When I wake up, I'm in my bed. To my side lies my loving wife, smiling at me.

Everything still feels like a strange yet pleasant dream.

Wait, wife? When did I get married? What exactly... happened back there...

"I'm drawing a blank, what did I do last night?"

Lucia laughs, "The answer depends entirely on the age of the listener."

"Let's go with physically eighteen and mentally at least fifteen with about twenty years of experience in that."

"Hmm... then the answer is 'me'. Honestly, I didn't know I could... sing like that."

"Great, so it is the second time I have my first time and don't remember any of it. At least this time alcohol wasn't at fault."

On the positive side, I don't have to deal with annoying minigames before the fun times.

"Second...", her expression darkens, "Who was the first?"

"No one you have to worry about. That was decades ago and in a different world."

But seriously, what happened yesterday after I lost control... I don't want to experience that again... Being forced to kill your loved one isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy.

"My 'Lost One' title is gone? In its place is now 'World Resident'. Why did I get 'Fate Breaker'? And we're apparently married now, Lucia? What the hell happened here?"

"I don't know either. A lot of things changed for me as well. I don't get even half of it. I only know I'm no longer the Holy Maiden and I lost the 'Master Crafter' title I worked all my life to obtain and the system won't let me take it anymore... all my effort is just gone..."

"Mind if I take a look at your stats?"

"Why do you ask? You peek at everyone else without getting their consent but your own wife is off-limits? Doesn't that seem strange to you? We belong to one another. There shouldn't be any secrets between us."

"Sorry, I'm... not an expert on marriage. When did you study up on it?"

"I... didn't... I think one of my new skills made me know."

"What?"

"Just look at the screen and then get your eyes back on me."

I hope she is just clingy and not a full-blown yandere...

A couple of weird skills, negative exp... why can I see her titles?

"Yeah, that is a lot to take in. Honestly, are you even still the same person? Sorry to ask that but...you've become a vampire, all your old classes were replaced... you have all the same titles as me... What the hell has happened to us!?"

"I don't know. I feel like I'm still 'me', but am I really? No one ever respected my opinion. To them, I was only ever just the Holy Maiden, not Lucia. So... I don't know 'who' I really am."

I lean over and take her into my arms, "Then we'll just have to find out together."

"Yeah, you're right. But what about yourself? Are you okay? The [Undead Bait] skill had quite an influence on you as well."

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't feel anything is wrong with me. The thing that worries me is our relationship. Yes, I was... am interested in you but I have no idea how much of that is natural and how much enforced. Not only by [Undead Bait] before, but now by the 'Happily Married' title as well."

"I don't know but... can we... give us a chance anyway? I... don't want to be alone."

"Yes, let's. I'd be happy to."

"Thank you."

We hug for a while longer.

"Can you... tell me what happened after I... you know..."

"...I can try."

She frees herself from me, "After you... killed me, I was in a dark place. I was in a lot of pain, it felt like I got torn apart."

"I... think I can imagine. Before I came to this world, they had to change this body, the first take wasn't quite right. That change was... painful. I imagine that is just what it is like if a fundamental part of the self gets rewritten... No one should go through that experience."

"I see..."

She hesitates for a moment, "A-anyway, a while after the transformation was finished, the darkness disappeared and I was here in bed. We kinda got drunk on each other's blood and then we... you know..."

"I really should watch what I drink... Don't I have poison resistance through [Undead]? So why does the 'poison' alcohol affect me so hard... Ah, this body really can't hold its liquor, can it... *sigh* Did you ever drink alcohol before?"

"I went a few times drinking with my master at the smithy after I turned 15, like once or twice a year when I made a bigger breakthrough with my skills. I never got really drunk, just a bit tipsy at most."

"Got it. Anything else that happened? Like, where does the marriage come from?"

"No idea. When I came to, it was already there. Do you... regret it?"

"Noooo...?"

I think the most important thing right now is...

"That really is a lot to take in, I hope it explains a few things... you know, I'm kinda jealous of your [Living Undead] skill. Enjoying regular food and drinks is not something I can do."

"Eh, you expect too much. Most of our food is pretty bland."

"So no feasts?"

"Only if you're a rich noble living in or near the capital."

"Why did I expect anything but inequality... now... [Dark Lord] doesn't seem immediately useful, or rather even detrimental. I hope we don't get an idiot hero who is too dumb to breathe and only kept alive by plot armor."

"As for [Unholy Matrimony], it looks complicated... Does it mean that in the end, your minus infinity exp doesn't matter as long as I still gain exp?"

"I think so, yes. The same applies to titles and classes in a way. Depending on whether the divine class counts, I should be able to add now two or three more classes without a core."

"Make that three to four when I get a decent offer from the Joker Core."

"What is that?"

"A wannabe Class Core that can be used to take a random class; which class that is, changes each day. For example, today I could get..."

"Trash... well, anyway, it offers one class per day and if I want I can use the Joker Core to add it. Supposedly only once per person though."

"Interesting. For me it says it would give 'Survivor'."

"Yeah, everyone has their own offer, if you want that class, you can just take it from me."

"No, that class doesn't look too interesting. What is that Monster Core?"

"Huh? Uh, don't use it. Never. You would become a true monster... where did you see it anyway?"

"In my inventory. Or now ours as it seems."

"One less place to hide surprises... just don't touch the Monster Core and leave these... glitch things alone as well. They only cause pain if misused."

"Glitch? Ah, you mean those... strange... flickering things."

"Yes, those."

"Well, I should first take my free classes before I worry about any of those core things. After that... can you maybe get a second one Joker Core? You take a class per Joker Core, then I take a regular class from the increased cap, afterwards, I gamble with the second Joker Core and then you can take another class. Or does the 'count as one' part of [Unholy Matrimony] interfere with that... ahhh, so many new uncertainties..."

"Well, at least this time we can read the full skill effect and not like [Undead Bait] before where it was just a garbled mess."

Ok, so if our titles are shared...

What was the title again that was important to her...

"Speaking of matrimony, Lucia, I know it is not much but I think it would be appropriate to give you a little wedding gift."

"Huh?"

"I think this is the right one."

"You didn't... you can't..."

"And that is where you are wrong."

Tears roll from her eyes, "Th-thank you. But, why?"

"You said that this title was important to you."

"But it is useless for you."

"So what? My dear wife wanted something and it was within my power to get it for her. So I did, nothing else to it."

She kisses me on the cheek.

I'm a bit disappointed, "A kiss on the lips isn't too much to ask, is it?"

"Huh, uh, umm... no", she reddens, "that's... embarrassing..."

"And lying naked together in bed isn't?"

She quickly covers herself with the blanket, "That's different..."

"How so?"

"It is... I... grr... fine!"

She leans in and we share a passionate kiss.

"There, happy now?"

I can't help but grin, "Certainly, I could get used to this."

"...same."

"I'd like to continue that but I think finally checking the changed titles and your class skills is more important."

"Right...", she sounds a bit disappointed.

Well, I already have the title tab open, so I'll continue there instead of switching back.

"So we got that because of yesterday. A wasted title slot but at least not an immediate detriment. Well, we can still add seven more."

"I only had three titles before, I'm not used to the idea that the amount of titles is restricted."

"You will get used to it. If my task is as important as it seems we really need to consider very carefully which titles we take from here on out."

"...do you regret getting me my title?"

"No. It is my present to you, don't worry about it."

"Thanks."

"So, two more titles to go..."

"Or in other words: welcome to Deteoh, you're now one of us for real."

Lucia sounds confused, "What is 'Deteoh'?"

"That's the name the devas gave to this world. Hmm... if not that, what would you call this world?"

"I don't know. Until now, there was no need to have a name for it."

"Maybe there was in the past when there was still contact with outside before the artifact was brought here and cut everything off."

"Well, now you're here. If the gods have already decided on a name for our world, what right do we have to choose for ourselves."

"If they want to decide everything, they could really do more to help... anyway, on to the last title."

"So much for the idea that titles have no influence on one's personality or actions."

"...I wouldn't mind loving you forever, Jared."

"I think so too, Lucia. You, me, forever."

Not that we have any say in the matter now.

Why would someone add this title or the [Undead Bait] trap to the system? This is a whole entrapment combo... produce the typical damsel in distress scenario, add an undead, and bam, two new demon lords...

What's there to gain from that... shit, that's it.

"I think I have an idea about what is going on."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. You start with the traditional good versus evil party. Four to six heroes, including a Holy Maiden, against one Demon Lord. Call it a close fight but in ninety-plus percent of cases good should win. But if you add in a cliche ambush to capture the Holy Maiden..."

"...especially with undead minions around... yeah, I see. But why is something that horrible in the skill system?"

"Considering how exact their help is and how often it seems to repeat, all of this might just be a game to the gods. They don't care about the outcome, our struggle is just entertainment to them..."

"That's..."

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but... keep this to yourself, please. One of the options they gave me to quote-unquote save a world, a different one, was in fact to become a demon lord right from the start."

"Th-that can't be..."

"Sorry, but it is true. I have trouble accepting it myself but it was offered."

She trembles in my arms, "If that is true, what can we do?"

"No idea. First, we need to worry about keeping ourselves and this world alive which means dealing with the demon artifact. After that..."

"Right, one thing after another. We're done with the titles, right?"

"Yes, speaking of titles, where is Elly?"

"Who is Elly?"

"One of my summon spirits. Used to be the AI helper granted by 'World Navigator'. Wait, you have that title as well - shouldn't then also have such a helper?"

"I don't think so. Maybe because the title is shared between us, the helper is as well?"

"Makes as much sense as anything else."

(Hey, Elly, are you awake?)

"What was that? I just heard you in my head?"

"Really? Weird, I thought that line of communication was reserved for me and my spirits."

"Does that mean... I'm already in your head?"

"Funny, girl. How about you try using it, too?"

"How... do I do that?"

"Just 'think', you only need to want it. At least that is all I have to do."

(...lo? Hello? Like this?)

(Yeah, easy right?)

(Yes. So about this Elly...)

(I don't know, she should be here. But maybe she's asleep, she was tired yesterday.)

A slightly more distant than usual but also tired voice is heard, (...if I admit that I'm here, will you two go away? I could've done without a front-row seat to the mating ritual of you vampires. Thank. You. Very. Much.)

(That's her?)

(Yup. You sound tired, Elly.)

(And why wouldn't I? You know I was up a long time before and *yawn* tried to sleep but the walls up here are thin and your girl made quite a bit of noise.)

Lucia's voice gets threatening, (So much for some privacy.)

(Hey, I didn't want to witness that either... Can't you just let me outside and give me my own room? Permanently? Please?)

(Unless you have an infinite MP cheat lying around, I can't afford that.)

(Trust me, if I had one I would've already bragged about it but I haven't seen one yet so I'll add it to my to-do list. Although...)

She goes silent, seems like she's thinking.

(...why don't you build a harem? *yawn* Abuse the [Unholy Matrimony] skill and outsource each of us spirits to a different lady that has surplus MP.)

(Elly, a bit more tact, please. We just got together and you're already talking about hooking up with someone else, that's low.)

(I'm not sharing him.)

(I'm just saying, Lucia, if you are willing to share him a little bit you can have all the privacy with Jared you want. You just need one girl per spirit that resides in his head and then you can shove us spirits off permanently to our own rooms outside his head.)

(I... but... if... urgh...)

(Thanks, Elly, you broke her...)

(You think so? Uh... yeah, I might have said too much, sorry.)

Lucia is fumbling around with her fingers, trying to do math, (Carry the five... no that's wrong as well...)

(So, can I go back to sleep now? Or do you have some more... 'newly-wed' plans that I should get out of the way for?)

(You can go. We're just analyzing the changed classes and skills. And as tired as you seem you'd be no help there.)

(Right, thankzzz.)

Lucia is still mathing around.

"Hey, Lucia, Lucia?"

"Huh, uh... two. I think I would be okay with two as long as it is clear that I'm the main wife! But I'll also have to accept them, got it?"

"That's... NOT what I wanted to know."

"It isn't? What else did you want?"

"At least not that. I... listen. With all that is going on, I'm still trying to comprehend 'us'. I'm not even close to ready to think if I have it in me to 'love' more people for all of eternity the way I love you."

"I appreciate that and I feel the same, Jared, but... *sigh* I don't want to share you with anyone but aside from stopping the spirits from gawking at us... we also need to consider any form of strength we can get. At least if you're serious about your goals."

"...so what? You want me to invite a willing couple like Geoffrey and Marca so they can mostly keep to themselves but we still profit from your skill?"

"I... don't know. I'm not too keen on bringing another man into this, all my love belongs to you."

"But I should be willing to split my love for you with another girl? Aren't you a selfish one..."

"Selfish? Maybe..."

"Anyway. This whole polygamy thing can wait, let's first figure out the remaining parts we're dealing with."

"...alright."

I don't understand her. First, she doesn't want to share me and suddenly she's okay with bringing another girl into our relationship? Who does she think I am!

"While we're at it, dear, can I leave the upkeep for the second summoned spirit Maria to you? I have her outside the whole time because she has to look after two kids."

"I don't see why not. I'm a smith, not a caster. You can probably get more use out of the MP than me. Can you transfer her right now?"

"One moment, let me try. Hmm... my max MP went up and yours went down, so I think it worked. Everything okay on your side?"

"I think so. Aside from 1000 less MP, nothing else seems to have changed."

"Good, with that I can generate much more exp from the flood monsters."

(Hey, don't leave me out!)

(What's wrong, Elly?)

(If you have more MP to work with, you can let me out of here on a permanent basis, please?)

(And did you finish your research project?)

(Nooo... damn it...)

"What is she working on?"

"We got some documents when I was sent here, we're not sure how trustworthy or useful they are, but I asked her to look through them for any special knowledge on magic. We don't have a magic academy or expert casters here, so that was the next best thing."

"What do you hope to find out?"

"Anything really. So far my knowledge of magic is basically just a few variants of shooting projectiles but magic should be much more than just an alternate form of archery. Maybe she even finds a way to cheat out my blocked cure magic despite the undead status."

"Sorry, can't help you there."

Maria storms into the room, "My Lord, w-what happened? My bond to you was suddenly interrupted and-"

"Hi, Maria. A couple of things happened, but to make it short, Lucia is now my wife and pays your upkeep, nothing else drastic changes."

"Huh?"

"Uh, hi. Maria. Please, treat me well."

"Y-yes, of course. ...my lady."

"Obviously, she won't need a guest room anymore, she'll stay with me. I apologize for wasting your effort."

"No, no, it is ok", contrary to her words, she doesn't look okay. More like confused or frustrated.

"You can go back to dealing with the kids. I'll give you three a proper rundown later."

"Of course. I'm off then."

Maria is gone again.

I take my time to explain to Lucia the most important things that she needs to know right now. Like how she seriously needs to avoid the sun for now... and yes, the irony wasn't lost on the poor Sunbound girl. I hope we have another Sun Guard Ring in the vault I can get for her...

"Now, what else do you have?"

"Sharpen? So you couldn't even buff your hammer."

"Why not? Hammers are just axes."

"What?", did I accidentally move over to Zetta's netherworld?

"Eh, never mind that. This system would just give me headaches again..."

"Wait, stop, hold on. Why does [Dark Lord] mention a good unit for its affected area and here it is the dumb DU crap again!?"

"What do you mean?"

"[Dark Lord] affects everything in a 10 mile radius. Miles! Not thousands of DU! Miles!"

"I've never heard of a 'mile', what is that?"

"A unit to measure distance in a constant matter, not dependant on time or whatever it was with DU."

"Huh, interesting. So how much would those 10 miles translate to?"

"Urgh, math... Elly said I was 2 DU tall, on creation I said 6 ft... a mile is 5280 ft... eh, 10 miles should be about 17000 to 18000 DU. More or less. I don't know, my calculator is taking a nap."

"Alright... but don't expect me to remember that conversion..."

"As long as I can't delete every mention of DU from the system, there's little point to teaching you."

"Uh, I guess. So what do you make of this, Jared? Why does [Dark Lord] use the different measurement?"

"No idea. Could just be multiple skill creators and no quality control."

"Or... there are two teams on the gods' side. One betting for the hero's side, the other for the demons'. And each has their own skill maintenance group."

"Also possible."

This is frustrating...

"One thing changes and a lot of new work gathers on my plate..."

"Don't worry, we'll get through this. Together."

"Yeah, we must. [Forgery] aside, this 'Fallen Saint' kinda looks like a faith-magic hybrid caster, at least [Twisted Pillar of Light] reads like a slightly more MP efficient variant of regular area skills, those would need 290 MP for comparable damage. Is that something you could consider focusing on?"

"No, Jared, I want nothing to do with... faith, gods, religion... anything in that direction. Those... would just remind me of how shit my life up to now was..."

"I see. I should've seen that sort of trauma coming, sorry, for suggesting it."

"No, it's... it's okay. I... don't really know what I can contribute to your cause... I just know I don't wanna neglect my smithing arts if possible."

"I've no clue yet what we can do with that but we'll find something, dear. We can take our time with that."

"Yeah, we'll figure out something I can agree to, we will."

So that makes it now two recruits that need to be brought up to speed. Speaking of...

"Say, how do you feel about corrupting adopting a potential hero as a daughter?"

"...I don't know. I 'know' I can't have children in this form anymore but... it wouldn't be mine... and I don't even know her, do I? ...I just don't know. Give me some time to think about it and get to know her, ok?"

"No hurry, we can think about that later."

"Hey, Jared, say, now that I've gone evil, do I have to dress in black, skimpy leather clothes?"

"Only if you want to."