Chapter 2. Pushing through doubts
5 0 0
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

Writing the next chapter. This chapter I should write something to make the last chapter seem like an introduction into something greater. So when people finish reading first one and then for some reason to see where this all leads, can find something to satiate their curiosity. Make them happy that they stayed, regardless of my subtle warnings.

It's fucking easy. i can do this easily, just mash all the thoughts, pour it all out. It will still better, more thought-provoking, inspiring then any other garbage people write about. It will be more truthful, more alive. It will have fire in it. It will burn your hearts.

I get distracted again. Brainfreeze, stuck, empty. Doubtful, afraid. Write it all out, keep writing.

I write about words, about myself, I write words not about them. I think not in words. I feel fear of pretending. I don't want to pretend. I am not looking at the screen. I am stuck again but I keep writing.

This kind of reminds me of religious writings. And some thoughts about writing in general. What if this was meant when they said "write".

Let's talk about garbage. Let's talk about all the shit people eat nowadays. All the shit people glorify and defend whenever possible.

Let's glorify weaklings, romanticize failing. It is so hard to see where it leads us, what cause and side effects it might have. 

Let's close our eyes and.. I drifted again. Closing eyes is banal, an overused metaphor. Try something else.

Imagine I wrote something which can express all of my frustration and disgust of ignorance people are willing to live in just because it can trick you into feeling pleasant for a moment. And it's not really the garbage which makes you feel good, it's you who believes the garbage does it and therefore the belief itself causes the joy in the end. 

It's amazing how just allowing yourself, or wanting to enjoy something can be enough to feel the pleasure. It's also amazing how much is craved just for the accompanying sense of community. How much simply understanding, even on a superstitious level, can be enough to fill the emptiness created by craving and give you the sensation of accomplishment.

I often question, is it our brains so stupid, hence they can be tricked so easily. Or is it us so good at lying to ourselves, to be able to get pleasure from anything we decide to get it through. Or is it only us, and there's no such thing as "brains And us", and all that matters is our willingness.

Why do I write this. What does it have to do with anything I wrote before, well it does, but why does it have to. Who cares, why do we overcomplicate. Why do we oversimplify. Let just it all fucking be for fucks sake.

0