“Ahhhhhh!”
The scream of a woman interrupted the short rest of the group.
Aleen and D’vina immediately stood up from where they were seated and directed their gazes in directions of the scream.
“What happened!?” D’vina asked.
“it was a girl!” A young girl said with an expression of nervousness. “She said that she needed to pee and went to the forest alone!”
“That fool!” Aleen exclaimed. “Did she think that everything is a joke?!”
Aleen was going to search for her, but D’vina stopped him.
“Stop. She is already dead.” Looking towards the group, D’vina raised her voice. “Everybody, stay around me. We have visitors."
With a serious expression, D’vina organized the humans around her and unsheathed her sword. Aleen also grabbed his sword and looked to the surroundings, but he only could see the nervous humans grabbing their weapons with trembling hands.
“Do you know what is it?” Aleen asked worriedly. D’vina thought for a moment before answering.
“It was probably one of the monsters. Not too strong, perhaps level two or level three. I can feel it around us but I cannot pinpoint its location.”
Aleen sighed in relief when he heard D’vina answer. After all, she was able to take care of a level two easily.
D’vina probably noticed his thoughts because immediately, she warned him.
“Don’t lower your guard, boy. Do you know what is the reason why the administrators bring level one humans to a battle of level five?”
Aleen made a surprised expression when he heard the question. Now that he thought about it, he could not find any reason to bring so many level one humans in a fight of this level.
“You don’t know, right? Let me say you the answer then. Some level one participants have the opportunity to increase their level inside the game, but most of them are brought to use as meat shields.”
“… Meat shields?”
“Yeah. You see, Dimensional Paradise is a perfect place to train level five warriors, but it puts a restriction in our abilities. To be more exact, this place limits our mana to the minimum possible for a level five to encourage the participants to use their skills more skillfully. Because of it, each level five has to be careful when using his abilities to avoid using all his mana up.”
Gazing vigilantly to the surrounding forest, D’vina continued.
“In my planet, I can kill hundreds of level two easily; but with the restrictions on my mana, it’s different here. If hundreds of monsters attack me continuously, I would not have more option than run.”
“Then, the people abducted…”
“They are meat shields. Their purpose is to attract the monsters’ attention and allow us to kill the monster without wasting too much mana. Of course, you can use them to do other things besides it, as I used you in the last game, but most level five only treat level one as cannon fodder.”
Aleen put an expression of disgust and fear after hearing it. He could not believe that so many people were sacrificed for such reason.
“Them, the ones with us…?”
“… I will try to keep them with life though it will mostly to depend on themselves.” D’vina said after keeping silent for a second. “But I will sacrifice them if I think it’s necessary."
Aleen put a struggling expression, but in the end, he could only nod reluctantly.
“… D’vina, can you tell me the reason why people are forced to participate in this game?”
D’vina hesitated slightly before shaking her head.
“I can’t. But boy, though the games are cruel, they are a necessary evil. That is the reason because they had the support of the United Dimensional Planes and the thousands of worlds that are part of it.”
Aleen simply nodded his head and remained silent. He did not want to discuss this topic with her.
The pair kept vigilant while speaking. They knew that the monster was waiting for an opportunity.
The silence increased the terror in the people remaining. Some of them were even trembling from terror, but none dared to lower their guards. Though they had doubts, the deaths of two people were enough for them to understand that this place was not simply a game.
Then, while they were waiting, the monster appeared.
It jumped from a tree and accelerated quickly towards a man. When the people finally noticed the monster, it already had a claw over the man’s head.
But before it could kill him, the glow of a sword appeared before its eyes. The monster noticed the danger, but it was unable to react before the greatsword speed. It could not even make a cry of pain when the sword cut its head.
An expression of astonishment appeared in the man that was attacked. Then, he cried in terror before falling over his butt.
D’vina ignored the man and observed carefully the monster’s body. Before long, she furrowed her brows.
“Damn.”
“What is wrong?” Aleen asked noticing her expression.
“Brooders, they are wrong. I can’t believe that the administrators assigned this monster as the enemy.”
“Are they powerful?”
“Powerful? No, most of them are level two or three. The problem is their numbers. Brooders are considered as a dangerous plague through the multiverse and they must be exterminated completely once discovered. This kind of monsters only knows how to kill and reproduce. I heard that they once killed all the life in half planet in just one month.”
Looking to the surroundings, a helpless expression appeared in her face.
“I fear that the number of monsters we have to kill is slightly greater than we thought.”
“… How much greater?” Aleen inquired nervously.
“Ten thousand. Perhaps more.”
Cold sweat descended in Aleen’s back when he heard it. Apparently, this game was harder than he thought.
Looking to the surroundings, Aleen felt as his thousand eyes were looking in his direction.
For an instant, Aleen was unable to suppress the terror in his mind.
I'll try to pick out the most obvious errors made here. I'm going to miss some... there are alot. Not focusing on grammatical errors or more discreet ones.
All errors are in brackets.
If I start the brackets with a (-), remove the previous words. With nothing just add the word into the sentence.
If the brackets are below the copied paragraph I had to rework the whole sentence.
I'm on mobile so apologies for the convaluted method to this.
1.
With a serious expression, D'vina organized the humans around her and unsheathed her sword. Aleen also grabbed his sword and looked to the (-at their) surroundings, but he only could (-could only) see the nervous humans grabbing their weapons with trembling hands.
"Do you know what is it (-it is)?" Aleen asked worriedly. D'vina thought for a moment before answering.
2.
"Don't lower your guard, boy. Do you know what is the reason why the administrators bring level one humans to a battle of level five?"
(Do you know what the reason is that the administrators bring level one humans to a battle of level fives?)
3.
"You don't know, right? Let me say (-tell) you the answer then. Some level one participants have the opportunity to increase their level inside the game, but most of them are brought to use (-to be used) as meat shields."
4.
"Yeah. You see, Dimensional Paradise is a perfect place to train level five warriors, but it puts a restriction in (-on) our abilities. To be more exact, this place limits our mana to the minimum possible for a level five to encourage the participants to use their skills more skillfully. Because of it, each level five has to be careful when using his (-their) abilities to avoid using all his (-their) mana up."
5.
"In my planet, I can kill hundreds of level two (s) easily; but with the restrictions on my mana, it's different here. If hundreds of monsters attack me continuously, I would not have more option than run."
(I would have no option but to run)/(I would not have any option besides running) just anything that has actual flow.
6.
"They are meat shields. Their purpose is to attract the monsters' attention and (to) allow us to kill the monster without wasting too much mana. Of course, you can use them to do other things besides it (-that), as I used you in the last game, but most level five (s) only treat level one (s) as cannon fodder."
Aleen put (on) an expression of disgust and fear after hearing it. He could not believe that so many people were sacrificed for such (a) reason.
"Them (-Then), the ones with us…?"
"… I will try to keep them with life (-them alive) though it will mostly to depend (-mostly depend) on themselves." D'vina said after keeping silent for a second. "But I will sacrifice them if I think it's necessary."
Aleen put (on) a struggling expression, but in the end, he could only nod reluctantly.
7.
"I can't. But boy, though the games are cruel, they are a necessary evil. That is the reason because they had the support of the United Dimensional Planes and the thousands of worlds that are part of it."
This whole thing doesn't make any sense. So the reason they are necessary is because they have the support of the UDP and the world's that make it up.
That doesn't say why they are necessary. If she can't answer, don't have her give an answer that doesn't answer anything. It wasnt even hinting at anything mysteriously... it just didn't say anything. I won't point out the errors since the whole paragraph needs to be redone.
8.
The silence increased the terror in the people remaining (-remaining people). Some of them were even trembling from (-in) terror, but none dared to lower their guards. Though they had doubts, the deaths of two people were enough for them to understand that this place was not simply a game.
9.
"Powerful? No, most of them are level two or three. The problem is their numbers. Brooders are considered as (-) a dangerous plague through the multiverse and they (-) must be exterminated completely (-completely exterminated) once discovered. This kind of monsters (-monster) only knows how to kill and reproduce. I heard that they once killed all the life in half planet in just one month."
Looking to (-at) the surroundings, a helpless expression appeared in her face.
Is half planet a place? Cause that's the only way it makes sense though I know that isn't what you were going for.
Also, all life in half of a planet. That is word soup.
Just say they once killed half of all life on a planet in 1 month. There is a clear train of thought that anyone can follow.
10.
Cold sweat descended in (-on) Aleen's back when he heard it. Apparently, this game was harder than he thought.
Looking to the surroundings, Aleen felt as his thousand eyes were looking in his direction.
So you keep making the "Looking to" error alot.
Try...
Looking towards his surroundings.
Looking at his surroundings.
Looking to the surrounds makes me ask what surroundings are being looked at. His? I don't know. It also doesn't flow aswell which is the real reason I pointed it out but still.
You've got a good story here. I give all this constructively. You really need to make multiple drafts of chapters... putting them through revisions and editing because right now, reading this is a technical mess that doesn't flow well. Not in thought or plot... but in text.
Yeah, unfortunately, my work doesn't allow me to dedicate more than two or three hours to write daily, so I only revise after I finish a chapter and before posting it... It would be easier with an editor or someone who can do this work for me...
I bet this is one of the few moments Aleen wished he was a dynasty warrior. Whelp he's got speed on his side if he decides to run.
Now he needs an offensive AoE skill
Btw I’ve noticed we’ve haven’t been given an description of how our mc looks like?? What’s up with that?
No? Let me see... Wow, I thought I did it long ago... A mistake, I will make sure of describing him in the next chapters...
@Jke Thanks fam I feel uneasy not even knowing how mc looks like
at least he has soe chance to get more UDP
I was thinking this would be an easy fight as there was no time limit. Guess I was wrong.
oh boy... this is going to be hard fight ... maybe he will use his brain