Chapter 1
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1.

What was I doing there? Was I really that stupid? If Steve hadn’t asked me to be there, I wouldn’t be, so, it was his fault, right? Gah…

This was the first time in the history of history that two guys were breaking into a house to rectify a panty raid. Steve was tasked, by his sister, to break into Dean Garnet’s house and steal back all the panties that Dean and his buddies had taken, which included Stephanie’s (Stephanie being Steve’s twin sister) and my own sister’s (whose name was Melanie, by the way).

How did I let Steve talk me into helping him do this? Stephanie only told him to do this, no mention of me, and Melanie hadn’t cared whether she got her panties back or not, she’d actually thought it was kind of funny that Dean and his boys had decided to do a panty raid on their last week of school. I was a totally neutral country in all of this, so why was I involved?

Worse yet, why was I the one standing on top of Steve’s shoulders, doing my best to climb in a second story window?

“Hold still,” I said to him, trying to be quiet enough not to get caught and loud enough for him to hear at the same time. It wasn’t easy.

“Stop makin’ me sway, then! Just get in the damn house!”

I would have kicked him in the face if that wouldn’t have made me fall on my ass and probably wake up Dean’s parents, or something. As it stood, I did manage to hit him in the forehead with the tip of my left shoe as I made my way into Dean’s room.

2.

Dean was surprisingly well-read for a jock. The guy had more books than I did, and I was a damn bookworm. I nearly tripped on a half-dozen stacks of books on my way from the window to Dean’s dresser. I don’t know why I thought the panties would be in Dean’s dresser, but that was my first idea.

Come to think of it, why had Dean kept the panties? Don’t people who do panty raids dump them the first chance they got, so as not to get caught? Ah, what the hell do I know? I’ve never done a panty raid.

“Jesus!” I whispered, stumbling over another stack of books. How the hell did he maneuver through his room with all these books? I have three bookshelves, all of them full, no books on the floor.

I managed to make my way to the dresser without alerting Dean’s parents and opened the top drawers. Nothing. Middle drawers, nothing. Bottom drawers, nothing. All his own clothes, no panties. Crap. I’d have to look somewhere else. I tried as carefully as possible not to stumble over anymore books and got to his closet. I opened it and nearly had a heart attack as a plastic skeleton fell out and tried to grab me.

“Adam?” Steve’s voice called up, loud enough for me to hear through the open window, but not loud enough to wake anybody. “You okay?”

I poked my head out the window. “Yeah. Skeleton in his closet, that’s all.”

“A real one?”

“No, dumbass, it’s fake.”

“Well, hurry up.”

“Get your own ass up here and help, and maybe I’ll actually find these damn panties.”

“How am I gonna get up there, I go up the stairs? You want me to go inside and go up the stairs, Adam?”

I groaned. “Shut up, asshole, just - “

I was cut off by a flashlight coming on and shining on Steve. I followed the beam of the flashlight and saw that the woman that lived next door to Dean was standing on her lawn, her dog on a leash, not even trying to bark.

“Oh, shit…” I breathed.

The woman said, “Come down here, young man. That’s not your house.”

3.

I climbed out the window, hung over the side, and then let go. Landing hurt, but I was sturdy enough not to break anything. It wasn’t the first time I slipped out a second story window.

The woman motioned for us to follow her, and like we were under some sort of trance, we followed her. My heart was practically leaping out of my chest in fear, because I didn’t know what the hell this woman was going to do. We entered her house through the back door and she pointed at two chairs on one side of the kitchen table, while she sat on the other side. It felt like some sort of interrogation, almost. The dog just sat beside the woman.

“Now, what were you boys doing inside the Garnet house? They’re not home right now.” Great. I didn’t even have to be quiet, now I feel like a retard.

I answered, “We were looking for something that didn’t belong to Dean.”

“Does it belong to you?”

“Our sisters.”

“And what was that?”

“Panties.”

She looked like she was about to laugh. Granted, if I were hearing about two guys breaking into the house of the school’s basketball star looking for panties, I might laugh. Then again, I’m in this situation.

“And why would young Dean have girls’ panties in his room?”

“Because he and a bunch of his friends did a panty raid at school the other day and stole them out of the locker room.”

“And does the school know about this?”

“Yeah.”

“And do the parents know about this?”

“Well, mine do and Steve’s do.”

“And why are you two taking up the responsibility of retrieving these panties? Shouldn’t your parents be solving this problem?”

I sighed. “Steve’s sister asked us to do this.”

“I see. And because your sisters were among those robbed, you believed you had the right to break into someone’s house?”

I planted my hands on the table. “I’m not sayin’ it’s right, but, c’mon, you’re not seriously defending a panty raid, are you?”

She shook her head. “No, but two wrongs don’t make a right. You two need to be punished for what you’ve done, and young Dean needs to be punished for what he’s done.”

I leaned back in the chair and said, “Okay, so call the cops on us, already.”

She shook her head again. “No, no, no… The police needn’t be involved in this. I have ways of settling this matter myself.”

Steve finally asked, “You do?”

The woman nodded now. “Yes. You’re Steve, correct?”

He nodded.

“And your sister is Stephanie?”

He nodded again.

She turned to me. “And you?”

I answered, “Adam.”

“And your sister?”

“Melanie.”

“Adam… It’s a nice name.” She walked over to the shelf above the refrigerator and pulled a small book out. She set it down on the table and took out a pen. “How do you like the name Amanda?”

Where the hell was this going? “It’s a nice name for a girl, why?”

She wrote something in that book and then slammed it shut again before I could see what it was. I traded glances with Steve, then focused on her again.

She looked up from the book and smiled. “In seven days, Adam, you will be Amanda.”

4.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” I practically screamed. This woman was nuts, pure and simple.

She nodded her head. “It’s true. Seven days from now, you’ll be an Amanda, one hundred percent female. This is your punishment.”

What?!” This was starting to piss me off. I considered calling the cops, but they’d never believe this. Hell, I barely believed it. “Punishment for getting dragged along and forced to break into somebody’s house?”

She shook her head. “You weren’t forced. You could have easily said no.”

“I didn’t even know why I was here before I got here!” I pointed at Steve. “This asshole made me come here!”

“You were the one who entered the house. Steven here stayed outside, on the yard. He was simply trespassing, you were breaking and entering.”

It was time for me to shake my head. “No, I don’t believe you. You can’t turn me into a girl, you’re not… like… a witch or anything.”

She nodded. “That’s right, I’m not a witch.” She stood, and as if somebody turned on a wind machine, a breeze kicked up, despite there being no windows open. A strange glow seeped out of her, and in place of the old woman Steve and I had been looking at, there was now a stunningly beautiful young woman, no older than twenty. “I’m a sorceress.”

The sheer absurdity of that should have made me wake up, but I wasn’t dreaming, I wasn’t asleep… This was happening. I was sitting in a house, next to my best friend, and we were sitting across the table from a sorceress. And on the heels of that realization, I had another.

I was gonna be a girl in seven days.

Oh shit…

5.

No. No. No. No. No. No. “I don’t…” I started.

She finished for me. “Believe me? No, I imagine your human brain is still struggling to comprehend me. It’s not uncommon, after all.” She waved her hand and the table was suddenly a bowl of fruit on the floor. I shot up from my chair and nearly broke something as I tripped over it on my way to the door. “Not so fast, Amanda,” she said. When my hand reached the doorknob, I pulled back in pain.

The doorknob was on fire.

Now do you understand?”

I turned to face her again. “Why?!

She sat back down in her own chair. “I feel it’s a fitting punishment. You chose to break into a house to retrieve panties, now you’ll have a reason to get your own.”

Steve asked, “I don’t get punished, do I?”

She nodded. “Of course you do, but your punishment will be different.”

I walked over to her and grabbed her by the collar of her dress. “And what about Dean? What punishment does he get?”

She closed her eyes a moment, and then I was suddenly sitting back down, the table between us, and she was the old woman again. What the hell?!

“Young Dean will suffer his own punishment, don’t worry.” She waved her hand again. “All the girls whose panties were stolen will now find them in their dresser drawers again. You two may go home now, and accept the thanks from your sisters.”

I was about to stand up again, but with another wave of the witch’s hand, Steve and I were standing on the street outside school, a good mile and a half away from Dean’s house.

6.

I fell back, against the fence on the edge of school property, and took a deep breath. Steve sat beside me. “So... “ he said, and I already wanted to punch him. “You wanna go out on a date when you’re done turning into a girl?”

That made me punch him.

“Shut up!” I shouted. “This is happening because of you! I wouldn’t be turning into a girl if it weren’t for you!

He covered his face to avoid another punch. “What? I didn’t know we were gonna get caught!”

“I didn’t even want to do this! Melanie didn’t care! If it weren’t for you and your stupid ass sister, I’d still be a guy next week!”

“I’m sorry, man!”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear it. “Fuck you,” I said, “I’m goin’ home.”

I didn’t even give him one last glance before I walked away.

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