Now I know that I hate cats… All cats are assholes!! Jin thinks as he crouches on a rooftop, wincing in pain as he applies ointment to scratches on parts of his forearm not protected by his armguards. I’ve completed six C-Rank and twenty D-Rank missions, but half of my D-Rank missions were for missing pets and most of those pets were cats. What the hell is it with this village and cats?!!
Let's see… I’ve been a genin for almost two months now and Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura have returned from presumably the Land of Waves arc. Jin thinks as he sees Naruto try to walk a large dog. The dog itself is dragging Naruto along. Looking back, neither anime or the manga gave a set gap of time between the Genin Graduation Exams and the Chunin Exams…
“Huh?” Jin blurts out as he sees a blonde-haired woman with a large fan and a boy dressed in black, carrying an object wrapped in bandages walk down the street. Speak of the devil, Temari and Kankuro are here?! That means the Chunin Exams are about to start. I should learn Wind Style from her, but how do I approach this girl?
At that moment Jin sees something fall out of Temari’s bag.
A comb…? Well she is a girl. How convenient for me. Jin thinks, smirking a devilish grin. Jin jumps down from the roof, goes to pick up the comb, and slowly walks up to her from behind. I have to do this quickly and carefully. The fact that Temari and Kankuro are here means that Gaara is close by, both Temari and Kankuro can be scary, but the true danger is Gaara. I need stay away from him, until Naruto fights him and turns him good, he’s a fucking monster to be avoided at all cost.
“Excuse me, miss?” Jin calls out with a casual friendly smile.
“Yes? What is it?” Temari asks
“You dropped this.” Jin tells her, handing her comb to her. As Temari reaches for her comb, Jin activates his Probing Jutsu. A strong fear of her younger brother, Gaara, her role in Orochimaru’s attack on the Leaf Village… AH! There’s the secret to Wind Style jutsu, but her’s all require the use of her fan. Who cares? I can just learn new jutsu or create new ones later…
“Oh, thanks.” Temari responds, taking back her comb. The sand kunoichi turns back around and continues on her way.
Okay, I know both Fire and WInd style now. That should be more than enough for the first two rounds of the Chunin Exams. Jin thinks to himself, smirking very satisfied as he watches Temari walk off into the distance. Hmm, I should also make an invisibility jutsu for stealth purposes later on…
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It’s the first day of the Chunin Exams, Jin has already taken his seat in room 301. Jin's seat happens to be on the first row and the first column by the window. As Jin is seated, he can overhear that Kabuto has just finished giving his intel on the Chunin Exams to Naruto and the other main characters, all of which are in the back of the room.
I get to take the Chunin Exams on my own!! Jin thinks with relief mixed with excitement. Super fucking sweet.
“RRRAAAAARRGH!!!” Naruto roars, pointing at all the genin seated in front of him. “I’m Naruto Uzumaki and I’m gonna beat everyone of ‘ya, BELIEVE IT!”
GOD, do I hate that catchphrase... Jin thinks to himself, cringing at Naruto’s declaration of war. I just have to get through the Chunin Exams and then I’ll be free to leave the village and get the power I need to survive.
OH YEAH, since there’s still some time before the actual exam begins, I’ll probe all of these genin for their chakra natures. Jin thinks, sighing with relief as he activates his Probe Jutsu. Hmm…? None of these jutsu really fit my preferred combat style, but now I at least know how to use all five basic nature styles!
A few minutes later, the exam proctor for the first exam, Ibiki Morino enters the room with his assistants and explains the rules of the first exam which will be a written test. Ibiki then begins the test
Heh, look at these losers squirm. Jin thinks, trying to hold back his laughter. Most of them won’t know that the point of this test is to take risks and cheat without getting caught. I know that Ibiki secretly put two chūnin into the crowd to answer the questions and to make other genin try to cheat off of their exams, I’ll probe them for the answers.
Found them, child’s play. Jin thinks, satisfied as he writes down the right answers. Finished, now I just have to wait for Ibiki to give the tenth question and then I-- Ugh?!
A small, faint sand cloud forms around Jin and clogs his eyes.
Dammit, Gaara! WHY?! WHY ME?! An outraged Jin thinks as he tries to wipe the sand out of his eyes. After a short while the sand finally dissipates. FUCK YOU, GAARA!!
“I need to explain the rules for the final question.” Ibiki announces to the genin. “Rule number 1: Each of you is free to choose not to be given the final question, it’s your decision. Rule 2: If you accept the question, but answer it incorrectly, you will not only fail, you will be barred from ever taking the Exam again. Heh heh heh...”
After a few moments, a number of genin quit, deciding to try again nextime.
“I’ll take that final question, please.” Jin asks, raising his hand. Right now, I have very few opportunities to take charge, I’m taking this one. Sorry Naruto…
After a brief pause, Ibiki finally speaks. “Well then, I admire your determination if nothing else. For those of you remaining, there’s only one thing left to do and that’s for me to tell you that you've all passed the first Exam!”
At this moment a woman bursts into the room through the window.
“H-hang on, is this part of the test?!” Naruto asks.
“Heads up, boys and girls, this is no time to be celebrating!” The woman shouts. “I’m the proctor for the second exam! Anko Mitarashi!”
What team does he belong? And who is his team leader/sensei ? How can he participate at the exam alone? Or he isn't?? It's a bit hasty. If he was with an original team, it would be fine but ......
Character Sheet 3
They don't appear until chapters 13, 16, and 22. I didn't create them because I didn't know what to write for Jin's first mission, I added them later to help build up the world.
Sudden time jumo again? We went from jrity to parents death to first day of academy. To Uchiha massacre to post graduation. skipping all of his missions all the character building and relationship building with his class, clan, and family, ino, inoich. The team reveal, what he learned exactly during this time. Who he has met. His standing with the other reincarnated person etc!!! What the HELL is going on here? I can't read this trash , bye!
I believe the story is going too fast, I mean, not even his teammates or sensei were introduced, it's chapter 3 and they're already in the chunin test
Does he have affinity for all five elements?
Im interested in where you will take this series
A natural affinity for ALL five? No, he has train and practice to use any of the five chakra natures
@Superboy8338 why hasn't a reincarnated person tested himself by now? This story makes no logical sense, especially with the time skip. And adding other reincarnated individuals is simply bad... the feels like an overview not a story. You are skipping character building moments. This is years of school and interactions missed entirely. I can't say this is good writing when it's being done in such a vague way. He is graduated from the academy and has done missions, yet we know nothing of his team, his standing in the clan, his Friends, relationships skill level and any attention he has earned himself. Its rather badly done hopefully you do better next time.
@Superboy8338 you made the actual story into a side chapter? Why ? And I doubt its any good, we see a lack of dialog here that doesn't bode well to me as a reader.
@Chaddts The side chapters fill in the gaps.
@Superboy8338 you should never have had these "gaps" its too little too late. Just write the story kn order. Besides the whole Kazuya pregnancy thing with time travel is cliche trash.. you add time travel and i ask you what's the point? This is a dead novel bro, just start a new one and learn from your mistakes.
@Chaddts Too far to stop, I've been committed to finishing since the very start.
@Superboy8338 it doesn't have to be a new book. Just do a rewrite. Put out what you have in order and fill the gaps. Start from birth do some character interaction with him as a child with ino, how they grow up together etc. Time skip to before joining academy, have him loose ,and not be the best. Have him learn how to be better. Make friends learn together to help.his friends not die! skip to him graduating and leaning of team members.
That alone should take 50 chapters at the current size. It could be the same story you have as well. Just far more dialog, interactions and p.o.v changes to other characters so we the reader can see how his presence changes things. I would NOT include a 2nd reincarnated person at all. But that's just me. In any case ,how the interaction with her happend is trash. Nobody would let her run off at all! The fact he didn't stop her or follow her or atleast ambush her the following morning to make her aware of the future is nothing but bad! It ruins my sense of disbelief. NOBODY would allow her to run around ignorant of the future. You missed a lot of character development in the academy as well.
Just do a rewrite, put the chapters you have in CHRONOLOGICAL order, ENSURE THERE ARE NO TIMESKIPS MORE THAN A YEAR. Show his growth as he grows , don't TELL us!! SHOW us. get rid of the time travel mumbo jumbo, and have a clear set of defined goals for the m.c to achieve.
@Chaddts Can't get rid of time travel without completely changing the story. And Jin does have goals, his biggest one is in the synopsis.
@Superboy8338 you set small attainable goals like graduate academy top of the class etc. Training the cast or befriending naruto can be goals. What points in time would he interfere in? And why ,and how he does so are all goals.