Sedative

 

Chapter 5: Taking a Break

 

For a fleeting second, I was awake. There was a welcoming warmth next to me. I was too drowsy to comprehend what it was, but I reached out and hugged it close to me. My face buried into the warmth until I pressed my cheek comfortably on the heated softness. There was something stroking back the less than inch length of short buzzed hair on my head. I nibbled on my lower lip and cuddled in closer to apparently whoever this was.

Then I fell back to sleep...

 

---

 

When I woke up again, it was with Dr. Anstone knelt down by my side. It was her warm hand stroking over my shortened haired head that gently brought me out of the nap I took. I half-realized my head was far more sensitive without as much hair protecting me.

My eyes had to adjust and focus on her.

Earlier, I remembered she wore something like an office outfit. Brown skirt with a steel-blue shirt to go with it. Now she wore a white button-up shirt from my current blurry-eyed perspective. I watched her adjust on the floor to sit and she pulled from her side a plateful of food. It was laid on the couch carefully.

I was surprised more awake by there being room on this couch for a plate to be set down.

When I looked at the couch, I noticed it wasn't the same one I had fallen asleep in. This was the one by the blue cabinet. It was larger, now that I laid in it to have compared the two furnitures. ’But how did I go from that couch to this one?’ Obvious observation, I moved while too tired to have recognized I’d done so, or I was moved by someone.

For now, I looked over what was offered to me for breakfast. There was a reddish spice on a thick and flaky white fish with green beans set beside it. A tin-foiled potato was steadying itself in its corner. ’This was breakfast?’

"Wha-- what time is it?" I felt and sounded groggy, like sleep wasn’t out of my system yet.

"I'm sorry, but you looked so sweet sleeping. I didn't want to wake you. I carried and put you in my futon." ’I thought she didn't have a bed?’ I guessed a futon doesn’t exactly count as a bed. "It's around seventeen thirty. Five thirty in the afternoon." ’Afternoon?’ I’d say I overslept.

A curious thought popped in. "Did you sleep with me?"

She grinned at me and gave my head another stroke before she spoke. "I'll be right back to get your utensils." When she stood up, I saw she had on no pants. I didn't really know what to think when I saw her like that. She wasn't a guy, so I didn't exactly worry I had been violated. Still, having someone I just met sleep with me was a little disturbing.

Then again, she really was nice to look at. Just like the Assistant Nurse, she had incredibly long legs that went up and disappeared under the tail of the white shirt. That still didn't tickle me in any way I was familiar with. What did tickle me was how close she had been and I could taste something in the air around her. A juicy fruit smell that reminded me of grapes or a potent kosher wine.

Turning around, I could appreciate the shirt she wore a bit more as I saw her bust more fully. It was apparent that she wore nothing underneath the shirt with the outlined shaped of her cresting through the fabric. ’Did she sleep with me without wearing anything?’

That made me check something. Beneath the blanket, and apparently sheets from the futon, I laid my hand over my flat stomach. My gown wasn't on me. I kept quiet about that discovery and awaited Dr. Anstone to bring me the fork and knife.

She laid a napkin down by the plate with the pair of utensils on top. Slipping my arm out from the covers, I took the fork and stared at my plate. I chose to devour the greens first. Best to be done with them before going onto heartier portions. Looking up, I watched Dr. Anstone in wonder what her deal was with me.

I didn't feel like anything was wrong with me. Not wrong in a sense that I didn’t feel hurt. ’Maybe she only undressed us to sleep more comfortably?’ It still was without my consent, but this was a different world than what I was accustomed with. Without knowledge of anything, I didn't know how I should react to everything.

I could start understanding with her. "Why did you sleep with me?"

"Worked an all-nighter and your case kept me up this morning." She sat more comfortably back down on the floor in front of me and smiled. "Although, I can't complain. You were very cuddly when I did finally crash." I swallowed and felt something hot streak across my face. I took my hand to feel around the intricate scars for anything odd. "Are you okay?"

"Something burns on my face."

"May I?" I looked back up at her and took my hand away to be replaced by her's. My face grew hotter. She restrained a laugh behind her smile. After she recovered enough, she spoke. "You're blushing and the nerves in your cheeks are probably more sensitive from the lightning. Are your teeth more sensitive too?"

I carefully shook my head. Then again, green beans are not exactly a hard or chewy food. Something like a steak or nuts would be a good practice on my chompers. I corrected my earlier response to her question. “I’m not sure.”

But what I was sure about happened to be we were both practically naked and had already shared the same bed. She was smoking hot and I really wanted to… I wanted...

Within me, I had attempted to feel some attraction towards women. It wasn't how sexy women looked, the beauty, or the idea of what they might look like without their clothes on that stirred me anymore. I discovered their clean and wonderful aroma to be the first trigger for me. Then came their behavior towards me. When Dr. Anstone kept her palm on my cheek and began to gently stroke further and back behind my ear and hair, I felt it. Her affection for me set the burning desire alight.

But I didn’t know what to do. Not knowing what direction to take, I was a doe caught in the headlights.

It made me want to laugh, but I didn't. I knew it would ruin how I felt right now. For the record, I kept in the back of my mind that girls are weird. There was a good reason to think that. I still didn't want to jump her. Even though she made me feel incredible, something about it felt not quite right. I don't know if it was because there wasn't enough to fuel me on or if there was another factor missing in my mix.

My focus returned to the plate and I became more aware, delicate, about how I ate. I was worried one bite would send a shock through my teeth or something like that. Each bite came up slower, more careful than the one before, until I couldn't eat anymore. I never touched the potato.

I gave the plate up with the fork and knife left wrapped in the napkin. "Sorry, I can't eat anymore." This had been odd for me. The plate I had was the first really good meal with actual flavor that I could state proudly was delicious. I would have devoured everything and demanded more with gusto before I was thrown in this girl’s body. Now, I couldn't finish an incredible meal and it didn't feel like it was because I was full. Something else stopped me from eating more.

Dr. Anstone picked the plate up and stood. "You don't have to be sorry. I'm glad you had something to eat. The records I've read showed you barely eat what the hospital has to offer." ’Has she tried it?’ If she had, she'd know why.

She dumped the plate into a bag and tied it up. It was set on her chair, for the moment. I watched her go to a door and open it up to reveal a closet of clothes. My eyes were glued to her as she unbuttoned her shirt and removed it. My view lingered on her bare back as she was busy pulling on lingerie, socks, pants, and then she covered her back with a shirt. I couldn't believe I didn't take the chance to see what kind of ass she had.

’Was there something wrong with her back that had me so distracted?’ No. I thought her shoulders were straight, narrow, but with a firm stretch of muscle that made me think she could take care of herself. Like she was someone who could wrangle a full grown man to the ground. I felt both admiration and envy for seeing that. It was a little fantasy of mine to be strong and capable, but I never put in the effort to work out.

In a moment, Dr. Anstone returned to me and knelt down to help me up. Being fully aware of my nudity, I became a little stiff as she assisted me out from under the covers. I looked down at myself and held her shoulders with one arm while my other arm half-heartedly tried covering my bare chest. My legs accidentally kinda crossed for a second, but she was moving and I had to walk with her or else trip over my own feet.

"What's going on?" I had to figure that out first before I took another step.

"We're going to get some more exercise." ’More walking?’ I supposed that would be a good idea after eating, even if it was only a little.

She looked at me, then down my slender figure, and gave me a sheepish grin. I wondered what that was about until she began sorting through the clothes and outfits in the closet. They were her size, not mine. Gradually in her search, she pulled a T-shirt out for me to throw on. It worked like the gown, sorta. There were a pair of sweats that I could pull on, but I had to roll up the ankles or risk slipping and tripping, and I had to tie the waistband tightly around my narrow waist.

I felt her hand rub my back reassuringly before she helped me to the door. This started to make me wonder something serious.

"Am I crippled? I mean, it had only been a month in a coma. Shouldn't I be over this?" I wasn't limping, but every time I walked, I stumbled.

"You took a shock, an impossibly big one, to the head. Any number of things could be the cause." ’What did that mean? Was this neurological or something? Would I understand if she explained it? Maybe she didn't know or want me to get the wrong idea and hope for the best or feel despair of the worst?’ I didn't know and didn't push for more from her.

"Okay." I nodded as she unlocked and opened the door to the hall. This one was rounded like the last, but it wasn't empty.

On every wall, there was a big or brawny uniformed sentry keeping an eye on the rooms.

The psych-ward. I figured there would be crazies here, but I didn't think I'd be so accurate at how I envisioned it. It must’ve felt like a lifesaver for Dr. Anstone's office to be next to the elevator for her to not be required to pass by these nutjobs everyday.

I wasn’t sure how long we’d walked for, but it was enough for my legs, and up, to feel tense and hot like I had done something strenuous. I had so many things on my mind about this girl I was now and this was another consideration to add: ’What did she do for exercise? Did she work out any?’

If I wanted to have a normal life, I'd have to begin working towards it like these walks. Since I had trouble with opening doors, once I can I should work with grips. Getting up and laying down would also have to be factored in, so I’d have to do leg lifts, curl ups, squats, and more. There might be a lot more I've not thought of yet, but I could figure it out and learn what would be available for this new me. I'll fix myself by getting fit.

I shook my head. "I don't want to dream this."

"What's that?" Dr. Anstone leaned down and we looked at one another.

"I want to get back into shape. I don't want to be a cripple. A hindrance." The very thought that I would cause problems for someone caused me to straighten up. I felt the need to keep walking despite how stiff my legs were getting.

Dr. Anstone smiled at me and gave me a quick, tight, hug and kept me to herself. After she freed me, we kept walking until she called for a break. Returning to the room, she closed the door behind us and carefully took me back to the couch in the center of the room. I watched her walk back to the door, hear the clicking, and knew she locked it.

"There is a personal bathroom to the far corner. I'll take you there to get cleaned up." I felt a little funny. I've yet to feel the need to relieve myself.’Maybe the hospital food was designed to purge my system?’ Like a cleanser. I don't know if that was true or not, but I wouldn't put it past them.

She came back and helped me stand up to walk toward the bathroom. Inside, it was like the patient's bathroom, except the shower was larger and had a basin for a bath. ’Did she live in this office?’ Maybe it was a requirement at this hospital for the therapist to be available for any of the loonies here. ’How did that explain all the time she reserved for me?’

Somethings didn't make sense, but that might be me not knowing how either my or this world worked when it came to therapy and the professionals who practiced it.

I was sat down on a stool while she started up the tub. I wasn't sure if she intended I take a shower or bath. After a minute, it looked like I was going to be relaxing in a hot bath.

"A bath?"

"It will be good for your lean figure to loosen up." I smirked at that. "Can you undress or do you want help?"

My eyes darted to the bath, down at myself, then up to her before I began nibbling on my lower lip again. I didn't recall ever biting my lower lip for any reason, but it felt like this was my coping mechanism on a nervous tick. With my fingers hooked under the shirt, I gave the Tee a yank up and over myself. Around my head, I leaned forward and tugged to get the shirt the rest of the way off.

She took the shirt from me and I worked on untying the drawstrings to the sweats. They slipped off easily, but I had some difficulty kicking them off when my knees locked up on me. I had to agree with her on one note, my muscles could definitely be loosened up a little.

While I was busy with the sweats, I had not noticed what Dr. Anstone was doing until I finally removed the last of my clothing. When I turned to look at her, she had finished undressing herself. That burning in my cheeks that I felt before had returned and spread down to cover my chest and run along my shoulders. Even my flat tummy felt like it was fluttering with a steamy sensation that rose from an unknown heat source.

At first, I thought she reached down and was helping me to stand up from the stool. That wasn't the case. She slid her arms under me and lifted me from the stool to be carried for both of us to enter the tub together. Dr. Anstone settled into the tub and had me laying across her lap until she assisted me in reorienting myself to sit, but still in her lap. I was too shocked to say or do anything in protest. At the moment, I could’ve tried to live out a fantasy from my boyhood.

When I was a guy, I had imagined a scenario like this happening with a woman. ’Maybe once or twice?’ Each time, my fantasy was with me leaning my head back and resting on those cushy swollen mounds on their chest. She definitely had well rounded and shapely ones too, but when I did lean back to rest, I felt more comfortable laying my head back into the crook between her neck and shoulder. In fact, I adjusted myself to lay more on her side and arm than on her exposed breasts.

Closing my eyes, I felt relaxed and in a deep comfort zone. I was still wildly bewildered by Dr. Anstone, but she didn't give me a sense that I should be afraid. It looked sexual, but the act didn't come off that way. It felt more like she was deeply intimate about caring for her patient. That she'd be willing to go through any length to make my recovery the best experience ever. Unorthodox, but maybe not for this world. Maybe… again, I was not complaining.

I opened my eyes back up the moment I felt her hands, already soaped up, stroking under my jaw to the smooth point of my chin. Alerted by her hands now, I immediately closed my eyes again as she tenderly rubbed up over my scarred cheeks and roamed across my lips and nose. Using my own hands, I wetted, wiped, and wetted to repeat the process to clear the suds off my face. Our hands crossed each other a few times, but she kept diligently applying her cleansing ways and I followed after her to rinse up what she left over me.

It was strange. ’Why was I letting her do this? Did I enjoy what she was doing?’ I thought so. I didn't believe I could do this with anyone before, but I found what she was doing made me feel good.

Her hands swept down the sides of my neck, stroking around to the back with me leaning my head forward, and to the narrow shelf of my shoulders when I sat up. She soaped her hands up again and rubbed her fingers and palms into each shoulder more firmly than she had on my face. I hesitated raising my hands to rinse off the soapy residue running down from over my shoulders. My fine shoulders lowered when I dropped my hands back into the water in surrender. If she wanted to go for another pass over me to rinse me off afterwards, I’d let her. I felt her hands leave their impression more firmly to massage the tension out and I didn’t want that to stop.

But I did want her to go no further down. If I hadn't leaned back against her when I did, I could have expected her hands to continue massaging down behind me to my tush. Instead, she slipped down her hands over and around my shoulders into the front. Along my collarbone and just barely above reaching and touching my bosom, she had spread the soap with her smoothly running hands slowly over me. I felt one of her hands had stopped, the palm lifted but she kept the tips of her fingers lightly touching my chest. And then she raised those fingers, up until they were lingering in the dimple on my throat, and finally leave my throat alone to harmlessly cut a light ticklish line down as far as traveling between my now excitedly perky valley.

She paused her fingers in between my breasts. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I thought I should rather have been questioning what she was doing.

When her hand laid on my chest, she cupped me, I closed my mouth with an instant gulp and squeezed my thighs tightly together by reflex. My eyes opened back up, but I didn't look anywhere in particular. I did see that this did stray into a more sexual territory now.

With a sharp inhale, I responded to her palm barely pulling away from my flesh to brush the very tip of my perkiness in her hand. I felt compelled to lift up off her lap, and had been about to, but her other hand finally made a move and found my thigh. That hand settled down there and gently stroked the length of my leg from the thigh, to knee, and back up.

I began to nibble on my lower lip once more. She was teasing me and I didn't know how I should be responding. I had been a guy and I was feeling pleasure as a girl. ’Should I stop this? Was I allowed to? Could it be possible that this was a therapeutic method for this hospital?’ I was more inclined to believe Dr. Anstone locked her office door for more than keeping me secured.

In a way, she never invaded my privacy. Beneath the water, her hand on my thigh traveled up the curve of my hip and streaked a sudsy palm beneath my abdominal. I felt her want to feel me down there, the tips of her fingers lightly curling close to my hidden valley, but she stroked her palm up the wall of my entire tum to stop and hold under the neglected breast. Those fingers lightly trailed up over the feminine shape on my chest and didn’t grasp, but pinched, and took hold of an excitedly hardened and sensitive part of me there.

Her cheek slid next to mine, and I suddenly felt her breathing hotly on my slender neck. She nuzzled down against my burning cheek, against and again, until I couldn’t pass up the invitation in returning the intimate gesture. I shared an equal eagerness to display an intimate affection. I don't know why I did, but I did. I felt torn between wanting this and not. ’I would have been thrilled to death as a guy, but a girl?’ I didn't know if I wanted to experience any form of sexuality in this body. I was now, and doing so felt almost as if I wasn't in control. I knew I had some sense of control, otherwise I wouldn't have kept my legs tightly shut off from her.

I had bitten more firmly down on my lower lip as my breathing became rapid. I felt myself want more, but the bite kept me from completely losing what control I had left. Her hands played with me for so long that I had become either soft and tender or firm and sensitive to the touch. If the water had not become cool, I would have guessed she would have continued until I caved and opened up to her.

At the end of her bathing me, she’d lifted me out of the tub enough to stand on my own, but her precautionary hands never left my waist. I waited, hugging myself for warmth after having left the cold water while still burning with sensual heat. My gaze drifted to her leaving the space we occupied in the tub, then grabbing for a towel. I held myself straight up, arms out, which doing both were a struggle for more reasons than my hospitalized condition. She wrapped me in a towel first, then herself, and assisted me in sitting back down on the stool for her to dry me.

During this drying, she made me wonder what all she would have done to me if I had yielded completely. ’Would she have kissed me if I wasn't biting my lip? Was she going to feel me down there? What would that have felt like? Could I have enjoyed it? How far would she have gone? If she did, would I have welcomed her fingers in me?’

I gazed up and stared at her from a bowed low head. I couldn't sit up straight anymore.

In a strange way, she raised and lowered me in so many ways than I could comprehend. Thanks to her, there was a rejuvenating diligence growing in me to recover, but now a buried submission had sprouted toward the warming potential of comfort and pleasure she offered and had blossomed to the point I might’ve let it happen. ’Why did I want to look at women the way I did before?’ Shelly, the Assistant Nurse, and Dr. Anstone all had me thinking of them in a lascivious way until now. I even looked and contemplated myself in that way!

’Did I feel regret for doing so?’ Not really. I thought I was learning what it was I had an interest in. I felt attracted to women, but the appeal was still foreign to me. Also, I know I pushed it. Being a girl now, I definitely forced myself to want women more than the only other alternative.

I didn't want to contemplate what a good looking guy might have caused me to feel.

I watched Dr. Anstone leave me for a moment. She came back, another T-shirt for me to wear like a gown, but this one with a cut Vee in the collar. That kind of T-shirt was likely sought for because of my earlier struggle yanking the last T-shirt off my head. When I saw women wearing T-shirts, they normally had ones that had a wide open collar. I wasn’t sure why Dr. Anstone had these kind of Tees that lacked the head room. ’Maybe they were Men's?’

Remaining quiet, I was assisted to the sink for me to have a moment to brush and wash in front of the mirror. Maybe not so much wash, having done that already, but it came hand-in-hand with me to rinse my face once with a splash. After I'd finished, I inspected myself in the mirror.

With parted open lips, I was still breathing fast. Hot. My face was pink from the hot bath, but I felt it was also because I blushed. If I didn't say something to Dr. Anstone, she would take advantage of my current condition when I laid down to rest.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw she was observing me as much I was inspecting my condition. Involuntarily, I bit and nibbled on my lower lip again as she smiled at me. We walked out of the bathroom and back into the large office suite.

She guided and sat me down on the futon. I followed her with my gaze as she had picked up all the discarded clothes and towels to stuff them in a fabric bag. The dirty clothes bag was left to hang off the closet's doorknob.

The blue cabinet was rummaged through next. I watched her pull out another bottle of water, which she shook, and handed to me. I took a good look at the cap and could verify that it was indeed sealed shut by the manufacturer. The therapist uncapped it for me.

"Go ahead and drink.” I hesitated and stared at her. “I've got one too, see?" Smiling at me, she held up an identical bottle and shook it before taking the cap off. Unlike me, she drank it in deeply. I finally did drink, but I felt I knew this was drugged somehow. If her's was too, then it might be for the best, but I didn't quite grasp why she would go through influencing herself as well. ’Maybe I am wrong about the water being spiked with something?’

Her bottle was empty by the time I drank a quarter of mine. I couldn't finish. That drowsiness had returned, those heavy lids dropping fast, and my head was nodding off left and right. Dr. Anstone had gone back to grab a shirt for herself to throw on before returning to me. I blinked once and found her sitting next to me. Every amount of will was used to watch her scoot back in the futon and pull the covers up and over herself. I still sat down for the time.

Then she easily wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in under the covers. I felt something on the top of my head, and then realized she kissed me lightly there. I tried to turn my head and look at her, but she managed to position me perfectly on my side with her fully behind me to be spooned by her. Somehow, despite having bathed, she kept that clean and fruity aroma. I breathed it in deeply, feeling myself become heavier, and her arms intimately more snug around me. Her breathing slowed, and I knew that meant she was already starting to doze.

With the last of my will, I hugged the therapist’s arms that held me to her. Whatever she was doing, whether it be a foreign practice in therapy or something illegal, she was helping me feel better. Last night, I had slept without a single tear, and the same was about to happen again.

Dr. Anstone’s methods were still being mulled over in my thoughts, but I couldn't keep awake anymore with her cozy warmth embracing me so fully...