As there’s sadness under the bright sky, there’s also happiness under the darkness of the murky clouds.
That was the last thing daddy said to me before he left me, my two older sisters, and my mother. I still can’t believe to this day that he would betray mom, betray our trust of being a good husband and a good father. But… unlike my mother and oldest sister, I still love and see him as my father, I still want him to prove and die trying to regain back our trust, but mother, mother… though she is justified to not trust him again, she shouldn’t have kept me away from my dad.
* * *
13th of July 20XX.
I woke up in the morning like usual, with big sis Catherine banging on my door to go prepare for school, but this time was a bit special, it was my first day at Jameson High.
“Jameson High, wow it’s been years…” Mother said in amazement while peaking over the window. “And dear, don’t forget what I told you!”
“Don’t join the Political Debate Club and never let your guard down around Alice O’Conall, yeah I won’t forget mother.” I said as I was about to open the car’s door.
“That’s my girl! Now go and learn new things, sweety!”
“Yes, mother and thank you Daryll!”
“Your welcome young miss.” Daryll, our chauffer, replied with his raspy old voice.
After getting out of the car and waving goodbye to mother as I saw her driven away, I saw the other kids that came out of their private and expectedly, expensive sedans. We’re rich kids after all, wealth is a tool to show power to others, I am no exception as well with my designer bag and clothes.
When entering the school itself, I was immersed on how this school is truly different. Like mother said, it’s not the usual rich private school with strict dress codes and uniformity like in my middle school, it’s weirdly like entering a university rather than a high school. I spotted some wearing very bright and a tad bit too revealing clothes, there’s too that wore to much clothes, their hairs even were mixed to a varying degrees, with afros, braided, buns, side cuts, and more.
Classmates from my middle school would probably kill to get this kind of freedom and education level by this school, but I bet they would drop after only a week. Mother told me that this school may offer great levels of freedom, activities, and education, but all of that are there not to be enjoyed, but instead to be used for your survival on this cut-throat environment.
Well again, we’re rich kids, a somewhat old money 5% rich kids. Our parents and their predecessors didn’t play around to gain and keep their money and power, which of course they want us to learn how to keep and maybe even gain more money and power.
Entering my class, Class A-2, I went in greeted by more or less what I expected from the usual day first class. There are new kids that kept to themselves, either by a reading book, playing with their phone, or just daydreaming, and there’s new kids that went straight to others and socialize, putting good use the communication skills they’ve learned from their parents and trainers, simple networking really.
I was none of those, I am not too cocky to be like the silent ones who are wasting their opportunity to make allies, but I am not too desperate to be like the yapping socialites who either don’t clearly see their family’s power or they do clearly see their family’s power.
They know who I am, they know who my mother and sister are, so it’s only natural for them to come to me and me welcoming them with confident and vigilant arms.
Before I went to my table, I went to see the class’s arrangement of the student’s seats. I saw some important names their and of course where Alice O’Conall’s seat was, her seat wasn’t that far, actually she was just a table away from my left.
The one who separated us was Eleanna Florens, she’s… old money like mother said, but her father was once just another Special Investigative Agent for the feds, then turned to the private sector to run a somewhat successful Private Investigator and Security firm, it’s not old money of course, the old money came from her mother.
The Maynards are old, not as old as the O’Conalls nor as the Brooks, but their old enough to hold a decent amount of pie in this country’s politics, this is reinforced through many family members that have lived with them taking important jobs or even doing something more worthy than an interesting footnote in the history section.
Her aunt is one of them, she not only is the heiress to all the fortunes of the Maynards, she’s also the war hero that ended the Kurd War. Not only that, but she’s also an outspoken humanitarian that travelled around the world to spread the message of helping the poor and the helpless, which… I’ll give it to her that she did some heavy leg work on the charity and humanitarian part in Africa and Asia, but of course, saying it’s out of the kindness of her heart is humorous.
As I sat down near the Florens girl while putting down my bag and books for the day, I noticed that she was wearing a wireless headphone from her lazy sleep on her table. I knew right away that she’s going to be a bit of a nuisance with how lazy she is already on day one, but… whatever, the seat randomly rotates once a month anyways, I won’t be affected by her laziness in a span of month.
Other than that… well, the class is again, as I expected, as mother expected… Some already even came to me to socialize and even exchange numbers when I sat down, the talk was more or less rudimentary with new trend here, some old pop culture there, and showing a bit of ourselves.
After that I saw the clock was about to strike seven and well, the first class was about to start with how the ones that were talking to me went back to their seats, and the empty tables suddenly being filled, except for three tables, though… I guess they were almost late.
“We made it!” A white haired purple eyed boy, victoriously said as he landed in front of the class.
“Phew… first day and we were almost late…” A really tall brown haired boy said in relief.
“Next time we’re going by my limo!” And… I know very well who that long haired goldilocks is, Alice O’Conall, somehow was almost late… Huh?
It was perplexing, the very girl that my mother said was the epitome of a girl bred for high society, is almost, late…? Did mother oversold her to me? or was she just being courteous when she met mother? It’s just… confusing, especially with the two boys in front of him.
I knew the tall one, he’s Arthur Svard, his family is more or less the go to lawyers for rich folks like us, I’ve even met him once in his father’s law firm with mother when I was… 7? 8? It was really a long time ago. But… it seems he has changed, I remembered him being a bit of a reclusive person, while now, he seems to be more open.
The white haired one on the other hand is… new money, Martyn Wulf, the grandson of Alexander James Wulf. His grandfather co-founded a robotics company where he worked there for ten years as a CFO, then he jumped to the military section on producing and selling weapons, made ludicrous amount of billions with exclusive contracts from the Kurd War and became a billionaire just in a month, while now, he’s the indisputable owner of the largest publishing company of the world, after quite the very aggressive hostile takeover.
While Alice O’Conall, well, she’s old money like me. Our family actually grew together since the 1800s, and the rise pretty much pit us against one another. They bought land, we bought land near them, we bought companies, they bought companies of similar jobs to the company we bought, and now… they play domestic politics, we play domestic politics as well.
But the question still is the same… why the hell is old money like her surrounded by new money and someone from a middle-class, maybe a bit middle-upper class, family of lawyers? It’s… puzzling, really puzzling and it even got more weirder as the Wulf boy noticed the Florens girl.
“Eleanna?” He was a bit stunned when he saw her face.
“Yes…?” She on the other hand was just confused at the Wulf boy who was crouching to see her face.
“Eleanna Florens?!”
“Yes.” She said it quite coldly.
“It’s me! Martyn! Martyn Wulf, we went to the same elementary school together! Not only me, we went there with Arthur and Alice here too with you!” He explained quite enthusiastically.
“Ohhh! Yeah, yeah!” Though she got up, her tone was still slightly cold. “It’ been a long time…”
“Yeah…”
There was a brief pause between the Wulf boy and Florens girl, as there was a look, a stare that was shared, it was of surprise and excitement from both. But… the look from the Florens girl wasn’t only that, mainly that, hers was intriguingly, of cautiousness.
“Good morning class!” The stare was interrupted as our homeroom… teacher, came… “My name is Marie Maynard, your homeroom teacher and economics teacher.”
Thorny Rose… the living pilot ace herself that ended the Kurd War, was… here… as our, homeroom teacher and… economics teacher?!
* * *
“Ohh yeah, I didn’t tell you about her being back on the Maynard’s inheritance list.” Mother dropped the missing surprising detail I’ve been wandering about Miss Maynard.
“She was disinherited? Huh… what brought her back?” I asked mother.
“I don’t know, the rumors I heard are just rumors and there’s no point in finding it out either anyways, her family will still be the wildcard they are after she became their matriarch.” Mother answered. “But enough of that! You have met the O’Conall girl right?”
“Yes mother, but…”
“But?” She was confused.
“Are you really saying who she really is? I mean she was almost late on day one and she surrounds herself with new money and a mid.”
“Yes! The girl is a natural born politician, if you look beyond how she acts in your school and social events, she’s a terrifying person! That’s why I told you to be on your guard around her!” She raises her voice a bit in the end of her sentence.
“Yes mother…”
“Remember that! It’s for your own good dear.”
I know on the many occasions where mother raises her voice a bit means that she is concern for me, looking out for my best interest, I appreciate that, I love that part of her, but… Sometimes I wish she would let me go and let me do mistakes to learn from, I wish she would just be there to comfort me rather than strangling me, I wish…
Stupid… why do you even wish for that, the very reason we survived in this world she birthed us to, is because of that! We owed it to her just to be a good mindful girl for her.
“Eleanor!” While I was deep on my thoughts, big sis Eleanor, dressed unbecoming of a woman her age, from her dirty jersey to her awful shorts, came down. Though… from how she positioned herself, she was more or less going back again to her room to lock herself back again. “Do… do you want to have dinner with us?”
“…” She only stared at us, stared with her tired face, her vexed eyes.
“Jeffrey made your usual!” Mother tried to persuade her.
“…” She again only stared at us, at me, big sis Catherine, and mother, not uttering a single word nor even a sound for us.
“There’s no point mother, if she wants to be an inconsiderate person, she should just go back to her room.” Big sis Catherine was as usual, hostile against big sis Eleanor.
“…” Still silent, but this time she had enough of standing still and went straight back upstairs.
“Yeah, go! Go and don’t use your words like a decent human being you bitch!!” Big sis Catherine took potshots against her.
“Catherine please she’s still your sis-”
“Sister?” She finished mother’s sentence. “What kind of sister of mine that still sides with that traitor!? If she wants to be with him then she should just go and leave the family that took care of her!!”
This is more or less what has to happen to my family after dad… flunked on us. Mother was still mad at him of course, for the fact that she won’t let us see him anymore, but she at least lets us have our opinions on their divorce, but all of that is nothing compared to big sis Catherine’s anger.
She wants us to hate our dad, she wants us to take mother’s side, which I do am taking mother’s side, but… he is still our father! He was the man that took care and raise the three of us, he was the man that I looked up to, he was… was… everything right after that really is just a was now, I miss that was, but… what I can I do?
* * *
4th of February 20XX
The first semester has passed and... as expected, it’s like middle school. I woke up, prepare for school, then driven there by Daryll, sat quietly and took my classes as usual, wait for Daryll to come pick me up, go home, and sleep.
I am not complaining, but… I do feel a bit let down. I thought that there might be some kind of tame shenanigans that can pass as a smile for me, and there were some, the Wulf boy is pretty much the class’s fire starter, he was the most engaging out of all the yapping socialites in our class, though of course, I expected that from a mile away of how unrefined and plebeian his way will be, he is new money after all, but again... it only raises a brow.
But there is one thing, one very thing that I didn’t expect for the past 7 months here… I am stuck with the Florens girl! Coincidence is out of the answer, as again, 7 months have I been with her, 7 months have I endured her laziness, and… 7 months have I witness her coldness.
It’s really scary actually, how cold her voice can be, how empty her choice of words are, how… abyssal her every actions. I still couldn’t pick why she is like this, why she feels like this, this feeling like I am staring at the void itself whenever I accidentally stared at her…
Yet something happened to her somewhere in these 7 months, something that I saw very clearly. It’s all because of that Wulf boy, that Svard boy, and Alice O’Conall herself too… I wouldn’t say they melted her and I wouldn’t say they froze her either, because from their casual talks and surprisingly some insightful discussions, made me think that they are dragging something out of her. It’s a possibility that they must have realized this coldness from the Florens girl.
“Hey Eleanna! Me, Martyn and Tony are going with Caitlin, Jane and Alice to a karaoke bar downtown, wanna come?” the Svard boy, proposed to her as our final class is finish.
“Sorry, can’t come, I got somethings to do back home.” She, as per her trademark, said with a cold tone.
“Boooo! Are you really the same girl that made Arthur climb a tree?” the Wulf boy, as per his trademark too, said it as any ordinary unsophisticated person. “Lived it up a little would you! Or… are you scared that you might prove you’re a bad singer, El?”
This is textbook bait from how teasingly he is saying it, I expected that she would scoff at him and ignored the Wulf boy completely like the usual, but… again, this past 7 months has changed her to some degree.
“Hmm… alright fine!” She was vexed but was pulled nonetheless by his comment. “If I can score a perfect ten there, you owe me a favor to do any, thing, I want!”
“Hohoho! You’re on Florens!” With a delighted smile, the Wulf boy accepted the Florens girl’s challenge.
Must be nice to have old childhood friends, huh?
“Ohh! While we’re at it, Anne! You want to go to?” I was caught off guard by the Svard boy’s proposal.
“Not to be rude or anything, but I don’t really want to interrupt this private thing you guys are having.”
“Hey, the more the merrier you know!” the Wulf boy chimed in.
“Sorry… even if you guys are fine with me being there, I still have other important things to do back home.” I politely declined.
“Well suite yourself then!”
And they were gone, as the last class was finish anyways, I went down to the entrance to be picked by Daryll with my bag at hand, while seeing them getting in and be driven away by O’Conall’s black limo and other kids here being picked up one by one and driving away too. But somehow half an hour has passed… and Daryll was still nowhere in my sight, except for… daddy?
“Anne!” He approaches me, smiling joyously and longingly, as I’ll admit that it has been a long time since he saw me.
“Dad…? what are you doing here? And… didn’t mother disallowed you from seeing me?”
“Your mom can’t do that! Even if she can, lawfully she will never be able to do that! And besides, I miss my tiny pea!” He called me by my old nickname, the nickname… that I wish he wouldn’t say in front my school. “Ohh and if you’re wandering where Daryll is, he gave me a favor and said that he’ll pick you up after I treat you for dinner and dessert!”
“Dad… I don’t think that’s a good idea…”
“I’ll let you have that rematch you’ve always wanted!”
“…I am not a kid anymore dad.”
I am not a kid anymore, I know for a fact that if one of mother’s security saw me with him, I would land in hot waters. But it’s not me that I am concerned of, it’s dad I am concerned of, she’ll sent her security to harass him 24/7 knowing that he dared talk or even hangout with his daughter.
“Anne… please, I really miss you, I know… that I failed as your father, I know that I betrayed the family, but… please I want to make it up to you! I still want to be there for you!” That… that was everything, everything I wanted to hear from him… but I can’t… mother is going to go berserk on him! I don’t want to make his life more hell than it already is! But… but… I want to be with my dad.
“Hmm…” I struggled within myself, struggled to answer him, but… I miss him. “…Okay fine! But I am picking where the dinner is okay!”
“As you wish, Princess!” He smiled delightfully as I smiled delightfully as well from his respond.
* * *
Awkward… would be an understatement, it’s been, after all, years since I saw him, but… we were on the right footing.
Dad said he was somewhat back at his feet, he has a nice one bedroom studio apartment here downtown, he got a job as a business consultant in a startup company, and he even managed to fix his old motorcycle, but I did said it is still a somewhat back at his feet. He said he misses us, me, big sis Catherine and Eleanor, he said that he regretted for betraying our trust, he wanted me them too and have fun again. I love that response, I love how he still cares and is willing to prove us wrong about him, but… he never mention once about mother.
“Ahh… your mother…” He said with an uncomfortable tone while scratching the back of his head. “The only thing I’ll admit is… I do am sorry for what I did to your mother.”
“The only thing? Don’t you love mother?”
“Anne… you see, there are complicated things that are going on with me and your mother. Things that are very not related to you and your two big sisters!”
“So, you’re trying to say you hate her?”
“No! no… it’s…”
“It’s what dad? Please… I am not a kid anymore!”
“…” He was silent for moment. “That’s the thing pea, I never loved your mother.”
I didn’t believe what I was hearing, I couldn't believe what I was hearing… the man that took care of us, never loved mother?
“But it’s not like I don’t love you three! You, Catherine, Eleanor, are my world! And I will always love you guys!”
“…” Again… I was still silent, thinking… “Why?”
“Why… why indeed… your mother is a great woman, I know her very well because of that marriage, there was a time that I do feel comfortable with her, that I might be falling in love with her, but… those were just beer goggles.”
“Beer goggles? I… I know that you have told me that your marriage was arranged by gramps and then you said yourself that time does help!”
“It does pea! time did help me be more comfortable with your mother, but not to the point of love!”
“Then… w-why? Why don’t you love…” I was a fool, the answer was already there, dad already give it as I realize the reason. “Just because it’s arranged?!”
“Because I was promised to her.”
Again, silence and disbelief was the only thing I could mutter, but… it’s now for a different reason. A whole new thing has been blasted to my face, a whole new… reason.
“Your gramps, forced me to marry your mother so she can join our family, join the Brooks. You know your uncle, he’s not only an asshole, he’s a liability too in your gramps eyes, while I… not only am the youngest, I too never had any interest on continuing whatever your gramps want me to continue. But your mother! Your mother… she’s ambitious, bright, and back then was already considered as a semi-veteran in politics, she was the ticket for the Brooks to one up the O’Conalls and others.”
“…” I can’t speak, I don’t know what to say really, this bombshell… I… just don’t know.
“I tried to get away, I tried to reason with your gramps, but… back then I still have a funny sort of sense of duty to uphold the family, but now…”
“Now… you don’t care an once, to what will happen to the family, that’s why you helped and even cheated with her political rival.”
“…” Shame was smudge in his face. “But again Anne! I still care for you and your sisters! I still want to be there with you, to see and cheer you on whatever it is you will do in the future! You three are still the most important things to me, and I will do anything to still be with you three!”
I… I know that is genuine, I know that he is regretful for tearing us and betraying us, I know and is seeing now that he is die trying to be back in our life, to be a good father again… but… the things he said, the very thing I thought we had… I…
“And here’s the dessert for the young miss! A quadra scoop of vanilla ice cream sprinkled with strawberries!” The maid gave my dessert.
I stared at my dessert, stared at the creamy frozen dessert that dad always bought for me after school, the dessert that always brought smile to mother’s and dad’s face, the dessert that we all five used to eat together while watching trashy romcoms movies….
“I… I need fresh air…” I stood up and grabbed my back and coat.
“I’ll come to-”
“Alone…” Dad stopped midway as I finished my sentence.
* * *
As I walk the mildly busy downtown streets, passing by many pedestrian with the moon in our back, streets shined by the mix of neon and regular lights, I pondered. Pondered on everything, thinking if everything that we all had was a lie, just a sugarcoat, just… a mirage… I don’t want to think that, but… dad saying that he never loved mom… I… I just can’t stop thinking about it.
I know that our family life was not ideal in any sort of way, mother was too hard on us three, dad was a bit complacent on mother’s handling of us, we all have our troubles! But the little moments that we have were something precious, something that give off that, in the end, we all love each other, pass our vices and troubles.
But… it feels hollow now, feels like that it’s always been a lie, a delusion, a fabrication. I know… I know love doesn’t always come to everyone, but I thought, I just thought….
My mind was so warped now, so confused, so tired… to the point I somehow in my walk… stumbled upon that Florens girl.
I saw that she was talking with somebody, somebody that must be close, as she was wearing a very tender smile. Then she saw me, hang up, then turned cold again.
It vexed me, it frustrates me, that this girl, even though she has that kind of smile, she willingly use a very cold mask, for… what?! Protection? Security? It’s always hilarious that these overly polar two faced people think they can survive with that strategy.
Sickening even if you ask me.
“What?!” I couldn’t contain my disgust towards her.
“Jeez… never thought you were such a bitch.” She retaliated.
“Me? A bitch? Look at yourself! You have friends that are looking pass your cold demeanors and you still had the audacity to use that mask of yours!”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Yeah! Your right, none of it are my business! But you know what, Fuck you! It’s my damn business now when I have to endure your stupid selfishness for the last 7 months with you!”
“…” She was appalled at what I said of course, but… her silence feels like it’s from something else.
“Can’t you just smile?! Do you have to be on guard all the time?! Even though the people that always approaches are people you knew from the past, your… frickin childhood friends?!”
“…” Again, only silence, not for the obvious reason she gave, I presume.
“And that cold tone! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Some sort of Ice Queen? You think your better just because you only say few cold wor-”
“Whoa…” I stopped my sentence as Wulf suddenly came out of nowhere into the fray. “What’s going on here?”
“Nothing.” I don’t need to be ganged up by her friends.
“Yes, something did happen here! Go on, I am listening Anne.” Her tone wasn’t cold, slightly bit demeaning though, but somehow… it was genuine.
“No, nothing happened here!” Again, I am not falling into any kinds of trap, even if that tiny sliver of genuineness was true.
“Yes, something happened here!” Now she’s just being pushy.
“No, it didn’t!”
“Yes, it did!”
“Okay stop!” Wulf, stopped us. “Whatever that was going in here, cool it first inside! Let’s sing horribly first and you both can go back to whatever it is you guys were having!”
What… what the hell am I doing? Provoking Florens out of nowhere?! Damn it I should just leave now.
But as I was about to go, Florens suddenly grabbed my hand. “Wha? What are you doing!”
“I said, something did happen here! And you’re going to finish whatever it is!” She was very stubborn on this matter.
“No! let go of me you!” I struggled to get out of her clutches, but… damn she really wasn’t slacking off in PE.
“Martyn can you help me here!” And with Wulf now grabbing me, I can’t do anything but to submit and be dragged to their karaoke room.
As they both drag me to their karaoke room and then entering it, there was a sudden pause of awkwardness by O’Conall, Rousseau, Svard, and MacMillan, seeing me being drag against my will by Florens and Wulf.
“Dude, what the?” Svard, rightfully so, was shocked at my sudden appearance.
“It’s okay Art! Eleanna and Anne had a bit of a fight and I suggest that they should cool of for a bit here before continuing and ending whatever it is they were arguing about.”
“But… ehh, you know what fine, just no scratching each other okay!”
After that, we sat down, though I was a bit restrained by Florens.
I was fully committed at this point to just shut my mouth and not give her anything, maybe expecting some cussing if she was going to be really annoyed at my silence. But, she didn’t get a rise out of me, she was silent like me also actually, only listening to O’Conall and Rousseau singing with each other, singing a cheesy song with a somewhat passible tune.
They were laughing, enjoying themselves with one another and Florens even was pulling out a smile, a smile similar to the one I saw when she was on a phone with someone.
“Here!” O’Conall gave the mic to me. “Sing something horrible and continue what you and Eleanna argued about.” With a smile, a… really genuine smile she given it to me.
“No… I can’t sing…”
“That’s the point Brooks! Just don’t exaggerate it of course like Arthur here!”
“Hey that was my bona fide authentic voice you know! Hahaha…” Svard chuckled.
“You were a choir boy Art! No way in hell you’re that bad!”
As I see there’s really no option here, I just went along and grabbed the mic to sing something.
And I was there, standing in front of them waiting for the shuffle to finish giving me what song to sing, and when it finally gotten the song, I sang it, not horribly, because I don’t want to tarnish my pride, but… I couldn’t help but to heed O’Conall’s advice and just sang like how I used to.
I sang like back when we were having our family karaoke night, Dad always pick songs that has low tones, mom somewhat the opposite. Then there’s big sis Catherine who always try to get the worst score she could get while big sis Eleanor always try to win a perfect 100. I remembered how we laughed at big sis Eleanor when she only got a 99, she was livid, frustrated, but happy… happy like this, where in the end it doesn’t matter, because, because…
I can’t take it anymore, why… why does have to be a lie, why does everything have to shatter. I miss when mom actually can laugh, I miss when big sis Catherine was sweet all around, I miss seeing big sis Eleanor lounging around the living room, I miss dad working on his garage, I miss… I miss family, I…
“Brooks…?” O’Conall called me and I naively turned around, showing her my tears. “Are you okay?”
I don’t want to answer her, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction that her rival is being in pain, I need to do something here, I need to…
“Brooks, sit down.” Florens…. She grabbed my arm again, but was more gentle now and brought me back to the seat.
I let loose after that, I let loose my hurt feeling, let loose my longing feeling for this kind of happiness in my family again, let loose of my frustrations, my pain… I really want my family back, but… there’s no way I could get that back... everything is done now, no going back.
* * *
Sitting down at my seat, looking outside the window, I saw the skies… the murky skies that were about to unleash everything it has carried here. I pondered… what I should do now, my family won’t ever come back again, it’s dead, there’s no hope of reviving that olden days.
“Brooks…” Florens, sitting next to me, has been quiet for the last day here in class, but suddenly she wanted to talk to now.
“Yeah?” I said with a scornful tone.
“It’s about yesterday…”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Huh… you’re not wrong, but 7 months Brooks, I think that applies both ways.” She said somewhat playfully.
“Fine…”
“Your one judgmental person you know that!” She starts of strong. “I know for a fact that you never liked my laziness and always talk at my back like the coward you are, but that’s trivial, but when you bash me for being two faced, wearing a mask, that’s just hypocritical on your part!”
“Because I am just like you?” I sarcastically said.
“Exactly.”
“So, what’s your point?”
“My point is… I am sorry.” She piqued my interest. “You have problems, I have problems, and those problems makes us a mess and it forced us to wear a mask to hide it, and when I saw you broke down yesterday, I saw myself broking down too. I saw how lonely you really are, I saw how lonely I could’ve become, I guess… what I am trying to say… is I am here, as a fellow mess, I guess I could lend my ear.”
“Haha…” I chuckled a bit, but I soon realized she was serious. “You’re serious…”
I don’t know… but I felt something warm suddenly, felt not only of genuineness, but of warmness too from her… I….
“If you’re so generous to lend an ear, then-“
“I lived in three years in total isolation, because some guy liked me back in middle school.” She dropped a bomb. “It was stupid, my ‘friend’ from middle school liked this upper classman that I was friends with, it made her jealous of me, but I was more stupider to think she is was sticking by my side… I still can’t believe to this day I survived the hell she made for me…”
I was silent… she actually shared the very thing that made her a mess, something intimate that you shouldn’t give away. I was stunned really, don’t know what to do, but… her opening up… suddenly made me feel more warmer, feel more safer…
“My dad… never loved my mother, it put to question everything I thought that was real from our family, everything that seem so happy, so joyous, genuine… I am scared that all of it is a lie, especially my dad’s love for me… I am scared that he might not love me because I am my mother’s daughter… I am scared…” I wept slightly as I let out everything to her.
“I know that feeling! The reason why I am even cold because I am scared that if I put my trust again in someone, they might betray me again, but… I don’t want to be alone, I hate distrusting people, I want to put faith in people, but I am scared…” And she… she wept slightly too as she let out everything to me too.
We wept a bit there, staring at each other, even holding hands with one another, feeling a bit relief that we could let out those things together, I… felt cathartic even.
“Hahaha…” I chuckled a bit. “For someone this cold, I didn’t expect you to cry out water.”
“Hahaha, I mean how the hell am I supposed to be an Ice Queen? Go skinny dipping on a pool of liquid nitrogen?”
“Hahaha…” Her respond was so cheesy, but I couldn't help but laugh.
“El! Arthur is inviting us to his basketball tournament, you wanna- whoa what happen here?”
““Nothing”” We… hahaha, somehow said it simultaneously.
“O…kay I guess, but again, you wanna see Arthur taking names and kicking some ass?”
“Hmm… what do you think Anne?” She… invited me, even though it’s her group thing… haha… I can’t believe I said she would be a nuisance to me.
“I think that would be lovely!”
* * *
27th of May 20XX
I woke up, I bathe myself, then changed to my usual attire for school. Had breakfast with mother and big sis Catherine, as usual something light, toast breads and jam. After that, driven with mother in our black sedan by Daryll to school, wave them goodbye, and, well…
“Morning Ice Queen!” I playfully greet Eleanna.
“Morning to you too bitch!” She as well, playfully greets me.
“…who the fuck starts their morning like that?” Wulf’s surprise was warranted.
It was something that I missed, somewhat reminiscent of what I used to have with my sisters, but… to be honest, this is a whole new feeling with her, Eleanna, something that I will cherish as long as we are together.
* * *
Winter was gone, spring is almost over, and summer was about to hit.
I’ve come to terms with what I thought I knew, not hoping anymore, just… moving on and seeing what will happen in the future. It’s not that painful now, I mean dad still is my dad and he I know that he will always be there for me, and mother… though I know that leniency is out of the question with me, but I do hope in the future she would give it to me, other than that… well, she’s perfect the way she is.
But this peace I have attained, I have somewhat achieved, is thanks to none other than Eleanna. I thank her, I appreciate her for being the one to open everything. Though still, she is still the ice queen she is, her cold mannerism is still there, maybe a bit more tamer now and not for me and those she consider close to her, it is still there, but I am fine with it. She said herself, she has problems, I have problems, we’re a mess and bickering over it won’t do any favor for the both of us, so instead, we’re trying to mend each other.
I am fine with this, though a bit slow in the method, it was still a way for me to heal. But… I never expected this when I join their group, expected this when I became Eleanna’s friend, I never expected… to found myself.
Summer apparently wasn’t the only thing that’s gunning for me as that day, that fateful day after finishing econ class, I was giving a hand, carrying some of the test papers from Ms. Maynard to the teacher’s office, where I stumbled upon him.
James Thomas Meyer, my upperclassmen. He was one of the many eccentrics in our schools, shown by his many paintings, I never actually saw them first hand, but I have heard some describing his works.
There was one piece where it has the sense of being vulgar, yet there was nothing vulgar to be point out, there was another piece that seems anti-establishment, yet the painting he has drawn seems contrary to what the audience feels, and now… as I stumbled upon him, accidentally seeing a painting he has given to Mr. Edwards… I saw death, I saw a funeral, yet… the people he has drawn, were wearing colorful clothes, they were happy, they were…
“Relief…”
“Pardon?” Meyer overheard me.
“Nothing! Sorry, my brain farted.” I embarrassingly said.
“No, you definitely said something! What was it?!” He was curious.
“Ehh…” Knowing his eccentricity, giving him the answer is definitely the right call. “Relief. I see, from how bright, how colorful, and how genuine their smiles are… feels like they are relief, maybe they’re relief because they hate the person in the coffin? Maybe they’re relief because they couldn’t handle seeing the person in the coffin suffered anymore? Or maybe they’re just relief to have one less mouth to feed, but… it’s relief that I am seeing.”
“…” He was… quiet, quiet at seeing my well-articulated interpretation, quiet, at… maybe the fact I hit the nail? “…Brooks right? Come with me!”
“Like right now?”
“Yeah! Right now!”
And…. My calculation was wrong as I am being dragged to the Painting Studio by him.
I could tell how enthusiastic he was from the way he was dragging me, how excited he was. And I was… a bit bewildered, but weirdly, slightly, excited too.
When we arrived, there was two other people there, his friends more or less, still busy with their paintings, but seeing me being dragged by Meyer, they instantly stopped their work.
“Found another one?” Lynn Gregorson, said like Meyer has done this.
“I hope so!” Meyer replied.
“Well let’s put her to the test!” Brandon Morton, gleefully said.
I was then sat down in front of an easel and a small canvas, given only a pencil. I know how to draw, as it was mandatory back in my elementary school and I did take some art classes in middle school, but… to be put here and asked to unleash something to this small canvas was… quite a bit.
“Don’t think! Just sketch what you feel now, what you have been feeling for the last day! Just pour whatever it is you have in your glass.” Meyer said.
But still… what the hell should I sketch? This is beyond out of the blue, I am not even in the right set of mind to do something, let alone doing something creative. But… huh...
I moved my hand, taking the pencil and making the lead touch with the empty white canvas in front of me. It was mesmerizing, I was drawing something, without a reference even, just… me and the pencil, flowing through the canvas, pouring what I am feeling right now.
“Rigid…” Meyer suddenly spoke.
“What?” I was confused.
“Stop, I thought you were more flowing, but… I guess the human mind and heart are not always in synch.” He said, somewhat disappointingly.
“…” I couldn’t say anything… because that’s the only way I know how to draw.
“Thank you, Brooks, you can leave now, sorry for taking your time.”
After that I left, somewhat… feeling defeated, feeling a bit… beaten… I was really excited to what I was about to draw, excited to pour the glass in me to see what I would create… but… well, that’s what you get for being to hopeful.
“Brooks wait!” I immediately turned my head to the voice. “Sorry about that, and… don’t take it to heart, James was just curious, but… if you would like to finish what you were about to pour, here!” Gregorson gave me the small canvas that I was pouring on.
“Thanks…”
* * *
I was sitting there in my room, on a chair facing towards the canvas that I was pouring halfway, it was still incomplete, rigid, as what Meyer said, but… I somehow can see what I want to pour, the very latest feelings I have…
Maybe I should just leave it… it’s not something that’s really important, it’s just a painting, something trivial really, something…
I stared again at the canvas, stared at the feelings I have this past days, this past weeks, this past months… I honestly was confused on what to do, but… I grabbed my pencil, I grabbed my eraser, and I sketch.
* * *
“Still rigid…” Well, again, that’s the only way I know how to draw. “But… I can see it now! A sky, a dark sky from how you shade it, then contrasted by this single apartment room you drew… This Happiness under the Darkness…”
Silence were given, I don’t know if it was of shocked, of boredom, of plainness, or… I don’t know, it was unreadable.
“You know how to paint and all the basic color theories right?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm…” He smiled. “Clubs, as always, starts after school and it’s mandatory to bring snacks!”
Wait, what? I… I mean, it’s nice to be invited in rather than applying, but… do I actually have the time? I… guess it’s nice and all, they were quite excited to see what I was about draw, but… huh… never knew that life would take me here…
“Any snacks?” I asked.
“Chips preferably, but any snacks will do.” Meyer said, smilingly.
