Season 1, Episode 3 - The Ring Dings III - "The Return Policy"
The next day.
"Hey! Reed! Hey!"
Reed had only taken two steps outside of the Elizabeth Pond Bay Mart when she heard that familiar, enthusiastic voice. It was a warm fall afternoon, with the earliest of the orange rays from the approaching sunset hitting the blue banner of the convenience store behind her.
Reed was the kind of person who didn't like running into people she knew while out on errands, so she pretended not to hear and walked away. Well, tried to walk away; Reed heard the approaching footsteps turn into the sound of a full-on sprint.
Reed sighed. Well, no escape now.
Reed held two white bags in her hands; so did Audrey, holding them with one hand while she ran over and waved with the other.
"What are you doing here?" Audrey asked. "I thought you were going home."
"Buying dinner."
"No way! Same!" Audrey held up her bags. "I went to that Kobe Asian market across the street." Reed's eyes followed Audrey's pointed finger across the tree-lined avenue to the row of stores on the other side; squished between a lawyer firm and a Russian restaurant stood the store labeled Kobe.
"Ah."
"Look, I got sesame oil!" Audrey said everything like it was the most astounding thing in the world to her, probably because everything in the world actually was. Reed only saw a bottle of sesame oil in the bag, but Audrey saw beyond it, saw the smooth contours and nameless colors.
"I see."
"What about you? You're getting dinner from Bay Mart?"
Reed held open her own bag.
"Ring Dings and Mountain Brew Code Red!" Audrey exclaimed in shock.
"Red Alert."
"Huh?"
"Red Alert. Not Code Red. I don't know where you got Code Red from."
"Me neither. But that's not important! That's not a healthy dinner, Reed!"
"Dinner is dinner, food is food."
"You can't compare a healthy dinner to convenience store Ring Dings!" Audrey protested.
"Everybody's a critic," Reed muttered. She could already picture the night ahead: her convenience store feast, her black and white television that would be playing a five hour My Little Sister and I Couldn't Have Possibly Been Reincarnated as Modern-Day Spirit Hunters marathon, her feet kicked up on the coffee table. And those Dopamine Rushers, securely hidden in her sock drawer, that she had bought in that back alley...and the two in her pocket she planned to huff in the subway station bathroom on her way home...
"Reed?"
Reed blinked, realizing she had drifted off into space. "What were you saying?"
"I'm saying come to my place tonight. We can make a real dinner!"
Reed didn't like the implication of having to make her own dinner when she was being hosted by someone else. Guest rights and all that. But Audrey had that look of bright excitement in her eyes that Reed couldn't say no too.
"Nah."
Or maybe she could.
"Really?" Audrey asked, her eyes sweet and tender and approaching a level of hurt Reed found herself unable to bear.
Reed couldn't say no after all.
"Alright, fine, that works for me."
Reed almost had to block her eyes from how brightly Audrey's expression shone. "Oh, it'll be great! Our very own Thursday night dinner session!"
Reed watched her friend laugh in excitement. Did Audrey really have to treat everyday life like a Hepburn musical? But Reed relented and let her shoulders relax. She was a good friend to have, that Audrey.
"If we're having dinner at your place, let me return these first," Reed explained, gesturing to the food in her bags.
"I don't think you can return food items," Audrey said.
Reed was already heading through the doors to Bay Mart. Audrey smiled and headed in after her.
Bay Mart looked like any other convenience store, something Audrey appreciated. Audrey was a huge fan of convenience stores – they were cozy! When you're in need of a quick snack, an iced tea when you're on the go – the convenience store was your oasis. The fluorescent lights, the freezers on the back wall, rows of chips and candy bars and donuts...it made Audrey feel like a queen, with the whole store at her beck and call.
Or something like that.
Reed was already at the counter. Standing across from her on the other side was a nasally looking, pasty cashier. A blue Bay Mart hat covered his dark hair; he had similarly dark rings below his eyes, which looked vacant and bored. He was just about your average high school-age convenience store cashier, Audrey supposed. He wore a name tag labelled ROMAN.
Reed held up her bags. "I'd like to return these."
"What are you returning?" Roman asked, sounding like he'd rather be anywhere but here.
"I was just in here, two minutes ago," Reed said. When Roman looked at her blankly, she sighed. "I'd like to return some Ring Dings and a bottle of Mountain Brew."
"Sorry, our return policy states that customers cannot return food items," Roman said matter-of-factly, his eyes still vacant.
"Can't return food items?" Reed repeated.
"Can't return food items."
"What the hell do you mean, 'can't return food items'?"
"It means you can't return food items."
Reed shook her head. "Why the hell not?"
Roman sighed. "It's official policy. Once the food leaves the store, you might have tampered with it. To maintain customer safety, once the food leaves the store, you can't return it."
Reed pointed at the door. "But I literally only took two steps out the door. Hell, you can see where I was standing from here. And my food is still unopened. How could I have tampered with it?"
"Out the door, no returns for food items," Roman repeated, still bored and blank.
Audrey imagined steam coming out of Reed's ears. "The time span between me buying the Ring Dings and Mountain Brew to me coming to return them was two minutes. Two minutes!" Reed gestured with outstretched arms. "How could I have tampered with the food items – which are unopened, I might add – in the span of two minutes?"
"I don't know. I didn't tamper with them."
"I didn't either! Give me my refund! There's no reason I can't return these."
"Should have thought about that before you walked out the store."
"I didn't know that leaving the store was the equivalent of a federal crime!"
Roman nodded toward a sign on the counter that stated "NO RETURNS ON FOOD ITEMS ALLOWED".
Reed pinched the bridge of her nose.
Audrey tried to intervene. "Reed, it's only seven dollars-"
"First of all, it's not 'only seven dollars', it's seven dollars and seventy-two cents. That's basically eight dollars. That's how they get you. By making things cost seven seventy-two, your brain rounds down. It's only seven, you think. But nope! It's eight. Eight whole dollars. Eight hard-earned dollars, I might add." Reed gestured to the patch on her school uniform that designated her as a Rddhi user.
Audrey blinked. She usually never pulls the Rddhi card...she must be pissed off. Or desperate. Probably both.
"I broke my arm for this stupid country, you know?"
Roman remained unperturbed. "The policy's the policy."
Reed sighed. "Let me talk to the manager, then."
"I'm the manager."
"You're the manager?"
"I'm the manager."
"You're no manager."
"I'm the manager."
Reed clenched her fists. "Prove it, then. I bet if you call the manager right now, the manager will come by and I can laugh at you while I get my rmoney back."
"I'm the manager."
"Call the manager."
Roman sighed. With his eyes still bored and staring straight ahead, he reached down into a shelf below the counter and pulled out a clipboard. Reed peered at the paper on top of it, labeled EMPLOYEE ROSTER.
"Manager: Roman Julian." Reed didn't believe the rest of the paper. "There's no employees here. There's only you."
"I know," Roman answered, putting the clipboard and paper away.
"What the hell kind of convenience store only has a manager?"
"This one."
"What about school? You look young. Who runs the store while you're away?"
"I don't go to school. I dropped out."
"Well, maybe that explains why your return policy is so retar-"
"Reed, Reed," Audrey hastily interjected. "Leave the guy alone, alright? We're having dinner at my place. Let my cooking and the autumn night take your mind off things!"
Reed sighed. "Alright, alright." She pointed a finger at Roman. "Don't think I forgot about you. Because we live in a society, you think you have to follow its rules. But you don't have to. You can be free. Make decisions on what you think is right, not what society says is right."
For the first time, Roman showed emotion. His face went a little red and eyes widened.
"Your name is Reed, right?" Roman asked. "I...I love you."
Audrey gave Reed a huge grin, while Reed's face displayed a dry yet scarlet hue, a little taken aback.
"...does that mean I get the refund?"
"No returns for food items."
"I'll remember this."
Reed stormed off, Audrey apologetically waving as she followed her friend out the door. From behind the counter, Roman watched them go, his mouth agape and his eyes still wide.
"Look at that, Reed!" Audrey exclaimed when they arrived outside. "Someone has a crush on you!"
Reed looked back at the Bay Mart and narrowed her eyes.
"...he can go to hell."
