I was sitting there on the dining table, eating breakfast lonelily, well… not exactly, on my left are cousins bickering with one another, with one of them acting like an unbearable big brother, and my on my right is a man in a hunched position who has pretty much dealt with that overbearing big brother for more than decade while eating his breakfast, lonelily like me.

After breakfast everyone pretty much went to do their separate things, Arthur, Pere, and Kristof trained in the courtyard to keep in shape, Miss Marie, Nieve, Amadela, and now Ruith, went to the castle’s backyard garden to play with Roison, Chloé and Sofía borrowed Ruith’s study room and continued their espionage stuff, and I am… dragged off again by Alaxandair and Domnall to his grace’s study room, to be subjected on this dick measuring contest…

 

Again, it started off as any other talks about politics and whatnot, like how we talked about the nature of serfs, which… I got to remind myself more and more again, Alaxandair is product of his time, what he spouts is something that is normal for nobles around here, but Domnall on the other hand is not a product of his time.

He’s still of course, expectedly, lean more to the conservative side of this conversation but! But, he is… how should I say this… he’s seeing serfs not like Roger, not in a Libertarian point view, but I can’t really say he is viewing serfdom in a liberal way either, again, because he’s still leaning to the conservative side.

But nonetheless he is more tolerant and a bit open on the thought of giving serfs more freedom, letting them owned properties and having some rights, though he’s really against them having freedom of movement…

 

Of course, in the end of the politics talk, it ended again like before. Alaxandair accusing him of seducing Ruith and taking her from him… my god… I think this just the tip of the iceberg of nobles being clingy to their sisters, because there’s still Chloé and his three elder brothers, Amadela with Kristof, though a bit more tamer, and… heck, Arthur himself can be a bit of a sis-con to Morganna too, Jesus…

But then again… I think it sounds nice to have siblings, someone close since birth, someone… that can understand you more… help you more…

 

Their fighting still continues as I was pondering on what I would be if having a sibling, but, bit by bit, the bickering became more louder and louder to the point it’s not even entertaining anymore, it’s just annoying.

So, I stealthily made my way out of Alaxandair’s study room, as they were still locking their red eyes at each other.

 

When I got out of that, somewhat funny hell, I quickly planned to go to the castle’s backyard garden to join up with the ladies who were having fun with Roison. But before I could silently close Alaxandair’s study room, I quickly bumped into Durell.

He approaches me with a hunch posture, asking me where I was going but… when he saw a bit of what’s going on inside Alaxandair’s study room, he sighed in disappointment and said sorry to me.

 

“No, it’s okay! Families bicker all the time, and… it’s kind of entertaining to watch them, though until it became annoying like now…” I said.

“Yes… but… this both a shameful and ugly sight that shouldn’t be seen in the first place my Lord Protector… huh… kids…” He sighs in annoyance.

“Haha… yeah, and I’ve heard from Amadela that you pretty much raised Alaxandair and Ruith alone after their parents died, that must have been tough and… seeing this, must’ve put a lot of questions to your parenting skill huh?”

“Sometimes it does, both of them are by all means a handful, the muscles I have to pull just to keep them in line, the sleeps I have to sacrifice for them to be happy… but sadly there are still somethings that I can’t help them with, especially with his grace’s overbearing nature towards his sister… I can’t do anything with that sadly… his grace was never the same person after seeing his father and uncle died in front of him…” Durell shared.

“…” I was silent not because of awkwardness, but of admiration to what this man has to endure. “Well… in the end they still turned out… somewhat all right adults thanks to you Durell!”

 

Though Durell appreciated the compliment I gave to him, I noticed something peculiar from his face when I said it, it was still of pride which was well earned, but I saw a hint of shame, it was intriguing and a bit weird considering the arduous task he took head on, but… out of respect I won’t question it.

 

“Lord Protector where are you going?!” Alaxandair finally notice me about to leave.

“It’s fun talking to you guys, but it’s getting annoying… ciao!” I then began to speed walk from there, but… I was grabbed in the shoulder by Durell.

“I am sorry Lord Protector… but I must abide by his grace’s order, and… he still wants to talk to you… I am sorry…” Durell said.

“…fine, but I am talking to you both one by one! And I’ll start off with you first Alaxandair!”

 

I then went back inside as Domnall headed what I said and exchange places with me.

As the door finally closed and I was already seated back to my chair, I looked at Alaxandair more seriously before letting out a word.

 

“Okay look, I know what you two have been trying to get out of me for the past two days, dragging me… to this dick measuring contest! It’s funny the first time, now it’s just annoying! So, the sooner you point out your worth to this realm as well as why you can be a decent or maybe even a good ally to the crown, the sooner I can have fun with Roison and the others in your backyard!” I said to him as straight as submarine.

“And why would I need your approval?” He… well it is justifiable to talk demeaningly like that, but it’s still kind of annoying. “Last time I heard, there was only one sovereign in this realm!”

“Don’t kid yourself Alaxandair! You may perceive me as a green boy, but you already know how I operate, you know I won’t hesitate, just asked the Soleis!”

“…” He was silent, contemplating on the gravitas of the situation. “Fine… You choose me and Tuath will be behind you on every reforms you will make!”

“Not what I am asking Alaxandair, your cousin can easily promise what you just promise too! Give me something that makes you worth it to the realm!”

“What makes me worth it?! Okay fine then! I know exactly how Tuath runs, I know how the nobles of this realm thoughts runs too, I know for a fact the reforms you are going to unleash will be met with fierce resistance! I can control them! I can be their voice, the voice of the old guards!” He’s getting desperate.

 

I know from his looks that he was on the edge, his titles, his name, his power… all of it is under question by me and I know for a fact that I don’t want him in power. The old guards are going to be a nuisance, even if he knows how to control them, but it’s only going last for a brief time until another voice takes his place.

His usefulness to this realm on the other is still undeniably big, he is the Grand Duke of Tuath after all, he still has the authority and the command over the Nobles in this frozen land, but… that support must have faltered someway or another, Domnall might actually have gathered his own support, but it’s still to soon to say, I don’t know his cousin enough yet.

 

I then took a deep breath, thinking on what to say to him, but there’s only one thing that always sticks to my head when I see Alaxandair as whole, it’s something that Miss Marie taught me when dealing with his kind of people.

 

“Can you tell me why you are you?” I asked him.

“What do you mean by that?” Alaxandair, though curious to some extent in his tone, is more vexed from the question.

“Why you are you! from your very conservative views to your stubbornness on being the voice of the old guards?! I mean you’re somewhere in your 20s, you’re not that old!”

 

He was silent for a brief moment, thinking what I was trying to gain from asking this, but when he saw my face, I think he noticed it was as I intended, a genuine question.

 

“I am… what I am, yes, I am not old, but I believe on what I stood by, the pillars of being a noble… you… know yourself since I was very young I travelled to many places, traveled to many distant lands from my home. I met many people in the journey and they have given me something that I won’t forgot, it was the many faces of they wore as a mask, covering themselves from their true self… it made me worry, made me… scared of the world… but! When I got back here, to Tuath, to Geamradh, to home… it introduces me to what I believed to be more precious, as precious as my Ruith for me… it was the people, the norms, the values of this society! My society!”

 

Something clicked on me when he poured out why he is what he is, it was of course of understanding, but… respect? Maybe! I thought it was just him following the stream, walking among the crowds with no brains to back up, but… he chose this, this… point of view, maybe out of fear, but nonetheless he chose it in situation where he was set up to choose the opposite of this point of view by his father and uncles.

After that I didn’t really have anything to ask nor say to him again, I’ve already got what I wanted from him and he can only await what my decision is, now… it’s time to wrap it up with his cousin.

 

***

 

We changed places, because I caught Alaxandair was snooping and eavesdropping on what we were talking, it was in my room and Durell actually did me a solid by holding Alaxandair.

When he finally sat on the couch, I noticed something peculiar about his body language, it oozes not that of confidence, but not of meekness too, he was… weirdly both of afraid and prepared on what I will lay on to him.

Like before, I told him as straight as I could about what I think on what they’ve been trying to get out of me. again, he was still in this weird state of both of afraid and confident, it wasn’t vexing, but what it was confusing, as I couldn’t really predict on how will this go… but nonetheless I need to see, if he really is worth it.

 

“If you put me in charge of Tuath, every single lords and ladies here will stood tall with your every reforms.” Again… it’s the same empty, easily copied promise.

“Not what I am asking Domnall, your cousin can easily promise what you just promise too! Give me something that makes you worth it to the realm damn it!” and again, I push further, though a bit more vexed this time in the tone.

“Ohh… then…” he was hesitant, not all defensive like Alaxandair, but it was short-lived. “I can be more than my cousin! I know for a fact that your reforms will shook the foundation of this realm, of this kingdom! And you need support! I can be that support as my views are to some extent are align with you and your reforms, you choose me, I can revive something that my uncle, the last Grand Duke of Tuath, has nurtured upon!”

 

And I knew right away what he meant by that, when I learned about who Alaxandair I was, I got vibes of him feeling like a certain figure from my world, Peter I, Peter the Great. Though Peter’s goal was more on trying to find a way to choke and control both the nobility and the people, Alaxandair I… was still the same to some extent, records shows that there’s an increase of lands the Grand Dukedom controlled directly.

But… seeing Geamradh, though now it is a shadow of its former self, I could sense and feel that residue of a cultural melting pot in a making, the amount of foreign merchants here are still incomparable to Londini, Merville, and Vin Côte. I mean the fact there is a coffee house here, really screams of a fledgling multi-cultured hub.

I don’t really have a strong opinion on this matter, the reason why I didn’t really chastise Alaxandair on his pulling of support, but… I do admit that I prefer Alaxandair’s uncle’s vision of Tuath rather than his.

 

But again, I need to understand who I am feeling okay on putting in charge.

 

“But why? Why do you want to continue to nurture upon what your uncle built?” I asked Domnall.

“Because it’s the world I want to see, it’s the world I believe in. believe or not, I have the same mindset as my backward of a cousin there, because of how isolated I feel back in that castle… but, when I stepped my foot in Geamradh, seeing the many people, diverse people interacting with one other, the good and the bad kinds, something… just clicked on to me, on how it brought me to live… my uncle taught me that the heart is a monotonous and repetitive thing, because it is fed with the same exact thing from your surroundings, it can only be interesting and worthful if you fed it with something new every day, hence why he always travel, why he always invite foreigners, why he even made that coffee house.”

 

Hearing this, I could relate a bit on what he said, what his uncle said, as a wanderlust boy myself, I agree wholeheartedly on that disdain on the monotony, it’s something I strive to eliminate… Domnall bit by bit is really warming up to me, I can really see now the somewhat prosperous future we could have, we could build together!

 

“Alright then… tell me this lastly, if, you are to be the new Grand Duke, what will you do? what is the fate of Tuath will be? and what will happen to Alaxandair and Ruith?” I asked him.

“Restore back and fully what my uncle had built and of course build upon too! Which will be the fate of Tuath, maybe not all of Tuath, but they will learn that there is more than their winter house!” He then paused for a moment, because the last one… is a bit heavy to say. “The chance of his death is still there… I prefer not to shed any blood for this title, which is why I resolve myself to exiling Alaxandair if he came down quietly and peacefully, but for Ruith… blood must be spilled…” And right there, something irked my heart very differently. “She is the Northern Seeress, Tuath itself, she is a living goddess in this land, and she is also the living symbol of Alaxandair’s authority if she was still to be the Northern Seeress when I took Alaxandair’s place. There’s only one thing to do, she must be replaced with my sister, as a new symbol of Tuath! Blood… must be spill…”

 

Though he said in a very conflicted tone, doubting from every line of his voice on what he is resolved to do, he is still resolved to do it…

 

“But, why? Why not marry her? Why not reunite the senior and junior line to avoid bloodshed!” I… was actually a bit defensive on this one… I don’t know why, but… I just felt something was going to be turn to waste.

“I prefer it that way too actually! marrying her and uniting both lines of the family… but… she is still going to be a reminder for Tuath of Alaxandair, she will be a nuisance to the future we will build together Lord Protector! I… am sorry, but it must be done!” He said it again, both conflicted and resolved at the same time.

 

We took a moment to breathe first, where this conversation is going is something I didn’t expect it was going… and I need to ask myself again, who is Ruith to me? Why the fuck am I suddenly felt defensive?! She’s just… a bratty, tactless noble girl… her status even as the Seeress of the North is not something that is exclusive for her, but, but… damn it why does it feel like it’s going to be a waste, like I am shooting myself on the foot if I agreed on his plan…

I kept asking myself in this brief moment, prying every section of my brain, trying to find a rational reason to why I am thinking like this, and then it hit me… it hit me like a fuckin brick to the face why I can’t go through with this place… it’s what I have done to Ruith… I fuckin went through a blizzard just to free her, to… save her…

Yeah… I am really going to shoot my foot if I followed through his plan or not… I can’t do it, damn it… it’s both a lost… shit, the future we could have built Domnall! FUCK! I am sorry Domnall… I am very sorry...

 

I then stood up from the couch, went over to the front door, Domnall was confused at what I was doing but as I opened the door and not left the room, he realized what I was about to do.

 

“GUARDS!!!!” I let out a loud roar through the hallway where every single maids, butler, courtiers, and of course the guards can hear it.

“W-What are you doing Lord Protector?!” He was fully afraid now.

“Tell me if there is a chance that Ruith can be left unharmed?”

“W-What?!”

“TELL ME IF THERE IS A CHANCE FOR RUITH TO STAY ALIVE?!!”

“Yes! Yes, if you want her to live, we… can arrange it!” I could tell between his lips, that he is just telling me what I wanted to hear.

“Is there something wrong Lord Protector?” A couple of guards, ready for action with their swords already in hand, asked me.

“And is that the truth Domnall? Are you really going to follow through it?!” I asked him.

“YES!” And with that lightning fast respond… I knew that he can’t be trusted.

I then took a deep breath, resolved in losing a fine, nay, a could be great ally… “Arrest… Baron Domnall of Mochrumm! He is guilty of conspiring against his liege lord! as he just told me everything about his plan!”

“No, no, no!!” Domnall was shook to the core as the guards dragged him off from my coach. “You can’t do this Lord Protector! I am the only one who can help you! I AM THE ONLY ONE LORD PROTECTOR!! LORD PROTECTOR!!!” As he screamed my title for his dear life, Alaxandair came to my room, probably curious on what happen.

“What… happen?” As he said that… something broke a bit in me.

“I choose you Alaxandair! I, choose you! make it count! make every single choice you made worth it in my eyes!” I snapped at him.

“…” And of course, he could only be silent.

“I am sorry… I shouldn’t have snapped at you… that was uncalled for! But… whether you want to be the voice of the old guards, still wanting to keep that narrow mindedness point of view, then understand this! What I do, what I will do, whether it upsets the status quo or not, I do it for the realm, and you will do it for the realm too, as much as it is not align with how you view things, with how I view things as well…”

“Yes… Lord Protector…”

“…well then, that’s that… let’s go to your dungeon and get the names of who is backing your cousin!”

“Yes! But… before we go… can you tell me why? Why did you choose me?”

“The choice wasn’t because of our none-aligned interest for sure! But…” I was lost for words for a brief there, until I saw Ruith and the others behind Alaxandair, puzzled to why her cousin is being detained. “Haha…” I chuckled for a moment before telling him. “It’s because I didn’t want to see something I’ve done gone to waste…”