(Ethan’s POV)

 

I know that while I was in heat, it would have been hard to have a normal conversation. But, after awhile, I was able to understand what my mate had said to me.

Even though I understand our predicament, I was really sad…So sad that I needed somebody!

And all I could think of, with a problem of being painfully unsatisfied as well, was the Queen.

Except, that also felt wrong and it broke my heart some more. But…I did not stop my stride as I continued to her living quarters, her room.

We hardly slept together these days, but we were across from one another in the palace, with Chance’s room in the middle.

I took the steps two at a time and walked straight into her room, even though it was late at night and she could be most likely asleep. I closed the door behind me and removed my clothes as I continued to her bed.

Getting in under the covers, I pulled her into my embrace and nearly cried right away.

For the amount of time I had woken up, I was starting to lose my demeanour as a King and just wanted somebody to hug me tight and tell me that it was going to be ok!

I was forced into this life, loving Chance like crazy, but now…Now I finally found what I never had!

 

My mate looked like an Alpha and felt like an Alpha, making me feel even more depressed, because I felt like I didn’t deserve him at all!

He had black hair mostly, a tattoo and his eyes…His eyes were blue, so blue…

Putting a hand into the Queen’s attire, I finally heard her, “Ethan! I told you no!”

Unable to have that as an answer, I licked my mark on her neck and felt her squirm against me. Oh, how I wish my mate and I could be this close!

Is this what it is like for Eleanor then? When she is with me, is she wishing for her mate?
Touching her nipple, I poked her with my hard core and she turned to me angrily.

I don’t know what was written in my eyes, but she went all quiet and I put my head against her shoulder, “Please…”

I felt like I was already broken, but I couldn’t handle it if she pushed me away too at this current time.

We were friends, we valued each other…I needed her to accept me tonight! No…I needed to feel wanted…

She turned back around and took my other hand and kissed it.

It was all wrong…There were no sparks, no wants, hardly any desire…Compared to…

I kissed her mark again and was finally able to stop myself from crying when her obvious want for me was smelt.

Being wanted…

That was what I wanted right now…I wanted to be wanted. If I wasn’t wanted by my mate…

…I never thought it would hurt this much to be rejected…

 

As quite a number of minutes went by, I finally felt a little better when more and more desire came from her and I focused on being gentle, knowing that I still needed her. I couldn’t be harsh and fast…

When she had finally become naked and I hopped on top of her, she was begging me for more pleasure and for a brief moment, I let myself smile a little smile.

Thank you for wanting me, this Omega, this bastard son…

I put my face to her neck once again, wanting her to want me more…Maybe I was trying to make up for my mate not wanting me, I wasn’t sure…

It looked like, being slow had done the trick, as she finally took over and turned us around.

In a rush, she placed herself on top of me and stopped when she saw my face.

I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath, covering my face.

“Ethan…”

I didn’t want to think about it!

Putting my hands to her hips, I moved her on top of me and tried to get caught up with what we were doing instead…But…It wasn’t easy.

For the next hour, I dedicated myself to make her want me so much that she was yelling out my name.

I was turned on, but I think that what I wanted most was her desire for me. Her touching me because she wanted to, her accepting me continuously thrusting into her, because she wanted too.

She started a few kisses herself, touching me, like it wasn’t like we hadn’t had sex for months. This is what I needed…

I wanted to feel like I was worthy in any type of regard, before I cried my eyes out…

 

After that hour, the room smelling of her completely, I was finally able to drive myself into her with the intend to release. I know I forced myself to do this, before I was ready to…

Using her smell, her wetness and her perky chest to get me there, I finally climaxed inside her and fell on top of her in a heap.

Putting some of my weight on my hand, I let out a sob…

He doesn’t want me…

I was told to never think of my mate, so I had tried not to. But now, that this has happened, I never thought it would hurt me so much.

Letting out another sob, I felt hands go around me and I tried to hug her back, without putting too much weight on her.

I’m sorry for using you, I’m really sorry…

“What’s wrong Ethan?”

Going on to our sides, pulling out of her in the process, I pulled her back closer to me and wiped my eyes. “I was rejected.”

I heard her sharp intake of breath and saw her stare at me.

“Please don’t say anything.”

I pulled her into me and cuddled up to her. Even though we were chosen mates, right at this moment, I was really glad that I had her with me.

 

The throne meant nothing to me, the status of King meant nothing. I loved Chance and if I had to leave, I’d take him with me. I suppose the Queen can come too…

But, now, I hated…Completely hated the fact that I was an Omega…

Isn’t that why I was rejected? Isn’t that why he didn’t touch me?

He hardly looked at me and was even able to walk away from me while I was in heat, his own mate!

But…Why do I still want him? I don’t know him, he rejected me, but I still want him! So much…I wanted him so much that the world was changing…

I want him by my side, I want him to hold me and tell me that it’s ok to be myself, be who I am!

But that won’t happen…

I was really sad. Never being this sad in my life, yet, knowing what sadness was…

Mates…Destined mates, from what I’d seen, was a relationship from the gods. There was hardly a relationship that didn’t work, they were ‘destined’ for each other for a reason and now the status of being an Omega seemed to have come in between that.

What if I had been a Beta or an Alpha?

Would he had rejected me?

Was it because I was King?

Even so…

 

Perhaps it was…Perhaps it’s because I already had chosen a mate…

I wish I knew what the reason was…Or reasons…

It had been at least an hour or two after sex, and the Queen was breathing silently, sleeping away, while I was up and wondering why I was rejected.

Taking myself away from her, I gently got off the bed, so I didn’t wake her up.

Looking at her one last time, I felt bad. I had most definitely used her tonight…

But, remembering how I had felt wanted through her, when I desperately needed it, I was also in her debt.

Sighing and picking up my dishevelled clothes on the floor, I put them on and left.

Before, I had accepted being King, I unconditionally loved my boy. I still love my boy, but I wasn’t too sure if he was enough to keep me here at the moment.

Knowing that he was going to take my place one day, I had indeed thought of running away once again.

Owen could train Chance and the Queen would help look after him, but…

The only other way was to somehow feel wanted again, and the Queen seemed the best way to do that.

Walking to the end of the corridor, I went into my room and waited…No doubt Owen will come as soon as someone knows that I have come here. I was going to let them know as soon as I was done with a shower, because I was starving.

Light was slowly coming over the horizon, so I could see the outline of my desk and chairs, bed and door to my en suite. It was a large room, too large. I never understood why a King would need a large room when he doesn’t spend much time in it…

 

Having showered, I was still depressed, but now I was a clean, depressed man…Feeling clean was something I liked, especially when I had spent twelve years of being dirty, and even another year or two during intense training.

The clothes never looked so boring to me…Everything was boring, as I looked at the bed too.

I never thought of this after Chance was born, but now, my life had returned to being bleak…I felt no excitement for anything…

Not caring what I picked to wear, I put it on and then ordered someone to come with my breakfast.

Looking at food, tasting the food…

What the hell!?

I knew I was starving but why does even the food make me more depressed and taste like nothing!?

Only having some egg and bacon, I wiped my hands out and the dishes fell to the floor.

I needed to find out, find out why he choose to reject me.

I was sure, at first, that it was because I was an Omega…But now, everything was trouble!

Finding so much wrong, I suddenly felt more and more ill, more like my life was a scam from the very beginning!

Putting my head into my hands, I wondered if there was truly something good about me.

Was there really something I could offer him anyway!?

Putting my hands through my short brown hair, I took a deep breath in and just lost my sense of self.

To my own questioning, I suddenly realised that perhaps if I was in his position, I probably would have done the same thing.

But, it hurt so much, that I felt myself want to crawl into a ball and cry…

 

When Owen did finally arrive, I was feeling like I was put onto auto pilot. Doing anything that I was told and not thinking about too much.

I didn’t tell him about my mate, because I was so lost about it in the first place. Not that it mattered, Owen would be happy that I got rejected and that my mate said he’d keep it a secret, but Owen would, most likely, look that Shifter up and get into contact with him.

But, even with what had happened, I somehow trusted my mate, perhaps that is the only thing he does for me and…I should be grateful…I really should be…

Telling me that many Shifters had asked for me, especially at the celebration, Owen told me that he had to made up excuses, knowing after about an hour upon were I was.

…So, it looked like my mate had been and gone within an hour…That depressed me even further…

 

And so, a week flew by, where I feel like I’m half dead.

I did as I usually did, as business wasn’t personal and even helped me. But, when it came to being ‘free’, I spent most of my time running…Running…And more running…

I didn’t see the Queen, I didn’t see Chance, I tried to not think, I tried desperately to forget about my mate, because he was continuously making it hard for me to feel worthy.

I felt very insecure and unwanted…

Having already used the Queen wrongly, I didn’t want to do that again, besides…It had felt wrong in another way…

Which had even reminded me another reason why I was rejected…Was because I had the Queen and even a son…

Was my mate unhappy because of that?

…Everything sucked and just led me to believe that he had done the right thing!

He had made a choice that even I would do in his position and I can’t blame him at all!

I can just go more into depression about my status and who I was as a Shifter.

Life started to become very lonely…And if before I hated myself, I hated myself more now. It seemed…My fate wasn’t a very nice one…