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Jackson Young

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They say life always continues onward. No matter what the situation, one person's misery is just a drop in an endless ocean of events. This couldn't be more true for me at this time. After my enlightening conversation with Amy, things were still tense between me and the boys. Hayden wasn't talking to me which given how we left things wasn't unexpected. Jacob, fortunately, was talking to me but every time we did, it was awkward, to say the least. a few words and then we would lapse into silence as if waiting for Hayden's usually to cents but nothing comes. I let out another sigh for what feels like the fourth time today.

"... If you sigh one more time Jackson, I'm going to hit you. What is wrong with you?"

I look up from my sushi which I had been staring at for a while. Adria was watching me with a calculating look. We were seated at a small Japanese fish food restaurant, one she has been whining for the last week to go to. She was clearly assessing what could have been my issue.  I didn't know what to say to her, to be honest.

".. Its nothing. " I lied weakly.

She gives me a 'Really?' look. She wasn't an idiot and I knew she wasn't going to just leave it alone.

"...Jasmine showed up again." I said with a nervous look on my face, knowing full well how she was going to react.

And as if providing my unspoken point, her face slips into an almost murderous rage.

"What?"

Her tone was frigid as a glacier. A hateful sneer decorated her face.

"Is she an insect? Why is she buzzing around you?"

"Dria.."

"Don't 'Dria' me. Why can't she just take a hint?!" She said banging her fist against the table.

We were in a restaurant so obviously, everyone stops and stares when her bang echos in the room. I quickly give everyone a smile and nod so that they would stop staring.

"..Will you relax?" I hiss to her.

She just looks at me, severely disappointed.

"..Why aren't you more upset about this?"

I don't answer her,  mostly because I don't really know how to feel about Jasmine. After my first meeting with her, I never really sat down and process how I felt. Hell, since we broke up her name was taboo.

I hated her, I loved her. I... didn't know what I felt.

There were parts of her that changed me, whether it was good or bad wasn't something I ever thought about.

"... I-I don't know.."

Adria was silently judging me, what her overall assessment afterward was unknown to me as she just let out a scoff.

"I don't get you, Jackson.  Why the hell are you so hung up on this girl? I mean, she's not your first love or something like that?" She said with a joking smile and laugh.

Cause obviously it wasn't true, I'm sure Adria thought. After all the times my name has appeared on some magazine with a less than pleasing image of me with some woman, honestly, I'm not surprised. However, the lapse of uncomfortable silence that answers her makes her pause and eye me like an insect under a microscope.

"She's not right Jackson?" She asks again, this time completely sober serious.

I look back at her with a self-deprecating smile.

"..And what if she was?" I said, doing nothing to hide the raw pain in my voice.

I saw a various number of emotions flash across her face before she finally settled on pity. I mean, it wasn't like I didn't have crushes before, but love?

Love wasn't something that I ever really thought I would want... that was until Jasmine. And well, look how well that turned out.

"Fuck Jackson! Do those idiots know?" She said looking at me with pity.

I didn't really appreciate the look but was honestly too emotionally drained to care. I shake my head no. I'm sure the boys thought I was just 'love drunk' for some odd reason or something. I was always popular growing up, but it wasn't ever like that. Everyone always looked at me for a few things; appearance, money, or bragging rights. I was ... kind to most people even though I knew they all wanted something from me. Hayden and Jacob were the only ones who were true friends to me. There were some other rare few that wanted nothing else but Jasmine was the first that knew and didn't want anything to do with me at least when we first met.

It was like a breath of fresh air.

Funny how it turned out to be nothing more than poison gas in the end though.

Adria lets out a sigh and mumbles something under her breath, probably saying something like I'm an idiot, or something along those lines.

"Jackson, I'm not going to be one to tell you how to live your life. But take this as an honest and heartfelt suggestion." She said looking me directly in the eyes.

"Makeup with Hayden and Jacob. I know you feel like everyone is telling you how to feel and what to do but they care. You are like a brother to them, blood relation or not. They only want you to be safe. And after what's happened..." She trails off with a faraway look in her eyes.

I don't even try to remember what she's talking about. It wasn't a pretty time for me and I didn't want to cause her any more pain.

"I understand, I...I'll talk with them today."

"Good... and one other thing."

I look back at her. This time her gaze was nothing short of deadly serious.

"I don't give a fuck what you may feel about her. She isn't coming back into your life. I will make sure of that do you understand me? You can hate me all you want, it's never happening again. "

I don't say a word at her declaration. I knew then and there, things weren't going to be easy from here on out if Jasmine continued to come around. At some point, not only Adriana but my family would find out. I could only shudder at the thought of my grams finding out.

I needed to avoid her at all costs.

I finally nodded to Adriana even though her statement wasn't one needing confirmation. She was now living closer and she wasn't going to let Jasmine have her way despite my feelings on that matter.

"Oh, right. Here!" I said reaching into my pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. "I did say I would get you this"

Almost immediately Adria's face lit up at seeing the tickets she had still been hounding for.

"Seriously Jackson?!" She snatched them as if I was going to pull them away from her.

I let out a small laugh as I watch her acting like a child on Christmas day.

"Yes really.  Did you really think I wasn't gonna get them for you?" I said with a smirk leaning back in my chair.

"..Um yes? You can be such a troll sometimes." She says with absolutely no remorse.

"How rude, maybe I should take them back then?" I said trying to reach over to grab them.

She pulls away immediately and we get into a rather childish game of keep away for the rest of our lunch. It felt... nice just being with Adria, for once. But I knew that my true hurdle was tonight. Today was the last day before Night Pulse and I was going to be with the boys for 3 days and nights. The cold war had to come to an end. But I couldn't help dreading this conversation.

--

Being in the King's Caravan never felt quite as isolating as it did today. It wasn't time yet for the bar to open so I was hoping to use this time to talk with the boys. But that turns out was easier said than done.

Jacob wasn't as upset anymore thankfully, he was at least talking to me.

Hayden on the other hand...

"Hayden, will you please stop for a second man?"

He brushes past me again and disappears back into the employee area behind the bar. I let out another sigh as I sink back into the bar stool. I have been already trying for about 20 minutes to get Hayden to stop ignoring me to no avail.

"Jesus he's worst than a woman..."

"Hey don't be rude man. It's your own fault." Jacob said with a frown.

I turn to him, he doesn't appear to be the least bit concerned that it's already been a few days and Hayden still hasn't spoken a word to me.

"Jacob, I'm trying to apologize!"

"Oh really? Oh, nice. What a change of pace." Jacob said in a dry tone.

I frown at him at the very sarcastic tone he took.

"Jac, you know I didn't lie to you because I wanted to."

"Of course not Jackie. You just lied to me cause it's convenient."

Great, Jacob is still upset. Seriously what the hell am I supposed to do?!

"Oh, so you are still mad at me? I said I'm sorry Jac. I didn't want to lie to you! I just-"

"You just thought it better I didn't know? Right sure." He cuts me off.

"!! Why are you so upset about this Jacob? Yes, I lied to you. I'm sorry about it! I just didn't want you to worry. Jasmine caught me off guard!" I said, turning to him fully.

Honestly, why are they both so upset about this? Sure, I get it that they didn't want me to talk to her but the way they are acting is a bit over the top.

"Jesus, you're acting like Jasmine is a monster or something?! It's not like I'm going to die by interacting with her!" I yelled out.

But as soon as my last sentence left my lips I wished dearly I could have eaten every single word up. Never to let that sentence or anything like it ever pass through my lips. Jacob suddenly drops that glass he was cleaning, cracks loudly on the sink when he tries to catch it. But the silence that comes after is the worst.

Jacob doesn't look up from the sink. Whether it's cause he just doesn't want to look at me or he's fully absorbing the words I said, I'm not sure. It makes my heart race as I try in vain to take back what I just said.

"J-Jacob I-"

"....You piece of shit.."

Both Jacob and I turn to see Hayden. He is glaring at me with a fire in his eyes that I haven't seen in a while. It made me recoil as I tried to apologize, even though every word felt like ash in my mouth.

"I-I didn't mean..."

"Do you even remember what happened that day?"

My mouth shuts in an instant. I don't say anything.

"That I suddenly get a call from campus police that you are in the hospital from almost overdos-...."Hayden cuts off his words.

He turns away from me, I could see tears starting to bloom but he never lets them fall.

"And then I have to call your mother, and grams. Grams! To somehow explain to them how any of this happened and I have no idea?!"

The room was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Hayden was filled with righteous fury while Jacob just looked sad, and hurt.

I fucked up again.

"....I'm sorry.."

Both Hayden and Jacob look at me.

"...I-I'm a shitty friend, I just....."

I didn't know what to say. But I couldn't help but think back to my conversation with Adriana.

"....She was my first love.."

My announcement was met with shock on both their face. Which would have been funny if this was in any other circumstance.

"..I...you guys know I was always popular.. so girls weren't... I mean it's not that I never had a crush before..." I explained rather sloppily.

God, this felt so embarrassing now that I'm doing it before them. Adriana was someone I knew would make fun of or criticize my decisions for her truthful and blunt answers. Now with Hayden and Jacob, I... I was nervous to tell them this. It was so stupid!

"I mean, she was the first person I met myself you know? It wasn't just due to where I lived or my family pushing me to befriend or anything like that. You guys were really my only real friends...I mean, I talk to other people of course but.. uhh.."

Jesus, I was a fucking mess.

Hayden, bless his heart, took pity on me.

"Just tell us, Jackson."

"...I loved her. So damn much. You were right Hayden I was... love drunk I guess. And to make matters worst, we didn't get to break up face to face. We just ... never saw each other again. I never... got to say goodbye.."

My words were just spewing out, I could stop them.

"So yes, I hate that everyone is telling me to get over her when I never really got the chance to end it properly in the first place! Yes, I know I should hate her, but at the same time, I can't just ignore her!"

My words trail off as my mind also blanks. That's I guess is my answer.

"..I'm stuck.."

It was silent, the fear that I had before was tenfold now. I couldn't look at them. I don't know why it was something that concerned me. Maybe it was just cause I put out the appearance of being untouchable for the last few years. Love wasn't something that I ever talked about. There was a sigh that broke the silence.

"Jackson."

It was Hayden who called me. I looked up slowly to them, looking I'm sure every bit like a small child who was had been lost in a store or something like that. Hayden didn't look upset anymore which was a plus.

"You are an idiot you know that."

Or maybe he was..?

"W-what are you talking about?"

"You seriously think we care or think anything bad about you cause of that?"

"Um... yes?" I said unconsciously.

"Jackson, we are your friends. Hell, we're brothers! Whether you like it or not!" Hayden said with a look.

"You think that was going to change anything?"

I didn't answer as I honestly wasn't sure what I was thinking. Hearing it out loud makes" it sound stupid.

"I just..don't know how I feel about her. Honestly."

It was quiet again, this time through the silence was almost comforting.

"...That's fine Jackson."

This time it was Jacob speaking, his voice was a solemn tone.

"I won't pretend and say I like it. But that's not up for me to decide...However.."

His stare turns a bit colder.

"She isn't trying to be your friend. That much is for sure. I don't get what game she's trying to play but I don't believe for one second that friendship is it."

I wanted to protest but I would be lying to myself if I didn't believe that as well. The room was quiet again as we just all looked at each other. It wasn't until Jacob's expression suddenly lightened into his normally happy face that the tension seemed to cut.

"Okay, let's do this. Forget about Jasmine for a sec. We have Night Pulse to look forward to guys!" He said looking between Hayden and I.

And it is true, Night Pulse was always an event that we all enjoyed. It was fun and a kind of vacation from normal.

"She wasn't even a dot on our radio a month ago. I'm fairly certain we can enjoy a weekend without mentioning her right?"

Hayden and I look at each other and nod. He is correct on that one.

"So then let's fucking do it!"

I let out a laugh, I could help it given Jacob's rather blunt and excited expression. That I think was his power between the three of us. He was always able to bring a smile to our faces no matter what.

"Alright, alright." Hayden said a small smile on his face as well.

For now, we are good, I think. We all started talking then, figuring out what we were going to do first or even where we were going to go. There were a lot of things that happened during Night Pulse.

Tomorrow came quick and at the first hint of the morning, we were on the road towards the area where the festival was held. Jacob was reading through the pamphlet, oh-ing, and ah-ing at whoever caught his eyes. He almost gave me a heart attack as he suddenly let out a yell from the back seat. Hayden who was trying to catch some sleep also jumped up in fright.

"Jesus Jacob, are you trying to get us killed?!" I said throwing him a look through my mirror.

"Look look! It's  N1U!! How the hell did your uncle get them to perform overseas?!" Jacob said animatedly as he is shoving the pamphlet in both Hayden and my faces.

"Jacob, stop shoving that in my face!!!" Hayden complains as he glare at Jacob who was still talking non-stop about the group.

N1U was a rising female K-pop group I believe that had been doing a bit of performance overseas as of late. It wasn't something usually that Night Pulse got since most of the performers was from here. I remember talking with my uncle when he suggested getting some more unique performers. I didn't think he would actually get them through.

Now unfortunately Jacob was devolving into full-on fan boy mode and was terribly and completely off-key, singing one of their songs. I wasn't too averse to K pop, the music was more or less similar to here, it did have very unique vibes.

Hayden on the other hand...

"Jacob, you sound like a cat having a heart attack. Shut up!" Hayden grumbled like an old man.

Jacob sneers at him, clearly too happy to let Hayden rain on his parade. Suddenly his eyes turns comically wide as something clearly clicked in his head.

"Omg!! I can finally meet Sun!!!!" Jacob squealed like a child.

Hayden had the look of a man being put through some form of intense mental torture while I was trying my best not to burst into laughter.

"She's the coolest! She even can speak English pretty well too! Did you guys know that..."

For the remainder of the trip and much to Hayden's dismay, Jacob filled the car with every known fact that he had on this Sun person. For the most part, I tuned him out, but the pleasant feeling that filled me was a welcome one.

I knew this was only just the beginning but I hoped with all my being that this weekend would be good.

I really needed a break...