Her evening attire, she calls them.

To be fair, the nights around these times were quite cold where she currently was.

In front of her was a red invitation and a blue invitation laid against each other on the desk. 

“A susfishous company and a rather radiclaw organization… They have quite purr-suasive offers.” 

She looked at her smoking pipe made of rosewood, though it was notably more ornate than its contemporaries, it even had gold engraved into it as a design! Not only that, she had gone as far as to procure enchantments for it to never run out of strong tobacco she could inhale. 

She shook her head. Smoking indoors with the windows closed was not a good idea, even for her constitution that was seemingly immune to disease. 

“As a mercenary, who shall have the honor to fursonally hire me?” She laughed and took out a shiny golden coin.

“Let’s decide via coinflip. Heads for this company that calls themself Arc Trading, and tails for the Nova Ordo.” 

Her tail swayed behind her as she flips the coin, her eyes trained on its golden glow. The coin was flung pretty far and bounced around the room 

“Tails, hehe. Nova Ordo it is. I’ve worked enough for the Sages, I suppaws it is time for a change of workplace.” 

She carefully went over the invitation of Nova Ordo and looked for any details she didn’t catch on to originally. 

“A fighting tournament huh, nothing I haven’t done be-fur. I better bring the Kit Cat.” 

After she stretched her arms, she mewled and fell on the bed. She made sure to leave the lights on to make the most of her payment to the inn.

She clasped her hands in a prayer.

“May I find salvation in that place.” A deeper voice escaped from her mouth.

---

Across the dusty dunes of Ibinia, Cheshire slowly made her way towards the gates of a secluded town.

“Good sir, have you heard of our Lord and Saviior, Flying Spaghetti Monster?” With a puff of smoke, she spoke to the driver of the magical carpet she was on. They flew slightly above the desert floor, much to Cheshire’s annoyance. Now she had dusk on her spiffy green cloak!

The muscular man turned to her, seemingly tolerant of her smoking, his turban wiggled slightly. 

“Miss, that has to be the most generic line I’ve ever heard from an evangelist, ever. And for your information, this place is a hotspot for a lot of nutjobs to gather and make a religion. So even if I did, he probably would have been drowned out by all the other gods I’ve heard off.

“Oh, that’s good to hear, you should purrabably worship him then! He’s a purr-fect god, I assure you! Just look at me.” Cheshire spread her arms.

The driver raised an eyebrow, his mouth hung open in disbelief. A second later he choked on sand, much to Cheshire’s delight.

“Probably? For a nutjob you sure aren’t a very devoted worshipper of your god.” 

Cheshire shook her head.

“Nope, I’m very devoted alright. Years ago, the Flying Spaghetti Monster helped me claw through a tough time and led me closer to my true self. He gives us blessings, they’re like a mirror to your inner self.” 

Cheshire gestured at her inhuman features.

The driver sighed and turned the other way, he started to speed up the magical carpet.

“Is it truly a blessing? To turn a young lady into such a corrupted being?” 

Cheshire’s ears twitched as she continued to inhale tobacco.

“Pawdon me, whadidya say? A puff of smoke was directed at the driver’s face.

He coughed.

“Nothing ma’am I said too much.” 

“It’s fine, the Flying Spaghetti Monster does not give salvation to every lost little lamb grazing the grass.” She laid down on the purple carpet and watched the sceneries pass by.

Sand flew everywhere, with occasional dots of water and wildlife. Occasionally, she would see a dying traveler or a band of mercenaries. She could even spot a mountain range in the distance.

Not so different from her home.

She closed her eyes.

“Tell me when we’re at the destination, sir.” 

“Of course ma’am.”

Eventually, Cheshire woke up herself and found that they were climbing up a very steep hill. In the distance she could see patches of buildings.

After passing a few checkpoints, they found themselves at the gate.

“We are here, ma’am.” spoke the driver who stopped his carpet.

Cheshire took her Kit Cat and pair of mittens and jumped down, which kicked up some sand. She strapped the Kit Cat to her back and pocketed her smoking pipe.

“Thank you, I’ve already paid my fair.” 

“Yep, they were pretty good counterfeits, honestly, you almost fooled me there. Unfortunately, I’ve already transported a lot of crooks before.” 

“You gotta be kitten me.” Cheshire complained and put her hands on her face.

“Thanks for the chocolate coin though, it's a nice tip. Now will you please pay up, ma’am?”

“Uhh fine.” She surrendered and threw some coins to the driver, who confirmed they were real.

She had to pay such an exorbitant fee which made her take a hit to her funds!

As she got away from the carpet, her devilish grin grew even wider.

That is if they were actually real. The ones before that were merely decoys.

He would probably find out, though it would be too late to go back.

As she walked through the streets of the venue, she noticed a surprisingly high amount of people. Wouldn’t this be bad meeting place for a supposedly top-secret mission?

Suddenly, a man in a ragged coat came charging at her with a dagger, it shocked the residents who saw him teleport there like nobody’s business.

The knife sank into her... who’s tender flesh?

Why was the man here? A request? What request? Why did he teleport here with a knife?

Those were his thoughts in the second where he saw the town guards rushing at him with magic.

Then he saw the face of a girl with cat-like eyes and a devilish grin in front of him. He had remembered? That heaven-damned stupid cat. It was too late now.

He had already lowered his knives and was too dumbfounded to escape from the guards who had restrained him.

Cheshire thanked the guards and walked away.

“Geez, kids these days have no manners. Should have at least gone at me with a longsword, hmph.” Cheshire crossed her arms and reached for her cloak to retrieve her smoking pipe.

As she took a huff and puff of the elating substance within, she inwardly thanked the person who had enchanted the smoking pipe. It was a pain to buy good tobacco in some areas, much more to carry it around wherever she went.

She approached a dilapidated building with a hanging sign that she could barely make out as one belonging to a tavern.

Cheshire reckoned the inside would not be better.

“What is this spaghetti monster claw-ful place? Geez, at least the sages had proper presentation. Let’s see if these ragtag rebels I’m gonna be working with can make up for it with the performance intself.”

 

 

 

---

Character Overview

Name: Cheshire (not her real name), though also called by the alias “Stupid Cat” by her foes.

Author: Anon_Y_Mousse

Allegiance: Nova Ordo

Age: 66

Race: Originally human? Although it is dubious at this point.

Bio: Cheshire’s past wasn’t really anything to note, or so she claims. She was a performer that migrated from the Central World to the Newfoundland (at that time), found her home as a performer in a tavern with patrons who were entertained by her nasty demeanor. She had a husband, but after a rather violent divorce that left a scar on her face that never healed. Surprisingly, she lived until 50 years old where she was shown salvation by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Gods were very much real, and lived off of “prayers” made by their worshippers. The flying spaghetti monster demanded only one prayer per life under him. A prayer that absolutely leads to insanity.

Cheshire’s body was permanently warped, given an incredibly long lifespan to fulfill a single mission: Live as she desires and spread the glory of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! For the victims, lost little lambs, this means being on the receiving end of her trickery and cat puns. With a devilish grin, she continues her journey everywhere and nowhere.

Inwardly, she does not really care about her mission and just wants to die a fun and interesting death. Consequently, this means that her power is not being actively enhanced by her god.

For now, she works as an independent mercenary under the code name “Cheshire Cat”.

Key Personality Traits:

• Suicidal Tendencies: The church of the flying spaghettti monster has no specific “haven” after death. For him, what comes after death for his worshipers is formed by their truest and innermost desires, at least that is what the scriptures state. For Cheshire, this is the sweet release of non-existence. To simply cease to be. She wishes for release of the burden of life. Cheshire thinks pulling the trigger is a cheap way to do such a thing. Her last moment must be a grand performance for her final memory. Although, the more she goes mad, the more it seems like a pointless endeavor.

• Smoking addiction: Cheshire always carries a comically huge smoking pipe with her, it has no use for combat. Though some opponents might find getting smoke all over their face annoying in the middle of a battle.

• Heart of a Performer: While being a trickster, Cheshire roots are buried in her past as a performer. She would easily go out of her way to have a “glameowrous” show of a battle. 

• Hate for Instruments: Cheshire does not like any musical instruments. Playing one directly to her is the best insult one can make.

Abilities:

• Orientation: "What's wrong, going mad?"

  Cheshire can change the orientation of anything she touches. This ability is a gift from the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is divided into 3 aspects, which Cheshire can use at varying levels

   

  Physical

  Cheshire is least adept with the physical aspect of orientation due to her low willingness to stay in the mortal realm. However, as weakly connected she may be, the blessing of a god is still very potent. If Cheshire touches a bullet, the direction can completely change to wherever she prefers. If she wishes to change the orientation again, she must change it back to its “original” position before doing so. Keep in mind that the physical “orientation” she can alter refers only to the direction of an object, and not its position or any other interaction with the environment. For example, if a ball falls on Cheshire’s head at terminal velocity and Cheshire makes an active thought to make the ball go upwards, it will act as if it was instead flung upwards at that velocity.

  Cheshire’s physical aspect of orientation cannot alter that of living beings(sentient hunks of metal count, rule of thumb is that she can alter a missile that knows where it is and where it isn’t, but not a missile that can question the meaning of life.

  Mental:

  Due to her unique mindset, Cheshire’s is closest to the mental aspect of Orientation. Her power is so potent that she can alter the very way someone may respond to certain stimuli. Ever found yourself going left when you want to go right? Embedding yourself into the floor instead of jumping? Suddenly lusting over something you didn’t originally like? If she so as much touches someone, she can cause them to feel a change in orientation for at least a few seconds, longer contact can even make the change a little… permanent. Especially if the victim doesn’t make a conscious effort to resist the change.

  That is if she actually had proper devotion to the Flying Spaghetti, a professional healer would be easily be able to identify and remove any changes as if it was a weak mind magic. Minimal effort produces minimal rewards, as the spaghetti once said, probably.

   

  Spiritual:

  The spiritual aspect of orientation is one’s very outlook on life. While Cheshire is capable of using this with a prolonged period of contact, it isn’t very useful in her job or in a short-term battle. Unless the short-term battle happens to be a philosophical debate where the contestants are holding hands, then just maybe it would be useful.

  Regardless, she won’t really use this unless asked.

• Inhuman Reaction:  To fully utilize her abilities, Cheshire has a reaction time of 0.01 seconds(over 10 times faster than the average human) when fully focused.

• Natural Agility: Like a cat, Cheshire is naturally agile.

• Cartoonish Physics:

  An innate trait gained as a side effect of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s blessing. Drawn from Cheshire’s inner desires.

  Cheshire is capable of some feats that blatantly violate the laws of physics. Taking no damage whatsoever when falling at terminal velocity. Running as fast as a car. Bending her bones into modern art. This only applies to her interactions with herself and her environment, not with other people  She is only capable of this when in her normal state of insanity, that is without using Gone Mad one too many times.

• Gone Mad:  “Everyone is said to have a primordial ability seeded deep inside of their souls. As worshipers seek enlightenment and salvation from their gods, they slowly awaken this. It is neither a magic nor a blessing, it is simply there. We are all capable of it in our own ways…” -An excerpt from “Observations of the Divine” by Archmage Wesley

  “The thing with Cheshire Cats is, they don’t really exist.”  Cheshire can seemingly remove herself from existence. For a single second, every action she had ever taken will seem as if they never happened (they still have, though. Just to avoid too much mindfuck)  and every living being on the planet will forget her; perhaps there was never a Cheshire, and everyone simply went mad?

  Expect people who are paying attention to her to have no idea what they were doing.

  Whatever the case, a second later she plops right back into existence.

  Due to the nature of her ability and her young age (for a worshipper of literal eldritch pasta), continued use of this ability will mentally degrade her, increasing her suicidal tendencies. This causes her fighting style to be more primal and less of a performance.

Weapons:

• Mitten Paws: “Nah, these aren’t real." Obnoxiously large mittens the shape of a purple cat’s paw, made to cover more area and to “catch” things. It may look soft, but it is best to be careful with them, they feel like being hit with concrete! Seriously, the hell are these things made of?

• Kit Cat: A pink case that looks very edible. Comes with an arsenal of knives, a Church of Spaghetti Monster standard-issue rapid-fire magic gun(powered by faith), a metal pipe and coin purse stuffed with explosives. Unfortunately, to use all but the coin purse stuffed with explosives(by hanging it on her arm and flinging it around), she must remove her mittens. It can be strapped to her back.

Appearance: Cheshire has prominently cat-like traits, such as her eyes, ears, and tail. All of them have a weird coloration not found on even the most magical of cats, a pink and purple hue. On her face is flesh mask that is obviously unreal and unnatural, covering all but her sharp teeth and the ever-present devilish grin. It was at least more pleasant to look at than her actual disfigured face. Her body is rather normal for young adult women, mostly ignored by the blessing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

She usually prefers form-fitting leather armor. Due to the climate of the area, Cheshire currently wears a light, baggy cloak wrapped around her entire body to protect her fair skin from the sun – or so she claims. She’s actually tanned.

(Note: Don’t depict Cheshire wearing skimpy clothes, she’s too classy to do that.)