RebelRose

I have finally finished another chapter. I'm really enjoying writing this series despite the mental roadblocks, I plan to keep writing more chapters even if I don't have a consistent release schedule. CW for this chapter: Transphobia, Homophobic language.

                I stood completely still, everything seemed to shatter in front of me.

              He knows, he knows and now he's gonna tell Mom and Dad. I thought to myself

            My brother had a wicked smirk on his face as he held the dress. My dress.

            Behind him it looked like a tornado had ripped through my half of the room. My drawers were out of their spots and dumped on the floor, my clothes from the closet had all been ripped off their hangers, and my mattress had been flipped over. Underneath where it had been, exposed everything I'd tried to keep secret over the last few years. 

            “Y-you.” I stammered.

            “What the fuck is this Chris?” Justin asked aggressively. “Why the hell do you have all these girl clothes?” 

              “I… I .“ I couldn't seem to get the words out, I couldn’t move. I was so scared.

              “You think you’re a fucking girl or something?” He held the dress out and shook it in his fist, the fabric swaying back and forth from his vigor.

               I looked down at my feet, my eyes starting to water.

              Just as I was about to say something the front door slammed shut. Oh shit

              “BOYS I'M HOME, COME HELP WITH THE GROCERIES.” My mother called from the kitchen.

             I looked up suddenly, Justin scowling at me. 

    “Please don’t say anything.” I pleaded, I wasn't ready for them to find out and now everything was moving towards that all at the same time.

    My brother gave another evil smirk, then Shouted. “HEY MOM LOOK WHAT I FOUND.” And headed for the hall.

    I’m not sure what possessed me next but I dove in front of my brother and yanked the door closed, keeping myself between them. I looked up at him again, nearly crying. 

    “Please don’t.”

    “Out of the way you little shit.” He growled, and shoved me aside effortlessly.

    Pain laced up my arm as I slammed into my dresser. I cried out and clutched my shoulder, slumping against the side of the dresser.

    “What the hell is going on in there?” my mom said, bounding down the hall. “What have I told you two about roughhousing? You are going to break someth-.”

    The door opened and my mother saw the state of the room. Her mouth gaped open.

    “Chris, what on earth have you done to your room?”

    The pain in my shoulder was blinding, I could barely register that my mother was speaking.

    Then she saw my brother. “Justin, why are you holding a dress?”

    Justin gestured to the remains of my bed and the clothes scattered about it. “

    “Why do you have those clothes Christian? And why does your side of the room look like a tornado ripped through everything?"

            I gritted my teeth and stood up, Mom had a look on her face that was a mix of confusion and anger. I couldn't tell if she was angry about the room, the clothes, or both.

            "I…. I…." I still couldn't get words out.

            "He probably thinks he's a girl now. I found him hiding all this stuff. Bet you he stole some of it from you mom, little pervert." Justin had a horrible tone in his voice.

            "I'm…not a pervert."

            "Oh yeah? Don't fucking lie, you probably get off on wearing dresses don't you?"

            That made me angry, I opened my mouth to yell at Justin that I would never do that. Before I could, Mom stepped between us.

            "That's enough, you two." She turned and looked at me. "Chris, why do you have those clothes? Did you take them from me?"

            "No, Mom…. I bought them myself."

            I looked down again, actually crying this time. No point in trying to hold it back anymore.

            "Wow I knew you were a wierdo Chris but I didn't realize you were that much of a fucking fa–."

            "NO! I'M JUST TRYING TO BE ME." I screamed. 

            Mom brought her hand up to her chest, taken aback by my sudden outburst. Before she could say anything I shoved my way past her and ran out of my room.

           I threw the apartment door open, tears flooding my eyes and ran out of the apartment. I rushed down the hall and nearly slammed into my father.

           Strong arms halted me and held me in place firmly.

          "Chrissy! Hey what's wrong kiddo?" 

          His voice was calm and soothing, I sank into his arms sobbing as he wrapped me into a fatherly embrace.

************

             “Hey kiddo, I need you to talk to me. I want to understand what’s going on, but I can't if you don't talk to me”

            Dad and I were sitting on a park bench in the little courtyard outside the apartment complex. After he ran into me he could tell I didn't want to be in there right now, so he took me outside.

             I was sobbing into him, unable to control my breathing. So when I finally spoke the words caught in my throat.

            "I…"

            It was then that his phone rang. He picked it up and saw it was Mom calling.

            "Hello?.....Yes I know, we are together… I see…Just talk to Justin and I'll stay out here and get Chrissy to talk to me."

            I sat up and inched away from Dad, Mom had to have told him what Justin found.

            "Your mom told me what happened." He finally said after a brief pause. "But you ran off before she got any answers."

            "Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hide this, but I was afraid you and Mom would hate me."

            "Why would we hate you? We're your parents, it's our job to love you no matter what."

             He brought me back into a hug. "Never be afraid to tell us things. I promise we will do our best to understand."

            "Okay Dad."

            He let go and looked at me. "Okay so what's got you so upset? Mom said your room was destroyed, and that Justin had found something."

             "I…. Ummm." I sighed. "Justin found some clothes I was hiding, and I guess he thought I was hiding more stuff."

             "And why were you hiding those clothes?"

             "Because they…." I trailed off. Dad was smiling at me. "Why are you smiling?"

             "Chrissy, do you remember when I started calling you by that nickname?"

             "Yeah, I was 7 the year I got my teeth knocked out and had to get dental surgery."

              "That's right. Do you remember when we were in the recovery room and you were so hopped up on meds you kept saying random things?"

              "Not really, I…." My eyes went wide. "Did… Did I tell you?"

              Dad smirked at me again. "Not quite, you didn't make too much sense. All you said was, 'That's not my name, I'm Christine.' Over and over, eventually I put it together."

             "Did I really say that?"

             "Yeah kiddo. I was waiting for you to tell me when you weren't loopy on medicine, but you never did."

              "Oh, sorry." I looked down at the ground again.

              “You have nothing to apologize for.”

              “Oh, okay.”

             “Now, what would you like to do next?”

              “Do…do you think you can start using she/her pronouns for me? And maybe call me your daughter?”

             “Of course, what about a name?” 

             “Really!! Um, I'd like to go by Christine if that's okay. But you can still call me Chrissy, I'm okay with that nickname.”

              “Okay Chrissy, whenever you're ready, why don’t we go back inside and talk to your mother and your brother about this.”

              My breath caught, and the happiness I was feeling in that moment turned back into fear. I really didn't want to deal with my brother yet.

                “Can we just sit here for a few more minutes first?”