Chapter 5 Alcohol Kills Things
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Jason followed Mark back inside. He went straight to the liquor cabinet. He took out a bottle of Kentucky whisky and set it down hard on the table. “We’re going to need this.”

“Whisky?” Jason asked.

“Have you forgotten where you are?” Mark took out four short glasses.

Jason thought about it for a moment, looked around, and watched Penny and Asterial reenter the cabin. “A nice cabin?”

Asterial hopped up onto the table. “You’re at the Devil’s hole to hell, dumbass. It’s about fifty paces that way.” He pointed his paw toward the rear of the cabin.

“What? It’s an actual hole to hell?”

“Yep, and it’s Mark’s job to guard it.” Asterial said. He turned to the former priest. “You can still call upon your friends for help, right?”

“Naturally, but it takes them a bit to descend here. They ain’t just waiting in the clouds.”

“Then what’s the whisky for?” Penny asked.

“It takes the edge off, so you don’t care about a horde of demons trying to crawl out of a hole and rip your dick off.”

“Again, with the dick ripping.” Jason said.

Mark gave Asterial a stern look, “You steal my jokes again mangy fleabag?”

“Like you didn’t steal it first.”

Mark poured the whisky. “I estimate we have about half an hour. I’ll send out the alarm for the divine intervention, but we will have to fight the demon’s off until they arrive.”

Jason concentrated on his crotch swung his hips back and forth until he saw an amused Penny watching him. “What the hell are you doing?” She asked. “You think your crotch is the source of your power?”

“It was worth a try. I need to find out what I can do before the demon horde gets here and those two, he pointed, keep talking about ripping dicks off so I naturally thought that maybe…”

Penny took her glass of whisky and downed it. “Men will stick theirs anywhere they can, but we women have the power, don’t you think?”

“Well, you do.” Jason said. He took the glass and held it up to Mark’s. “Cheers he said, and then he drank the whisky down the same as Mark. Asterial ignored his.

 As soon as the alcohol burned down his throat, he felt the pain. Had Mark poisoned him? He stumbled into a chair next to the table, knocking it over. “What was in that?” He clutched his throat.

Mark looked blankly at his own empty class and shrugged, “Just whisky.”

Jason felt the tingling of his extremities first then they began to stretch and crack. He burst out of his clothes and kept growing. Rage pervaded his senses and he felt himself began to smash the table, chairs, and everything around him. Then, as if only a few minutes passed, he returned to normal with a sense of euphoria, naked except for his undies.

“My power is super strength through whisky! Quick, give me all your whisky.”

Mark grabbed his half empty bottle, “You’re not getting my booze. You just destroyed my table and chairs.”

“Maybe it’s the alcohol.” Asterial said.

Jason searched around the liquor cabinet, “What do you have in here that you don’t care about me drinking?”

Mark went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer. “This, he said.”

“Beer?” Jason frowned. “It’s just a small percentage of alcohol compared to whisky, but I’ll try it.” He burst out the back door and popped the top off the bottle. He chugged the beer down and waited to grow, but nothing happened. “Shit, it’s not enough alcohol or it’s the wrong kind. Maybe whisky is the key after all.”

“Behind you!” Penny said pointing. Jason turned to see the horde of demons had arrived. They big ones were red, the human sized demons were a light purple, and the little ones were blueish. They began to scream when they saw Jason. Mark handed him another beer.

“Drink this and if nothing happens, I will go get my whisky.”

Jason downed the second beer, but nothing happened. He looked toward the horde, which was only a minute or so away. A golden light blinded him from somewhere up above. “What’s that light? Is it the angels?” He asked.

“What light?” Penny asked. She began to rotate her hips and her crotch lit up fiery red.

“The gold light,” He pointed up.

“The only gold light is the aura I see around you. It’s getting brighter.”

“Oh!” Jason said. He ran toward the horde as Penny rained fire down on the first row of demons. “Oh god, it can’t be the golden goodness of a glass of beer! That’s fucking corny as fuck!” He pointed at the demons and thought of the light leaving the tips of his fingers. A golden beam wiped out a row of the little bluish ones. His head was beginning to swim a little from two beers and a shot of whisky, but he shook it off. “Mark, keep the beer coming until I figure this out.” He kept firing the beam at the demons and it kept working. It didn’t fade out like the whisky strength had.

Whenever a demon got close enough to go hand to hand with Penny, the fiery circle around her burned it to a crisp. So, naturally Jason thought his aura would do the same until a big red demon knocked him on his butt. He fired the beam at it, and it dissolved in a bright burn of golden light. Jason experimented with the golden aura, and he took a chance on a whim. He willed it into a sword of light. It complied and formed into a bright shining sword of light in his hands. He swung it at the demons running toward him and sliced them in two. He willed two swords and kept one in each hand. He didn’t know how to use a sword, so he just swung them wildly. Finally, he decided to will them into sub machine guns, and they morphed for him. He began wasting the demons with a constant stream of golden bolts of light.

“Here’s another beer, but it doesn’t seem to be dissipating like the whisky.” Mark said.

Jason let one of the guns go as he grabbed the beer and downed it. His head began to swim even more but he was at least a twelve-pack college student. Three beers and a whisky wouldn’t get him drunk.

“This is just the first wave of lesser demons. I hope that beer lasts because these are nothing compared to what is about to come through.” Mark said. “Not to mention when the lords of hell get you on their radar. When they get involved, you are screwed.”

“Thanks for the pep talk!”

“Time for me to enter this fight.” Mark said. He pulled out a cross.

“A cross?”

Mark smiled. He turned the cross upside down and pulled on the longer section of the cross to reveal a long dagger, “They don’t call me Minister Sinister for nothing.” He took off running for a demon that happened to get past them and was heading for the cabin.

The demons began to scramble away, and Jason thought they were in the clear until he realized they were moving out of something’s way. A big, ugly red demon with a long black sword stomped up from the hole the smaller demons cleared. Penny, who had just cleared a small horde of lesser demons appeared to his right.

“I got ‘em.” She said, “This is fucking fun!” She charged up her ring of fire and ran toward the demon. Her fire did not even phase it, He knocked her aside in a heap. She did not get back up.

“Penny!” Jason yelled but she still didn’t move. The demon walked slowly and deliberately.

“Give me the Saeton.” The demon said in a deep, guttural voice.

Jason began to concentrate on his golden aura.

“Hell fire does not work on me. Give me the Saeton!”

“Jason, here!” It was Mark. He tossed the bottle of whisky to him. Jason immediately fumbled it and dropped it on a rock shattering it. Mark was horrified, “Not the outcome I was hoping for!”

Jason noticed the bottom of the bottle still had quite a bit of liquid in it. He grabbed it and drank it, the whole amount. The broken glass cut his lip, but he didn’t care. Blood mixed in with the booze. The demon took a step back. Jason felt the power build inside him as he grew, and he berserked on the demon. It was as if he were riding inside a monster. He was aware of everything going on, but he had no control over it. He felt the slimy blood of the demon as he literally bit it’s head off. That’s when he realized he was three times the demon’s size. He went from demon to demon biting off their heads and ripping them in half. Then he had a thought. Even though he didn’t actually have control, his body responded this time and he reached for one of the demon’s crotches. It screamed in horror as monster Jason started tearing its dick off. He went from demon to demon ripping their dicks away from their bodies. When the demons saw what he was doing they began to retreat. It wasn’t long after that when he saw the light from above. The angels had arrived. He returned to normal, drunk, and unsteady. He staggered to Penny. He turned her over and she smiled back at him.

“I’m okay.” She said. She wiped the blood from his bleeding lip.

Jason relaxed but he felt like he had just been to an all-night kegger. He looked into Penny Tickles’ deep blue eyes and blurted out in his slurring voice, “I’m naked.” Then everything went dark.