
Cover Art for BTS. A 2022 Remake of the original 2015 artwork that I may share one day.
Chapter 1: Prisoner
Narrator: 118 years ago, the planet of Earth was in the middle of a catastrophic event that came to be known as the “Great Chaos”. Earth became the battlefield for a great war between Heaven and Hell with the angels of Heaven and the demons of Hell clashing for years. Heaven was led by the Light Goddess, Harmona. Hell was led by the Dark Goddess, Dakame. While this war affected the entire world, the center of this clash was on the island country the size of a continent known as Harmone. As the Great Chaos was nearing its end, Harmona and Dakame met on the battlefield for a fight to the death.
World map of Earth in the BTS story
Artwork of Light Goddess Harmona from 2016 by CodeMonkPunk. Legs are missing because she was drawn as part of the background for a cover art for a later arc in the story.
Artwork of Dark Goddess Dakame from 2016 by CodeMonkPunk. Legs are missing because she was drawn as part of the background for a cover art for a later arc in the story.
*Harmona and Dakame face off in a damaged city. Harmona is 7 feet tall and has mid back length straight blonde hair and a green iris color in her eyes. She is wearing a war dress. The dress is gold colored and is outlined with light weight ruby red metal strands. The uniform is sleeveless, She is wearing a head piece which looks similar to a crown on her forehead. It is gold colored and it has a star shaped ruby on the front. It has 4 prongs sticking up with 2 on the front of her head and one on both the left and right sides of her head*
*Dakame is also 7 feet tall. She has lower back length straight black hair and her eyes are black with a red iris color. She is wearing a war dress that is gray and has blood red lines running throughout it. It is sleeveless. Harmona and Dakame both have a good number of battle wounds on their bodies.
*Dakame smirks* Dakame: You’ve been a thorn in my side long enough, Harmona.
*A red colored aura appears around Dakame and then a mass number of black rain drops appear around her. Dakame thrusts her right arm forward and the black rain drops shoot out straight towards Harmona*
Dakame: Die, Harmona!
*Harmona crosses her arms in front of her face and guards herself as the barrage of black rain drops hit her, each drop damages her and creates more wounds. Soon, the barrage ends and Harmona lowers her arms but a gold aura surrounds her*
Harmona: This isn’t over!
*A bunch of small meteors form around Harmona and then she thrusts her left arm forward*
Harmona: I will end your terror!
*The small meteors shoot towards Dakame and she tries to doge them but fails to dodge all of them and takes a beating from a few of them. However, she is able to grab hold of the last one and charges her energy up. She then throws the last meteor back at Harmona. Harmona looks confident*
Harmona: You can’t hit me with my own attack.
*She holds her left arm out ready to stop the attack with her hand. Dakame smirks*
Dakame: Who said that was my plan?
*Harmona looks shocked as a ball of black energy bursts out from the meteor and hits the ground right in front of her and explodes. From the black explosion, moans of the damned can be heard. The explosion destroys the city buildings close to it. When the explosion clears, Harmona emerges but has taken a lot of damage and has bleeding wounds all over. She is unable to react in time as Dakame gets in close and punches her hard in the face to knock her back into a building. The force that Harmona’s body hits the building with causes it to collapse*
Dakame: Face it. You can’t defeat me. Your era is about to come to an end and then my era will begin!
*Harmona emerges from the rubble of the building and is breathing heavily*
Harmona: *huff huff* My era won’t end until I finally take you down. Once that happens, I will gladly welcome in the New Era.
Dakame: Cheap words when you look like you’re on your last breath.
*Dakame smirks* Dakame: Maybe you should unleash the beast again.
*Harmona looks angered* Harmona: Never again!
*Harmona charges up her energy again and then starts rushing towards Dakame. Dakame does the same and starts rushing towards Harmona*
Harmona: Dakame!!
Dakame: Harmona!!
*They each try to punch each other but their fists collide with each other. Neither of them are pushed back but the colliding punches causes a shockwave to be sent out which causes more surrounding damage*
Narrator: Soon after this battle, the Great Chaos came to an end. The angels returned to Heaven and the demons returned to Hell. How Harmona’s and Dakame’s battle ended remains a mystery to the mortal population but it is believed that both of them are still alive. The Great Chaos was such a catastrophic event that a new yearly calendar started and continued as Year 1 AGC (After Great Chaos). Following the Great Chaos, mortals with magic powers started becoming far more common. Mortals came to call this a “Blessing from Beyond The Stars”. But this story does not start immediately after the end of the Great Chaos. We now jump ahead to Year 118 AGC.
Zeth: (Narrating) It is May 6th, Year 118 in the country of Harmone. My name is Zeth. I have come from a clan of humans called the Eagle Clan. I am currently a prisoner of our enemies, the Hawk Clan. The clans became named after the birds each clan followed long ago before migrating to Harmone from the countries of Hawkon and Eaglana respectively. I am 17 years old and have been a prisoner for 1 year. (Zeth is about 5 feet, 10 inches tall. He has black hair that has a bit of spikiness to it at the front. His iris color is brown. He and all prisoners are wearing gray jumpsuits)
Artwork of Zeth (2022 Redraw) by CodeMonkPunk
*Zeth is in a prison cell with another person*
Narrator: Eagle Clan Member and Friend of Zeth – Paul. Age 17. (Paul has flat brown hair and is scrawnier. He has a blue iris color. He is slightly shorter than Zeth)
Paul: Things are getting rougher around here.
Zeth: Yeah, the Hawks seem anxious, like something is troubling them.
Paul: I’m tired of being their prisoner. We need to find a way to escape.
Zeth: If we tried to escape, they would kill us or give us some other kind of severe punishment.
Paul: I would rather die than stay here. Being here we may as well already be dead…
*A guard enters the prison hall with a prisoner*
Guard: You’re up for big punishment for the trouble you caused!
Paul: Lay off him!
*The guard shoots his pistol at the floor in front of Paul*
Guard: You open your mouth again and this bullet goes right through your head!
*He leaves while Zeth and Paul are filled with anger. Soon a new guard comes through the hall*
Guard: Alright maggots, you all have work to do!
*More guards arrive and they open all of the prison cells as the Eagle Clan prisoners are walked down the hall. They walk towards a big open area with a lot of big rocks. All of the prisoners are forced to take pick axes*
Guard: Today, you will be harvesting the valuable metals from these rocks!
*All of the prisoners find a place along the rocks. Zeth and Paul start picking at the same rock*
Paul: Why are we doing this?
Zeth: What choice do we have?
*The guards continue to watch the prisoners work. After a while, the prisoners start to expose some shiny valuable metals. Zeth wipes sweat off his forehead*
Zeth: Hopefully, we are almost done.
*Paul starts to feel really tired and falls to his knees*
Paul: *huff huff* I’m not strong like you. I can’t keep doing this.
Zeth: You have to! If they see you stopping…
Paul: I know. I will be punished. But I can’t keep going.
*A guard sees that Paul stopped working and walks over to Zeth and Paul*
Guard: Get back to work!
Paul: I can’t. I’m too tired.
Guard: This is your last warning!
Paul: …I can’t.
*Angrily, the guard grabs Paul by the neck*
Zeth: No!! Punish me in his place!
*The guard kicks Zeth down and then starts dragging Paul away. Zeth starts to tear up*
Zeth: What is this world we live in!?
*With tears dripping down his face, Zeth goes back to work. Eventually he fully uncovers the valuable metals of the rock. Guards come to collect the metals. Zeth falls to his knees still in tears. Zeth hears a woman’s whisper in his head*
Voice: Follow the light in your heart.
*He looks in front of him and sees what appears to be a mirage of a tall woman with long blonde hair and wearing an angel style white dress*
Zeth: Who?
*He rubs his eyes and the woman is gone*
Zeth: Am I seeing things? Who was that?
*All of the metals have now been harvested*
Guard: Alright you scum, you’re done! Report to the cafeteria for your meal!
Zeth: Follow the light in my heart… I don’t know what that means exactly but I’m thinking I should save my friend.
*Zeth starts walking*
Zeth: Hang on Paul. I’m coming to save you and then we will get the hell out of here.
*Rather than reporting to the cafeteria, Zeth starts heading to the punishment area, as he gets close, he starts peeking around corners. Oddly, there are not many guards near the punishment area*
*Zeth starts peeking through windows in the various rooms looking for Paul. Some of the prisoners he sees being punished are stripped and then beaten with a spiked club. Zeth tears up at the sight*
Zeth: I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.
*Eventually, he finds the room Paul is kept in. At the moment there are no guards in it so he goes in, Paul has not been stripped but has various injuries on his head*
Zeth: Paul, what have they done to you?
Paul: Zeth? They have been beating me across the head repeatedly and calling me worthless garbage.
Zeth: We’re getting out of here. Come on.
Paul: You have decided to escape now?
Zeth: I have. Let’s go.
*Paul gets off the table he was on*
Paul: The guards will be back soon. They will notice quickly that I’m gone and put the whole prison on alert.
Zeth: We will just have to get out before then.
*They leave the room and start running. Elsewhere in the prison, a huge explosion happens. The explosion rattles most of the guards*
Random Guard: What the hell was that!!?
*More explosions start happening across the prison. In the area where the first explosion happened, guards see a figure start to walk through the flames caused by the explosion, a close up of the bottom half of the person’s face is shown and the person has a wicked smile.
*Zeth and Paul continue running through the prison as the explosions continue all over the prison*
Paul: What is going on here!?
Zeth: I don’t know but it gives us a good chance to escape!
*They enter a big room and see guards and prisoners. They keep running through the room as the explosions start killing both guards and prisoners. After a few minutes they are near the exit but run into guards. They try to run past the guards and Zeth is able to but Paul is caught*
Paul: Go on without me, Zeth! At least one of us should make it out!
Zeth: I can’t leave you!
Paul: Just go!!!
Zeth: There’s no way I’m leaving you behind!!
Paul: Zeth, you have to live!!!
*An explosion then happens in the room and it kills Paul and the guards*
Zeth: Noooo!!!!!!
*Zeth sees Paul’s scorched dead body and then starts crying. Zeth starts running with tears continuing to roll down his face. As Zeth continues on, he runs into another guard*
Zeth: Get out of my way!!!
*Zeth charges at the guard and as he does his fist and arm begin to glow a purple color. Zeth punches the guard which causes the guard to be sent flying backwards and into a wall. Zeth looks at his arm and has a confused expression on his face*
Zeth: What’s happening to my arm?
*Another explosion happens nearby*
Zeth: I’ll figure it out later! I need to escape!
*Zeth reaches the exit of the prison and gets out as the explosions continue to happen. However, Zeth is kicked from the side and is knocked onto his back. Zeth rubs his right arm and then looks ahead. A male guard wearing a hat that says MG is in front of him*
Guard: Are you responsible for the ongoing destruction of our prison!?
Zeth: No! I didn’t do anything!
Guard: Yeah right! You wouldn’t be out here otherwise! As a member of the Hawk Clan Magic Guard, I will execute you!
*A green aura appears around the guard. The guard holds out his hand with his fingers pointed towards Zeth. Green magic spikes shoot out of his fingers. Zeth opens his eyes wide and rolls out of the way to dodge them. He then stands up*
Zeth: I told you I didn’t do this!!
*Zeth starts rushing towards the guard. The guard shoots more green needles at Zeth. Zeth’s left arm becomes magically charged with a purple aura and he swats the spikes away. The guard looks shocked*
Guard: That’s magic! I knew it! You really are responsible!
*Zeth gets close to the guard and tries to punch him but the guard side steps to dodge. Zeth tries to punch again but the guard takes a step back to dodge. Zeth tries to punch one more time and this time the guard blocks with his arms. The guard then punches Zeth hard in the face to knock him on his back. The guard then immediately shoots out more spikes and they pierce Zeth’s abdomen. Zeth shouts in pain*
Zeth: Gah!! It hurts!
*The guard then starts to form a large magic spike in his right hand. Zeth clinches his left hand and magic starts to charge up in it*
Guard: This will pierce your heart! Your life is over!
Zeth: No!!!
*The guard throws the large spike. At the same time, Zeth thrusts left hand forward and then suddenly energy in the shape of a star releases from his hand. The star hits and destroys the spike and keeps going towards the guard*
Guard: What!!?
*The star hits the guard and explodes. Zeth looks shocked at what he just did. *The guard’s body has significant injuries and he falls on his back dying*
Guard: Beaten by lowly… Eagle Clan… scum…
*The guard’s eyes close and he dies. Zeth still looks shocked*
Zeth: How did I do that?
*More explosions happen in the prison*
Zeth: Oh no! I need to get away fast!!
*Zeth gets up and starts running. He holds on to his abdomen in pain as he runs. Zeth escapes over the hills. He looks back at the prison*
Zeth: Did others escape? Are all of the prisoners dying along with the Hawk Clan guards? It’s sickening that the Hawk Clan is full of horrible people bent on destroying the Eagle Clan.
*Zeth thinks of Paul*
Zeth: Thank you, my friend…
*Zeth looks at the purple aura on his arm*
Zeth: So, magic huh? I wish I knew I had this before.
*The whole prison is finally destroyed. Zeth continues moving away from the area that the prison was located at with a serious expression on his face*
Zeth: I don’t know what life has in store for me from here on out, but I’m not going to sit idly by. I’m going to tackle it head on!
Narrator: Zeth is now free from the Hawk Clan prison but he lost a close friend in the process. Where does he go from here?
Chapter 1 END
(Chapter Written: Circa November 2014)
To Be Continued in Chapter 2: Three Travelers
Pretty good. It seems like the formatting is similar to a D&D campaign transcript, or how it would read if it was converted to a written format. Or how a play is written on paper.
As a reader, it does make it very easy to know exactly what is happening and who is saying/doing what.
But as a writer, I can definitely see why this format wouldn't exactly be the best way to tell a story as it doesn't flow as well as opposed to if it were written as a story.
Thank you for the feedback. The formatting definitely made me hesitant to post this story publicly. Even more so with the quality of the second and third arcs being inconsistent at best. I just figured after over 7 years of writing this story, it was worth a shot to see if I could get more readers by finding someplace on the internet to post it. I'm hoping for the best but if the different formatting and inconsistent early quality are too much to overcome, I can at least say I tried.
@DarkLegend64 I'll read a good portion in and then give some more feedback of how I feel about it. So far I have no outstanding issue as I lean more into the readers side here.
@FindingClock4 Sounds good. I'll hope the second and third arcs don't make you want to stop reading lol. If I ever rewrote this story, those two arcs would receive significant changes.
@DarkLegend64 May I know where the 2nd and 3rd arc starts and ends? Also, are you talking about narrative quality or the story in and of itself
@Reborn_kun The second arc is chapters 6 through 28 and the third arc is chapters 29 through 54. And I mainly mean the content in the chapters (especially in the third arc). They are mostly action focused and in my opinion don’t have enough story development within the arcs to justify the number of chapters. That said, most of those chapters are very short (a lot of them are in the 450-700 word range).
I would rewrite the arcs but I don’t want to mess with the milestone chapters so I can’t. When I first started writing this story 8 years ago, the length of the chapters didn’t really matter to me. All that mattered to me was “I want this event/battle/situation to last X number of chapters” and that was going off of the battle shonen style where hardly ever is anything ever resolved in one chapter.
@DarkLegend64 I love action-focused arcs and there are pivotal for further story development IMO. That said, I do feel it is too early to have action-focused arcs. Then again, I am just starting and too early to give clear opinion on the way you took the story.
@Reborn_kun Given that the story is based on battle shonen manga, almost every arc will have lots of action lol. It’s just that after the third arc, I think that the balance between the action and story developments is a lot better most of the time. Anyway, if you are fully intending to read this story, I hope you enjoy.
@DarkLegend64 Why don't you upload this to other platforms too like wattpad, webnovel, meganovel, royalroad etc?
@Darkest-Knight I have posted it on one other site (Honeyfeed) and have had similar levels of readers not being interested. I know different sites have users with different interests but I think this story's style will not gel with those that come specifically for novel-style stories.